Control the Storm
by Sweet Lunacy
Summary: Something is definitely wrong with Jenny Shepard. Gibbs knows she's hiding something, but he never expected this. Rated for violence. Back-in-the-day Jibbs. Pre-Europe, but will lead into it.
1. Unforgivable

**A/N: I've had this sitting on my laptop since September, and finally decided to post it. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

As the beer bottle connected with the side of her head and she hit the ground, Jennifer Shepard gasped in pain. She'd tried to dodge it, but she hadn't been quick enough. Her feet slid on the hardwood floor as she scrambled backwards, her eyes widening as two hands wrapped around her throat. The pressure was almost unbearable and her vision began to fail her. Spots danced in front of her eyes, and when she finally found her footing, she didn't think. Glancing over her shoulder once, she ran, determined to put as much distance between herself and her attacker as possible.

Throwing herself into the driver's seat of her car, her hands were shaking so much that she could barely turn the key in the ignition. She sped down the darkened road, not looking back, too afraid of what she might see. When she finally arrived at her house, she locked the door and pulled out her firearm. She was still shaking and she could feel blood trickling down the side of her face.

She made her way slowly to her bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She carefully cleaned the cut on the side of her head and sighed as she pulled on more comfortable clothing. She picked up her firearm that was resting on her bedside table and when she fell asleep three hours later, it was still held in her hand, pointed toward the door.

* * *

"Woah, Shepard, what happened to you?"

She glared at Burley and sighed.

"I fell," she said shortly, ignoring the burning pain in her throat when she spoke.

"Did your face break your fall?"

"Shut up, Burley."

"Sorry," he held up his hands in surrender, "I was just wondering-"

"Wondering what, Burley?" came Gibbs' voice from behind him.

"I was just asking Shepard-nothing, boss."

Jenny sat down slowly at her desk, sighing as her aching body protested. She could still feel Burley's eyes on her, and she buried her face in a report, hoping he would get the hint. She'd only gotten two hours of sleep the night before, and she was definitely feeling the consequences. She stood up after a few minutes, excusing herself to go to the restroom and deliberately ignored the looks of her colleagues.

Gibbs had been watching her closely as she sat across the squad room, and he didn't like the feeling he'd gotten. Her skin was paler than usual, and she was sporting a large bruise on the side of her face. There had clearly been a cut the previous night and it had started to scab over, leaving it more noticeable. Definite finger marks coloured her throat and when she spoke, her voice was slightly raspy. He frowned, trying to figure out what could have happened to her. They hadn't had a case the day before, so it couldn't have been a workplace injury. What in the hell was going on?

* * *

Jenny stared at her reflection and felt irrationally angry at the tears she saw in her eyes. She hadn't even given her appearance a second glance that morning and now she was paying the price. The dark circles under her eyes morbidly complimented the bruise on her temple and she sank down on the cold floor, sobbing. How could she have seriously thought that she could fool anyone?

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Gibbs hung up his phone and glanced around the room.

"Got a case. Grab your gear. Dead Lieutenant Colonel in a park. Where's Shepard?"

"She hasn't come back yet," Decker answered carefully.

Gibbs nodded, heading for the elevator. As it opened, he collided head-on with Jenny Shepard, who gasped as she hit his chest.

"Uh-oh. That's not good," Burley said quietly.

Gibbs looked at her seriously before pointing back to the elevator. She stepped in behind him and looked down at the floor, embarrassed. He flipped the emergency stop switch and she braced herself for the reprimand. When it never came, she glanced up at her boss, her eyes confused.

"Everything okay, Shepard?"

She nodded, not able to meet his eyes.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

He watched her carefully, noting that her right eye had twitched when she spoke. He had only worked with her for a year, but he knew that was a sure sign of deception.

"Shepard. If something's going on and it's going to be a problem, I need to know. We've got a case and I can't have one of my agents distracted."

She looked at him firmly, her gaze level.

"I won't get distracted, boss."

He nodded after a moment, and hit the switch. When the doors opened again, he carefully slapped the back of her head. She glanced at him over her shoulder and the sadness in her eyes hit him like a freight train.

* * *

"Shepard, bag and tag. Decker, photos. Burley, secure the perimeter."

"Boss, Shepard usually does photos," Decker protested.

"Yeah? Well, today, that's your job."

Decker grumbled unhappily and pulled out the camera. Jenny smirked as she surveyed the crime scene, collecting even the slightest thing that could help their case. She noticed how much Decker's hands shook as he tried to snap a photo of the deceased woman and sighed, walking up to him.

"Like this," she demonstrated, showing him how to properly hold it.

She resumed her task and when she truly caught sight of the woman on the ground, she winced. The Lieutenant Colonel had been beaten badly, though not recently, and she could see herself in the woman's place. Working quickly, Jenny took a deep breath to steady herself. They needed to hurry before she lost her mind.

* * *

"What do we have, Ducky?"

The medical examiner looked down at the woman on the autopsy table seriously.

"Well, her neck has been broken and there are multiple bruises covering her body."

Gibbs nodded, glancing over at Jenny. She'd never been comfortable in autopsy, but she'd been determined to bring the evidence herself. Her face was ashen and he could see her shaking as she stood next to him.

"They don't look recent," Gibbs said pointedly.

Ducky shook his head.

"No, indeed they aren't. It would appear that our young lieutenant had been an unfortunate victim of abuse."

Jenny's eyes widened and she bolted from autopsy, throwing her hand over her mouth as she ran. As they entered the room, Burley and Decker watched her push past them and Burley smirked.

"Told you she'd run."

Gibbs frowned. Something was definitely wrong with her.

* * *

Jenny sat at her desk with her head resting on her arms, hoping that the nausea she felt would pass. This case was affecting her more than she'd wanted to admit. Once the abuse had been confirmed by Ducky, she'd felt so sickened by the thought that another woman was going through the same situation she currently found herself in.

"You okay, Shepard?"

Slowly, Jenny raised her head and looked at Burley. The concern she saw in his eyes was genuine and she frowned. He very rarely took anything seriously, but the look he was giving her now made her feel slightly uncomfortable because of the intensity. She shook her head slowly and stood, making her way to the elevator.

"Can you give Gibbs a message for me?"

Burley nodded.

"Sure."

"Tell him that I had to go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Take care, Shepard."

She smiled weakly at him and disappeared into the elevator. Burley watched her go and when he sat down, he frowned, thinking. Autopsy had always been difficult for her, but she had never actually left early. Gibbs rounded the corner and when he took in Jenny's empty desk, he looked to Burley for an answer.

"Went home early, boss. Any idea what's going on with her?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Nope."

* * *

Jenny had gone to bed as soon as she'd gotten back to the comfort of her bed and she was sleeping peacefully for once. Her eyes flew open as the hand clamped down on her mouth and she instinctively tried to pull away. His face was inches from her own and the smile he gave her was anything but happy.

"Did you really think a lock would keep me out, Jenny?"

She looked around, searching for her gun. As if he could read her mind, he held up the weapon, dangling it in front of her.

"Looking for this?"

Her head whipped back as his hand connected with her face. Tears welled up in her eyes and a whimper escaped her.

"You can't just decide that our relationship is over, Jenny. There are two of us involved, it should be a mutual decision."

The sound of her neighbour's car door slamming made her eyes dart to the window and he shook his head, already knowing what she was thinking. The gun collided with the side of her head and before she even had time to feel afraid, Jenny's vision had gone black. He frowned, a bit annoyed. He hadn't wanted to leave her unconscious, but he couldn't risk her alerting the neighbours. He stood, giving her one last look before leaving. After all, it wasn't any fun to threaten her while she wasn't awake.

* * *

"Hey Decker, where's Shepard?"

Decker frowned, looking around the squad room.

"No idea. She left early yesterday, but I figured she would be back today."

Burley shrugged.

"Gibbs isn't gonna like this."

"Like what, Burley?"

Decker smiled.

"We haven't found anything new on our case. Lieutenant Coulter didn't have many friends, her colleagues say that she spent most of her free time volunteering at the local animal shelter, she's as clean as they come."

"Keep looking. Anyone seen Shepard?"

"Negative, boss. Haven't seen her since yesterday."

Gibbs picked up the receiver from his desk and began furiously punching buttons. When it went to voicemail, he frowned.

"Shepard, where are you? You'd better have a damn good reason for not being here."

Just as he hung up the phone, the elevator chimed and when Jenny stepped out, Decker swore quietly. She was dressed in the same clothes she'd been in the day before, her hair was tangled, the circles under her eyes so dark that she looked as though she hadn't slept in years, and the bruise on the side of her face was even darker than it had been the day before.

"What the hell happened to you, Shepard? Are you okay?" Decker asked.

She didn't appear to have heard him, and when she held out a piece of paper to Gibbs, he noticed how badly her hands were shaking.

"I found Lieutenant Coulter's ex-husband's address and phone number this morning," she said, her voice so quiet he almost didn't hear, "Didn't get an answer, but I'll keep trying."

Gibbs took her by the shoulders and led her to his desk.

"Sit down, Shepard, before you fall over."

He turned to his other two agents, looking at them more seriously than he ever had before.

"Burley, get Ducky. Decker, get Shepard some water. Now."

They scattered, and Gibbs leaned down to examine her, careful not to touch her in a way that could hurt her.

"What the hell, Shepard?"

"It's nothing, Gibbs."

"Like hell. Talk to me. What happened?"

Jenny shrugged, then winced as a blinding pain shot through her body.

"Broke up with a guy. He didn't take it well. Showed up at my place last night, hit me with my own gun."

Gibbs stared at her like she'd grown another head for so long that she fidgeted in her chair.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Gibbs?"

"Why the hell didn't you turn him in, Shepard?"

"Wouldn't do any good," Jenny answered quietly.

"Call the police, get him arrested and file a restraining order against the bastard. At least then you can—"

"Gibbs..." the pain in her voice was unmistakable, "he's a cop."

As the realisation of what she was saying hit, Gibbs ran a hand through his hair and sighed. She was right. Turning him in wouldn't do anything. Decker tapped Jenny on the shoulder and when she turned, he handed her a cup of water. Her hands shook as she attempted to drink it and Gibbs took it from her gently. He held it up for her and when she was through, he gave a her reassuring smile.

"Jethro, what's the urgency? I was in the middle of—oh, dear. Jennifer, are you alright?"

Jenny looked up at the doctor and tried to smile.

"I'm fine, Ducky. Gibbs is making a big deal out of nothing."

He frowned and helped her from the chair.

"Let's have a look, shall we?"

He led her from the squad room and when they had disappeared from sight, Burley turned to Gibbs.

"She okay, boss?"

"She'll live."

"She say how it happened?"

"Boyfriend didn't take too kindly to being dumped."

Burley swore and Gibbs glared at him.

"Sorry, but damn. What'd he hit her with, a baseball bat?"

"Her SIG."

Decker whistled.

"He hit her with her own gun?"

Gibbs tilted his head in answer and Burley frowned again.

"What about her neck? Did you see the finger marks?"

Decker nodded.

"I thought maybe Shepard was just kinky. You know, little rough in bed?"

"Not that rough, Decker."

Jenny's voice startled him and he spun around to face her. His face turned a deep shade of crimson and Gibbs smirked. She sat down carefully, well aware of everyone's eyes on her and when she glanced up, they all averted their eyes.

"Is there anything else that needs to be looked at?"

Jenny shook her head and Gibbs jerked his thumb toward the elevator.

"Conference room, Shepard."

She stood and followed him, frowning when he hit the emergency switch.

"I want you to take the rest of the day off. Get some rest."

"I'm fine, boss."

"Wasn't a suggestion. You look like hell."

"I..I can't go home, Gibbs. He already picked my lock once. What's to stop him from doing it again?"

He frowned, thinking. She had a point. He watched her carefully and sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Okay. You can stay, but you're on desk duty for the day. I'm not risking it."

She nodded, then winced. When they exited the elevator, she could feel the eyes of Decker and Burley on her, but she did her best to ignore them. This was going down as one of the worst days she'd ever had on her calendar.

* * *

What seemed like an eternity later, Jenny stood from her desk and prepared to go home. She was still nervous about it and when Gibbs stopped her with a hand on her arm, she frowned.

"Decker's taking you home. He's going to check the area, make sure it's clear, and drop you off. If he sees your car, he'll know when you're home."

"Thanks, Gibbs," she said softly.

Decker smiled as he led her to his car, stopping to open her door for her. Things were silent on the drive to her house and as they parked across the street, she paused. The thought of her house was irrationally terrifying and she couldn't move. Decker noticed her hesitation and patted her leg gently.

"Don't worry. I'll check it out first. Stay here."

Jenny nodded and watched him quietly cross the street. She'd never really watched Decker in action before and she decided to take the opportunity to observe him. His steps were quick and sure, his firearm raised steadily in front of him and when he opened her door with the keys she'd given him, he scanned the front room cautiously. She sat back as he disappeared into her house and closed her eyes.

She'd not felt this exhausted in a long time and she found her thoughts returning to her boss. He'd been on her mind quite often, especially after he'd given her a ride home from the Quarry House Tavern two months ago, and she smiled just thinking about him. He'd been extremely considerate of her today and she made a mental note to thank him in the morning. Decker still hadn't returned and Jenny frowned, sitting upright. An uneasy feeling crept over her and she opened the car door, pulling out her weapon.

She entered the house slowly, scanning the room for any sign of movement. She didn't call for Decker, knowing that her voice would give away her location, but as she stepped onto the second landing at the top of the stairs, she felt her heart stop. Decker was lying unconscious on the floor and she instinctively grabbed the phone from her hallway table.

Jenny ducked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her after clearing it, and frantically dialed.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Gibbs, he's here."

"Shepard?"

"Yeah. Jackson's somewhere in my house. He knocked Decker out."

"Are you safe?"

"Locked in the bathroom. No way in other than the door. I've got the entrance covered."

"I'm on my way. Stay where you are, Shepard."

The click in her ear told her that he'd hung up and she raised her gun back to the door. Her hand was surprisingly steady, but the longer she kept watch, the more her eyes began to burn. A crash against the door caused her to flinch and the loud voice made her blood freeze.

"Did you really think your bodyguard would stop me, Jenny? I'm not leaving until you open the door."

"Go away, Chris."

Her voice was steady. Point to Jenny.

"Open the door, Jenny."

"Why would I do that?"

"Open the goddamned door, Jenny!"

Jenny blinked hard. Her tired eyes burned and she frowned. She heard the sound of footsteps and stood, tightening her grip on her gun. The sound of her boss's voice made her gasp and the struggle she could hear from the other side of the door made her automatically reach for the lock. Her hand flew to her mouth at the quiet knock and she jumped.

"Shepard?"

"Gibbs?"

"Open the door."

She did as he asked and when she saw the crowbar in his hand, she frowned.

"Must have been what he used to knock out Decker," Gibbs explained.

"Is he okay?"

He nodded.

"He'll be fine. He's already on his way home."

"Jackson?" she said quietly.

"Ran when I grabbed the crowbar. Don't think he'll be back tonight."

She wasn't convinced.

"What if he does?"

"Not taking that chance," he answered, "You're staying with me tonight."

A loud gunshot rang out in the silence and Jenny would have sworn that she felt the air move as a bullet rushed past her. Gibbs threw his body into hers and when they landed on the ground, he looked down at her.

"You hit?"

She shook her head, all too aware of his body covering her own.

"You?"

"Nope."

A second gunshot shattered the silence and he grabbed her by the wrist as he stood. They ran at breakneck speed through her house and as they reached the steps, Jackson's voice called out of the darkness.

"You're not leaving here alive, Jenny."

Gibbs shoved her out the door.

"Get to the truck, Shepard."

He pulled his weapon and fired, following behind her. A loud yell told them that one of his shots had hit its target and as he climbed up into the driver's seat, she looked at him seriously.

"What if he follows us?"

"With a round to the leg, that might be a bit difficult."

He gave her a reassuring smile and sped down the road. Despite his words, Jenny found herself constantly checking the rearview mirror.

"He's not following us, Shepard. Tell me what I need to know to file my report."

"Gibbs, I told you it won't-"

"He attacked two of my agents and me personally. No way in hell I'm not turning this bastard in."

Jenny sighed, knowing he was doing the right thing.

"His name is Christopher Jackson. 34. Works for DC Metro. We dated for a month and he hit me one night when he'd been drinking. I told him that it wasn't working out and he tried to strangle me. When I finally got away from him, he threw a beer bottle at my head."

She pointed to the cut on her head and he nodded.

"He was waiting for me last night when I came home from work. He'd picked my lock and he hit me with my SIG. When I came around, he was gone. Everything else, you already know."

When they pulled into the driveway of his house, Gibbs turned to her and took out the camera he kept under his seat.

"Stay still," he instructed.

She did as he asked, fighting the urge to speak. He finished taking pictures and stepped out of the truck, walking around to the other side. He helped her down, noticing how slowly she moved now that the adrenaline had worn off, and looked at her seriously.

"Jen...are you okay?"

She nodded, glancing up at him. He led her into the house, locking the door for the first time in his life, and he smiled at the sight of her in his home. In spite of the seriousness of the situation, he couldn't help but notice how attractive she was. Even bruised and exhausted, she was breathtaking. How anyone could have ever hurt her...

Jenny was speaking to him and he was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear her. When she tapped him lightly on the shoulder, he finally snapped back to the present.

"What did you say?"

"This will be good practice for us spending time outside of the office," she repeated, referring to the case they'd gotten.

Right. Their undercover assignment in Europe. He'd completely forgotten about it. He cleared his throat and led her to the stairs.

"The spare bedroom is upstairs. Come on. You should rest."

She followed him, looking around her curiously. When she was standing in the room, Gibbs turned to her apologetically.

"I don't think I have anything that would be more comfortable."

She smiled.

"This is fine, Gibbs. Thank you. For everything."

He touched her shoulder gently and gave her a smile.

"I'll be in the basement if you need anything. Just follow the stairs in the kitchen."

Before she could respond, he had disappeared and she sat down wearily on the bed. The adrenaline had completely left her, leaving her more exhausted than she'd ever been in her life. She buried herself under the blankets on the bed, inhaling a scent that was strangely comforting to her. She was asleep within minutes.

* * *

Gibbs set down his sander and took a slow drink of his bourbon. Though she was asleep, he was distinctly aware of Jenny's presence upstairs and he found it difficult to think of anything else. He picked up the sander again, wondering how on earth he was going explain her spending the night with him to his team. He had to assume that Decker would tell Burley. Her safety was priority, however, and he supposed a few rumours would be a fair price to pay.

The scream ripped through the quiet of the night and he ran for the stairs. He took them two at a time and when he made it to the spare bedroom, his heart broke. Jenny was tossing in the bed and even from where he stood, he could see the tears on her face. He crossed to her and lightly shook her shoulder.

"Shepard. Wake up."

Her eyes flew open and she screamed when she saw him. He held her down gently, waiting for her to recognise him, and when he saw the familiarity fill her eyes, he smiled.

"Easy, Shepard. It's okay. You're safe. He's not here."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and he could feel her shaking in his embrace.

"It's okay, Jen. Just a dream. Try to get back to sleep."

She shook her head.

"I don't think I can sleep anymore."

"Okay," he shrugged, "you can come down to the basement with me, if you want."

"What do you do all night in that basement, Gibbs?"

"I build a boat."

Jenny frowned.

"Like...a ship in a bottle?"

He held out his hand and pulled her to her feet, leading her down the steps.

"You'll see."

The basement door opened and when she saw the shell of his boat, she laughed.

"Wow. You weren't kidding."

He gestured to the stool by his workbench and began working again. She glanced around, noticing the file that contained the information on their next undercover case. When he nodded his assent, she picked it up and began to read, her eyes flitting across the pages.

"Newlyweds Mark and Jennifer Nielsen, vacationing in Europe on their honeymoon," she read, "She's a teacher of ASL and he's a former marine. That's appropriate. He has ties to an arms dealer overseas. That will be fun for you."

"Wait, why do you get to keep your name?"

Jenny frowned.

"Jennifer is a very common name," she paused, "I guess "Jethro" would be a bit too unusual."

"What's wrong with my name?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, "but it's too uncommon. Makes you stand out."

Gibbs considered her for a moment. She made a very good point.

"Still...Mark?"

She laughed.

"Could be worse. Could be George."

As he watched her laugh, Gibbs realised that he was in huge trouble. There was no denying that he was incredibly attracted to the woman in front of him, and in a few days, he would have to pretend that they were married. God, he was screwed.

"Jethro?"

Her voice was soft, hesitant, as if she was unsure of what she was about to say. He glanced up at her, and she set the file back down on the table.

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes meeting his slowly.

He nodded, his anger flaring up as he took in the bruises marring her porcelain skin. He wanted to murder the man who had dared to lay a hand on her, and he took a deep breath, forcing his fury back down.

"You're welcome."

Gibbs swore, as he watched her flip through the file again, that if he ever saw him again, he would kill him. Or worse. He tried to tell himself that his desire to protect her was simply because she was a valued member of his team, that he couldn't afford to have anything happen to her, but even as he did, he knew it was a lie. He was attracted to her, and damn him, it was only growing stronger every day. He had no idea how he was going to keep things strictly professional in Europe, but he had to try. No matter how useless the attempt seemed to be.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed!**


	2. Find Me

**A/N: By request, here is part two. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Jenny Shepard was wildly disoriented when she opened her eyes and it took her nearly a full minute to remember where she was. As the events from the previous night crashed through her mind, she shook her head slowly, trying to clear a bit of the fog that filled it. She took a moment to look around the room her boss had allowed her to sleep in, and she frowned as she wondered why on earth a newly-divorced man would live in such a large house. Then again, her own house was spacious in its own right, so she didn't have much room to talk.

Glancing at the watch that was still on her wrist, she sighed when she realised that she had less than forty-five minutes before she needed to be up for work, and swung her feet over the side of the bed. She had no idea if Gibbs was sleeping, and when she slowly opened the door, she walked quietly down the hall to what she assumed was his bedroom. She decided against knocking, not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep, and opted instead to turn around, heading for the stairs.

A dim light was shining in the kitchen, causing her curiosity to flare up, and she made her way closer, keeping her footsteps light. Gibbs was sitting at the table near the far corner, a cup of coffee in front of him, and she was surprised when he nodded at her without looking up from the file he was currently reading.

"Morning."

"Morning."

"Sleep well?"

She shrugged, and he inclined his head in the direction of the counter.

"Coffee's in the pot if you want any."

Jenny smiled, reaching into the cabinet for a cup and as she filled it, she was distinctly aware that he was watching her. When she turned around, he gestured to the table in a silent invitation for her to sit, and she sank into the chair opposite him, crossing her legs gracefully.

"How do you feel?"

Taking a sip of her coffee, Jenny frowned as she considered his question. In truth, she wasn't quite sure how to answer and she sighed as she ran her hand through her slightly tangled hair.

"I...I feel like I'm watching a movie."

He frowned, placing the file he held on the table, and met her eyes.

"How so?"

"I mean..." she shook her head, annoyed that she couldn't find the right words, "I feel like this is all happening to someone else. Like it's not me at all, and I'm just the one watching it. Does that make any sense?"

He didn't answer and suddenly she felt like an idiot.

"It's like I'm on the outside looking in the window, and I can see what's happening, but I can't stop it."

"I know what you meant," he said quietly.

She smiled in relief and with a jolt, she realised how terrible she must look, wearing rumpled clothing, bruised and only the remnants of the previous day's makeup. She looked down at her coffee cup, suddenly very interested in the rich liquid, and he gave her a reassuring smile that she almost missed.

"Relax, Shepard. You don't look that bad."

She frowned.

"How did you—"

"I could see it in your eyes. Don't get me wrong, you look like you had the shit beaten out of you, which you did, but you still look okay."

She laughed quietly, causing him to frown, and she sighed.

"Is that your way of giving me a compliment?"

Gibbs shrugged, emptying his coffee cup, and he nodded his head in the direction of the door.

"Either finish that or take it with you," he said, indicating her coffee, "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Unless you want to walk into work wearing the same clothes for the third day in a row, you need something to wear. I don't think any of my clothing would suit you."

Though he would never admit it, he was secretly very curious about how the redhead would look wearing his clothes, but it was best if he kept that particular thought to himself. She nodded, finishing her coffee in three large swallows, and he looked at her curiously.

"If you drink alcohol like that, you're in trouble, Shepard."

She shook her head.

"Only on the weekends," she joked.

Remembering the night he'd had to give her a ride home from a bar, he smirked as he led her out the front door. She was certainly full of surprises, and he was curious as to what else she kept hidden in the depths of her mind.

* * *

As Jenny stood in her room applying makeup in a desperate attempt to cover the bruises on her skin, she was distinctly aware of Gibbs' presence in her hallway. After he had cleared the house, she had tried to convince him that he didn't need to stand guard outside her door, but he had silenced her protests with a single glare. She examined her face in the mirror, trying to pretend that she wasn't upset at the fact that even with her heavily applied makeup the bruises were still clearly visible, and she slammed the bottle of foundation on her dresser.

She very rarely wore much makeup, and she hated the suffocating feeling it was giving her now. Gibbs stuck his head around the door at the sound of her hand hitting the surface in front of her and he frowned.

"You okay?"

"Fine," she said shortly.

It was obvious that he didn't believe her, but he didn't question it. She picked up a soft cloth and stood to make her way to her bathroom. After she'd run it under some warm water and applied a bit of soap, she walked back to the dresser, studying her face carefully. She closed her eyes in frustration and shook her head slowly.

"Personally, I think you looked better without it."

Jenny jumped at the sound of Gibbs' voice so close to her ear, and turned around to find him standing directly behind her.

"Don't scare me like that," she snapped.

He shrugged and nodded at her.

"It's still true."

"Gibbs, I can't go to work without at least trying to cover this."

"Why? Decker, Burley and Ducky already know what happened. Hell, Decker's gonna have one hell of a bruise himself."

She knew logically that what he was saying made sense, but she couldn't shake the feeling of shame that she felt whenever she looked at herself. Her father had raised her to be a strong formidable woman, and the bruises on her skin made her feel weaker than she ever had before.

"You've got nothing to feel ashamed of, Jenny. You left him as soon as he hit you. You're in no way a stereotypical battered wife, and getting yourself out of that situation shows an incredible strength."

Jenny frowned, wondering how in the world he had known what she'd been thinking, and he gave her a smile.

"Show him that you're stronger than he is."

Returning his smile slowly, Jenny picked up the cloth and began removing the heavy makeup from her skin. She still applied her eyeliner and mascara, but did nothing to conceal the bruising on her face and throat. Though she was sure anyone who saw her would stare, she could breathe again, and to her, that was all that mattered.

* * *

Gibbs had never felt more proud of his redheaded agent than he did when she stepped off the elevator, her head held high and eyes straight forward, almost daring anyone to approach her. She'd chosen a pair of black slacks, paired with a navy blue shirt that complimented the paleness of her skin, and her signature black heels. Though he still fought her on the choice in footwear every day, today he hadn't had it in him to argue as she'd slipped them on.

Decker nodded at her as she sat down at her desk, and his eyes flickered between the two of them slowly.

"Morning."

"Morning. How's your head?"

"I feel like I drank an entire bottle of vodka last night."

She smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Will," she said sincerely.

He waved her words away.

"It wasn't your fault, Jenny. How'd you get out of there?"

Jenny nodded at Gibbs and smiled.

"Someone shot him."

"Dead?"

"Unfortunately, no," Gibbs said suddenly.

The elevator chimed, revealing Burley carrying a cup of coffee, and when he took in the bruises on his colleagues faces, he frowned.

"Did we get a case? I mean, I know what happened to you, Red, but—"

"You missed the excitement at Shepard's last night, Stan. Should have been there. It was fun."

Burley frowned, looking at each of them slowly and turned to Jenny.

"What happened?"

"A party," she said sarcastically.

"It was a real rager," Gibbs added.

Though he knew they were all joking with him, Burley was unsure of how to respond. Jenny excused herself to get another cup of coffee and Gibbs headed to autopsy, wanting to make sure that they hadn't missed anything on their last case, leaving Decker and Burley alone.

"What really happened?"

Decker shrugged.

"I drove Shepard home, went in to check her house, and her psycho ex-boyfriend hit me in the head with a crowbar. When I came around, Gibbs was there, asking me if I was okay, and he told me to go home and get some sleep. No idea what happened after that."

"You think the guy was still there when Gibbs got there?"

"Probably."

"How did Gibbs know to show up?"

Decker shook his head.

"I don't know. Jenny probably called him."

Burley leaned closer, his voice low.

"You think they're sleeping together?"

Decker frowned in confusion.

"Who?"

Rolling his eyes, Burley made his way over to his desk, propping his feet up on the edge.

"Gibbs and Red."

"Nah. He'd never do that. Even if she is a redhead."

"Oh, we definitely are."

Burley jumped at Jenny's voice, nearly falling out of his chair, and Decker laughed at the shocked expression on his face.

"Who's doing what?" Gibbs asked as he walked around the corner, eyeing them curiously.

"You and me," Jenny said seriously, her eyes dancing with laughter, "Sleeping together."

Gibbs nodded.

"Yep. All the time. Why do you think she broke up with the cop?"

"I always did like a man in uniform," Jenny added with a laugh, "but that's not why I started sleeping with Gibbs."

Decker, thoroughly amused and loving the opportunity to mess with Burley, decided to play along.

"No, it was his way with words, right Jenny?"

She shook her head seriously.

"Don't be silly, Will. It was the way his ass looks in jeans," she paused, thinking, "His eyes aren't bad, either."

Burley was still staring at her with a look of complete disbelief and finally his face broke out into a huge grin.

"You guys are just messing with me. Very funny."

Jenny moved from behind her desk, stopping just in front of their team leader, and ran her hand through his hair.

"Are we still on for lunch, Jethro?"

Her hand dropped to his shoulder, running down his arm gently. He met her eyes seriously, using every bit of his willpower not to laugh, and nodded.

"Yep. I'll meet you at noon."

She rose up on her toes, kissing his cheek lightly, and walked away, disappearing around the corner. Burley frowned. Maybe they _weren't_ joking. He couldn't imagine any other reason Gibbs would have allowed her to touch him, let alone kiss him like that. It took Jenny all of twenty seconds to return to the squad room and as she and her colleagues took in Burley's shockingly confused expression, they all burst into laughter.

"What the hell?"

"You really fell for it," Decker said, shaking his head.

"You mean...you're not—"

Jenny shook her head, leaning against her desk heavily as she laughed.

"Hell no, Stan. Gibbs is my partner, not my lover, you idiot."

"But..." he faltered, still confused, "you kissed him, and—"

"I've kissed _you_ on the cheek, Burley," Jenny pointed out, "and I am _definitely_ not sleeping with you."

He looked to their team leader, his mouth still hanging open.

"You let..."

Gibbs shrugged.

"Not a good prank if you don't believe it, Burley. Always be specific when you lie."

Burley was still staring at them in shock ten minutes later when they got a call about a case.

* * *

Gibbs was finding it difficult to focus as he examined their crime scene, and he shook his head quickly. Though he'd known that Jenny had been joking with Burley, he couldn't forget the look in her eyes as she'd moved to kiss his cheek. His mind was still reeling from the feeling of her hand on his shoulder, and he wondered if he had imagined the way she'd been looking at him.

"Shepard, secure the perimeter. I want those LEO's kept out of here. Burley, photos. Decker, bag and tag."

"Boss, how is this a crime scene when we don't have a body?"

Decker sighed.

"Haven't you learned not to ask stupid questions yet, Burley?"

"It's Stan, what do you think?" Jenny called over her shoulder with a laugh.

Gibbs couldn't stop the way his eyes lingered on Jenny as she walked away, and he had the strongest urge to slap himself on the back of the head.

* * *

"Long time, no see, Jenny."

Though her blood ran cold at the sound of his voice, Jenny gave herself credit for not freezing as she raised her eyes to the man in front of her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was called. Cop, remember?"

She shook her head.

"I can't let you through. The area is secure. No one except our medical examiner is allowed through."

Jackson shook his head slowly.

"All we ever talk about is work, Jenny. Let's talk about us."

Jenny frowned.

"There is no "us", Chris. You know that. It's over. We're done."

"You don't mean that, baby," he said, taking a step closer to her, "You're just a little confused right now. I know you'll realise that I'm right if you stop to think about it."

Backing away slowly, Jenny shook her head again, trying to determine if she had enough time to pull her weapon.

"No, I won't. You don't seem to get it. I don't _want_ to be with you."

She was trying to stall. If she could keep him talking long enough, she knew Gibbs, Decker and Burley would get suspicious of her absence and come looking for her. Before she could say anything else, Jackson's hand lashed out, connecting with her cheek painfully, and her eyes closed in pain.

"No, _you_ don't seem to get it, Jenny. This isn't over until I say it is."

He reached for her and she swung blindly, scrambling backward as he moved closer. He grabbed her wrist as she swung, pulling her to him, and she turned her head away as he brought his lips close to her ear.

"You really don't want to make that mistake," he whispered.

She couldn't stop herself. Without even considering what would happen, she spat in his face, relishing the look of horror as he looked back at her. He slapped her again, harder this time, and when she raised her other hand to hit him in the side of the head, he swore, releasing his hold on her.

"Fuck," he muttered, glaring at her as she jerked away.

Jenny didn't think about the fact that she was at work, nor about the fact that she could have pulled her gun. She simply ran, trying to pretend that she didn't hear his loud footsteps behind her as he followed.

* * *

Gibbs frowned, looking around the area of the woods carefully, and when he finally realised what was wrong, he looked at Decker.

"Where's Shepard?"

"Securing the perimeter, boss."

"Shouldn't have taken that long."

Burley frowned.

"You think she got lost?"

Gibbs shook his head. He knew Jenny better than that. Her sense of direction and memory were impeccable, and there was no way she had lost her way going such a short distance. His gut was telling him that something was seriously wrong, but he didn't have the slightest idea of what it could have been.

* * *

Jenny gasped as Jackson's hand found purchase on her jacket, and when he forcefully turned her around, she swung her arm around again, her fist connecting with his face roughly. He shoved her to the ground, swinging his foot as hard as he could, smiling slightly when it hit her ribs. She cried out quietly, and he leaned down, grabbing her by the hair.

"Shut up," he whispered.

"Fuck you," Jenny snapped, still gasping from the pain.

She waited until he was close enough and she brought her knee up, hitting his groin as hard as she could. He doubled over in pain, and she crawled to her feet. She knew she didn't have long and wouldn't make it very far, but she had to try.

* * *

Taking off his hat, Gibbs ran his fingers through his hair, and frowned.

"That's it. Come on. We're going to find her."

He took off in the direction Jenny had gone, Decker and Burley at his heels, and the farther away from their crime scene they got, the stronger Gibbs' uneasy feeling became. A low shuffling noise reached his highly trained ears, and he held up his hand, signaling for the other two agents to stop.

"Shepard?"

There was no answer, and Decker exchanged a look with Burley.

"Shepard?"

The sound was closer now, but still Gibbs didn't move. If it wasn't her, they needed to be prepared for whatever had incapacitated her.

"Jenny?"

Just as he was about to take a step away, he saw her. She'd fallen to the ground, relying mainly on her arms to move forward, and as she raised her eyes to his, he could clearly see the fear in them.

"Gibbs." she gasped weakly.

He started towards her, but stopped when she shook her head.

"You need to leave," she said, her voice breaking, "Get out of here now."

"Like hell. What happened?"

"It's—"

"Hey, baby. Miss me?"

Jackson walked up behind her, pulling her roughly to her feet, and he kissed her cheek gently as he wrapped his hand around her throat. Gibbs raised his weapon, training it on the younger man carefully.

"Let her go. Now."

"I don't think so. See, this is between me and her. I don't appreciate you trying to stick your nose into something that's none of your business."

"It became my business when you attacked her. Let her go."

Gibbs frowned. If he took the shot now, there was no way he could avoid hitting Jenny. Neither Decker or Burley had anywhere near his military training, and if he couldn't make it, they never could.

"Gibbs, just go," Jenny said suddenly, "I can handle this."

He shook his head.

"Not a chance, Shepard."

"He's just going to kill me anyway."

Though he knew she was probably right, there was something about the way she'd said it that made him pause. She sounded as though she'd given up, and the Jenny he knew would have never done any such thing. What the hell was she thinking?

* * *

Even as she listened to her boss try to reason with the man holding her in his tight embrace, Jenny knew it was useless. Jackson was never going to let her go. One way or another, he was going to make sure of that. Still, a thought had come to her, and she thought that perhaps, if she could make her performance believable enough, she might be able to pull it off. She let her body relax in Jackson's hold, and raised emerald eyes to sapphire blue.

"Gibbs, just go. I can handle this."

His head shook, and his eyes never left her.

"Not a chance, Shepard."

"He's just going to kill me anyway," she answered, filling her tone with despair and defeat.

She could feel his grip loosening, becoming comfortable with her lack of struggle, and Jenny closed her eyes, slowly counting to ten. Taking a deep breath, she jerked her body free, pulling her gun from its holster and hitting his nose with as much force as she could manage. Jackson swore, stumbling away from her as his hands went to his face, and Jenny ran.

As soon as she was near enough, Decker and Burley reached for her, pulling her behind them, and Gibbs fired a shot that embedded itself just to the right of Jackson's shin. He went down, hurling a stream of curse words at the team leader, and Gibbs glared at him.

"Should have left her alone," he said, his voice low and dangerous.

He turned away, his eyes landing on Decker.

"Cuff him. I want him held in custody. Or leave him to rot. I really don't care."

Decker nodded, and as soon as his cuffs had clicked in place, he delivered a swift kick to Jackson's ribs.

"That's for hitting me with a crowbar, you bastard," he muttered.

Gibbs looked at Jenny, taking in every detail of her injuries, and he threw her arm around his neck. Burley did the same on her other side, and as they walked back to their van, he looked at his friend seriously.

"You alright, Jenny?"

She glanced at him, wincing as they walked, and nodded.

"I'm fine, Stan," she answered with a small smile.

Looking at her from the corner of his eye, Gibbs wasn't so sure.

* * *

Jenny sighed as she signed her name to the bottom of her incident report, and rubbed her temple tiredly. She winced in pain as her fingers brushed over the newly-formed bruise on her cheek, and she closed her eyes.

"Shepard?"

She looked up, meeting the piercing blue eyes of her team leader and he looked at her seriously.

"Conference room."

Nodding, she stood up, still moving slower than usual, and when she finally made it to the elevator, Gibbs hit the emergency switch, throwing them into darkness.

"You sure you're okay?"

She didn't answer immediately, and that alone was cause for concern.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, "Depends on what you're referring to."

"Let's start with physically."

She frowned.

"I think I'll be okay. I'm a little sore, but I don't think he caused any permanent damage."

Gibbs nodded, and she waited, knowing he hadn't finished questioning her.

"You're sure you don't want to stay with Decker tonight?"

"No. I've caused Will enough trouble."

"Okay, what about Burley?"

"Gibbs, if you want to keep Burley on your team, _never_ ask me if I want to spend the night with him again."

"True," he smirked, "You'd kill him."

"In seconds," she agreed.

He was silent for a long minute, and when he finally spoke, his voice was softer than she'd expected.

"I really don't think you should be alone tonight."

She smiled, touched that he cared enough to think of her, and shook her head.

"I'll be fine. He's locked up, I have my weapon, nothing's going to happen."

He nodded slowly, and flipped the switch back on.

"Besides," she said as the doors opened, "I can always call you if something _does_ come up."

She swept past him, leaving him to stare at her in quiet disbelief.

* * *

Though it had taken longer than he'd originally expected, Gibbs wasn't surprised in the least when his phone rang, and he picked it up slowly, taking a drink of his bourbon.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Are you busy?"

He frowned at her voice, and shook his head even though she couldn't see him.

"Not particularly. Did something come up?"

"Yeah," she laughed, and it occurred to him that she sounded nervous, "something came up."

"What is it?"

Silence greeted his question and he frowned as he waited for her to speak.

"Shepard?"

"I don't want to be alone," she admitted.

He smiled knowingly and nodded, taking another drink.

"You could always call Burley."

"Very funny."

Another long pause fell over them, and Gibbs ran his hand through his hair. Just as he was about to speak, her voice came down the line, more insecure than he'd ever thought she could sound.

"Can I come by?"

"Sure."

"Good," she laughed, "because I'm on your front porch."

She hung up, and he frowned. He hadn't even known that she owned a cell phone, much less knew how to use it. He had enough trouble with the computers at work. Then again, Jenny was brilliantly smart, and he supposed it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. Soft footsteps reached his ears as she walked down the stairs, and he nodded at her as she touched down on the concrete.

"What if I had said no?" he asked.

"You wouldn't have," she answered confidently.

He raised his eyebrow at her and she looked pointedly at the drink in his hand.

"Got anything else?"

Nodding, he reached for the cooler he always kept in the basement and pulled out a beer, offering it to her slowly. She took it immediately, and as she tipped it back, he found himself staring at the bruises covering her. Knowing that he was examining them, Jenny narrowed her eyes as she swallowed her drink, and shook her head.

"Staring at them won't make them go away. I know, I've tried."

"It isn't that."

"Then what is it?"

"It makes me angry," he said slowly.

"Oh, sorry," she snapped sarcastically, throwing her hair over her shoulder, "Next time I'll ask to be hit where it can't be seen."

"Not what I meant. The thought of anyone hurting you like that," he paused, correcting his mistake, "of hurting _anyone_ like that...it pisses me off. Seeing him touch you that way...you deserve so much better than that."

Though she knew he would have said the same thing to anyone in her situation, she couldn't help but pick up on the protective tone in his voice. She looked at him curiously, seeing the emotions behind his eyes, but unsure if she should call attention to it.

"Jenny?"

She raised her eyebrow in question and he continued.

"You know he's going to get out, right?"

She nodded.

"Good thing we're leaving in two months."

"Still...you should file a restraining order just in case."

"A restraining order is nothing but a piece of paper."

"Yeah, but if he violates it, I'll murder him," Gibbs muttered.

Jenny frowned, but said nothing. She'd noticed the way he'd looked at her that morning in the office when she'd pretended to be his girlfriend, but she'd simply written it off as his going along with her joke. He offered her another beer as she finished hers and she accepted it gratefully.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For today. And last night. You saved my life."

He nodded, looking at her seriously.

"Not about to let you get killed by that bastard. If anyone's gonna kill you, it's gonna be me."

Laughing, Jenny knocked her beer back, and he found himself mesmerized by the way her hair fell over her shoulders. He wished that she would wear it down every day, though he knew her practicality would never let her. For his own selfish reasons, he was suddenly wishing that she hadn't come to his house, but he could never let her face this night alone. It wasn't her fault that he was having difficulty thinking about her in anything _other_ than a sexual nature.

Not that he could ever act on it. She was his agent, his partner, and he could never ruin that relationship. No matter how much he wanted to.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked quietly.

He frowned. He hadn't even realised he'd been staring.

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying to figure me out. I'm not hiding anything from you. Not now. You know about Chris."

"Just thinking about your little prank on Burley this morning."

It wasn't an outright lie. He'd thought of little else since she'd kissed his cheek in the squad room, and she smirked.

"Can't believe he fell for it. As if we would ever sleep together. We're not each other's types. Except for my hair, but that could easily be changed."

"Don't," he said seriously, "don't ever change your hair colour."

She tossed it over her shoulder.

"Too much effort."

Typical Jenny. Practical almost to a fault.

"Besides, you're my boss," she continued.

"Hang on...how do you know what my type is and that you're not it?" he asked suddenly.

Jenny frowned.

"I just...I've met Diane."

"There's a reason we're divorced, Jen," he reminded her.

She didn't say anything, but her eyes locked onto his like a magnet.

"So...you're saying I might be your type? Assuming you even have one, that is."

Gibbs shrugged, pouring more bourbon into his mason jar, and she reached for another beer.

"Are you attracted to me, Jethro?"

He nearly choked on the alcohol, struggling to get his breathing under control, and she twisted the top off her drink.

"You gonna answer me, or not?"

He shook his head, and she glared at him. Interpreting his silence correctly, Jenny slid off the stool she was sitting on and moved closer to him, looking into his eyes intently.

"You are," she accused, trying not to smile, "It's because of my hair, isn't it?"

Gibbs still hadn't spoken a word, and before he could stop himself, he reached for her waist, pulling her closer.

"Ever think maybe you're the one attracted to me, Shepard?" he said quietly, his lips inches from her own.

She swallowed thickly, unable to tear her gaze away from his bright blue eyes, and he smiled.

"Admit it, Jen. You _want_ me to kiss you. You're screaming for it in your head. It's killing you to be this close to me."

He leaned impossibly closer, moving so that his lips were touching her ear.

"Isn't it?"

Unable to stand it any longer, Jenny nodded, her breathing now only shallow gasps, and he fought the urge to laugh.

"Jethro?"

He turned his head slightly toward her and she took an unsteady breath.

"Kiss me."

Shaking his head, he looked at her seriously.

"I can't," he said slowly, "You're my agent, you've recently gotten out of a dangerous relationship and aren't thinking clearly, you—"

"Stop telling me what I do or do not want," she said confidently, "I know what I want, and I want you to kiss me."

"Jen—"

"Who was it that I called when I was drunk off my ass and needed a ride? Who did I call when the guy I tried to replace him with tried to kill me? Did it ever occur to you that he was nearly ten years older than me? In a position of authority? I don't have issues with my father. I was trying to pretend that he was you."

He was still dangerously close to her, and her hands went to his waist, refusing to let him move away. Considering her words, Gibbs remained silent, trying to figure out if she was making a rash decision based on the events of the past few days. She seemed rational enough, and he frowned.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I'm not going to ask you again. Kiss me."

"To hell with it."

He threw all caution to the wind, tangling his fingers in her hair as he kissed her, his free hand wrapping around her and holding her against him. As much as he wanted to, he didn't touch her face, mindful of the bruises still covering her skin, and when he finally pulled away from her, she smiled at him warmly.

"You still never answered me," she said primly.

He kissed her again, running his hand down her side gently and she moaned softly, her grip on his waist tightening.

"Yes, Jen," he whispered as his lips moved against hers, "I'm attracted to you."

His tongue parted her lips, sweeping into her mouth slowly, and she moved one of her hands to his hair. A low moan fell from her throat as he deepened the kiss, and he pulled away, not wanting to take this too far.

"I knew it," she smirked.

He smiled, relaxing his hold on her, but not releasing her, and she laughed.

"We might want to put a hold on this, though. At least on the physical. We do have a huge assignment coming up."

Gibbs nodded.

"Yeah. You're going to be my wife in two months."

"Lucky me," Jenny muttered sarcastically.

"Hey! Diane never complained."

"How would you know? By your own admission, you never spent any time with her."

"True. I'll try to make it slightly more bearable for you."

"I appreciate that," she deadpanned.

"You know, Jen...most married couples do still have sex, contrary to popular belief. You might just have to get used to the idea."

She laughed, stepping away from him and grabbing her keys.

"Who knows? By then, I'll probably be over you. After all, it's only been a year. Ask me again in Paris."

Jenny was near the top of the stairs now, and he nodded at her.

"Paris is the most romantic city in the world, Jenny."

"I know," she answered seductively, "That was my point exactly, Jethro."

She said nothing more, but the look she gave him just before she disappeared told him that he really didn't need to worry about her answer.

* * *

**A/N: Wish Gibbs had kissed _me_ like that...sigh...Anyway, I hope you liked it.**


	3. Not Fragile

**A/N: I swore I was finished with writing anything other than one-shots, but here I am. Blame my muse. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Sighing as her phone rang, Jenny pulled her hair from its ponytail and walked over to her bedside table to answer it.

"Shepard."

"Hey, Red, you busy tonight?"

She frowned.

"Depends on why you're asking."

"We're all going out for a drink. Want to come?"

"Define "all", Stan."

"Me, Decker, and Gibbs."

Now, her interest was piqued. If Gibbs was going to be there...

"Sure. What time?"

"19:00. Same bar as last time."

"Okay. See you then."

She hung up the phone, tossing her hair over her shoulder and frowned as she tried to decide on what she should wear. Not that she was trying to impress him. Of course not. Making her way to the bathroom, Jenny turned on the shower, wanting to find some semblance of sanity before she went out, and when she stepped under the water, she sighed contentedly. It had been a long week, and she'd never needed a drink more in her life.

* * *

As Gibbs sipped his bourbon, he kept his eyes on the two members of his team that had somehow managed to convince him to come out for a drink. He still couldn't quite figure out why he had agreed to come, but he supposed it wouldn't kill him to be social every so often. He glanced up at the door when it opened and his mouth nearly fell open in shock as his eyes took in the sight before him.

Just inside the door, more stunning than he'd ever seen her look before, was one Jenny Shepard. Her long red hair cascaded down in soft waves, hitting just below her shoulders, her blue satin shirt fit her perfectly, low enough to give a hint of what was beneath, but modest enough to keep any onlookers guessing, and her tight black jeans hugged her hips in a way that made it impossible to stop staring. She made the elegance of black sinful, and he quickly looked away, hoping she hadn't noticed the way he'd been staring.

Burley waved her over and she smiled as she took the seat between them. The bruises on her skin were faded now, unnoticeable unless one looked for them, and her eyes seemed brighter than they had in weeks. Her makeup was subtle, but the shimmer of eyeshadow, combined with her carefully applied eyeliner and mascara, made her eyes even more striking than they were on a normal day.

Whistling at her as she waited for the waiter to bring her drink, Burley gave her a long look.

"Damn, Shepard. You trying to give every man in here a coronary?"

She frowned.

"What?"

"He means you look nice," Decker told her with a warm smile.

Jenny smirked.

"Are you implying that I normally look bad, Stan?"

He quickly backtracked, shaking his head frantically.

"Of course not! I mean, you always look good, but damn, Jenny...you'd make Jesus have impure thoughts."

Gibbs laughed quietly and she narrowed her eyes.

"Something funny?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. The image of you trying to fight off Jesus himself..."

As she thought about it, she realised he was right. She laughed and the waiter brought her drink to her, giving her a warm smile.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you. Don't hesitate to ask."

Burley burst into laughter as he walked away and Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Told you, Red."

"Next time, I'll wear a bag over my head," she muttered, taking a sip of her drink.

Though he knew she was only joking, Gibbs had to fight the urge to tell her that even a bag over her head wouldn't diminish her beauty.

* * *

Jenny drained the last of her drink, trying to pretend that she didn't notice herself getting steadily more intoxicated. The smoke in the room was beginning to make it difficult for her to breathe and she stood slowly, taking great care not to fall in her heels.

"You okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah," she said, coughing slightly, "I just need to get away from this smoke for a minute."

She made her way to the door, feeling the eyes of the people watching her, and when she disappeared from sight, Burley turned to Gibbs.

"Boss, when are you gonna tell her?"

Gibbs shrugged, thinking. He'd been meaning to tell her all day that her ex-boyfriend had been released from jail, but he hadn't yet found the right moment. He knew he would have to do it soon, and he sighed as he stood.

"Now."

He walked to the door, searching the parking lot for her, and when he finally found her, she was leaning back against the building, one foot propped against the brick. He approached her carefully, not wanting to startle her, and she smiled.

"Come out to check on me?"

"Nope."

He stood next to her, leaning against the wall and glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. It was nearly impossible for him to look at anything other than her lips, the crimson lipstick drawing his attention, and he sighed.

"Jen, I have to tell you something."

She raised her eyebrow and smirked.

"You've been thinking about kissing me all night?"

"No. Well, yes...but no. Jen...he was released this afternoon. I've been trying to find the right way to tell you."

Jenny frowned.

"So...what? You waited until I was drunk in the hopes that I would take it better? Is that it?"

He shook his head.

"No, that isn't it at all."

She glared at him, and pushed off the building. He grabbed her arm before she could get too far and turned her around, looking in her eyes seriously.

"I told you so that you would take precautions tonight. Keep your door locked, weapon nearby at all times. I don't want you to get hurt."

She met his eyes coolly, trying to analyze the emotions behind them, and finally she nodded. It didn't escape her notice that he still hadn't let go of her arm and she looked at him pointedly.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"What time will you likely go to bed tonight?"

"Late, why?"

"If something does happen..."

He nodded.

"You call, I'll be there."

Jenny smiled and he released her, taking a deep breath as she walked back into the bar. He hoped he'd made the right decision, and he shook his head as he followed her a minute later.

* * *

Kissing her cheek gently, Burley threw his arm around Jenny's shoulders and leaned closer.

"_Whatever you want from me, I'm giving you everything...I'm your baby tonight. You've given me ecstasy, you are my fantasy...I'm your baby tonight_," he sang, his head falling on her shoulder.

She rolled her eyes and Decker laughed.

"Tough luck, Jenny."

She placed her hand on Burley's shoulder, trying to push him off of her, and he grabbed her hand, holding it close to him.

"_From the moment you touched me, I was ready to die. I feel like an angel who just started to fly.._."

"Hey, Burley, Whitney called. She wants you to quit butchering her songs."

Glaring at Decker, Burley stuck out his tongue and walked over to the old jukebox sitting in the corner. When the song filled the bar seconds later, Decker groaned.

"Not a Whitney Houston fan, Will?" Jenny asked, laughing.

"No, I like her, but...every time he drinks, he sings that song. To everyone."

Jenny placed her hand over her heart in mock shock and gasped.

"I thought I was special! That's our song!" she said dramatically.

She was suddenly aware of Burley behind her, and he took her hand, looking at her seriously.

"Dance with me, Jenny."

"It _is_ your song," Decker reminded her.

She rolled her eyes, but allowed Burley to pull her to her feet and as he led her to the middle of the floor, Gibbs laughed.

"She's gonna kill him soon."

"How'd she take it, Gibbs?"

Turning to the other agent, he shrugged.

"Okay, I guess. Didn't really say much."

"I want to kill that bastard. Not for what he did to me, but...he hurt Jenny."

Gibbs nodded, emptying his drink and letting his gaze land on the redhead. He understood how Decker felt completely. He wanted to kill the man, too.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Jenny."

She frowned, looking at Burley in confusion, and he continued.

"About not telling you that he was out. Gibbs wanted to be the one to tell you. Thought it would be best coming from him."

She shook her head, giving him a reassuring smile.

"It's okay, Stan. You were just following orders."

Jenny kissed his cheek as the song ended and he smiled at her.

"Thanks for dancing with me, Red."

"Don't get used to it," she laughed.

"Nah. Wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

When Jenny stumbled into her house two hours later, she was too inebriated to notice that the door to her study was closed, and she carefully removed her heels, placing them just inside the door. She slowly made her way into the kitchen, pouring a glass of water, hoping to stave off the hangover that she was sure to have the next morning. Placing the glass on the counter, she turned, and as she realised she wasn't alone, her eyes widened in fear.

"Miss me, baby? I have to say, your house is much nicer than the jail cell you tried to throw me in."

She backed up, her body connecting with the counter, and Jackson walked closer, his body inches from her own.

"What do you want?" she asked quietly.

"Did you have a nice time tonight? Sure looked like you did."

Jenny frowned.

"You...you followed me?"

He glared at her, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"I saw you dancing with that guy at the bar. I thought you had more respect for our relationship, Jenny, but you were out on that floor like a common whore."

His eyes roamed over her body, stopping at her mouth.

"Take off that damn lipstick. You look like a prostitute. It's bad enough that you're dressed like one."

Jenny was beyond confused, trying to figure out how she was going to get away from him, and she shook her head.

"We don't _have_ a relationship, Chris. How many times do I have to tell you that it's over?"

He slapped her, causing her head to snap back, and she reached behind her for the glass she'd sat down. Her fingers closed around it, and she brought it crashing into the side of his head. He backed away slightly, but it wasn't enough. His hand closed around her throat and she tried in vain to pull free from his vice-like grip. He dragged her through the kitchen, shoving her to the ground, and she pushed backward with her feet, trying to gain some traction.

His foot came crashing down on her leg with a force she hadn't even known was possible, causing her to scream in pain, and she swept her other foot out, hitting his ankles quickly. She pulled herself to her feet, limping to the stairs in the front hall as he hit the ground and as she tried to reach the front door, he grabbed her shoulder, throwing her onto the steps. As fast as she was able, Jenny crawled up the stairs, desperate to put as much distance between them as possible. The alcohol she had consumed made her movements slower, combined with blinding pain in her leg, and she gasped as she pulled herself up the stairs.

"This would be so much easier if you would just stop fighting me, baby."

"Stay the fuck away from me," she whispered.

He shook his head.

"Now, Jenny...you know how I feel about women and profanity. There's no need to swear. It's unladylike."

He grabbed her at the top of the stairs, and she turned away as he attempted to kiss her.

"What's the matter? You never had a problem kissing me before, Jenny."

"Yeah, before you tried to kill me," she snapped.

He crashed his mouth onto hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth, and she instinctively bit down as hard as she could. The resounding slap to her face was so hard that it made her dizzy, and he shoved her away from him as he swore. Her foot slipped on the stairs, causing her to tumble down them, not even noticing as she screamed. She moaned as her body hit the ground, sliding into the door, and though she tried, she couldn't move enough to get away as he walked quickly down the stairs, his eyes livid.

Blood dripped from his mouth and he bent down, his hand at her throat again. She didn't have the strength to fight back as his grip tightened, but when he brought his lips close to her ear, she shivered.

"You're going to wish you hadn't done that," he growled.

He pulled her up by the throat, slamming her head back into the door as hard as he could. The last thing that went through her mind as her vision went black was a desperate prayer for help.

* * *

The first thing Gibbs noticed when he walked into the bullpen the next morning was that for once, Decker and Burley had arrived before Jenny. It was highly unusual for her not to arrive at either the same time he did or slightly after, and he frowned at her empty desk.

"Where's Shepard?"

Decker shrugged.

"Probably sleeping off her hangover."

"Wish I'd thought of that," Burley mumbled, his head on his desk.

Gibbs frowned. Jenny had gotten a bit tipsy the night before, but he hadn't thought it was enough for her to miss work. Especially without calling.

"Did she call?"

"Nope. Not last night, either. I told her to call me when she got home...never heard from her."

"And you didn't think that was suspicious?"

Decker shook his head.

"I figured she was too drunk to remember. Thought she went home and just crashed."

Gibbs picked up his phone, dialing Jenny's home number and as it rang, he couldn't ignore the feeling of dread causing his chest to tighten.

"Decker, Burley, let's go."

The two agents frowned, but stood up nonetheless.

"Where are we going, boss?"

"Shepard's. Something's not right here. She wouldn't just not call. Too much of a perfectionist for that."

Realising that their boss had a point, both agents followed him quickly to the elevator, hoping nothing had happened to their female counterpart.

* * *

Jenny's car was parked in her driveway when they arrived, and Gibbs looked at it carefully.

"Well, we know she made it home," Burley said.

They walked up the steps to her front door, and Gibbs knocked loudly, waiting impatiently for an answer. He gave it all of twenty seconds before he knocked again, his bad feeling growing stronger.

"Shepard?"

He glanced at Decker and Burley.

"Look for a spare key."

They nodded, and after a few minutes of searching, Decker triumphantly held it up, passing it to the team leader. He turned the key, slowly opening the front door, and he frowned when it stopped moving.

"Something in the way," Decker muttered.

"Yeah, I figured that out, Decker," Gibbs snapped.

He gestured to Burley, nodding at the door.

"Burley, you're smaller than I am. See if you can get through that opening and find out what's blocking the door."

The younger agent nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to make himself as small as possible. He closed his eyes in concentration, maneuvering his body carefully, and after several slow minutes, he was finally able to squeeze himself through the door. Gibbs frowned when he heard him swear loudly, and moved closer.

"What is it?"

"Boss, it's her. Give me a minute to try to move her."

They could hear him moving slowly, and Decker looked at Gibbs worriedly.

"Jesus Christ, Jenny," Burley muttered to himself.

At last, the door opened and Gibbs signaled for Decker to clear the area. Burley followed behind him, leaving Gibbs in the front hall, staring down at the body of his redheaded agent. He knelt down slowly, feeling for a pulse and he let out a sigh of relief as he found it. Blood was smeared on the door behind her, and as he brought his hand to the back of her head, he found the source.

"Boss, it's clear," Decker said as he returned.

"Upstairs is clear," Burley called, coming down the steps quickly.

Gibbs nodded, still staring at her, and Decker frowned.

"You think she fell down them?"

Examining her carefully, Gibbs shook his head. He could see the marks around her throat, as well as a bruise blooming under her eye and he looked at the other two men.

"No, she didn't fall. She was thrown down. Look at her throat."

"She's alive, isn't she?"

Gibbs nodded, his eyes watching her shallow breath.

"She's breathing, yeah. Go see if you can find a dish cloth or something. I want to get this blood cleaned."

He carefully lifted the redhead into his arms, carrying her to the couch and as he set her down, she stirred slightly. Decker returned with a wet cloth and he took it silently.

"Broken glass in the kitchen," Burley said, "Looks like someone was hit with it."

Jenny moved slowly, her eyes flickering open, and when they landed on the people surrounding her, she tried to move away, her fear apparent.

"Easy, Shepard. It's okay. You're safe. No one's here but us."

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes against the pain in her head as she moved, and she moaned softly.

"What happened, Jenny?"

Glancing at Burley, she shook her head.

"Chris," she said weakly, her voice hoarse and painful, "He was here when I got home. I tried...hit him with a glass, but..."

"You're being looked at by Ducky," Gibbs told her sternly.

To his surprise, she didn't protest, and he looked at the other two agents.

"You two: one of you call Ducky and let him know we'll be coming to see him, the other, put a BOLO out on Jackson's personal car."

They nodded, walking outside, and as soon as the door had closed behind them, Gibbs looked at Jenny seriously.

"Jen...he didn't...force himself on you, did he?"

She shook her head.

"Not like that. He kissed me, but I bit his tongue."

He smirked.

"Damn, I guess I got off lucky," he said, referring to their kiss in his basement.

Shaking her head, Jenny gave him a weak smile.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Jethro."

Though he knew it probably wasn't appropriate timing, Gibbs leaned forward, kissing her gently, and she smiled as he pulled away.

"What made you come to my house?" she asked.

"You didn't show up to work," he answered simply, "I know you. You never miss. Knew something had to be wrong."

He offered her his hand, pulling her carefully to her feet and as they walked to the door, he noticed that she was limping.

"You okay? I mean, obviously not, but—"

"I know what you meant. He nearly shattered my leg under his foot. Painful, but not unbearable."

Studying her for a moment, Gibbs nodded, not wasting any time lifting her into his arms. She glared at him, and he shrugged.

"Don't want to risk making it worse."

The sudden movement caused her head to spin, and Jenny closed her eyes tightly.

"Jethro..."

He glanced down at her, but frowned when he realised she had passed out. Her head fell against his chest and he smiled at her sadly. Carrying her carefully out to the car, he pointedly ignored the looks of Burley and Decker as he placed her in the back seat.

"Decker, you're with Shepard. Burley, you're with me."

They nodded, and as they climbed in the car, Gibbs wondered how he was supposed to explain their situation to the doctor without wanting to break the neck of the bastard who had hurt his redheaded partner.

* * *

Jenny was still unconscious when they made it back to the Navy Yard, and Gibbs picked her up, nodding his thanks to Decker when he opened the door for him. As he walked into autopsy, the former marine placed her on one of the metal tables, pointedly not looking at her as Ducky moved closer. He couldn't ignore the fact that she looked dead as she laid on the table, and Ducky examined her carefully.

"I think she'll be fine, Jethro. She's going to have some bruising and soreness, but she'll make a full recovery."

He was silent, and Ducky looked at him seriously.

"Am I right in guessing this was the work of her ex-boyfriend?"

Gibbs nodded, his eyes hardening at the mention.

"He could have killed her, Duck."

"Yes," the doctor agreed, "I will never understand how anyone could raise their hand to a woman in anger."

Gibbs didn't answer, his eyes locked on Jenny as she stirred on the table and when her eyes landed on the doctor, she smiled weakly.

"Hi, Ducky."

"Good morning, Jennifer. How do you feel?"

She laughed bitterly.

"Like I got hit by a truck," she answered honestly.

He nodded, examining her eyes carefully.

"You appear to have a slight concussion, my dear. You're going to need to stay awake for the rest of the day, and if for some reason you do have to sleep, you'll need to be woken every few hours. I would suggest you head home and get some rest."

She didn't answer, and he helped her down from the table, steadying her with a gentle hand on her arm. Thanking the doctor, Gibbs led her to the elevator and when they stepped in, he looked at her seriously.

"You can stay with me if you want."

"Gibbs, I—"

"He's already broken into your house twice, Shepard. You're staying with me."

Too tired to argue, she simply nodded, and as they walked into the squad room, Burley looked at her in concern.

"You okay, Jenny?"

"Still a little shaky," she said, giving him a tired smile.

"I'm taking Shepard somewhere safe, I'll be gone the rest of the day, so if anything comes up, Decker, you handle it."

Decker nodded, hugging Jenny gently.

"Take care, Jenny. Be safe."

She nodded, and when they had gone, Burley looked to his friend.

"Think she's really okay?"

Decker rolled his eyes.

"Not a chance."

* * *

He could feel Jenny watching him as he worked, and when he glanced up at her, she smiled sadly.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks. For everything."

He gave her a smile and set down his sander, walking closer to her.

"How's your head?"

She shrugged.

"Lot of blood on your front door."

"Head wounds always bleed a lot. You know that."

He nodded, but reached slowly for her, turning her head to the side. She flinched at his touch, and he pulled away from her, frowning.

"Hey," he said gently, "you know I would never hurt you, right?"

She didn't answer and he looked into her eyes seriously.

"Jen?"

"I know," she said quietly, "It was just a reflex."

He turned her head again, gently touching the cut on the back of her head, frowning when she winced in pain. He moved his fingers away from the wound, his touch light enough that it could have almost been called tender, and she closed her eyes slowly. He let his fingers trace the bruise under her eye, trying not to notice how close they were, and when she looked at him, he was thrown by the look in her emerald eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered, "I'm not worth all this trouble."

He frowned.

"You're my friend, and I want to make sure you're safe. It's not any trouble, and even if it was, I would do it gladly."

Her eyes were sad, and she shifted slightly, her body so close to his that he could feel her warmth.

"I know I said that we should wait on the physical, but..." she paused, taking a deep breath.

Gibbs frowned, wondering where she was going with her sentence, but she never continued.

"But what?" he prompted softly.

"Will you kiss me?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes," she whispered.

He moved closer, brushing his lips against hers gently, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, his other hand trailing down her side. She frowned at his hesitance, and pulled back, looking at him seriously.

"I'm not going to break, Jethro."

"You also have a concussion," he reminded her.

She shrugged.

"Doesn't mean I forgot how to kiss."

Pulling him closer, Jenny kissed him hard, her hand tangling in his hair, and she moaned when his tongue found hers. He picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist and turned them so that she was pinned between his body and the wood shell of his boat. His lips brushed over her throat, tasting her frantic skittering pulse, and she whispered his name as he gently bit down on her skin.

Her mouth captured his again, her tongue exploring his mouth, and he growled as her hands slid under his shirt. The intoxicating scent of her perfume was making it difficult for him to think, and her body, pressed so close to his in the clothes she'd worn to the bar, made him nearly forget his own name.

"Jen..."

He knew they needed to stop, or there would be no way he would be able to keep from taking this much too far. She didn't answer him, kissing him again, and when her hand brushed over his thigh, he shivered. He ran his own fingers over her leg, hooking it around his waist and her head fell back as his hand slid under her shirt. Pushing the silky fabric up slowly, he moved his head down, placing light kisses on her stomach, and as he moved higher, she shook her head slowly.

"Jethro, wait."

He glanced up at her, and straightened up, looking at her seriously.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, but...we really need to stop."

"Did I—"

"No, she assured him gently, "but if we don't, then I won't be able to. You have no idea how badly I want to, but I...not yet."

He nodded, kissing her chastely on the lips and smiled.

"Don't worry, Jen. I'm not going to rush you."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Gibbs smiled at her again, and she reached out to touch his face gently.

"I mean it...thank you. For everything. This makes three times in one month that you've saved my life."

"Well, I kinda got used to you," he said nonchalantly, "You grew on me."

She rolled her eyes, laughing, and kissed him again.

"Right. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I look damn good in this outfit."

He looked at her appreciatively and nodded once.

"You look okay."

"Uh-huh," she said skeptically, "I'll just pretend that you _weren't_ staring at me all night at the bar and that you weren't jealous of Burley for dancing with me."

"I don't dance," he answered, deliberately ignoring the rest of her sentence.

Jenny laughed, shaking her head and stepping away from him. She slid onto the work stool, crossing her legs seductively, and leaned forward, her hair spilling over her shoulders.

"Mark my words, Jethro. I'll get you to dance with me if it's the last thing I ever do."

* * *

**A/N: Poor Jenny...she really doesn't deserve all the shit I put her through...**


	4. Over Overthinking You

**A/N: For your reading pleasure, I present chapter four. Hope you enjoy! On a side note, Vivien, I hope you got the chance to read the one-shot I wrote for you. With all the craziness right now, I don't know if you missed it or not.  
**

* * *

It was no secret that Leroy Jethro Gibbs left his front door unlocked. Over the years, he had become accustomed to his colleagues walking in whenever the notion struck them, and it had proved beneficial more than once when his ex-wife had been drinking too much with her friends and wouldn't have been able to managed a locked door. Even so, he was still occasionally surprised by the people that walked through the door, and this was one of those times.

It had only been an hour since he'd left work, and he was just pouring his third mason jar of bourbon when he heard the sound of frantic footsteps above his head. He frowned as he glanced up; after all, there was no one in the world he was expecting to see tonight, and his eyes widened when Jenny Shepard crashed into his basement with a look of pure terror in her eyes.

He didn't even have time to ask her what was wrong before she began to explain, her words rushed and breathless.

"He's...he's at my fucking house, Gibbs."

He reached for her arm to steady her and she leaned forward, trying to catch her breath.

"I can't," she paused, taking a deep breath, "I can't stay there. He's g-going to kill me if I do."

"Woah...slow down, Jen. Take a deep breath, sit down and start from the beginning."

She nodded, sinking down onto the stool in front of her, and he slid a beer across the table to her. Her hands were shaking too violently for her to open it, and he twisted the top off, handing it to her carefully.

"I had a few errands to run after work, so I stopped and picked up what I needed, and made my way back home. I pulled in my driveway, and I thought I saw something move in the window, but I figured it was just my imagination. Being paranoid, you know? So I sat in my car and pulled out my keys and when I looked back at the house, I could see him walking through my living room. I put the keys back in the ignition and started the car and just as I pulled out of the driveway again, my front door opened. He was _waiting_ for me. And he's going to keep getting away with it because he's a god damned cop! Every report I file, he's going to make it disappear."

She was dangerously close to crying now, and Gibbs moved closer, wrapping his arms around her as she shook.

"He's not going to find you, Jen. You're safe here."

"What if he does? Gibbs, he can send people after me. He could issue a warrant for my arrest if he wanted to. I can't get away from him. I'm starting to think the only way I'll make it out of this alive is if I give him what he wants."

Gibbs shook his head, the very thought making him sick.

"No, Jen. He hit you once when you were dating before. That's why you ended it, remember? It wouldn't stop there. It would only get worse."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head sadly.

"He's going to kill me, Jethro," she whispered, "No matter what choice I make."

"He'll have to go through me first."

* * *

After Jenny had finally calmed down an hour later, Gibbs found himself wondering what on earth he was going to do. Though he hadn't wanted to admit it, Jenny had made a very valid point: with Jackson being a cop, there was really nothing stopping him from erasing every report, every restraining order, every complaint filed against him. He glanced at the redhead, still nursing the same beer he'd given her when she'd arrived, and he grabbed his keys.

"Come on."

She frowned, looking up at him curiously, but stood nonetheless.

"Where—"

"Your place. We're not letting this bastard win."

Ignoring her protests, Gibbs began walking up the steps, leaving her with no choice but to follow. She had a bad feeling about his plan (or lack thereof), but she'd learned that sometimes it was simply better to go along with him.

* * *

Jenny started shaking as soon as her house came into view, and when Gibbs parked his truck in the driveway, he looked at her seriously.

"You can stay here if you want. I'll clear it."

She shook her head.

"I'm doing this. This is my mess to deal with."

He studied her carefully for a moment, then finally nodded. They climbed down from the truck, both pulling their weapons, and when Jenny unlocked the door, Gibbs made sure he was the first one through it. Listening carefully for any sign of movement, he slowly walked through her living room, pausing in front of the study, and he nodded to her.

Jenny walked closer, her senses on high alert and a slight creaking above her head made her freeze. Gibbs must have heard it as well, judging by the look he sent her, and she made her way towards the steps. He shook his head at her, not wanting her to be the first one up, but she ignored him, walking silently up the stairs. Though his every instinct was telling him to tell her to stop, he stayed quiet, not wanting to alert anyone to their presence.

He followed her slowly, keeping a safe distance, and as she cleared the first bedroom, he frowned. Something wasn't right here. He had the distinct feeling that he was being watched, and when he turned around, he discovered why. It wasn't often that Gibbs was caught off-guard. His military training had made it nearly impossible for anyone to sneak up behind him, so when he found himself staring down the barrel end of a gun, his eyes widened slightly.

He supposed it made sense: a police officer would certainly have been trained on how to move undetected, but it still unnerved him to know that he'd been followed without realising it. Without even planning it, he took a deep breath, the need to alert Jenny to the danger stronger than anything else.

"Shepard?"

She turned around, having heard the warning in his voice, and raised her gun higher when her eyes landed on the man standing behind Gibbs.

"Put the gun down, Jenny."

She didn't move, her eyes flashing with anger as she stared at him.

"This is my house, Chris. I highly suggest you leave now."

Jackson shook his head, still holding his gun to Gibbs' temple.

"I highly suggest you put the gun down. Unless you want your partner to end up with a bullet in his head."

Though her body was still, Jenny's mind was racing. She had no idea what she should do, but she didn't have the time to figure it out. Ultimately, her desire to keep her partner safe overrode any other thoughts, and she nodded, slowly lowering her weapon.

"Good girl. Now, why don't we settle this like rational people and this can all be over."

She frowned, her eyes never leaving him, and he continued.

"You're going to come with me, willingly, and we can work this out. You'll see that this is for the best, Jenny. We were meant to be together."

Knowing that it was the only way she could keep him from harming Gibbs, Jenny nodded, refusing to look at her partner as she did.

"Okay, Chris," she said softly, "I'll go with you. On one condition."

He raised his eyebrow.

"You leave him out of this. This is between you and me, remember? Gibbs has nothing to do with it."

"Fair enough."

"Don't do this, Shepard."

Gibbs fought to keep the fear from his voice, and finally Jenny looked at him, tears shining in her bright green eyes.

"I have to," she whispered, "I'm not going to let you die because of me."

Jackson roughly shoved Gibbs away from him, his body crashing into the wall, and Jenny ran forward, kneeling down to check for injuries. Gibbs looked at her, his blue eyes never leaving hers, and he grabbed her wrist.

"Jen, don't."

"He'll kill both of us if I don't."

"He's going to kill you if you do."

She shook her head, willing him to understand.

"Better me than you," she said, her voice breaking, "I won't let you die, Jethro. Not if I can stop it."

Gasping in pain as she was forced to her feet, Jenny gave him one last look as she was pulled down the steps, trying to convey everything she needed him to know in that one moment.

"You even _think_ about following us, I'll put a bullet between her eyes."

As the front door shut, Gibbs frowned as he tried to figure out what he was going to do. He needed to act fast, but he didn't have the slightest idea of where to begin.

* * *

Jenny kept glancing over at him as he drove the short distance to his house, and when he noticed her watching him, he gave her a smile.

"Don't look so scared, baby. This is all going to work out just fine. You'll see. We're going to be so happy together."

He killed the engine as he pulled into his driveway, and when he walked around to open her door for her, he held out his hand.

"See, I can be a gentleman. You don't need to be afraid of me."

Though she took his hand, her mind was screaming at her that she needed to find a way to put as much distance between them as possible. It wasn't until they had almost reached his front door that she kicked his leg as hard as she could, hitting just below where Gibbs had shot him a few days prior. He swore in pain, stumbling after her as she ran, and in spite of his injury, he managed to grab her by the hair and pulled her back against him, his breath hot on her skin.

"You ever try anything like that again, and I'll break your god damned neck," he snarled.

Shoving her towards the house, he kept his grip on her arm painfully tight, and when they had finally stepped inside, he locked the door securely behind him.

"Now...Jenny. You and I...we've seemed to hit a bit of a rough patch in our relationship, but I know we can work this out. I've never loved anyone like I love you, and I know that you'll come to feel the same way in time. You want me to ask for your forgiveness so we can start fresh, I can see that, but my love for you will more than make up for this."

"This isn't love, Chris. Love is free and kind...you're trying to act like you're all humble and wise, but what you call love is destroying my life, it's destroying your soul, if you ever had one—"

"Destroying your life?" he repeated with disgust, "I'm making your life better, baby. I can give you everything you've ever wanted."

"I don't think you even know what it means to love, or to be loved. What about the freedom that truth brings? What about the protection that love brings?"

He shook his head, walking closer to her, and he ran his fingers gently over her cheek. She fought every instinct to pull away, not wanting to risk being hit again, and he smiled.

"I'll always protect you, Jenny. That's what I'm doing now. Don't you see that? You owe me your life. I'm keeping you safe by bringing you here. You're mine, and I'm always going to keep you safe."

She took a small step backward, fighting back the fear rising within her, and shook her head slowly.

"I don't belong to anyone but me. I don't owe you anything, and the love you gave was never love. You don't know anything about real love. You're twisted and warped...so full of your own lies."

Her head snapped backward as he slapped her, his eyes wild as he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer.

"Jenny, Jenny, Jenny," he whispered, shaking his head as he lightly trailed his lips over her skin, "When are you going to learn to keep your pretty mouth shut? We're going to work on that. You're so beautiful, so perfect...except for that fucking mouth of yours."

Trying in vain to control her shaking as he kept kissing her, Jenny wondered if she was ever going to make it out of this house alive. She was seriously beginning to doubt it.

* * *

As Gibbs waited for Decker to get Chris Jackson's address, he paced in autopsy, needing the advice of someone much wiser than he. Ducky looked at him seriously, worry etched in his face, frowning as the younger man passed him again.

"She went with him willingly?" he asked.

Gibbs nodded.

"Yeah, if you call being threatened willingly."

"Do you think he would have followed through?"

"Without a doubt."

Ducky nodded.

"That's why she went. Jennifer knew that he would kill you if she didn't. Admirable, really."

Gibbs whipped around to glare at him.

"She's gonna get herself killed, Ducky. How in the hell is that admirable?"

"It isn't," he said carefully, not wanting to upset him more, "but the act of sacrificing herself to save you is."

"She's my partner, Duck. I can't let anything happen to her. But if I show up at his house, he'll kill her without hesitation. He's seen Decker and Burley, too. I can't send them, either."

He kept pacing, running his hand through his hair in agitation and Ducky frowned as an idea came to him.

"Send me."

Gibbs stopped, looking at him as though he'd lost his mind, and he continued.

"You just said yourself that he'll kill her if he sees anyone he recognises. He's never seen me. Let me go. I can get Jennifer out and we can file a report with a different precinct. It might not work, but it's worth a try."

Though it was by far the craziest thing he'd ever considered, Gibbs nodded slowly.

"I'll be there for backup. You're not going alone."

"Never expected to. Now, let's get the address from William and go get our girl back."

* * *

Watching Jackson from the corner of her eye, Jenny frowned as he walked closer, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her.

"What happened to us, baby? We used to have so much fun together."

"You got drunk and hit me," she answered dryly, "Kind of a deal breaker."

He shook his head, leaning closer.

"I'm sorry, baby. You know how I get when I'm stressed, and I swear...from now on, it won't happen again."

She rolled her eyes.

"It happened ten minutes ago."

"I know, I just...I get so angry. Give me a chance. Let me make it up to you."

He kissed her cheek, running his hand through her hair, and she closed her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else. A soft knock on the door made him turn and Jenny frowned as he stood to answer it.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, hello. My name is Doctor Mallard, I've just recently moved to the area and I wanted to introduce myself."

Jenny's heart pounded in her chest as she recognised Ducky's voice and she stood, walking quickly to the door.

"Oh, and this must be your lovely wife."

"Jenny," she said with a smile, trying to keep herself from running then and there.

"I'm Chris. Nice to meet you, Doctor. If you don't mind, we were kind of having an important discussion, though.."

As Ducky nodded and began speaking, Jenny heard a slight noise behind her and she knew that she couldn't move, or she would risk drawing attention. When the door shut a few moments later, Jenny reached for Jackson's hand, hoping she could distract him enough to give Ducky time to set his plan in motion.

"You know, I've been giving it some thought, and I think you might be right. Maybe I did give up on us too quickly."

She ran her hand through his hair, and when he kissed her, she forced herself to kiss him back, trying to remember the reason behind her discomfort. The click of the gun's safety being removed made Jackson stop kissing her and when he turned to see Gibbs standing behind him, he swore. Gibbs brought his gun down on the side of his head and as Jackson fell to the floor, he pulled out his handcuffs, locking them around both his wrists and his ankles.

Jenny bolted from where she stood, throwing her arms around Gibbs' neck and he smiled as he held her in his arms.

"Jethro...how did—"

"Ducky's idea."

He led her to the door, opening it carefully, and Jenny wrapped her arms around the doctor as he stood on the porch.

"Are you alright, Jennifer?"

She nodded, and he kissed her cheek gently.

"Let's get out of here. We have a report to file."

Jenny frowned.

"It won't—"

"We're going to a different station. We're taking all the pictures, incident reports, everything. We're not leaving until they take action."

* * *

As soon as they walked into the police station, Jenny felt immediately worse. She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt so ashamed of what she was about to do, she'd done nothing wrong, but she couldn't shake the feeling. Gibbs noticed her unease and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they waited for someone to notice them.

"Can I help you?"

"Need to file a report and a restraining order against someone," Gibbs said, nodding slowly.

The young woman gave him a smile and nodded.

"Of course. I'll need some information before we get started."

Handing her the large folder he'd placed all of their evidence in, Gibbs gave Jenny a reassuring smile as the woman flipped through the pages. She frowned suddenly, and Gibbs knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth.

"Sir, this needs to be filed locally. I can't—"

"Can we speak to the chief of police, please? There are extenuating circumstances that need to be taken into consideration."

She was silent for a moment, then nodded. She disappeared for a minute and when she returned, she was accompanied by a tall man of around forty that Gibbs could only assume was the man in charge.

"How can I help you, sir?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk about this privately?"

Nodding, the man beckoned for them to follow, and as they walked behind him, Gibbs tried to pretend he didn't notice the way Jenny reached for his hand.

* * *

"So, let me make sure I understand this: you want me to file a restraining order against an officer at another precinct and have him arrested?"

Gibbs nodded.

"He's destroyed every order we've filed at our local station, and we need to make sure that he's unable to hurt anyone. He's already attacked my team, and myself personally, but if we turned our evidence over to the local authorities, he would make it all disappear."

"Agent Gibbs, I don't need to tell you that this is unlikely to work. We can certainly do it, but given that he's already managed to get the previous charges against him dropped, unless you were to have video evidence, his chances of staying locked up are very low."

"If he violates the order, will he be arrested?"

"Yes, but only if he's caught."

"Officer Fraiser," Jenny spoke up suddenly, "I don't care how it's done, but we have to do something. I can't keep living like this."

"I understand your fear, Agent Shepard, but unless he directly violates it and you manage to apprehend him, my hands are tied. I can make copies of everything you've given me and I'll personally deliver it to the chief of police in your district, but if he's as high-ranking as I imagine he is, it may still be swept under the rug. You have my word that I'll do everything I can, however."

Jenny nodded, feeling slightly better, but she still gripped Gibbs' hand so tightly that he nearly winced in pain. He could feel the desperation radiating from her as she sat next to him and when they had finally finished going over every last detail, he glanced at her as Officer Fraiser left to make copies.

"You're safe, Jen. And you're staying with me until this is over. I have a spare room."

"What if he's lying?" she asked, indicating Fraiser, "What if he's only pretending to make copies of everything and he destroys it?"

The thought had occurred to him as well, but he shook his head.

"He won't."

Fraiser returned, handing them the folder and Gibbs flipped through it, relieved that all of the information was still in tact. He watched as the officer placed one copy in the file cabinet behind him and the other he left on the desk.

"I've made two copies, one for our records, and one to take with me. You have the originals, so if anything comes up missing at your local station, I'll back you up."

He looked at Jenny seriously, his eyes a strange mixture of anger and sadness.

"I am very sorry that this has happened to you, Agent Shepard. Nothing makes me angrier than to see an officer of the law violating every rule that they swore to uphold. If I have anything to say about it, we'll nail this bastard to the wall."

She nodded.

"Thank you."

He held out his hand, and she took it, giving him a small smile. Gibbs shook his hand as well, and as they walked out the door, Jenny stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

She raised up, kissing him gently, and smiled as she pulled away.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

When Gibbs' phone rang early the next morning, he frowned as he searched for the offending device. Pressing the button quickly, he ran his hand through his hair and tried to clear some of the fog from his brain.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Officer Fraiser. I wanted to be the one to tell you that we've apprehended Christopher Jackson for violating his restraining order, and he'll be kept in custody until his arraignment hearing."

"How?" he asked slowly.

"Someone noticed him at Agent Shepard's house last night. Seems like he was waiting for her. They called in on suspicious activity and since your local chief of police now has your report on file, they were able to pick him up."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"Be sure to tell Agent Shepard again how sorry I am that it came to this."

He nodded.

"I will. Thanks."

Hanging up the phone, he couldn't keep himself from smiling as he headed for the stairs. Though Jenny was sleeping, he knew there was no way he would be able to wait to give her the much-needed good news. When he slowly opened the door, he was taken aback by how young she looked as she slept, and he frowned again as he wondered how anyone could have ever hurt her. He reached over her, lightly shaking her shoulder, and smiled.

"Hey, Shepard. Wake up."

She shifted away from his touch, and he rolled his eyes.

"Shepard."

"What?" she mumbled, her annoyance clear.

"Wake up."

"Five more minutes," she said, turning away from him.

"Shepard, get your ass up before I make you run a mile."

Groaning at him, Jenny finally sat up, pushing her hair out of her face.

"I'm up. Now what?" she said sarcastically.

"Well, I was going to tell you some good news, but if you're going to be a brat, then you can forget it."

He started to walk away, and Jenny reached for his hand, halting his steps.

"Wait. What were you going to tell me? I promise I won't be a brat, as you put it."

Studying her for a minute, he finally nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"They got him. Cops picked him up last night hanging around your house. He's in custody until the hearing, and with the evidence we have, our chances look pretty good."

She was silent, staring at him with wide eyes, and he frowned, concerned.

"Jen?"

"They got him?"

He nodded.

"He's really locked up?"

"They got him, Jen," he repeated with a smile.

Before he even had time to react, Jenny had thrown her arms around him, a breathless laugh escaping her, and he wrapped his arms around her gently.

"I can't believe they got him," she whispered.

"It's over. You're safe."

She pulled away just enough to look into his eyes and she shook her head.

"I never could have done this without you, Jethro. You have no idea what this means to me."

"I told you, if anyone's gonna kill you, it'll be me. Probably sooner rather than later."

She laughed.

"I might believe you if I didn't know what you were thinking about right now."

Gibbs frowned, tilting his head in confusion.

"And what, exactly, am I thinking about, since you're so smart?"

Jenny moved closer, just enough that her knee touched his as she sat next to him.

"Isn't it obvious? You're thinking that you want me to touch you. Just a little. Maybe...a hand on your arm, or on the back of your head...with my fingers running through your hair."

She made good on her words, her fingers raking through his hair as her hand moved to the back of his head, and she met his eyes evenly.

"You're thinking about kissing me. About the way it felt the first time your lips ever touched mine, and—"

"Jen?"

His voice was slightly hoarse, and he swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yeah?"

"You'd better stop."

She nodded, dropping both his gaze and her hand, and she gave him a slightly embarrassed smile.

"Okay."

As soon as her eyes met his again, he kissed her, his hand gripping her hair tightly, and she gasped, pulling him closer. Jerking her legs out from underneath her so that she was laying under him, Gibbs kissed her deeper than he'd ever done before, his tongue fighting hers in a battle for dominance. Her hands found his shirt, pulling it over his head quickly, and when her own followed seconds later, neither of them remembered the reasons they had decided to wait.

His hands touched every part of her that they could reach, and she moaned as he kissed her throat. He dipped his tongue into the hollow of her collarbone, causing her to tighten her hold on his shoulder, and when he kissed her again, she could taste the salt of her own skin. He cupped her breast through her bra, the pressure of his hands almost enough to make her forget where she was, and she moaned into his mouth as he crashed his lips onto hers.

His hand moved to the waistband of her jeans and just as he pulled the zipper down, she pulled away, her voice breathless.

"Jethro, wait."

He looked at her, his hand still holding the small metal piece, and she shook her head.

"We said we would wait, remember?"

Nodding, he rested his forehead against hers, smirking as he let go of the zipper.

"Why'd we say that again?"

She kissed him slowly, her tongue exploring ever corner of his mouth and he frowned when she pulled away.

"Patience is a virtue, Jethro."

"Not right now, it isn't."

He kissed her again, running his hands over her body slowly, and when he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, she moaned.

"For someone who doesn't use it that often, you are _very_ good with your tongue," she whispered.

He laughed, kissing her throat and stopping just below her ear.

"You don't know the half of it, Jen," he murmured.

She kissed him hard, her hands tangling in his hair and when he brushed his hand between her legs, she jerked, a low moan falling from her throat.

"Do that again," she said quietly.

He did as she asked, rougher the second time, and her head fell back as he leaned closer.

"Works better without jeans on, Jen."

She laughed, looking at him seriously. She couldn't deny that she wanted him, but there was something in the back of her mind that was telling her to wait. Still, she supposed, what he was offering wouldn't technically be considered sleeping with him, and she found herself nodding without even realising it. He met her eyes seriously, and brushed her hair back from her face gently.

"Jen?"

She kissed him, not sure how to find the words she needed, and she reached for his hand slowly.

"Touch me, Jethro."

He stared at her, cobalt blue eyes locking on emerald green and frowned.

"You're sure?"

She nodded.

"I've seen what you can do with your boat with your hands," she whispered, running her hand through his hair, "Show me what you can do to me with them."

He kissed her harder than he'd ever kissed her before, his tongue finding hers immediately and she moaned as his hand trailed down her body, his touch carefully rough. Just as he slid his hand past the barrier of her tight jeans, the ringing of his phone made his groan.

"Let it ring," Jenny whispered, desperate to feel his hands on her.

He shook his head.

"Rule three. I can't."

She groaned.

"Are you serious? Even now?"

He moved off of her, walking to his bedroom to find the phone, and Jenny rolled her eyes as she collapsed back on the bed with a sigh.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me..."

* * *

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Good morning, Jethro. I was just calling to check on Jennifer. How is she feeling this morning?"

Gibbs smirked.

"Frustrated, I imagine."

"I wouldn't doubt it. This has been a rough few days for her. The poor girl is probably desperate for some kind of relief."

Fighting the urge to laugh, Gibbs nodded.

"No doubt. I'll tell her you called. Have a good one, Duck. And thanks for everything yesterday."

"Of course, Jethro. Don't mention it."

Hanging up the phone, Gibbs walked back into the spare room to find Jenny sitting cross-legged on the bed, her clothing properly in place, eyes closed, and he smiled, reaching for his own shirt. He pulled it over his head, and her eyes opened when she sensed the movement.

"Well?"

"Ducky. Wanted to know how you were feeling."

She snorted derisively.

"I was doing a hell of a lot better before he called."

He smirked.

"Guess we'll have to settle for a rain check."

"Anyone ever tell you that you're a pain in the ass?"

"Yeah, I think Diane mentioned that in our wedding vows," he answered seriously.

"And yet...she still married you. Poor deluded woman."

Gibbs leaned closer to her, his lips brushing her throat as he spoke.

"What can I say? I can be very...persuasive, Jen."

As much as she claimed to hate it when he shortened her name, Jenny decided then and there that if he said it in that seductive manner, he could call her any damn thing he liked.

* * *

**A/N: *sigh* Poor Jenny...maybe I should be nicer and let her get some action soon. **


	5. Invisible

**A/N: Since you asked, here's the next chapter! And yes, Jenny finally gets some action. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She was being followed. At first, Jenny had assumed that she was simply being paranoid and tried to ignore the feeling in the back of her mind that told her to run. After all, she was in a grocery store, so how badly could things go? There were crowds of people surrounding her, it wasn't as though she was alone. That fact made her feel less comforted than she'd imagined it would, and when she turned the corner, she found herself looking at the man whose face had haunted her dreams for the better part of a month and a half.

"Hi, Jenny. I almost thought you were going to be rude and ignore me. You're a better person than that."

"H-how did you—"

"Bail is a wonderful thing," he shrugged.

He reached for her arm slowly, and though her first instinct was to run, she froze when she saw the glint of silver in his hand. She glanced around the aisle she was standing in to see if anyone had noticed anything out of the ordinary, but no one was paying her any attention at all. She couldn't risk him hurting any of these innocent people, so when he led her to the door, she didn't resist his hold. Her mind was racing, trying to remember any of the self-defense techniques she'd been taught over the years, and as he pulled her to his car, she tried to swing her arm back enough to break free.

Jackson shoved her into the passenger seat, and as he climbed into the seat next to her, she frowned as she realised there was no way she could escape a moving vehicle. She soon realised that he was driving in the opposite direction of his house, and she glanced at him nervously.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere that we can be alone. You and I need some time to repair our relationship."

Was this guy serious? Jenny stared at him in disbelief as he drove, and shook her head slowly.

"What about my job? My boss will wonder where I am."

She didn't add that even if she didn't call, Gibbs would notice her absence from his house. She wasn't going to put him in unnecessary danger.

"That's why you're going to call him. If he thinks you're taking a vacation, he won't question it."

Jenny fought the urge to laugh. Clearly, he didn't know anything about Gibbs. Still, if she spoke to him, maybe she could find a subtle way to tell him what had happened. The only question was how?

* * *

Gibbs sighed as his phone rang, and he searched the house for the last place he'd seen it. Jenny had left hours ago to go grocery shopping, so he couldn't think of anyone else who would be calling him. Finally, he located the phone in the living room, and when he answered it, his voice came out slightly more irritated than he meant.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Gibbs, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be at work for awhile."

He frowned.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah. Taking a bit of a vacation. I need time to think, clear my head before we get our next assignment."

She was lying and he knew it, but the only question was why. They were always honest with each other, and she would have known that he knew her well enough to tell when she was being dishonest. Unless she was deliberately making it obvious by her tone.

"Where?"

"No idea yet," she answered.

That much was the truth, and something in her voice changed. He thought hard for a minute and nodded.

"If you figure it out, let me know. Might have to join you."

"I will."

The click in his ear was loud, and Gibbs immediately hung up and began dialing again. After a quick but tense conversation with the local police, he called Decker, hoping like hell that the agent followed his rules even on his off days.

"Decker."

"Jackson's got Shepard."

"What?"

"Did I stutter? He's got her somewhere, and we need to find her."

"Gibbs, are you sure?"

The team leader rolled his eyes.

"She just called and said she was taking a vacation. No notice, nothing. That sound like Jenny to you?"

"No. But Gibbs...how are we going to find her?"

Gibbs sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"I have no idea."

* * *

Glaring at Jackson as he walked around the living room of the small house they were in, Jenny blew her hair out of her face slowly. The handcuffs binding her wrists and ankles were tight, biting into the flesh and she tried in vain to alleviate some of the pain by moving her hands carefully.

"Whose house is this?"

"Friend of mine. He's deployed right now, so we have it all to ourselves. Don't worry, baby. No one's going to interrupt our time together."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Are these really necessary?" she asked, indicating the cuffs.

"For now. I know it's not ideal, but you're still on the fence about this. Once you've realised that this is for the best, we can discuss removing them."

He was silent for a moment, considering her carefully, and when he suddenly clapped his hands together, Jenny frowned.

"I almost forgot! I bought something for you!"

He disappeared for a second, and when he returned, he held a large book in his hands, smiling at her.

"I know how much you like to read, so I picked this up. You can read it while I'm gone."

She frowned.

"Gone?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. Got to go back to my place for a bit. I know how suspicious your partner is of me, don't think I don't know he'll come snooping around in spite of your little phone call. If I'm not there, he'll know something's up. I don't want him coming between us, baby."

He set the book in front of her, waiting for her reaction, and she forced a smile on her face.

"Thank you. I appreciate this."

Kissing her cheek, he gave her a smile as he locked the door, closing it tightly behind him. As she heard the sound of his car driving away, Jenny groaned, glancing around the room in frustration.

"Fuck," she whispered.

* * *

As the hours ticked by, Jenny soon found that attempting to move around the house was more trouble than it was worth. It required more balance than she currently possessed, and more than once, she toppled over as she hopped from the couch to the door. Deciding to limit her movement to only the bathroom, she sat back on the couch, resignedly reaching for the book Jackson had given her. She rolled her eyes as she read the title, and laughed at the sheer morbidity of it.

"_The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe_? Really? As if I needed to be any more depressed."

Sighing, she opened it slowly, flipping to the first page, and as she began reading, she found herself wondering how in the world her life had taken such a strange turn.

* * *

Gibbs knew there was no way Jackson would have been stupid enough to take Jenny to his house, but he still drove by to satisfy that curiosity. Jackson's car was in the driveway, and through the open window, the agent could see him walking through the living room. He sighed as he drove away, wondering where she was, what she was doing, if she was safe. Knowing he would never rest until he saw her again, he turned his truck in the direction of the Navy Yard, fully preparing to use everything at his disposal to find his youngest agent.

As soon as Gibbs' truck disappeared from sight, Jackson made a mad dash for his car, speeding down the road in the opposite direction. He didn't want to leave Jenny alone for any amount of time that was longer than necessary, and as he drove, he smiled as a sudden idea came to him. There would be no way she could stay angry at him if he proved to her how much he loved her. She'd come around. He just knew it.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up to the small house, locking his car and making his way quickly to the door. He opened it, smiling at the redhead still sitting on the couch and when he noticed the book in her hands, his smile grew even wider.

"You're reading it! Do you like it? I tried to find something that would stimulate your mind, and I know you said you'd always liked his work."

Jenny nodded, a careful smile on her face.

"Thank you for thinking of me," she said quietly.

He held up the bags he carried, and set them in front of her. The first one, she noticed, was from a local fast food restaurant, and the second, a liquor store. She was silent as he handed her the burger he'd bought, and as she slowly unwrapped it, he smiled at her.

"I figured you might be hungry."

In truth, she wasn't, and she was so terrified that the very thought of food made her feel sick, but she took a small bite nonetheless.

"Thank you."

He kissed her once before walking into the kitchen, returning with two glasses, and he poured a generous measure of red wine into each, holding it out to her.

"You like red, right?"

She nodded.

"Red is fine."

He drained his own glass in seconds, and filled it again just as quickly. Jenny took only the smallest drink, not wanting her inhibitions to be lowered, and he gave her a smile as he began eating.

"I'm not a bad man, Jenny. I know you probably don't believe me, but I really do love you. I want you to be happy."

"So that's why you're keeping me locked up," she muttered sarcastically.

He raised his hand, and she automatically flinched, waiting for the blow. It never came, and she slowly opened her eyes, looking at him warily.

"This is only temporary. I've got some vacation time to use and once I take it, we're going somewhere that you won't need to be locked up. You'll love it. It's a small little place out in the country."

"But...what about my life here?" she asked carefully, "My job, my friends? I can't just leave them."

He shook his head, kissing her slowly.

"We'll have each other, baby. You won't need to work, I'll take care of you."

Though she showed no outward stress, Jenny was screaming in her mind. She had to find some way to get away from him before he could take her far enough away that she would never be found. As he smiled at her, Jenny had never felt more afraid in her life.

* * *

She could tell, just by the way he looked at her, that he was drunk. He'd finished both bottles of wine before she'd even realised what had happened, and when he ran his fingers through her hair, Jenny couldn't stop the shiver that ran through her body. He stood slowly, lifting her into his arms and as he placed her on the bed, she instinctively moved as far away from him as she could. Pulling a small key from his pocket, he unlocked the handcuffs around her wrists, securing one to her arm and the other to the headboard, and when he removed the cuffs from her ankles, he locked her other wrist to the opposite side of the bed.

It was slightly uncomfortable, but not unbearable, and when he kissed the side of her face, she bit down on her tongue to keep from screaming.

"Just relax, baby. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

He kept kissing her, his hands roaming over her body, and Jenny closed her eyes, trying to pretend that she was anywhere else. He slid her shirt up, his hands moving to cover her breasts and when his left hand went to the button on her jeans, a soft whimper fell from her lips.

"Shh...it's gonna be okay, baby. I love you."

As her jeans were pulled down her body, Jenny tried to keep from crying when he forced his tongue into her mouth. The attempt proved useless, and when she felt his fingers enter her, hot tears fell from her eyes. She turned her head as far away from him as she could, and as he moved on top of her, she couldn't stop the sob that escaped her.

It was over quickly, though it seemed to last forever, and when he finally shuddered against her as he touched himself, he kissed her again, the sharp taste of wine filling her mouth. He ran his hands up her thighs as he put her jeans back on, and she supposed she should be grateful that he'd at least given her that much in terms of dignity.

"I love you, Jenny," he said softly, kissing her one last time.

She didn't speak as he left the room, leaving her trapped on the bed, and when the door shut behind him, Jenny finally gave in to her tears. She'd never felt so disgusting, so used, and more than anything, she wished that he would kill her and put an end to the pain.

* * *

"Boss, we've been watching his house all day. He's not here, but nothing unusual so far."

"Didn't expect there to be, Burley. The guy's not stupid. He knows we're watching his house. He's going to stay as far away from it as possible."

Gibbs realised, as he listened to his agents update him on their search, that he'd been staring at Jenny's empty desk the entire time they'd been speaking. He wished that she'd been able to give him more information when she'd called, but...wait. He snapped his eyes away from her desk, looking at Decker sharply.

"She called me. The day he took her, she called me. We can look at my phone records and find out where she called from. There aren't that many pay phones in residential areas. It would have to have been a public place. Someone must have seen her."

Decker ran for his desk, grabbing the phone and Burley looked to the team leader.

"Gibbs, did she say where she was going before she left?"

He shook his head. He thought perhaps he could narrow down his search of grocery stores, and he grabbed his keys.

"Burley, with me. Decker, keep working on those records."

Running for the elevator, Gibbs prayed that Jenny had been noticed by someone in the store, or at the very least, that someone had noticed her leaving with someone when she had entered alone.

* * *

"How can I help you, sir?"

Gibbs flashed his badge, smiling at the clerk.

"Agent Gibbs, NCIS. I'm looking for one of my agents. Female, average height, around 120lbs, red hair, green eyes. She would have been here yesterday evening."

"We have hundreds of people in and out of here every day, Agent Gibbs. I'm not in the habit of paying much attention to them on a one-on-one basis."

He nodded.

"I imagine not, but she left with someone. A police officer. Tall, dark hair, probably around 180lbs, brown eyes."

The clerk frowned.

"I remember him. Mainly because of the uniform. Seemed nice enough. Didn't notice a woman with him, though."

"You have security cameras here?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, but you'd have to talk to the manager to get them. I can call him for you."

"Appreciate it."

Burley walked up behind Gibbs, slightly out of breath.

"Boss, Shepard's car is in the lot. She definitely was here."

He nodded.

"Good work."

Gibbs prayed that the cameras would be able to show them something that was of more use, but somehow, he doubted it.

* * *

As Gibbs was watching the security tapes from the parking lot, Jenny was wishing to be dead. Jackson had come back into the room early that morning, making her feel like the lowest person in the world, and as he had righted her clothing again, she bit down on her lip. He unlocked the cuffs slowly, not trusting her to stay still, and she said nothing as he tightened the metal around her ankles.

"I know it's uncomfortable, but it's not forever. You'll be out of here soon, baby. Then we can start our lives together."

He picked her up carefully, running his hand through her hair as he placed her on the couch, and he smiled.

"Let's talk. Just get to know each other better. Okay?"

She nodded, knowing there was really no other option.

"You know I love you, Jenny. All I want is your happiness."

"Call me cynical, but being sexually assaulted twice in less than twelve hours doesn't make me happy."

Her head flew backward, a sharp cry of pain tearing from her throat, and he moved closer.

"What did I tell you about your fucking mouth, Jenny?"

Shaking her head, Jenny met his eyes coolly, no longer caring about his threats.

"Go ahead. Do whatever you want. Nothing could be worse than what you've already done."

His hand wrapped around her throat, and he brought his lips close to her ear.

"Keep talking like that and I'll make sure that your tongue is nothing but a piece of rotting meat inside your mouth. Or better yet, I'll cut it out of your head."

"Didn't your mother teach you to not make empty threats, Chris?" Jenny spat, "It's rude to lie to people."

She knew she was being reckless, knew that it was entirely possible that he would kill her, but she didn't care. She needed to make him angry enough that he didn't want her around him. His hand tightened around her throat, her eyes closing as she fought to breathe, and he jerked her head back by her hair.

"You don't seem to understand. No one knows you're here. No one is going to find you. You're mine, and that's the way it's going to stay."

He released her throat, glaring at her as she coughed, and she took a slow breath.

"You've got a really fucked up idea of love," she gasped.

Grabbing her by the arm, Jackson pulled her to her feet, shoving her into the bedroom. She stumbled, landing on her side and he walked away. When he returned, she saw the cloth in his hand, and she coughed as she tried to regain her footing. He hauled her up, throwing her onto the bed, and the click of the handcuffs on the headboard made tears fill her eyes. He hooked her other hand to the frame, and glared at her as he stared at her.

"I told you, Jenny. You're going to learn to keep your mouth shut if it's the last thing you do."

Forcing his fingers between her lips, he shoved the cloth into her mouth, securing it with a long piece of duct tape wound around her head and when he released her, he kissed her cheek.

"You need to learn to trust me. Our relationship is nothing without trust."

In all of her twenty-eight years of life, Jenny Shepard had never wanted to die so badly.

* * *

Gibbs' highly trained eyes followed Jenny on the tape as she approached Jackson's car, and he frowned. He couldn't understand why she'd gone with him, but as she tried to pull away, he smiled. He should have known she would have at least fought somehow. The car left the lot, and as he tried to make out the plates on the vehicle, Decker called his name.

"Boss, Jenny's last call came from the pay phone at a gas station just outside of Georgetown. Not far from her place."

He nodded.

"I've got the make and model of the car. I'd like to have the plates, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. Let's go stake out that gas station."

Grabbing their gear, the remaining members of his team filed into the elevator, and when Gibbs joined them seconds later, Burley could have sworn he could feel the anger radiating off of him.

* * *

When Jackson opened the bedroom door, Jenny instinctively shuffled backward on the bed, and he sighed as he shook his head.

"I may have overreacted, baby. I'm not heartless, and since I have to go pick up few things at the store, I'm going to let you have your book back."

He uncuffed her right hand, and set the book close enough that she could reach it.

"I'll be back soon, baby. I love you."

Jenny reached weakly for the book as he closed the door again, and tried to ignore the tears that dripped onto the thin pages. All she wanted was for this nightmare to end. One way or another.

* * *

Gibbs rubbed his eyes tiredly as he sat in the parking lot of the gas station, watching the street in front of him. He snapped to attention when Burley called his name and pointed to a car that was approaching them slowly.

"Boss, that looks like our guy. Can't tell who's driving, though."

He put the car in gear, easing into the sparse traffic, and as he kept a careful distance between them, he nodded to Burley.

"If that's him, we need to take him out quickly. As soon as we find Shepard, he's going down."

"You got it, boss."

The car pulled into the driveway of a small house, and Gibbs drove past it, making a mental note of the number. Burley turned in his seat, watching as the man got out of the car and nodded.

"That's definitely Jackson, Gibbs."

He parked the car on the side of the road, slowly doubling back to the house, and he sighed when he realised that Jackson had already made it inside. Burley and Decker were right behind him, both their weapons drawn and Gibbs gestured to the house.

"Burley, you take the back entrance, Decker cover me from the front."

They nodded, and Gibbs silently ran to the front porch, peering in the window.

"Anything?"

He shook his head, and knelt down. They would have to be quick. Nodding once to Decker, Gibbs aimed his gun at the door, firing at the lock, and he kicked it open. Jackson glared at him, raising his own weapon, and stood from his position on the couch.

"You'd better have a good reason for breaking and entering, Agent Gibbs."

"Yeah, I'd say holding a federal agent as prisoner qualifies."

Decker entered the house, his firearm trained on the officer and Gibbs called to Burley.

"Search the house. Decker, shoot him if he moves."

* * *

Jenny was just finishing up the last chapter of _The Pit and the Pendulum _when she heard the gunshot, and her eyes snapped to the door. She could faintly hear the sound of voices through the door_, _and she tried desperately to remove the tape covering her mouth. It was wrapped too tightly for her to make any progress, and she experimentally tugged on the handcuffs chaining her to the bed.

The door opened slowly, and the first thing her eyes registered was the gun pointed at her. Relief flooded her when she finally realised that she recognised the person holding the weapon, and she tried to scream his name through the cloth. Burley's eyes widened as they landed on her, and he ran to the bed, pulling out a knife. Slicing quickly through the tape on her mouth, he pulled it away, looking in her eyes seriously.

"You okay, Red?"

She'd never been so happy to hear that infuriating nickname, and she nodded.

"Where's Chris?"

"Decker and Gibbs have him in the living room."

He eyed the metal around her wrist and frowned.

"Where's the key?"

"His jacket pocket," she gasped.

He nodded, and kissed her cheek.

"I'll be right back, Red."

Burley ran back into the room, his eyes hard as they landed on Jackson.

"Give me the key. Now."

Gibbs frowned.

"What key?"

"Handcuff key. In his pocket."

Gibbs immediately reached for him, not even flinching as Jackson fired his gun. The shot missed, the bullet embedding into the floor, and Gibbs knocked the weapon from his hand. Decker grabbed his wrists, cuffing him tightly, smirking as his boss grabbed the key from his jacket. Nodding at the agents in the room, Gibbs spoke quietly.

"If he so much as twitches, put a bullet in his head."

They both nodded, Burley's weapon steady as Decker held him in place on the floor. They both knew that Gibbs had meant every word, and Burley found himself wishing that the idiot would move just so he could have an excuse to shoot.

* * *

Jenny's first thought when she saw the man in front of her was that she was hallucinating. It wasn't until he touched her arm that she understood that he was really there, and she raised her eyes to his slowly.

"Jethro?" she whispered.

He smiled, reaching for the cuffs around her wrist and as her arm fell from the restraints, she simply stared in disbelief.

"Let's get you out of here, Jen."

He picked her up carefully, frowning when she reached for the book on the bed, and he tilted his head in confusion.

"Probably the only thing that kept me sane," she explained softly.

He kissed her hair, hardly able to believe he was touching her, and he headed for the door, holding her securely in his arms. They came into the living room, and as they approached, Jackson glared at Jenny.

"You can't do this, Jenny! I love you."

"I told you, you've got a fucked up idea of love," she replied, anger clear even in her weak tone.

Jackson lunged for her, and Gibbs set her on the ground, passing her to Burley. He pulled out his weapon, firing once, and Jenny jumped in Burley's embrace. His aim was perfect, and as Jenny stared down at his unmoving body, her eyes rolled back in her head, going limp in Burley's grip. He frowned as he struggled to gain a better hold on her, and looked to Gibbs.

"Um...boss, could you—"

Gibbs moved closer, sweeping her into his arms, and glared down at Jackson.

"Is he dead?" Decker asked.

Gibbs shrugged.

"Don't really care. Let's go."

They walked towards the door, and Gibbs frowned when he noticed Jenny's book on the ground where it had fallen when she'd passed out.

"Burley."

The younger agent turned.

"Yeah, boss?"

"Bring that with you. It's Jenny's."

He nodded, picking it up and as he shut the door behind him, Burley pulled out a book of matches from his pocket. As the flame caught the wood of the porch, he smiled to himself and made his way to the car, throwing himself into the backseat next to his unconscious friend. Gibbs met his eyes in the rearview mirror when he noticed the smoke billowing from the house and nodded once. Neither of them spoke, but it wasn't needed. They'd done what was necessary to protect their girl, and there was no way Burley would ever regret anything he'd done.

* * *

When Jenny opened her eyes, she was beyond confused as she realised she was in her own bed. Her head was spinning and she frowned when she noticed the man sitting in a chair next to her.

"Gibbs?"

He looked up at the sound of her voice, and she fought the urge to smile when she realised that he was reading the book she'd asked him to bring.

"How do you feel?"

"Dizzy," she admitted, "but other than that, I feel okay."

He nodded, studying her carefully, and she looked away, unable to handle the intensity of his gaze.

"You killed him."

Her voice was soft, and he was surprised at the lack of accusation in her tone. He shook his head.

"He was alive when we left."

It wasn't a complete lie, and he wasn't about to throw Burley under the proverbial bus for what he'd done. She nodded, glancing at him, and her eyes were blank as they met his.

"How did you find me?"

"Wasn't easy. Decker tracked the location of the phone, we got security tapes from the store parking lot, and Burley was the one who noticed his car."

"I thought he was going to kill me. I wanted him to."

Gibbs shook his head, then frowned as he realised what she'd said.

"Why?"

She didn't answer, and he turned in the chair to look at her better.

"Jen...why would you want him to kill you?"

Still, she stayed silent, and suddenly he understood. He reached for her hand, and willed her to look at him.

"He did, didn't he?"

Jenny nodded, and he felt his anger flaring up as he realised just how badly she had been scarred by this ordeal.

"Twice," she whispered, "It was just his hands but, I—I couldn't move, even if I hadn't been tied down, I was so scared..."

She blinked, raising her eyes to the ceiling to keep the tears from falling, and Gibbs stood up, walking closer and wrapping his arms around her.

"I wanted to die so much," she murmured, her voice muffled by his chest, "I felt so disgusting. So worthless."

He shook his head, pulling back to look at her.

"You're not."

"Why would anyone want to be with me after that? No one's ever going to want to touch me now."

He stared at her as though she'd gone insane, and tilted her head up so that she was looking at him.

"You're so wrong, Jen. I can only speak for myself here, but I would definitely still want to be with you. You didn't ask for this, and it doesn't change the way I feel about you."

She looked at him, debating for only a moment before she kissed him, and he frowned as she pulled him closer.

"Jen, wait. You've been through a lot, and—"

"Jethro, please. Show me what it feels like to be touched by someone who actually cares. Don't let him be what I go to sleep remembering tonight."

He nodded, kissing her again, and when his tongue slipped into her mouth, she moaned, her hands reaching for his waist. He brought his lips to her throat, her breath catching as he undid the button on her jeans. Letting her remove them on her own seemed to be the best course of action, and she pulled his shirt over his head as he kissed her again. Her own shirt was tossed aside carelessly and she shivered as his hand touched her inner thigh. He tasted of coffee and bourbon, such a change from the sharp wine that was emblazoned in her memory, and it made her head spin as he kissed her.

When his hand dipped below the lace of her underwear, she closed her eyes, her head falling back, and she whispered his name. He moved slowly, not wanting to scare her, and she gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Jethro..."

He curled his fingers hitting her in the perfect spot and she bit down on his shoulder to keep from screaming. Her hips met every thrust of his hand quickly, her eyes closed as his lips trailed along her throat.

"Harder, Jethro...please."

His fingers moved faster, his thumb brushing her clit roughly, and she moaned as she came, her body trembling as he kissed her deeply. He lowered his head to her stomach, pulling her underwear down slowly, and when his lips brushed the inside of her thighs, she gasped. Her eyes closed as his tongue swept over her, her hands tangled in his hair. Her grip tightened as he moved his tongue in and out, circling her clit, scraping his teeth over her gently.

"Oh, fuck..." she moaned.

It didn't take long for her to shatter again, and as he slowly brought her back down, she struggled to catch her breath, laughing breathlessly as he kissed his way back up her body. He kissed her slowly, his hands in her hair and she stared into his eyes as she pulled back.

"Okay, you're right," she conceded, "I didn't know the half of it."

Remembering their previous conversation, Gibbs laughed, nodding at her as he reached for his shirt and handed her the clothing she'd discarded.

"Tried to tell you that it works better without jeans on, Jen."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Lessons

**A/N: I apologise for the delay. I've not been in the best place emotionally for the past week, so writing has been a bit difficult. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Gasping as she was pushed up against the wall of the elevator, Jennifer Shepard smiled and ran her hands through the hair of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs when he kissed her. She could taste the bitterness of the coffee he'd just finished, and it took all of her willpower not to moan as he explored her mouth with his wickedly talented tongue.

"Jethro..."

He didn't answer her, instead moving his lips to her throat and her body arched into his as he pinned her hands above her head.

"Jethro."

Finally registering the insistence in her voice, he pulled back, looking at her seriously.

"It can wait, Jen."

She laughed, but shook her head.

"It really can't. We need to get back before someone thinks we're stuck in here."

"Wouldn't be such a bad thing," he murmured as he kissed her again.

"Jethro," she pulled away as much as she could and frowned, "I'm serious."

He nodded, releasing her hands and she raised up to kiss him one last time before flipping the emergency stop switch. She reapplied her lipstick just before the doors opened, and gave him a look that made his mind race as she stepped out. Gibbs crashed into her when he followed, frowning at her, and glared.

"Why'd you—"

He followed her gaze, his bright blue eyes landing on the officers standing in front of his desk, and he suddenly knew why she had stopped walking. He leaned down to whisper in her ear and she jumped slightly.

"It's okay, Jen. You don't have anything to hide."

She nodded, and he nudged her slightly with his hand at the small of her back. She began walking again, and when she sat down at her desk, she pretended as though she hadn't noticed the uniformed men.

"Can I help you?" Gibbs asked.

"Looking for an Agent Gibbs."

"You're talking to him. What can I do for you?"

"We need to ask you and your team a few questions, if you don't mind."

Gibbs shrugged.

"Nope. Shepard, Decker, Burley, with me."

Gesturing for the men to follow, Gibbs made his way back to the elevator, pointedly ignoring the look of fear in Jenny's eyes and the confusion in his other two agents. When they reached the interrogation room, Gibbs ushered them in, nodding at the two officers as he sat down.

"You said you had questions."

"Yes, sir. You're familiar with an Officer Christopher Jackson, correct?"

"We've met," Gibbs said shortly.

"And how well do you know him?"

"Well enough to stay away from him. He physically assaulted two members of my team and myself, which I'm sure you are well aware of. You wouldn't be asking these questions if you didn't have that information."

The officer nodded.

"Yes, we're aware of his assault on both Agents Shepard and Decker as well as your altercations with him. We also have copies of the restraining order filed by Agent Shepard with you as witness."

"Is there a reason you're asking all of this?"

"Officer Jackson is dead. His body was discovered in the remains of a house that caught fire just outside of Georgetown two days ago."

"And? Sounds to me like he died in an accident."

"A bullet was found among the remains. The body was too badly burned to tell if the bullet was the cause of death or not, but we wanted to ask you about your whereabouts on that night."

Gibbs nodded.

"I was at home, working on my boat. Be glad to show you if you like."

"Agent Shepard?"

"I was home in bed. Got home around six, left for work at 05:00 this morning. You can check with any of my neighbours."

The officer nodded, turning to Burley and Decker.

"And you two?"

"Went out for a drink after work. Ask the bartender at Point After Lounge. His name is Stephen."

The officer exchanged a look with his partner, and they nodded.

"Okay. We're going to question each of you individually. Agent Shepard, you're with me. Agent Gibbs, with Officer Randall."

Burley and Decker were dismissed, and as Jenny was led to a separate interrogation room, Gibbs gave her an encouraging smile. After all, he was right: she had nothing to hide.

* * *

Crossing her legs as she sat across from the officer, whose name she still hadn't caught, Jenny fought the urge to twist her hands in her lap. She'd never been on the opposite side of the interrogation table, and it made her slightly nervous.

"Agent Shepard, as I understand it, you were in a romantic relationship with Officer Jackson, is that correct?"

Jenny sighed.

"There was nothing romantic about it, Officer..."

"Vega. Yes, I gathered as much from the restraining order."

He looked at her, studying the bruise underneath her left eye.

"That his handiwork there?"

Jenny nodded, her eyes hard.

"Yes. As far as I'm concerned, I don't care what happened to him."

"Would you have taken any action against him?"

"No," she said tiredly, "I trusted that the police department would handle it. That is, after all, the entire purpose of a restraining order."

"Fair enough, Agent Shepard. How well do you know Agent Gibbs?"

Jenny fought the desire to smile. How well did she know Gibbs? Such a loaded question, and really, she didn't know anything about his past.

"I know him well enough to trust him with my life," she answered honestly.

"Do you think he would have taken any kind of action against Officer Jackson?"

She shook her head.

"Not without reason. He's a firm believer in rules, law, and regulation."

He nodded, looking at her seriously.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Agent Shepard: we don't really believe that any of you had anything to do with his death, this is mainly just a formality."

Leaning closer, he lowered his voice and beckoned her to him.

"And even if you had done something, given what he did to you, I wouldn't blame you at all."

Jenny nodded, looking slightly confused by his admission. As he dismissed her, she wondered how Gibbs was faring. He wasn't going to let anything slip, and honestly, she didn't even know what had happened. All that mattered to her was that Jackson wouldn't be able to touch her again.

* * *

Burley gave Jenny a smile as he returned from the interrogation room and sat down at his desk. He crossed his legs atop the surface and she rolled her eyes.

"Stan, this isn't a frat party. Do you have to put your feet up there?"

He shrugged.

"Live a little, Red. It's just a desk."

The slap that was delivered to the back of his head was so hard that he winced, turning slightly. He hadn't even heard the team leader approach and he frowned.

"Get your feet off that desk, Burley," Gibbs snapped.

The other agent glared at Jenny as she laughed quietly as she worked.

"Shut up, Jenny."

Gibbs jerked his head towards the elevator and looked at the redhead sternly.

"Conference room, Shepard."

She nodded, standing up quickly, and when they had stepped into the lift, he immediately powered it down.

"How did it go?"

Jenny shook her head, a quiet sigh falling from her lips.

"Fine. You?"

"Nothing to write home about," he answered with a smirk.

She smiled, looking up at him curiously.

"Jethro?"

Raising his eyebrow in question, he looked down at her with a slightly amused expression.

"Thank you. For everything."

He leaned down to brush his lips over hers, and her hands grabbed his jacket tightly. He deepened the kiss, running his tongue over her bottom lip, and she moaned quietly, one of her hands tangling in his hair. Pulling her hair free from the elastic, Gibbs let it slip through his fingers, and trailed his right hand down her side.

"Jethro..."

Her voice was breathless, and his hand found the clasp of her slacks, pulling her closer. He slid his hand past her underwear, touching her slowly, and her head fell back against the wall of the elevator.

"We c-can't do this here," she whispered, "We're at work, and we—oh, fuck..."

He kissed her throat, running his teeth over her racing pulse, and he smiled as she moaned.

"You were saying?"

He added another finger, moving faster, and she jerked as he curled them in the perfect spot. It was slightly painful, in the best possible way, and her hips moved in time with his hand. Her eyes slipped closed as she held on to his jacket and he kissed her again, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth. He roughly touched her clit, combining pain and pleasure, and curled his fingers again in a "come hither" motion.

"Right there," she whispered, "God, do that again..."

He smiled as he kissed her throat, doing as she'd asked. He'd never tell her, but he secretly loved that she told him what she wanted rather than leaving him to figure it out. He'd learned the hard way that not every woman reacted the same way to certain things during sex, and what worked for one might not necessarily work for the other. Jenny eliminated the awkward guesswork and if he was being honest, it was insanely attractive. She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to let him know.

He kissed her lips again, his tongue exploring her mouth just as she came, and he held her close to his body as she collapsed against him.

"God damn," she whispered, "That was...Jesus, where did you learn to do that?"

"Boy scouts," he quipped.

She raised her head from his shoulder, glaring at him as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

"Shut up, Jethro."

He laughed as he hit the emergency switch, and as the elevator roared to life, she glanced at him, amused.

"You know...we do have an _actual_ conference room in the building. More than one, in fact."

"Not nearly as effective, Jen."

She laughed as the doors opened and when she stepped out, he couldn't stop himself from staring at her as she made her way back to her desk.

* * *

As Jenny sat on her bed, slowly flipping through the thin pages of her book, she drained her beer and tried her best to ignore the thoughts spinning around in her head. Though she knew there was no logical basis for her to, she couldn't help but feel guilty for Gibbs, Decker and Burley being hauled into interrogation that day. She hadn't been able to push her feelings aside, and as the alcohol burned through her veins, she knew it was only making her more irrational.

She twisted her hair around her finger as she tried to read, but she soon found that the words refused to register in her distracted mind. Closing the book, she tossed it aside and reached for the six-pack of beer she'd carried up to her room.

"Get it together, Shepard," she whispered, "You can do this."

She twisted off the cap, downing half the bottle at once, and when she blinked, she was surprised to find tears dripping onto her hand. Angrily, she ran her hand through her hair and sighed, finishing her drink.

"You're fucking pathetic, Jenny. No wonder you got yourself in this mess. You're nothing but a scared little girl who nearly got her friends killed."

She had no idea why she was talking to herself out loud, but saying the thoughts seemed to make them easier to deal with. When she finally couldn't stand it any longer, she reached for the phone on the table and dialed quickly, her shaking fingers making it slightly difficult.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Tell me it wasn't my fault."

"Jen? What's going on?"

"I can't stop thinking about it. About how all of you were questioned, almost killed, one of you killed him, though I don't know which one, and it's driving me crazy. I know I shouldn't feel like this, and I know I'm overreacting, but I can't help the way I feel."

She paused, taking a shaking breath, and when she spoke, Gibbs could hear the desperation in her voice.

"Tell me it's not my fault, Jethro. Please."

"Why do you think it's your fault?"

"Because it was my decisions that caused this. I was the one who dated him, I was the one who ended it—"

"Were you the one who hit an innocent woman, tried to kill her, took her prisoner, and sexually assaulted her?" he interrupted.

She was silent for a moment.

"No."

"Then it wasn't your fault, Jen," he said gently, "You didn't do that. You didn't ask for that, and there is no way in hell that it's your fault."

"Then why do I feel this way?"

"Because you're insane."

She laughed, and he smiled at the sound. He wished they were having the conversation in person, wanted to be able to see her, hold her, but he would take her laughter any day.

"Seriously, Jen. Don't blame yourself for this. We did what we had to do to protect you, and we would all do it again in a heartbeat. We're more than colleagues, we're family. You're our girl, and we weren't going to let some bastard of a cop hurt you."

She smiled at his words, and reached for another beer.

"Thank you, Jethro. For everything."

He smiled, tipping back his bourbon, and nodded though she couldn't see him.

"Anytime. For the record, it was Burley."

Jenny frowned.

"What was?"

"He was the one who set the fire. Guy probably would have been fine if not for that."

She sat in stunned silence for a moment and when she finally found her voice, it was barely above a whisper.

"Good night, Jethro."

"Night, Jen."

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he stepped into the squad room, scanning the area for his redheaded agent. He looked to Decker questioningly and sighed.

"Where's Shepard?"

Decker gestured to the hallway.

"Went for coffee. She should be back in a minute."

He nodded.

"And Burley?"

"Uh, not here yet, boss. Said he was running late, something about a night with a girl, I dunno. He tried to call you."

Gibbs nodded again, sitting down at his desk just as Jenny returned, holding a steaming cup of coffee. She sat down at her desk, pointedly not looking at him and he frowned.

"Well, good morning to you too, Shepard," he said sarcastically.

She smirked, taking a careful sip of her drink.

"Morning, Gibbs."

The elevator chimed, and Burley stepped out, looking tired but still wearing a smile.

"Morning, boss. I tried to call, but—"

"I know. Decker told me. Sit down and at least pretend to do something."

Looking appropriately chastised, Burley nodded, but before he could sit down, Jenny called his name.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Uh, sure, Jenny."

She nodded her head to the hallway, and when he followed her, he threw a confused look over his shoulder at the two agents sitting at their desks.

"Wonder what he did to piss her off already," Decker said laughing.

Gibbs smirked.

"No idea."

* * *

As soon as they were alone, Jenny stopped walking and turned around, fixing Burley with a look that he couldn't identify. It was a strange combination of anger and gratitude, and he frowned.

"What's up, Red?"

Without speaking, she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly and his own arms wrapped around her hesitantly. He frowned as she pulled away, looking at her as though she'd lost her mind and she smiled.

"Thank you, Stan," she said quietly.

"You're welcome, but what for?"

"Gibbs told me it was you."

Suddenly it clicked, and he nodded.

"Had to, Jenny. No one's gonna hurt you and get away with it."

"Still," she said shaking her head, "You didn't have to, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you so much."

She hugged him again, and this time he returned it gladly. He loved her like a sister and he'd meant what he'd said: no one would hurt her and not face the consequences. Not if he had anything to say about it. She let him go, stepping past him to walk away, and he smiled.

"Hey, Red."

She turned.

"Yeah?"

"Think I could get that kiss now?"

She laughed, walking back to him and raised up to kiss him softly. He stared at her as she moved away, and struggled to find the ability to speak.

"I didn't really think you'd do it."

She smiled.

"I think you earned it."

He nodded.

"Okay, but that's it? Nothing more?"

She shook her head, still smiling at him.

"You couldn't handle it, Burley," she replied, patting his arm gently, "And killing you would leave me with too much paperwork."

He laughed, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"You'll change your mind one day, Jenny. You'll see."

She rolled her eyes as she walked away and when they returned to the squad room, Gibbs fixed them both with a look.

"You two work out whatever you needed to?"

She nodded.

"Yep. We've decided to run away together and get married."

He rolled his eyes, pointing to her desk.

"Shepard, sit down before I slap you so hard your ancestors feel it."

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Jenny deadpanned, sitting down in her chair and propping her feet up on the desk.

He glared at her, and stared at her heels pointedly.

"Get your damn feet off the desk. You're as bad as Burley."

She laughed.

"Oh, come on, Gibbs. _No one_ is as bad as Burley."

Burley frowned, pulling out a bag of chips from his bag.

"Hey! Sitting right here."

Jenny shrugged, moving to sit properly in her chair and as Gibbs glared at her from across the room, she couldn't help but notice the laughter in his bright blue eyes.

* * *

Flipping through the file that contained the information needed for their Europe assignment, Jenny sighed as yet another ball of paper was tossed into her trash bin by Burley.

"Do you mind?" she asked, annoyed, "I'm trying to work."

"Come on, Red. You have to admit that it's pretty impressive that I can score from all the way over here. Even Decker can't do that."

Decker shrugged.

"Not much of a basketball type, Stan. I was more into football."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"It's not that difficult, Burley."

She picked up one of the balls, aiming carefully, and as it sailed into Burley's trash bin, she smirked. When she launched another across the room, he couldn't hide his shock when it landed in the trash bin next to Gibbs' desk.

"Damn, Jenny. You've got skills."

She shrugged.

"Used to play with a friend in high school."

She noticed Gibbs walking down the steps from the catwalk, and he frowned as Burley attempted to make a shot into the team leader's trash bin, causing her to smile. Jenny threw him a ball of paper and when he tossed it at the back of Burley's head, she couldn't keep from laughing as he whipped around in shock.

"Oh, hey, boss. I was just, um—"

"Yeah, I can see that. Leave Shepard alone and let her work."

He sat down at his desk, eyeing the paper ball in his trash.

"Nice shot, Shepard."

The look of annoyance on Burley's face made Jenny laugh as she returned her attention to the file sitting on her desk.

* * *

Long after everyone else had left the office, Jenny was still trying to memorise the proper way to hold her hands as she attempted to learn sign language. She needed to be much more proficient if she had any hope of making her cover believable, and she was beginning to get extremely frustrated with herself as she tried again. She had no idea why this was proving so difficult for her, and she wanted nothing more than to scream as she fought to remember the correct movements.

She was so absorbed in her work that she didn't notice Gibbs walking up behind her and she jumped when he reached out to touch her hand.

"Like this," he said gently, as he moved her fingers to the proper position.

She smiled at him, her eyes focused on the way he held her hand, and she nodded when he released her.

"Okay, let me try again."

Her second attempt was better than the first, but he still shook his head.

"You're overthinking it, Jen. Making it harder than it really is."

She frowned, trying again, and sighed when she realised she had messed up again. He took her hand in his, slowly moving her fingers in the proper way, and as he repeated the movement over and over, she suddenly realised why he had been able to break her so easily in the elevator the previous day. Finally, he released her fingers and gestured for her to try it on her own. This time, her attempt was successful, and she couldn't stop the smile that broke out over her face.

"I did it," she said excitedly.

He nodded, raising her hand to his lips.

"You did, indeed."

Raising up, he nodded at the file sitting on her desk.

"How many languages do you speak?"

"Four, fluently. I know a little of Italian and Maori, but nowhere near enough to communicate. Why?"

"We're going to have to spend time in Russia, you know. You're going to have to learn it."

"Fair enough, but you're going to have to learn French."

He nodded.

"I teach you, you teach me?"

She laughed.

"Of course you know Russian..." she muttered, "Sure, why not? How hard could it be?"

* * *

Harder than she'd thought, as it turned out. She'd always had a talent for learning languages, but for some reason, Russian was giving her more trouble than she'd bargained for. German, French, English and Gaelic had all come so easily to her, and to say she was frustrated would have been an understatement.

"I don't get it. What am I doing wrong?"

Gibbs frowned, thinking. In truth, he wasn't sure himself what the problem was, but there was something about her pronunciation that was off enough to tell that she wasn't a native speaker. He looked at her carefully, nodding at her.

"Try it again."

She sighed, tossing her hair over her shoulder and nodded. Listening carefully as she spoke, he finally realised what was off in her words and held up his hand.

"It's the way you're holding your tongue on the last word. It needs to be more fluid, less broken."

"Jethro, I'm holding my tongue in my head. How else do you do it?"

He laughed at her sarcasm and shook his head.

"The motion needs to be smoother. You're hesitating and that's what's causing it to sound strange."

Jenny nodded, taking a deep breath. She was determined to get this right, and as she tried again, she watched Gibbs' eyes for any sign that she was doing it incorrectly. He nodded at her as she finished and gave her a smile.

"Much better. Just don't overthink it, and you'll be fine."

"That's the same thing you said about sign language," she pointed out.

He nodded.

"That's because your mind over-analyzes everything. You're a very practical person, though you do sometimes allow your emotions to cloud your judgment, and you're a perfectionist. You worry so much about the technique that you sometimes sacrifice passion for technicality. Perfection isn't just about control. It's about letting go. Being imprecise, but effortless. The only person standing in your way is you, Jen."

She didn't think she'd ever heard him speak so much at once, and she smiled as an idea came to her.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I think I might need a demonstration of what to do with my tongue."

She moved closer to him, sliding off the stool and running her hand lightly up his arm. He met her eyes seriously and nodded, using the belt loops on her jeans to pull her closer. His lips crashed against hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth easily, and she gasped as he bit down on her bottom lip.

"Hm...I think I've got the idea," she said breathlessly, "but I'm going to need to practice."

She kissed him again, her tongue exploring every part of his mouth, and when she pushed him down onto the floor, he frowned as she leaned over his body.

"Jen?"

"Shh."

She kissed him again, her hands moving down his chest, and when her fingers reached for his zipper, he pulled away.

"What are you—"

"Didn't you just tell me not to overthink it and not hesitate? That's exactly what I'm doing."

Though he wasn't going to pretend that he didn't want this, he knew how much she had advised that they wait on sleeping together. He didn't want her to rush into it and regret it later, no matter what she thought she wanted at the time. He was just opening his mouth to speak when he felt her lips close around him, and all thoughts of protesting vanished from his mind

"Jen..."

She didn't answer, instead relaxing her jaw and taking him in fully, sweeping her tongue over his head as she moved upwards. He tangled his hands in her hair, tugging gently, and she moved faster. Her teeth lightly scraped over his skin as she moved, just enough to make him moan, and she swirled her tongue again as he tried to keep still. She fought against her reflex as she moved down, licking slowly as she went, her hand coming up to brush against his thigh gently. He threw his head back as he lost himself in the sensations she was creating, and when he moaned, his hips moved of their own accord.

"Jen."

There was an undertone in his voice, and it dimly occurred to her that it was a warning. She didn't stop though, and as he came, she fought the urge to smile as she swallowed. His breathing was heavy, and when she raised up to look at him, she gave him a triumphant smile.

"Still think I'm not holding my tongue correctly?"

"No, I'd say you figured it out. You're a fast learner."

She smirked as she leaned forward to kiss him, and when she kissed his cheek, he frowned.

"What was that?"

She shrugged.

"Unless you've got mouthwash in your pocket, I don't particularly want to kiss you yet."

He nodded, her meaning clear.

"Upstairs on the bathroom sink."

Standing slowly, Jenny made her way up the stairs, and as he finished zipping his jeans, she gave him a smile.

"For the record, most women don't care for it, either."

* * *

When she had returned to the basement, Gibbs was standing in front of the boat, carefully moving the sander back and forth. She smiled as she watched him work, admiring the way his muscles moved, and she placed her hand on his shoulder as she drew nearer.

"How are you going to get this damn thing out of here?"

He smirked.

"I'll never tell."

Jenny reached for the cooler at his feet, pulling out a beer, and he smiled as she opened it.

"Got a question for you, Jen."

She raised her eyebrow slightly and he continued.

"Why in the hell do you know Gaelic?"

She shrugged.

"My family came from Ireland, and I was interested in it. Same with Maori," she added, knowing he would ask.

He nodded, staring at her as she took a long drink from her beer. She frowned at his look, swallowing slowly, and ran her hand through her hair.

"What?"

"Just admiring the view," he said simply.

She took another drink and sighed.

"Should we practice your lesson now?"

"Nah. Think I'm okay."

Jenny rolled her eyes, moving to sit on the stool and she shook her head.

"Jethro, the only French you know is _bonjour, merci, fromage, _and _biere."_

"And?"

Glaring at him, Jenny shook her head again, fighting the urge to roll her eyes again.

"You're right. You'll be just fine as long as you can say hello, thank you, and order cheese with your beer," she muttered sarcastically.

A silent shrug was her only answer.


	7. Relaxtion, Grounding, and Flight

**A/N: Here's the next installment. In which Jenny and Gibbs have a meaningful conversation concerning their relationship, we travel to Paris, and Jenny threatens Gibbs for a dreadful mistake concerning her name.**

* * *

The scream ripped through the quiet of the night and as Jenny's eyes flew open, she was all too aware of the shaking of her body. She looked around her bedroom frantically, and when she had finally realised that she was in no immediate danger, she ran her hand through her hair. Her dream had been so vivid, so frighteningly real, and it took her longer than she wanted to admit to finally be able to close her eyes and even attempt sleep again. It proved futile, and as she glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table, she groaned, throwing her arm over her eyes. This was going to be a brutal day.

* * *

Gibbs frowned when he took in the sight of his redheaded agent sitting behind her desk, her head down on the surface, and he glanced at Burley. The other agent wasn't paying attention, caught up in a magazine, and the team leader walked quietly over to Jenny's desk. She didn't move when he stopped in front of her, and he stared down at her, trying to decide whether he should reprimand her for sleeping or let it go.

"I know you're standing there, Gibbs. I can feel you looking at me."

Her voice was quiet, muffled by her arms, and he smirked.

"Late night, Shepard?"

She nodded, still not raising her head.

"Yep. Was out until three am...drinking, dealing drugs in a back alley, you know...my usual night."

He frowned at her sarcasm, and when she finally raised her head to look at him, he was taken aback by how exhausted she looked. Jerking his head towards the elevator, he waited until she had stood to begin walking, and when she stepped into the lift, he looked down at her worriedly.

"You look like hell, Jen."

"Oh, thank you," she snapped, rolling her eyes.

"Didn't mean it like that. What's wrong?"

"Couldn't sleep," she answered tiredly, shaking her head, "Too many nightmares."

He nodded, searching her eyes carefully. Underneath the exhaustion, there was a sheen of pain in the normally bright irises, and he frowned. She suddenly moved, stepping closer to him and laying her head on his shoulder, a soft moan falling from her lips.

"I've had a headache for the past week. Literally every day."

"Have you taken anything for it?"

She nodded.

"Every day. It'll go away for awhile, and then as soon as the aspirin wears off, it comes back. It's killing me. I don't know what's causing it."

He wrapped his arm around her, kissing her hair softly.

"I do," he replied gently, "Jen, you're so stressed that it's causing your headaches. You really need to find a way to relax."

"Getting drunk at noon?" she laughed quietly.

"I said relax, Jen...not numb."

She sighed, raising her head to look at him, and nodded slowly. He kissed her gently, his lips a mere whisper against hers, and she smiled sadly as he pulled away.

"I have an idea on how to help you relax. Come by tonight and we can give it a try."

"Am I going to need to shave my legs for this method?" she quipped.

He laughed, shaking his head.

"No. Believe it or not, I am capable of finding other ways to help you relax. Although, it would help..."

Jenny shook her head and laughed gently.

"We don't have that long until we leave," she reminded him, "You can wait until then."

He smiled and flipped the switch to restart the elevator and he kissed her hair gently.

"I'll make it worth the wait, Jen," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm counting on it."

He couldn't stop himself from laughing in quiet disbelief as he walked back into the squad room, his eyes following the sway of her hips as she made her way back to her desk.

* * *

When Jenny walked down Gibbs' basement steps, she frowned when she realised he wasn't there. Turning around, she made her way back to the living room, and called his name softly.

"Upstairs."

She followed his voice, her eyes widening when she realised that she was about to step into his bedroom, and he gestured for her to come in. The room was dark, lit by only a few candles, and while her pounding head appreciated the darkness, she frowned at the uncharacteristic romance it suggested.

"Never would have thought you were the romantic candlelight type."

He shrugged.

"I'm not. Diane left these here when she moved out."

Jenny glanced around the room, trying to imagine him sleeping here and she was puzzled when she realised she couldn't do it. He reached for her hand, leading her to the bed, and she sat down slowly.

"I thought you said I _didn't_ need to shave," she quipped.

"You don't. Lie back. Close your eyes."

Doing as he asked, Jenny took a slow breath, and as she laid still on the mattress, he slowly pulled her upper body into his lap. He draped a blanket over her, and straightened it as she settled more comfortably in his hold. His hands pulled her hair free from the elastic and gently combed his fingers through her long red locks.

"Wearing your hair up probably isn't helping."

She sighed.

"I know, but it gets in the way."

He carefully began massaging her head, gently touching her with the pads of his fingers, and he leaned down to place a light kiss on her forehead.

"Okay. I want you to breathe slowly in and out. Deep breaths."

She nodded, inhaling slowly, and when she exhaled, he smiled.

"Good. Keep doing that and open your eyes. I want you to tell me five things you can see in the room, excluding me."

Her eyes opened and as she scanned the room, he was struck by the way they were lit by the flames of the candles around them.

"Okay...A dresser, a candle, alarm clock, your wallet on the table, and the lamp."

Gibbs nodded.

"Now name four things you can feel. Close your eyes again. Lose yourself in the sensations. Turn off your mind."

He steadily increased the pressure of his fingers on her skin and she moaned softly.

"Okay, for starters I can feel your hands. It hurts but at the same time, it feels so good."

He laughed quietly.

"Okay, three more."

She frowned.

"I can feel the bed underneath me. The blanket over my legs. The way your body moves when you breathe."

Her last observation was barely above a whisper and he smiled as he looked down at her.

"Name three things you can hear."

She was silent, listening carefully, and he waited, increasing the pressure of his hands again, losing himself in the silken strands of her hair.

"I can hear the clock ticking. Birds outside chirping. The air conditioning unit running."

"Name two things you can smell."

"Coffee and sawdust," she answered without hesitation.

He laughed quietly and leaned down to kiss her gently.

"Okay. Last one, Jen. And for you, this one might be the most difficult."

"Oh, great," she muttered.

"Name one thing you like about yourself."

She frowned, thinking hard. He was right: this was definitely proving to be the most difficult thing he'd asked her to do. She sighed and he looked down at her seriously.

"Come on, Jen. One thing."

"I...my eyes, I guess. Not many people have green eyes, so I've always liked them."

He nodded.

"Good. You did great. I'm proud of you."

She opened her eyes, staring up at him, and he smiled as he helped her to a sitting position. She looked at him seriously, searching his eyes carefully and shook her head.

"What was that?"

"Grounding exercise. Taught it to us in the corps. Helps when you're in a combat zone or for soldiers who have PTSD. Also a good tool for people with anxiety. It makes you focus on something other than your thoughts and helps get you out of your head."

Jenny nodded, and he reached out to run his fingers through her hair.

"How does your head feel?"

She smiled, reaching for his other hand.

"Better. Thank you, Jethro."

"Whenever you feel overwhelmed, you can do it. I know it might seem strange sometimes, but it does help."

He leaned forward, capturing her lips with his, and her hands immediately tangled into his hair. Pushing her back onto the mattress, his fingers trailed down her body, smiling when he felt her trembling under his touch. He ran his left hand over her thigh while his right slowly pushed her shirt up, splaying his fingers over her smooth skin. She moaned quietly, her lips brushing over his throat and when she nipped at his skin gently, he growled her name, squeezing her thigh gently.

Jenny's head fell back onto the bed as he moved his hand to her breast, touching her through her bra, and she ran her hands over his chest slowly.

"Jethro..."

"Hm?"

"Is this part of the grounding exercise?"

He laughed as he kissed her throat, her low moan making him want her more, and he bit down on her skin, soothing the mark with his tongue.

"Could be," he murmured against her skin, "You know, they say orgasms help with headaches, Jen."

"God, Jethro, don't say that word...it's hard enough to say no when you keep kissing me like this."

He smirked, crashing his lips onto hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, and she moaned as she gripped his shoulders tightly.

"There's more than one way to have an orgasm," he whispered, deliberately brushing his lips over her ear as he spoke.

As soon as the word fell from his lips, Jenny moaned, her hand threading through his hair, and she nodded slowly.

"Believe me, I know."

He touched her thigh slowly, his fingers warm even through her denim jeans, and he kissed her throat again.

"Yes or no, Jen?"

Though she wanted nothing more than to say yes, Jenny shook her head firmly, her hands on his chest as she stopped him from kissing her again. She met his eyes seriously, pleading with him to understand, and she sighed.

"I can't. Not tonight."

He frowned.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she assured him gently, "You have no idea how much I want you right now, but...I wouldn't be able to stop there. I can't explain why I need to wait, but...something tells me that I can't sleep with you yet."

He nodded, still frowning in confusion.

"We've already crossed the line between colleagues, Jen."

"I know. It's just...sex is such an intimate thing. For me, at least."

He raised his eyebrow, looking at her as though she'd gone insane.

"I've literally had my tongue inside your body. And you've—"

"I know!" she sighed in frustration, "I know, Jethro."

He ran his hand through her hair, silently begging for her to look at him. Finally, he spoke, his voice gentle in the quiet.

"I'm not trying to pressure you, Jen. I just want to understand you better."

She nodded, finally meeting his eyes, and sighed.

"I don't understand it myself. I just...I can't yet. I want to, more than you know, but...not yet. Please don't be mad at me."

He shook his head, kissing her cheek gently.

"I'm not mad. Just confused."

"You and me both," she laughed, "I guess it's because...once we cross that line completely, there's no turning back."

He nodded, and moved to lay on his back, and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair. He ran his fingers over her arm lightly, and when he spoke, his voice held a note of caution.

"Are you scared?"

"Of you? No."

"Not of me. Of the idea of sleeping with me. You said that it's an intimate thing for you. Are you scared to let me get that close to you?"

She frowned, considering his words carefully.

"Jethro, I haven't slept with anyone in a long time. And I mean a _long_ time. The last time I did, I was in way over my head. I thought that it was going to be my last relationship, I loved him, or at least I thought I did, and as soon as we had sex, he disappeared. It's entirely possible I read too much into the nature of our relationship, but I was young and stupid. I'd always thought that love and sex went together, it never occurred to me that not everyone saw it that way. It took me a long time to get over that pain, and I guess I just don't want to risk it. I need to be absolutely sure of what I'm getting into."

He nodded as she finished speaking and took her hand.

"I understand that. I don't want to hurt you, Jen and I want you to take all the time you need to make your decision."

"Not to mention, you're my boss. If anyone found out..."

"They won't."

She raised up on her arm to look at him and smiled as she kissed him.

"Thank you, Jethro. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Maybe when we get to Europe, you can show me."

* * *

"How the hell are we supposed to get our ear wigs in our ears without it looking suspicious? If they'd been smart, they would have given them to us last night," Gibbs said, annoyed.

Jenny smiled as Decker passed her the device. She stepped out of the car and laced her arm through his, taking note of the crowds around them.

"I have an idea," she said quietly.

Placing it discreetly in her hand, she reached up, and ran her hand lightly through his hair. As she brought her hand down, she placed the communication device in his ear and kissed his cheek. Pretending to adjust her earring, she inserted her own and smiled when she heard Burley's voice in her ear.

"Nice one, Shepard."

They boarded the plane, and Jenny scanned the passengers curiously. Decker and Burley were near the back of the aircraft, while she and Gibbs were four rows in front of them. He allowed her the window seat, and she smiled when his hand brushed her back lightly. She settled into her seat and took out the book she'd brought with her.

"Need anything?" Gibbs asked her.

She shook her head and began reading. Gibbs shifted in his seat and she could tell that he was already bored. Jenny placed a land on his knee and he looked down sharply, unused to the contact in public.

"You might as well get comfortable," she murmured, "it's a long flight."

"Boss, you're supposed to be married. You look like you're afraid she's gonna bite your head off," came Decker's voice over the ear wig.

Jenny smirked at his words and looked over at Gibbs curiously.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Are you afraid I'll bite?" she leaned close, her breath warm on his ear, "I promise I won't bite. Unless you want me to."

The look he shot her was enough to make Decker and Burley laugh even from where they sat four rows away.

"When I want you to bite, you'll know," came his low reply.

He lowered his lips to hers and the jolt she felt was strong enough that she was sure he noticed. Her eyes closed and she focused on nothing else but the feeling of his mouth on her own. Decker and Burley exchanged a glance and when Gibbs pulled back, he smirked down at her.

"Better?"

She nodded silently, returning to her book. Jenny pretended like she couldn't feel the stares of her fellow agents from the back of the plane, but when Burley's voice broke the silence, she rolled her eyes.

"Way to go, boss."

Jenny rolled her eyes again as she turned the wedding band on her finger, unused to the weight and when Gibbs reached for her hand, she smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as she'd thought.

* * *

The house was dilapidated. Broken steps led to a dark porch, a door that looked as though it had been kicked in more than once, and the inside looked even less promising. Gibbs sighed and exchanged a look with the redhead standing next to him.

"Decker, are you sure this is the right address?" he whispered, unsure if they were being watched.

"Definitely, boss. It's not much, but it's outside the city limits enough to keep you from attracting attention. It's only temporary until we get more intel. Then we'll move into the city to be closer. This is still our safe house, though. If something goes wrong and you need to get out of the city limits, this is where you'll go."

"Looks like a crack house," Jenny murmured quietly.

"Sorry it's not the Ritz, Shepard," came Decker's sharp reply.

Gibbs opened the door, wincing as it creaked open. He set the bags he'd been carrying down in the entryway and Jenny placed her own next to them. He looked down at her and when she raised an eyebrow in question, he smiled.

"What?" she asked suspiciously.

"Come here."

She didn't move and he repeated his words. Still, she stayed where she was and shook her head.

"Why?"

"Have to carry you over the threshold," he said with a smirk, "it _is_ our honeymoon, after all."

Her eyes widened.

"I'm too heavy for that."

Decker laughed in her ear and Gibbs took a step closer to her.

"Jen, I could _throw_ you. Come here."

She was still looking at him warily and he leaned down close to her ear.

"Come on, Jen. Trust me."

Her eyes met his and she nodded imperceptibly. He swept her easily into his arms, and her arms wrapped around his neck securely. Once they were inside, he set her lightly on her feet and when she looked up at him, he brushed his lips against hers.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Nielsen."

She smiled and kissed him again, her kiss much more firm than his had been.

"You know...I think this house could use a good "christening", Mr. Nielsen," she said coyly.

His eyes widened at her meaning and she reached up to whisper in his ear.

"Don't worry. I have a plan."

He nodded, not fighting her when she pulled his shirt over his head. Her own shirt was next and for a moment, he was worried that he would be seeing much more of her than he was capable of handling at the present time. The camisole she wore was enough to cover her body, but thin enough that his mind raced with the thoughts of what was underneath. He kissed her again, and his hands automatically found her hips. She guided him into the small bathroom off the hallway and when the door closed behind them, she pulled away.

"Decker, are we clear?"

"All clear. No one can see into any of the bathrooms. Nice work, Shepard."

Gibbs frowned.

"Yeah, just one problem. No one I've ever known has sex silently. They're going to be suspicious."

Shit. Jenny hadn't thought of that. An idea came to her and she smiled.

"Well, my shoulders are a little stiff from the plane ride," she said pointedly.

He took the hint and nodded. He sat down on the floor, his back against the door frame, and Jenny positioned herself between his legs. His hands found her shoulders and gently began massaging the tight muscles there. Jenny hummed in appreciation and when her hand squeezed his thigh, he let out a low moan.

His fingers landed on a particularly sore spot on her shoulders, carefully kneading the area and her head fell back against his chest with a loud moan. He tried to focus on anything but the smooth skin of her throat as he looked down at her and smiled, proud of her innovation.

"Damn, Shepard."

"Shut up, Burley," Jenny whispered, "you're breaking my concentration."

Gibbs smirked and moved his hands to her hair. He pulled it free of the clip she'd pinned it in, and when it slipped through his fingers, she sighed. He couldn't help but wonder what she was concentrating on and when he brought his lips down to her ear, she jumped.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Trying to remember the sign for "stupid", in case I have to deal with Burley."

"I heard that, Red."

"You were meant to, Stan."

Gibbs laughed. He crashed his lips onto hers, his tongue running over her bottom lip gently. Her hands wound into his hair and he moaned as her nails lightly scraped his scalp. He brought his mouth to the base of her throat and savoured the taste of her skin, her pulse jumping under his lips. Her breath caught and while he wasn't quite sure if it was part of their act or if it had been genuine, he had the feeling it was real. He kissed her again and when he spoke, the vibrations of his voice made her shiver.

"Come on, Jen."

He kissed her throat and she moaned, her hands gripping him tightly, and when she looked up at him, there was something in her eyes he couldn't read.

"Boss? Shepard? I think it should be safe now."

Jenny stood and he followed her lead, opening the bathroom door. She ruffled his hair slightly to give it a "post coital" appearance and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Good work, Jen," he whispered in her ear.

She nodded once and bent to pick up the shirt that she'd discarded earlier. He grabbed his own and pulled it over his head. Jenny picked up her bags and headed up the stairs, looking over her shoulder as she walked.

"You know, this might not be so—"

Her words were cut short as the step under her foot gave way and she sank into the framework. Gibbs was by her side in an instant, trying to survey the damage in the dimly lit room. Her leg was no longer visible from the shin down, having been swallowed by the hole in the step and she winced as she tried to remove it.

"I think there's a piece of wood keeping it stuck," Gibbs remarked.

She glared up at him.

"You think?"

He ignored her, kneeling carefully down and grabbing her leg. He determinedly paid no attention to the jolt he felt when he touched her, and maneuvered her ankle slowly. She hissed in pain, but said nothing, bracing herself with her hands on his shoulders. After a few minutes, her ankle was finally free and he lifted the fabric of her dress pants to examine it carefully.

"It's a little scratched, but it should be okay."

She nodded and slowly made her way up to the second story landing. She paused just inside the master bedroom and frowned at the surroundings. Gibbs brushed his hand along her back to alert her of his presence. She turned and gave him a smile.

"Not ideal, is it?"

"It'll do."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned into his chest. His lips were light on her neck and she reached around to frame his face with her hand.

"We don't even know if we're being watched yet."

He kiss the shell of her ear gently.

"Better safe than sorry."

The sun was beginning to set and he gestured to the bed, eyeing her curiously.

"Which side do you prefer?"

"The one that lets me get some sleep. This jet lag is killing me."

She reached for her bag, pulling out her sleepwear, and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. He tried very hard not to think about her changing her clothing as he slipped into an old Marine t-shirt and sweatpants and when she emerged, he fought to keep his jaw closed.

Her gown was long satin, cream-coloured that accented her fiery hair perfectly, and it hugged her body in a way that was making it difficult for him to breathe. Her long hair cascaded down to her shoulders, curling slightly, and he swallowed thickly. She noticed him staring and offered him a flirtatious smile.

"Woah, looking good, Red."

Jenny rolled her eyes, flipping off the camera in the corner of the room and she heard Decker's quiet laughter in her ear. Though she was grateful that they'd had the foresight to install their own cameras before she and Gibbs arrived, she was more than a little annoyed at the thought of her every move being watched by her colleagues. She looked at Gibbs, raising her eyebrows as she caught him staring at her and smiled.

"See something you like, Mark?"

Right. Her use of his code name snapped him back to the reality of the situation. He nodded and when she crossed the room to him, her hand traced patterns on his chest lightly.

"Well, it _is_ our honeymoon. We might as well enjoy ourselves."

"Thought you wanted to sleep."

"I will. Later."

She raised up to kiss him and when he pushed her down on the bed, she smiled as he tangled his hand in her hair. He rested his body over hers and after kissing her for a few more minutes, he pulled back to look at her seriously.

"Think they bought it?"

"If they're watching, they did."

He moved to the other side of the bed and when she turned away from him, he laughed.

"What?"

"I'm definitely feeling married..."

She laughed and within minutes, she had fallen asleep. His fingertips brushed over her skin lightly and he sighed.

"You okay, boss?"

He frowned at Decker's voice in his ear, but answered nonetheless.

"Just thinking."

"Shepard's good undercover. Better than I would have thought."

Gibbs nodded.

"Yeah. She is. Get some sleep, Decker. Real work starts tomorrow."

* * *

Gibbs didn't know what time it was when he opened his eyes, but he knew it was late. For a moment, he was wildly disoriented and then the events from earlier came rushing back to him. He frowned at a slight movement next to him, and when he glanced down, he frowned. Sleeping soundly, her red hair strewn about the pillow, with her body securely wrapped in one of his arms, was Jenny Shepard.

He had no idea when she'd moved closer to him, nor when his own arm had reached out to hold her, but he found that he really didn't care. Something about her laying in his embrace felt so _right_ that he didn't ever want the night to end. She turned in his arms, her head tucked under his chin, and he smiled as her fingers closed around his shirt. He placed a light kiss on the top of her head before closing his eyes, breathing in the scent of her perfume.

"Good night, Jen."

* * *

As she walked down the stairs, careful to avoid the broken step, Jenny shook her head slowly. She'd woken to find herself wrapped in the arms of her partner/boss, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. Deciding that it would be better to ignore it, she'd made her way down to the kitchen, searching for something resembling coffee. Her search turned up nothing, and she frowned at the sound of footsteps behind her.

"Morning, Jen."

Rolling her eyes at the nickname but saying nothing, the redhead turned and smiled at him.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?"

He shrugged, not willing to admit that he'd slept better than he had in years with her wrapped in his arms, and she nodded.

"Jet lag's a bitch," she said lightly.

Frowning, his eyes scanned the sparse kitchen and she laughed, knowing exactly what he was looking for.

"Hate to disappoint you, but there's no coffee. We need to go into town and buy a few things."

He pulled her to him, her eyebrow going up in surprise, and when he kissed her, she had to fight to remember that it was all a show.

"We could always stay awake another way."

She nodded, and he swept her into his arms, heading for the stairs. He easily dodged the broken step, and when he tossed her gently onto the bed, she frowned.

"Since when am I a sack of potatoes?"

Gibbs shrugged, leaning over her, and his hand immediately went to her hair. He kissed her deeply, his tongue slipping into her mouth, and she moaned, her hands pulling him closer. He wasn't sure if she could feel the same electricity that passed through them, but he hoped he wasn't imagining it. She gasped as he moved his lips to her throat and he smirked as he felt her body shaking beneath his. A loud knock at the door downstairs made them both jump, and their eyes met, both breathing heavily.

Throwing her feet over the side of the bed, Jenny grabbed a long silk robe, tying it around herself, and they walked carefully down the stairs. Gibbs opened the door slowly, frowning at the couple standing on the other side.

"Good morning. I'm sorry to bother you so early, but my wife and I wanted to introduce ourselves and ask if you needed any help navigating the town. We saw you moving in last night," the man said in heavily accented English.

Gibbs glanced at Jenny, neither of them believing the excuse for an instant, and he nodded, holding out his hand.

"Thank you, that's very kind of you. Mark Nielsen. This is my wife Jennifer."

"Edward Lutz. My wife, Lorraine. Nice to meet you both."

Jenny nodded, but said nothing.

"I was about to head into town and do some shopping, if you'd like to join me," Lorraine said, looking at the redhead.

"You're American," Jenny said in surprise.

The younger woman nodded.

"I've lived here for nearly ten years, though. I met Ed on a vacation and we fell in love. Been married ever since."

"That's sweet," Jenny replied with a smile.

"What about you two?"

"I'm a teacher. American Sign Language. I met Mark through a mutual friend a few years ago and now here we are, on our honeymoon."

Lorraine nodded.

"How long will you be staying?"

Jenny shrugged.

"Not sure yet. We're kind of playing it by ear."

"Understandable. Anyway, like I said, if you'd like to join me, I'm going into town to do a bit of shopping."

Jenny smiled, but shook her head slowly.

"No, thanks. I really do appreciate the offer, but I'm fighting a major case of jet lag right now. We were just about to head up to bed."

"No problem. Sorry we bothered you. Maybe I'll see you around later."

As Gibbs shut the door behind them, he raised his eyebrow at Jenny and she frowned.

"I don't trust them."

He nodded.

"Neither do I."

"Boss, if you want, I can run their names. Even if they're using an alias, I can find out something."

"Do it, Decker. Report back when you have information. I'm going back to bed."

Jenny yawned, running her hand through her hair.

"You read my mind," she said softly.

He swept her into his arms, carrying her carefully up the stairs, and when he set her down on the bed, she frowned.

"Believe it or not, I am capable of walking."

"What kind of husband would I be if I didn't carry you to bed, Jennifer?"

She glared at him.

"The kind that doesn't get murdered in his sleep," she snapped, "and don't call me Jennifer."

He shrugged.

"That is your name, you know."

"It makes me feel like I'm a little kid getting yelled at by my father. So knock it off."

"Ducky calls you Jennifer," he reminded her.

She nodded.

"Yes, but Ducky is like my father. If you value your life, you'll only call me Jennifer when necessary."

He leaned over to kiss her gently and when she returned the kiss, he knew he'd been forgiven.

"Get some sleep, Jen."

She curled onto her side, and when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, she smiled.

"Paris is already more entertaining than America."

He laughed, brushing his lips over her throat gently.

"Fun is just beginning, Jen."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it.**


	8. The Art of Seduction

**A/N: We've arrived at that second night...you know what that means. Jibbs smut all the way. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

As Jenny walked through the busy streets of Paris, she was taken aback by the sheer beauty of the city. She'd found nearly everything she'd been looking to buy, with the exception of Gibbs' bourbon, but she'd purchased a bottle of cognac that would just have to be good enough for him. She smiled to herself at the thought of his expression, and she was so caught up in her thoughts that it took her a moment to realise that someone was calling her name.

"Jennifer!"

Finally, it clicked in her mind, and she turned. Lorraine Lutz was waving at her from a nearby shop, and she painted a smile on her face as she walked closer.

"Hi, Lorraine. What are you doing here?"

"I told you I was coming into the city to shop."

Jenny nodded.

"Yes, but that was hours ago."

Lorraine held up a book and shrugged.

"I found a book and got caught up reading it. I have a tendency to do that when I shop. That's why Ed hates coming with me. Where's Mark?"

Jenny smiled, looking at her closely.

"Back at the house. He wanted to do some repairs. It's not exactly...the safest right now. We're probably going to have to stay at a hotel for awhile."

There. Now when they disappeared after getting their intel, it wouldn't look suspicious. Besides, it was partially true.

"Yeah, no one has lived in that place for as long as I've been here. I thought Ed was joking when he told me that he saw you moving in."

Jenny smiled at her words, and took a slow step away.

"It was great to see you, but I really should get back. Mark will be wondering where I am."

Lorraine nodded, picking up her book again.

"Sure. I'll see you around, Jennifer. Have a good one."

"You, too."

Brushing her hair over her shoulder, Jenny turned away and began walking in the opposite direction. She was determined to find a way to get some time alone with her neighbour and figure out just who she was. Not that she would tell Gibbs just yet. She needed time to put her plan together and go over every possible outcome. After all, if wouldn't be good for anyone if it backfired and she ended up dead...or worse.

* * *

Gibbs was instantly alert at the sound of footsteps on the porch, and straightened up, listening carefully. The telltale click of heels made him relax and he smiled as he returned to the work he'd been doing. He'd spent the better part of the day sweeping the place for cameras and other recording devices, finding only the ones Decker and Burley had placed, but he was still cautious. That, at least, was the excuse he was going to give if his agents questioned the way he behaved around their redheaded counterpart.

Said redhead walked through the door slowly, carrying various bags and he immediately crossed the room to help her with them. She smiled as he took a few from her, and raised her eyebrow in question. He merely shrugged, making his way to the refrigerator that now worked (thanks to him), and as he began unloading their supplies, he frowned at the bottle of cognac.

"Really?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Hate to break it to you, but you aren't going to find any Kentucky bourbon here."

"Fair enough. How was the city?"

"Busy. But my god...it was so amazing. It's so different from anything I've ever experienced."

He smiled as she spoke, happy to see her so excited, and he nodded.

"It's always a bit of a culture shock when you visit a foreign country."

"It's beautiful. You wouldn't believe it."

"I'm going to find out. We're meeting Decker tonight for a briefing."

Jenny nodded.

"I ran into that woman we met this morning."

Gibbs frowned, trying to remember her name.

"Lauren? Laura?"

"Lorraine," Jenny corrected, "She seems nice enough, but I'm still suspicious. Did Decker find out anything?"

Gibbs shook his head, still putting food in the refrigerator.

"I don't know. Hang on."

He turned his ear wig up, making sure it worked, and spoke just loud enough that Decker would be able to hear him.

"Hey, Decker! You find anything on those names?"

There was silence for a few moments, and at first Jenny wasn't sure he was going to answer. Finally, his voice came through, slightly breathless, and Gibbs frowned.

"Ah, negative, Gibbs. They're both clean. No aliases, no records, everything checks out."

The team leader nodded, wrapping his arm around Jenny as she stood next to him. She wasn't sure if he was merely acting or if it was genuine, and when he pulled the communication device from his ear, she frowned.

"Come on."

He led her through the house, showing her where each camera had been placed, and when they stopped in the bedroom, she frowned.

"These are all the ones Decker and Burley put in."

He nodded.

"Haven't found anything else. It looks like we're safe here."

Leaning closer, he brought his lips close to her ear, speaking low enough that it wouldn't be detected.

"If anyone asks, we don't know that. We're keeping our cover up just to be safe until we know for certain."

Realising what he meant, Jenny smiled as she nodded, and when he kissed her, her fingers threaded through his hair. She was already beginning to hate being undercover for a multitude of reasons, but this wasn't one of them. This may have been the only positive side to the entire situation.

* * *

When Jenny finally spotted Decker, she rolled her eyes as she realised he had chosen the most stereotypical tourist attraction to stand in front of. The Eifle Tower was brilliantly lit behind him, and Gibbs frowned at him as they walked closer.

"Could you be any more out in the open?"

Decker shrugged.

"The best place to hide is in plain sight. Besides, who wouldn't visit the Eifle Tower on their honeymoon?"

Jenny shook her head and glanced around curiously.

"Where's Burley?"

Without moving, Decker cut his eyes to his right and when Jenny saw the other agent in the shop across the street, she nodded.

"Right, so what do we have?"

"Lebanese trawlers coming in tonight and tomorrow. Our guy is supposed to be on one of them, but we don't know which one."

Jenny frowned.

"Do we know what he looks like?"

Shaking his head, Decker sighed.

"No. We're gonna need pictures of everyone who boards or leaves those trawlers. We found a place across the street from the channel with an attic that we can use. Just have to pay the owner a bit to let us use the room. That's where you two come in. It would be too suspicious for me and Burley to stay there together, but no one is going to question a husband and wife staying there. We'll get you everything you'll need, including the money, and then we just have to wait."

Gibbs nodded.

"We move now?"

"Yes."

Decker tilted his head to the right, and when they started walking, Jenny saw Burley begin to follow them from the corner of her eye. It wasn't a long walk, but the night was more than a little warm, causing Jenny to wish that she'd thought to bring a bottle of water. Or any liquid, really. At this point, she wasn't going to be picky. Decker handed her the money he'd secured, and as she spoke to the owner of the building in perfect French, Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"I hate that she's so good at that," he muttered.

"Feeling a little inadequate, boss?"

Gibbs glared at Decker.

"Shut up."

When Jenny reached for his hand, Gibbs very nearly pulled away. He was still unaccustomed to touching her when there were others around, and she smiled knowingly. Decker whispered something to him just before he walked away, and Jenny frowned as they began walking up the stairs.

"What was that?"

"He said they'll bring the camera in a few minutes. Burley's got it with him."

She nodded, and once they had been left alone in the small attic room, Jenny looked out the window thoughtfully.

"At least there's a bed."

Gibbs nodded.

"See anything?"

Jenny shook her head, her red hair falling over her shoulder. Gibbs wanted nothing more than to brush it away and expose the smooth skin of her throat, but he stayed where he was, examining the room carefully. The only piece of furniture was the aforementioned bed, and he sat down on it slowly, wondering how long it would take for the other agents to bring their supplies. A soft knock on the door caused them both to look up, and Jenny made her way to the door quickly.

Peering through a small crack, she smiled when she saw Burley on the other side and opened it slowly.

"Hey, Burley."

"Evening, Red. Sucks that you're spending it with him instead of me."

Jenny laughed.

"In your dreams, Stan."

"Every night, baby."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and walked closer, glaring at the two agents.

"Camera?"

Burley nodded, passing it to him, along with a tripod stand, and before he had time to react, Gibbs had closed the door again, leaving Jenny to stare at him in shock.

"That was kind of rude."

He shrugged.

"We can't risk someone noticing us, Jen. If he had stayed too long, someone would have seen."

Realising he was right, Jenny took the stand from him, walking over to the window and setting it up. As she removed the ear wig from her ear, she pulled her hair back into a high ponytail in a desperate attempt to combat the heat.

"Jethro, you just didn't want to deal with Burley, did you?"

He shrugged at her when she glanced over to him, and she laughed.

"You're horrible."

"Hm...I seem to remember you telling me that I was amazing, Jen."

Jenny rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the camera.

"What time is that trawler scheduled to come in?"

He frowned.

"23:00. We've got time to get set up."

She nodded, angling the camera down and as he watched her work, he couldn't help but notice the curve of her neck as she checked the accuracy of her lens. He shook his head, reprimanding himself for not focusing on the assignment, and when she turned around, she frowned at his expression.

"What's wrong?"

Gibbs shook his head, not willing to admit that he'd been thinking of everything but their work, and Jenny sighed.

"Could it be any hotter in here?"

He laughed.

"Yeah, probably."

* * *

Jenny didn't move from her position by the window when Gibbs told her that he was going down to talk to Decker and Burley, opting instead to watch the boat as people flocked to it. She was diligent with her photographs, snapping hundreds a minute, and she sighed as she tried to find a more comfortable position. She was trying to ignore the stifling heat in the room, and she swept her hair up into the highest ponytail she'd ever worn.

"I guess this is what I get for asking if it could be hotter," she muttered to herself.

Peering at the camera, she was overjoyed to find that it had an automatic setting, and she busied herself with figuring out the best way to set up the intervals between shots. When she was satisfied with the function, she placed it back onto the stand, and as the shutter clicked, she laid her head down on her knees, moaning softly.

The opening of the door made her head snap up, and it took a few moments for her heart to stop racing in her chest as she recognised her partner.

"Brought you something," Gibbs said as he shut the door behind him.

She frowned, and he held up a water bottle. She smiled as he passed it to her, taking a long drink of his own as she unscrewed the cap. Her eyes never left him as he crossed the room, stopping just in front of her, and he frowned as he met her gaze.

"You okay?"

Jenny nodded, and he smiled.

"Thanks," she said, indicating the water.

"You're welcome."

She turned to the window again, desperately trying to ignore his close proximity, and when he leaned over her shoulder, she shivered.

"Cold?"

"No," she whispered.

Turning just enough to meet his eyes, her breath caught as she noticed the way he was looking at her. Before she had even realised what had happened, his lips met hers in a kiss that was so hard it was nearly painful. He backed her away from the window, his hands at her waist, and her own hands wound into his hair. She gasped as he bit down on her bottom lip, reaching for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. His fingers found her belt, unhooking it quickly and when it landed on the floor with a clatter, she smiled.

He lifted her into his arms, carrying her to the bed, and when he set her down, she immediately reached for him, her fingers running over his skin lightly. Her shirt was tossed over the edge of the bed, and as his lips trailed over her skin, her head fell back as she sighed. His mouth moved down her body, stopping just at the top of her jeans, and he ran his hand over her thigh gently.

"The camera?" he asked quietly.

"On automatic."

He nodded, kissing her skin slowly, running his tongue over her body, smiling when he felt her shiver beneath him. Moving back to her lips, he kissed her deeply, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled it free, and he broke away, meeting her eyes seriously.

"Jen?"

She raised her eyebrow in question and he continued.

"Yes or no?"

Considering him carefully, Jenny nodded, and she pulled him closer, her hands trailing his arm lightly.

"Yes, Jethro."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

He kissed her again, his hand moving to the button on her jeans, pulling the denim and lace down at the same time, and when he unhooked her bra, he immediately cupped her breast, rolling her nipple between his fingers. She moaned into the kiss, her body arching into his, and his free hand roamed over her thigh slowly. When he slid his fingers into her, she gasped, gripping his shoulder tightly, and he smirked.

"Why are you still wearing jeans?" she asked breathlessly.

"Patience is a virtue, Jen," he said mockingly, throwing her own words back into her face.

"Well, I have so few of those, why would I worry about that one?"

"Fair enough."

He moved his fingers slowly, twisting and curling as she whispered his name, and her own fingers went to the button on his jeans.

"Okay, patience can go to hell."

He laughed as she pushed his boxers and jeans down, and he kicked them off, still touching her, and she jerked as he hit a particularly sensitive spot.

"Oh, fuck..." she whispered, "Do that again."

All to happy to comply, he moved his fingers again, causing a low moan to fall from her lips, and he smiled.

"I could just keep doing that if you want."

She rolled her eyes.

"Are you seriously saying you _don't_ want to do this now?"

He shook his head.

"No way in hell. This is happening."

She laughed and when he kissed her, her tongue explored his mouth slowly, her hands tangling in his hair again. He kept touching her, wanting to make sure that she was ready, and when he pulled his hand away, she sighed in frustration. As soon as he slid into her, all rational thoughts left her mind, and she whispered his name as he stared down at her.

"You okay?"

She nodded, and he kissed her gently.

"Tell me if I hurt you."

"No worries, Jethro. I like it rough."

The pure sinfulness of her words, paired with her low tone, made him harder than he'd thought possible, and he kissed her again as he rolled his hips against hers. Her head fell back as he brought his lips to her throat and when he bit down on her skin, she moaned, her eyes closing tightly. He couldn't contain his look of surprise as she hooked her leg around his waist and flipped them so that she was looking down at him, a wicked smile playing on her lips,

Jenny ran her fingers through his hair as she kissed him, her hips rocking against his in a rhythm that was just the perfect pace to drive him insane. He moaned when she bit down on his bottom lip, mirroring her action seconds later and she laughed as she turned her head to nip lightly at his throat. He flipped them again, pinning her hands above her head and as he moved in and out of her, she strained against his tight hold.

"Let me touch you."

He shook his head, lowering his head to her collarbone, dipping his tongue into the hollow of her shoulder. She groaned in frustration as he refused to release her, and when his lips closed around her breast, all thoughts of demanding anything left her mind. He trailed his free hand down her body, pausing to circle her clit with his thumb and she gasped as her body jerked under him.

"Fuck..." she whispered.

He brought his lips to her ear, his breath warm on her skin as he spoke.

"Tell me what you want, Jen."

"I did," she said flippantly, "You won't let me touch you."

He smirked.

"All in good time."

"I don't beg," she informed him sternly.

"You will."

Kissing her again, he sped up his movements, bringing her as close to the edge as he possibly could, and then he stopped altogether, taking in her flushed skin and clouded eyes with a sense of pride. He moved slowly, pulling out of her almost entirely, and he waited, watching her carefully. She was shaking as she tried to reach up to touch his face gently, and when he slammed back into her without warning, she moaned loudly, her head connecting with the frame of the bed harshly.

Just as he was going to ask her if she was okay, Jenny kissed him hard, all teeth and tongue, and he touched her again, smiling when she moaned his name. She still struggled against his hold and she drew in a sharp breath as he drug his teeth across her throat.

"Oh, God..."

"Jethro will do just fine, Jen."

She was close again, and he knew that if he kept moving, she would fall over the edge, and he stopped suddenly. He pulled out of her completely, moving his head down her body and when he released her hands, she immediately reached for his hair. Placing her leg over his shoulder, he pulled her closer and slowly dipped his tongue into her warm heat. Gasping as he moved in and out, she gripped his hair tighter, her body shaking as he moved faster.

"_Christ_, Jethro..."

He pulled away just as she neared the edge, brushing his lips along her inner thigh in the barest hint of a kiss, and she cried out in frustration. She glared at him and he raised his eyebrow innocently.

"Something wrong, Jenny?"

"You know damn well what's wrong," she snapped.

"You didn't tell me not to. I told you what it would take."

Lowering her leg back down to the bed, he slowly slid inside of her again, loving the way she moaned as he leaned closer to her ear.

"Or did you?" he murmured, his lips brushing over her gently, "Kind of hard to hear when your legs are around my ears."

She couldn't have explained why his words turned her on even more, but she was almost positive that she was going to lose her mind if he kept torturing her like this. He bit down on her throat, soothing the mark he created with his tongue, and she moaned as he began to move again. She'd been kept on edge for so long that it took almost no time at all for her to find it again, and Gibbs wasn't faring much better. He knew his time of dragging this out was coming to a close, and he kissed her deeply, his tongue sweeping into her mouth.

So close now that she could almost taste it, Jenny ran her nails over his skin just enough to combine pain and pleasure, and as she felt the tightening in her lower abdomen, she was suddenly very worried that he was going to stop yet again. He brought his hand between them to touch her once more and she gasped at the sensation.

"Jethro...don't stop," she whispered, "_Please_ don't stop."

As soon as the word fell from her lips, he crashed his mouth onto hers, needing to feel her moan into him as she came undone beneath him. She fell over the edge with a loud moan, her body arching into his, and when he followed her moments later, her name was a harsh whisper in the darkness.

"God damn, Jethro..."

He smiled as he leaned down to kiss her gently, brushing her damp hair out of her face.

"I told you I would make it worth the wait, Jen."

She nodded, raising her hand to weakly run it through his hair and he frowned at its shaking.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

He looked at her hand pointedly.

"You're shaking pretty badly."

Jenny shrugged, raising herself to a sitting position.

"Consider it a compliment, Jethro."

* * *

Hours later, as Jenny stared out into the darkness of the Parisian streets, Gibbs found himself wondering if perhaps they had moved too fast. True, she hadn't stopped him, had even begged despite saying that she refused to do so, but he worried that her recent assault had fueled her decision. Maybe she'd been so desperate to put it behind her that she'd acted rashly. Then again, she had told him to ask once they'd arrived in Paris, even before she'd been attacked.

She'd left her hair down after they'd gotten back to work, and he took advantage of her distraction to truly examine her in the moonlight. There was something different about her here. Something had changed in her since they'd first met, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what it was.

"Enjoying the view?"

Her quiet voice interrupted his thoughts and he smiled as she turned to look at him.

"Actually, I was just getting ready to tell you to come to bed."

She laughed.

"Once wasn't enough for you?"

"I meant to sleep, Jen. It's late. We need to get up early in the morning and get with Decker to give him the pictures. He can run them against known arms dealers and Burley can take it from there."

Jenny nodded, standing up from her position by the window and when she laid down on the bed next to him, he pulled her into his arms. Placing a light kiss to the base of her throat, he smiled when she met his eyes over her shoulder.

"What?" she asked suspiciously.

"Told you that I would make you beg."

"Shut up, Jethro."

He laughed, kissing her again, and she turned away, trying her best to sleep. When her even breathing filled the room twenty minutes later, he smiled as he ran his hand over her hair lightly. She turned in his arms, tucking her head under his chin and he kissed her forehead gently.

"Night, Jen."

* * *

The next time Jenny opened her eyes, the first thing she registered was the arm holding her in place against Gibbs' chest. She smiled as she thought about the events of the past few hours and she tried to remember exactly why she had waited so long to sleep with him. She moved her head just enough to look at him, and she ran her fingers over his skin gently. He looked ten years younger when he slept, years of worry and pain erased from his face, and she raised up to place a light kiss on his cheek. She didn't know what memories haunted him in the day, but she was happy that at least in sleep, he seemed to be able to find peace.

Settling back down in his embrace, she closed her eyes and tried to relax enough to sleep, but her mind was racing, She was still trying to figure out the best way to get close to Lorraine Lutz and so far, she was coming up short. Just before she fell into a restless sleep, the perfect idea came to her, and she wanted to kick herself for not realising it sooner. She and Lorraine were both American, living in a foreign country...what better way to bond than reminiscing on their past lives in their home country?

* * *

Gibbs kept as still as possible when he woke, reveling in the feeling of the redhead sleeping in his arms, and as he took a deep breath, he smiled. Her eyes slowly opened, and he was amazed at how green they were, so bright even in the early hours of the morning. Looking up at him, she smiled when she realised he was awake and he returned it softly.

"Morning, Jen."

"Morning," she replied, burying her head in his chest in an attempt to sleep again.

"Sleep well?"

She nodded, but still refused to move. He pulled away slightly, looking down at her in amusement and she groaned.

"It's too early, Jethro..."

"Too bad. Get up."

Her answer was muffled by his chest and he shook his head as he stared at her.

"One more time?"

"I said, I can think of better things to do that don't require getting up," she repeated.

To prove her point, Jenny trailed her lips along the base of his throat and though he knew that they really needed to start working, he couldn't deny that he was tempted to take her up on her offer. She moved closer, pushing him back down onto the mattress and when she straddled his waist, his hands instinctively went to her hips. She kissed him slowly, her tongue dancing over his, and when he looked at her, he tried to appear serious.

"We really need to get up."

Jenny nodded.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to do."

He frowned and then her meaning clicked in his mind. He smirked, but shook his head.

"Not what I meant."

She kissed him again, moving her lips to his throat, and when she bit down gently, he moaned softly, his hands tightening on her hips.

"Jen..."

Her tongue brushed over the shell of his ear slowly, and he shivered.

"We've got time, Jethro. Decker and Burley are both probably still asleep."

She knew he was losing the battle, and when she moved her hips against his, she smirked as she felt his erection pressing into her. Her lips trailed down his chest, her hair sweeping over his skin, and when she brushed her hand over him, his body jerked underneath her.

"God, Jen..."

"Shh...some people are trying to sleep."

Unable to take it any longer, he flipped her over with a low growl, and as she stared up at him, he reached for the hem of her shirt. He was thankful that she hadn't bothered to put her bra back on the previous night, and as his hands found her breast, she bit her lip to stifle a moan. She pulled his boxers off quickly, and his lips found her throat, biting down hard enough that he knew there would be a bruise later. It probably should have concerned him, but his every sense was flooded by the redhead currently running her hands through his hair.

He removed the lace underwear she wore, wasting no time in sliding his fingers into her and she moaned quietly. His movements were more urgent than they'd been the previous night, and as her head fell back against the pillow, she swore in French. A soft cry fell from her lips as he hit a sensitive place within her, and she brought her mouth to his in a deep kiss. He pinned her wrists above her head, and he could tell by the way she struggled that she found it unfair.

Moving his mouth down her body, he released her hands, and when his tongue dipped into her navel, she shivered. He drug his teeth over the inside of her thighs and he took pride in knowing that her porcelain skin would be marred with small bruises after they had finished. Her leg was draped over his shoulder, just as he'd done the previous night, but when he brought his lips to her, he cut her no slack.

Circling her clit with his lips, he pulled the sensitive skin between his teeth and the sound that fell from her throat was a strange combination of a moan and a scream. Her fingers tugged on his hair as he moved his tongue inside of her, and when he felt her getting close, he suddenly stopped, kissing his way back up her body.

Jenny fought to think through the haze in her mind, reminding herself that she needed to breathe, and when he kissed her hard, she decided that maybe air wasn't a necessity after all. She reached between them, her hand wrapping around his hard length and when she squeezed with just enough pressure to make him groan, she smiled. She moved her hand slowly, as though she were kneading dough, and when she swirled her thumb over the tip, her name fell from his lips in a soft whisper.

She brought him close to the edge, frowning when he grabbed her wrist and stopped her movements.

"Won't last if you keep doing that."

Jenny nodded, kissing him again, and he slowly entered her, dropping his head to her shoulder as he moved his hips. She bit down on his throat, sucking the skin between her teeth and he growled her name as he moved. Her hips bucked upwards, meeting his every thrust, and she moaned as his hand went to her breast.

"Harder, Jethro," she whispered, pulling back to look at him.

He met her gaze seriously, taken aback by the way her eyes had darkened. The normally bright viridian irises were smoky with desire, and he kissed her hard as he moved faster.

"Son of a _bitch_."

Her voice was low, turning him on even more, and he smiled. Her voice did things to him that made him feel the need to repent his sins to a priest. Her hands framed his face and she looked at him intently.

"Kiss me like that again."

He crashed his mouth onto hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth urgently, and she moaned as he bit down on her lower lip. He wanted to hear her scream his name, and he reached between them to touch her, her head falling onto his shoulder as he touched her with just the right amount of pressure.

"Oh, fuck, _Jethro_...god, don't stop."

He kissed her throat, bringing his lips close to her ear, and he made his voice as low as possible.

"Come for me, Jen."

Moaning at his words, Jenny found that she couldn't have stopped herself from screaming even if she'd tried. She fell over the edge, her breathing laboured, and he bit down on her shoulder as his own orgasm crashed over him. Her name fell from his lips in a breathless whisper, and he buried his head in her crimson hair, marveling at its softness.

"Jen..."

"Hm?"

He pulled back to look into her stunning eyes, and she blew her hair out of her face.

"We really do need to get ready now."

She rolled her eyes, but nodded. He moved off of her, and just before he stood, he kissed her forehead gently.

"If only you could be that focused at work," he quipped as he pulled on his clothes.

"Maybe if you gave me proper incentive, I would be."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Are you seriously trying to bribe me with orgasms, Jethro?"

He reached for her arm, pulling her back against his chest as she walked past.

"Depends. Would it work?"

His lips brushed against her throat and she leaned back into him, reaching behind to frame his face with her hand.

"It might. In any case, it's worth a try."

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter will delve more into Jenny's pursuit of Lorraine and Ed's identities.**


	9. Highs and Lows

**A/N: In which Gibbs deals with an inebriated Jenny, and we prepare for the trip to Russia.**

* * *

As Jenny examined the broken step of the porch of their safe house, she noticed a slight movement from the corner of her eye. She'd told Gibbs that she was going back to grab a change of clothes, and while she hadn't exactly lied, she hadn't told him her primary reason for wanting to return to the house, either. Straightening up, she pushed her long red hair out of her eyes and when she noticed Lorraine Lutz working in the small garden of her house, she waved.

"Lorraine!"

The young woman glanced up, a smile lighting up her face as she waved back, and she beckoned her over.

"Hi, Jennifer! We hadn't seen you in a few days. Thought maybe we scared you off."

Jenny shook her head as she made her way closer to the house and smiled.

"No, Mark just doesn't want to stay in the house until it's repaired. He's a bit overprotective sometimes."

Lorraine nodded.

"Believe me, I completely get that. Ed never lets me near anything that could be considered dangerous. Drives me insane."

Glancing over her shoulder, Lorraine gestured to the house, smiling at the redhead again.

"Would you like a drink? Ed was just pouring a couple, we'd love it if you could join us."

Jenny smiled. This was going to be easier than she'd thought.

"Sure."

Following the younger woman into the house, Jenny silently prayed that Gibbs wasn't keeping too close a watch on the time she'd been away. The last thing she needed was for him to barge in and ruin her plans.

* * *

Decker frowned at the pictures as he rifled through them, still searching for their target. It didn't help his nervousness that Gibbs was standing nearby, and when he glanced over at the team leader, his eyes widened. Unless he was losing his mind, there was a hickey quite clearly visible on his throat, and Decker nudged Burley discreetly. He nodded his head in Gibbs' direction and once Burley's eyes found what Decker had wanted him to see, he frowned.

"Be right back," Gibbs said quietly, "I'm gonna see if Shepard's made it back yet."

They nodded, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Burley smacked Decker's arm lightly.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yep."

"You don't think they—"

"Nah," Decker shook his head, "Probably did just enough for a believable cover. With everything that happened to Jenny last month, I don't think she'd be so quick to sleep with anyone. Especially not Gibbs. He's got what, twelve years on her? Definitely not her type."

Burley shrugged.

"That cop she dated was six years older than her."

"True, but I don't think she'd do that. Gibbs is our boss. She's too uptight to cross that line, even if she was attracted to him. Personally, I think she might be into you, Stan."

Looking at him as though he'd gone insane, Burley shook his head.

"Me? Red hates me...or at least, hates the idea of being with me."

Decker shrugged. He knew that Jenny wasn't the least bit interested in Burley, but he wasn't going to let on that he'd noticed the way she and Gibbs looked at one another. In truth, he thought that Gibbs needed someone like her to challenge him, and he wasn't going to do anything to stand in the way of that. Even if it meant lying to keep their secret.

"Hey, Will, when's Ducky due to arrive?"

Reaching for the file near his hand, Decker skimmed it quickly.

"Day after tomorrow."

Gibbs walked back into the room, looking more than a little annoyed and Burley frowned.

"What's wrong, boss?"

"Shepard's not back yet. She said she was going to get a change of clothes. Shouldn't have taken this long."

"Maybe she got caught up talking to that Lutz woman. You know how women like to talk."

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. Maybe Burley had a point. After all, Jenny was the one who had a way with words.

* * *

"So, what do you two do? Work-wise, I mean."

"I am a deacon of the church," Ed answered with a smile.

"Oh, wow, that's nice. Notre Dame?"

He nodded.

"I can't even imagine working in a place so beautiful," Jenny said earnestly.

"You should have seen Lorraine's face the first time she saw it. I wish I would have had a picture."

Lorraine smiled.

"I had to pick my jaw off the ground. It's incredible."

Jenny nodded, taking a small sip of the wine Lorraine handed her.

"What about you?"

"I'm working on a novel right now. A ghost story, looking into all the supposed haunted places in the country."

The redhead smiled weakly. She didn't much care for the idea of ghosts. She'd been haunted enough throughout her life. Lorraine stood up suddenly, pulling out a small bag from a box on the coffee table, and Jenny frowned. The small papers that accompanied it told her exactly what it was, and as the younger woman finished rolling the joint, she smiled at Jenny.

"I hope you don't mind if we smoke. It really helps us relax."

Shaking her head, Jenny took another drink.

"I don't mind. After all, this is your house."

Lighting it up, Lorraine took a long drag and passed it to her husband, holding her breath for so long that Jenny was beginning to worry. When she exhaled, she blew the smoke away from her, and Jenny's eyes widened when Ed held it out to her.

"No, thank you."

"Oh, come on, Jennifer. Surely one hit wouldn't kill you."

Jenny shook her head, smiling apologetically.

"I really shouldn't."

Lorraine shrugged and took it back, drawing the smoke into her lungs. Though she knew the idea was absurd, Jenny found herself becoming immensely curious, and before she had realised it, she held out her hand.

"What the hell?" she muttered.

After all, she wasn't Jenny Shepard right now, and who was to say that Jennifer Nielsen didn't enjoy a nice high on a beautiful summer afternoon in Paris?

* * *

Gibbs couldn't stop himself from checking his watch again, and when he realised that over an hour had passed since Jenny had left, he found himself worrying. The last time she had been late for something, it had nearly resulted in her death. Decker could feel his increasing anxiousness radiating off of his body as he paced the room, and sighed.

"I'm sure she's fine, Gibbs. You know how women are when they're in a new place. She's probably shopping."

"Shepard isn't like most women."

"True, but even Jenny isn't immune to the city of romance."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and slapped him so hard that his teeth rattled as he made his way to the door.

"Shutting up now."

* * *

As she listened to Lorraine recount her childhood paranormal experiences, Jenny found herself wondering if perhaps she had merely been paranoid when she'd distrusted the couple. They had welcomed her into their home, shared their stories (and mind-altering substances) with her, and so far, she had found nothing unusual in the way they acted. She laughed as the younger woman explained that the first time she'd seen what she thought was a ghost, she had tried to throw a rock at it, and Lorraine shrugged.

"How was I supposed to know? I was seven! It just sailed right through him, and he looked at me like I was stupid. Come to think of it, I _was_ pretty stupid."

Ed wrapped his arm around her and kissed her hair gently as Jenny took another hit off the joint and passed it to him.

"You are not stupid, Lorraine. You chose to marry me, after all."

Jenny laughed, and when she stood up, she tried to ignore the way the room seemed to spin.

"This has been so much fun, but I'd better get going. My husband will think I've fallen into a well or something."

Lorraine stood and hugged her gently, giving her a bright smile.

"Be careful on your way back. Hey, bring Mark with you next time. I'd love to get to know him better."

Jenny nodded.

"I'll give it a shot. Have a good night."

She knew, as she walked back to their safe house, that Gibbs was going to be furious with her for being gone so long, but as she stumbled up the porch steps, she found that she really didn't care.

* * *

When he heard Jenny walk through the front door of the house, Gibbs was immediately on high alert, listening for any sounds that she wasn't alone. She very nearly screamed when she saw him standing in the kitchen and he glared at her.

"What the hell, Jen? You've been gone for over an hour. Do you know how worried we were?"

She shrugged.

"I was busy."

"Doing what, exactly?"

Stepping away from him, she staggered to the refrigerator and when he saw how unsteady she was on her feet, he frowned.

"Are you drunk?"

Jenny shook her head, her long hair falling into her face.

"Nope. I had one glass of wine with Lorraine and Ed. Thought I could find out more about them, see if they were hiding anything."

"And?"

"They're clean, Jethro. A little weird, and hippy-ish, but clean. She researches ghosts and writes about them and he's a deacon at Notre Dame. They're nice. Weird, but nice."

There was something off about the way she spoke, and when she stumbled into his body, he realised what it was.

"Jen...are you stoned?"

Again, she shook her head, but her laughter did little to ease his suspicions.

"Exactly what did you mean when you called them "hippy-ish", Shepard?"

She looked up at him, and when he took in her bright eyes, he sighed.

"Damn it, Jen. You're high as a god damned kite!"

He had no idea if Decker and Burley were watching them on the cameras and as he steered her toward the front door, he soon found that an inebriated Jenny was difficult to deal with, regardless of whether it was alcohol or weed that had dulled her mind.

"Come on, Jen. We need to get back to the attic."

She pouted, trailing her lips along his throat.

"Too far to walk. There's a perfectly good bed upstairs."

He shook his head, pulling her through the door and as they walked, she hung onto his arm, rambling a mile a minute. He could hardly keep up with what she was saying, and then suddenly, her words registered in his distracted mind.

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"About what?" she asked with a laugh.

"Just a second ago. Something about Ed noticing strange activity."

"Oh..." she laughed again, her head falling onto his shoulder, "He said that he'd noticed a lot of foreigners hanging around the church. Said they spoke a hard-sounding language, but he couldn't tell what it was. My guess is either German or Russian."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as he walked, not wanting to attract attention as they made their way back to the hotel where he'd left Decker and Burley. She laughed as he lifted her into his arms and when he knocked on the door of the agent's room, Burley frowned as he opened it slowly. Gibbs walked past him without a word, pointedly ignoring Jenny's incessant talking, and when Decker looked at them, his expression was so confused it was almost comical.

"What the hell is wrong with her?"

Gibbs set her on her feet, grabbing her arm when she stumbled, and she leaned on him heavily. Her eyes lit up when she noticed the other two agents in the room, and she walked over to Burley, hugging him gently.

"Hi, Stan."

"Um...hi, Red. You okay?"

She nodded.

"Hey, have you ever noticed how ironic your last name is?"

He frowned, looking over at Gibbs in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Your last name...Burley. You aren't exactly a big, burly guy, Stan. Kind of ironic."

He stared at her as she laughed, and glanced at Gibbs worriedly.

"Boss, what's wrong with her?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"She's stoned out of her mind."

"Someone drugged her?"

Again, Gibbs shook his head, and Jenny looked at Burley seriously.

"Nope. Ed and Lorraine told me that it would help me relax. They were right. This is amazing."

Jenny raised up to kiss Burley's cheek lightly, and Gibbs tried to ignore the feeling of jealousy that flared up within him. He reached for the redhead's arm, leading her to the door and sighed as he looked at the two younger men.

"I'm gonna take her back to the attic and let her sleep it off. While we're gone, check out the crowds near Notre Dame. Ed Lutz told Shepard that he's noticed an unusual amount of foreigners in the area."

They both nodded, exchanging a concerned look when Gibbs led Jenny away.

"Never in a million years would I have thought Jenny Shepard would get high."

Decker snorted.

"Gibbs is gonna have his hands full dealing with her."

* * *

As soon as the attic door shut behind him, Gibbs glared at the redhead standing next to him.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Jenny shook her head, staring at him in confusion, and he sighed.

"What the hell were you thinking, Shepard?"

"Don't...don't call me that. After everything we've gone through, I've at least earned the right to be called by my first name."

He nodded and she continued.

"You want to know what's wrong with me? I'm tired, Jethro. I'm so tired of being the responsible one. Of being the one that everyone comes to when they need something. Just once, I wanted to know what it felt like to let go of everything and not have to worry. Do you know what that's like? I've never been able to relax before, I have to plan everything, I can't just run on pure instinct like you can."

As her words registered in his mind, Gibbs suddenly felt very sorry for his young agent. She'd always conducted herself in a professional manner, even when they'd gone out for a drink after work, she hadn't allowed herself to fully lose control, and he had never stopped to consider what it took out of her. She was young, not yet thirty, and yet she had the wisdom and personality of someone much older. He knew she hadn't endangered their mission, not really, and he frowned as he realised that he may have judged her a little too harshly.

She was looking at him, waiting for a response, and finally he nodded.

"You're right, Jen. You deserve to be able to be calm every now and then. No one should feel so anxious all the time. You don't need to be perfect."

Her head shook sadly.

"Yes, I do. I don't know how to be anything else."

He reached for her waist, pulling her close to him, and brushed his lips over hers slowly.

"I'll teach you."

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

He smiled, running his hand through her hair.

"You're welcome."

She leaned into his embrace and for a moment, he was worried that she had passed out. He glanced down at her in concern and she sighed heavily.

"Why does your name sound like something from _The Beverly Hillbillies_?" she asked suddenly.

He laughed, kissing the top of her head gently.

"I dunno, Jen."

Pulling back to look at him, Jenny raised up on her toes, her lips meeting his in an urgent kiss. His arms wrapped around her, and when he lifted her off the ground, she laughed, her forehead resting against his.

"I feel like I'm flying."

He nodded.

"Yeah, I'm told that's what happens when you're stoned."

He laid her on the mattress and when she pulled him down with her, he frowned.

"Jen, wait. We can't."

"Why?"

"I thought it was obvious. You're not thinking clearly."

She shook her head.

"You should feel special. Even when I can't think straight, I still want to sleep with you."

Though he couldn't exactly fault her logic, he still shook his head as he looked at her.

"I wouldn't feel right," he said carefully, wanting her to understand.

"Will you at least kiss me?"

"Now, that I'll do."

He kissed her slowly, his hands winding into her long hair, and when her tongue swept into his mouth, he had to remind himself of why he had refused her. She made his head spin, feeling as though he were high himself, and as she moaned into the kiss, he ran his hand over her thigh. Her hands found his waist, pulling him closer, and she hooked her leg around him, trailing her lips along his throat.

Gibbs knew that if she kept going, there was no way he could stop himself from giving her exactly what she wanted, and he pulled back, looking into her eyes seriously.

"We have to stop."

"No, we don't. I'm dying to know what it feels like to have an orgasm while I'm high."

He shrugged.

"Probably the same way it does when you're drunk."

She frowned.

"I wouldn't know, then. I've never had sex while I was drunk before."

He stared at her, unable to believe that she was serious. He knew that she lacked the ability to lie at present, and he laughed lightly.

"Really? Hm...I might need to fix that. It makes you less skeptical. You don't overthink anything. Honestly, it's perfect for an over-analyzer like you, Jen."

Jenny moved so suddenly that he didn't have time to react, and before he knew what had happened, he was staring up at her in shock as she leaned over him. Her lips were warm on his throat, her tongue lightly tracing patterns over his skin, and as her hands moved down his body, his eyes closed of their own accord. She wasn't surprised to feel his erection when her hand brushed over him, and she smiled as she moved her hands under his shirt.

"Come on, Jethro...it wouldn't hurt anything. I'm perfectly willing to give my consent here."

He shook his head, trying to ignore the way her hair spilled over his chest.

"I can't, Jen. It just wouldn't—"

Her lips silenced his protests and when she moved her hips, he moaned at the pressure and friction. It was getting more difficult to refuse with each passing minute, and he knew if he didn't get control of the situation, he was going to lose.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to do something for me."

He frowned, trying to look at her as she kissed his throat.

"What?"

"If you won't sleep with me, touch me."

"Jen—"

She brought her lips to his ear, her breath warm on his skin.

"I'll even beg if you want," she whispered, "Please touch me."

He flipped them, unable to handle their current position any longer and he stared down at her seriously.

"You're killing me here, Jen."

She pulled him down, her mouth capturing his, and when she reached for his hand, he broke away, shaking his head.

"Not tonight, Jenny. Not like this. I just can't."

Jenny sighed, nodding slowly, and when she turned onto her side, he knew he wasn't imagining the shaking of her body. She wasn't crying, but he could feel her anger like heat. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, and as he laid next to her in the dark room, he was suddenly very worried about what the morning would bring.

* * *

When Jenny opened her eyes to find bright sunlight streaming through the attic, she was more than a little confused. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, nor how long she'd been there, and when she noticed Gibbs looking out the window, she frowned.

"What time is it?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

He glanced at his watch.

"11:36."

Turning to look at her, he made his way closer, his bright blue eyes locking on hers seriously.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired," she answered slowly, "Kind of dizzy, everything is really hazy in my head. What happened?"

"I'm not surprised. Do you remember any of last night?"

Thinking hard, Jenny finally shook her head and he sighed.

"You went to check out Lorraine and Ed Lutz."

"Yeah, that part I remember. I don't remember leaving their house. Jethro, what's going on?"

He sighed, handing her a bottle of water. She took it warily, twisting off the cap and he waited until she had finished drinking before he continued.

"You had a glass of wine with them, and then for some unknown reason, you decided to smoke with them."

She frowned.

"What? I've never even touched a cigarette before, why would I—"

"I don't know, Jen. I wasn't there. You told me that you needed to be able to relax. Well, it worked. You were as high as the Eifle Tower last night."

"Wait...I was...you mean it was...oh, fuck..."

Her head fell into her hands and he ran his hand over her back gently.

"If it makes you feel any better, you did get some information from Ed that Decker and Burley are looking into. Even when you're stoned, you still managed to get the job done. When you weren't trying to sleep with me, that is."

She raised up to look at him in horror and he fought the urge to laugh.

"Which reminds me, I need to get you drunk and then sleep with you."

"What? Why?"

He laughed quietly.

"Just something you said last night."

She moaned, laying her head on his shoulder in embarrassment.

"Oh, god...what did I say?"

"Told me you'd never had drunken sex before. It's something everyone should experience once in their life, so I'm making that my next mission."

Shaking her head, Jenny moaned again and when she raised her eyes to his, she was surprised to find laughter shining in the sapphire irises.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

He shrugged.

"Not often that I get to see my agents stoned out of their mind."

"How could I have been so stupid? Even to keep a cover in tact, that was so irresponsible."

Her words from the night before came floating back to him, and Gibbs frowned.

"Sometimes, it's okay to not be responsible, Jen. You don't have to be perfect. I told you that when you were learning Russian. Don't overthink everything. Just try to let go."

Something clicked in her mind, and Jenny stared at him sadly.

"You said that to me last night."

He nodded.

"Yeah. You were pretty upset."

"It doesn't take much," she admitted.

He reached for her hand, running his thumb over her skin lightly.

"I know you've gone through a lot over the past two months, but you're strong enough to get through this. Without getting high. I'll do whatever I can to help you, if you let me, but you have to tell me when."

Jenny nodded, her eyes focused on their entwined hands.

"Will you walk me through that grounding exercise again?"

He gently maneuvered her body so that she was laying with her head across his thighs and his fingers slowly wound into her hair, massaging gently.

"Do you remember the first step?"

"Five things I can see?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, but that might be a bit difficult in this room. Give it your best shot."

Her eyes scanned the room and she sighed.

"The camera, the window, the tripod, your bottle of water on the floor, and my shoes in the corner."

He smiled at her, nodding his encouragement.

"Close your eyes. Four things you can feel."

She was silent, breathing slowly, and when he noticed her breath becoming more rapid, he frowned. Her body was shaking in his arms and he shifted just enough that he could see her better.

"Jen?"

Still, she didn't answer, and he shook her shoulder gently.

"Talk to me, Shepard...what's going through your mind?"

She shook her head and he slowly raised her to a sitting position, his fingers brushing her cheek softly. Her head was down, and he tilted her chin upward, wishing she would open her eyes.

"Look at me, Jen."

"I...I can't."

"Yes, you can. I know you can. Open your eyes. You've got this."

Slowly, her eyes opened, locking on his, and he gave her an encouraging smile.

"What's going on? Walk me through it."

"I don't...I don't know. I just feel like I can't breathe. My heart feels way too fast."

He took her wrist in his hand, clocking her pulse and frowned as he realised that she was right. Her heart rate was severely elevated and he placed his hands on her shoulders, laying her back down.

"I want you to take slow deep breaths, okay? Count to ten. Can you do that?"

She shook her head and he tapped her cheek lightly.

"Yes, you can. Don't you give up on me now, Jen. You're better than that."

As he walked her through the breathing, Gibbs kept his fingers on her wrist, counting her pulse in his head. Gradually, it began to slow, and when he was finally satisfied, he leaned down to kiss her softly. He ran his fingers through her hair and he gave her a smile when she glanced up at him.

"Jesus, Jen...you really do need to calm down. Ever thought of taking something for it?"

She glared at him and he laughed.

"I'm only joking. Partly. Just keep taking slow breaths, and we'll start the grounding exercise again."

Jenny nodded and he began where he'd left off. This time, she was able to make it through without panicking, and when he pulled her up from the bed, she fell against his chest, her fingers curling around his shirt.

"What's wrong with me, Jethro?" she whispered.

He kissed her hair, running his hand up and down her back soothingly.

"Nothing. This is your first major undercover assignment, and it's going to be stressful. Just remember that you're not in this alone, and we will get through it."

A quiet knock at the door made them look up and Gibbs gestured for her to stay where she was. Peering through the crack of the door, Gibbs frowned when he noticed Burley on the other side. He opened it slowly, glaring at the other agent.

"Uh, boss, we found out that the crowds of people around Notre Dame are linked to the arms dealers we've been looking for. And Decker matched one of the guys boarding the trawler last night to a man named Anatoly Zukov. Russian. If we leave tonight, we should be able to get there not long after he does. Oh, and Ducky isn't coming just yet. Something came up Stateside. Not sure how long he'll be delayed."

Gibbs nodded.

"We'll just have to move without him, then. Good work, Burley."

Burley stuck his head around the older man, looking at the redhead sitting on the mattress.

"Hey, Red. How's it going?"

"Hi, Stan."

She said nothing else, and he shrugged as he turned back to the team leader.

"Decker's got the files with everything you'll need to know for your Russian covers. I'll bring them by as soon as I can."

"Thanks."

Gibbs closed the door and when Jenny looked up at him, he smiled.

"Hope you've been practicing your Russian, Jen."

She shook her head, a strange look forming in her eyes as she beckoned him closer.

"I think I still need a little practice on how to use my tongue properly."

As soon as he was near enough, Jenny pulled him to her, her tongue finding his immediately. He pushed her back down onto the bed, and when he stopped kissing her, she frowned.

"What?"

"Now I can give you what you asked for last night."

Kissing her again, his hand went to her jeans, pulling the zipper down swiftly and when his fingers brushed against her, she moaned quietly.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Don't hold back."

He nodded and kept touching her, using the lace of her underwear to provide a friction that was painful but delicious at the same time. Her head fell back as her hands gripped him tighter, and as their clothing was thrown into various corners of the room, Jenny couldn't remember a time where her skin had burned so hot with a fire that couldn't be seen.

* * *

**A/N: The majority of this will take place in Russia, which is partially why it might seem a bit rushed. Things are going to slow down and be more in-depth from here on out. Hope you enjoyed.**


	10. Identity Crisis

**A/N: In which Gibbs and Jenny discuss their first time, Jenny struggles with being in Russia, and we meet Svetlana and Anatoly. Also, a shout out to my friend Shayne for allowing me to use her last name for Jenny's cover.  
**

* * *

"I don't like it."

Frowning as she finished applying her makeup, Jenny met Gibbs' eyes in the mirror and sighed.

"What?" she asked exasperatedly.

"I don't like it," he repeated, nodding his head at her, "You don't look like yourself."

Realising that he was referring to the short dark hair, she laughed and rolled her eyes.

"That's kind of the point, Jethro. I'm not supposed to."

Though he knew she was right, he still frowned as he watched her. It was bad enough that her cover was completely different in Russia and she couldn't be as close to him, now he didn't even get the chance to see her fiery hair from a distance.

"At least you don't have to memorise a new identity," she reminded him, "You're just the American informant this time, not my husband. After all, Anya Machova is a pretty powerful woman, and there are probably hundreds of people who want me dead."

Decker and Burley had arrived a few days prior to them, and had spent the majority of their time making sure that Jenny's reputation, or rather Anya's, preceded her. They'd carefully painted a picture that few people would question, and Jenny hoped it was good enough to avoid Anatoly Zhukov's suspicion. The last thing she needed was for him to have reason to doubt her. Though they had originally planned to leave together, Gibbs had quickly realised that they'd needed a chance to plant the seeds of their cover to make it believable. Jenny hadn't minded the extra few days in Paris, and now she would have given anything to be back there.

A soft knock at the door caused her to frown, and Gibbs looked through the peephole silently.

"Burley," he muttered.

She nodded as he opened the door, and the young agent smiled at him as he walked into the room.

"Hey, boss. How's it going? Woah, Shepard, you look good. Almost...exotic, in a way. I like it."

Jenny laughed and nodded at him.

"Thanks, Burley. What's up?"

"Right. There's going to be a meeting tonight with Zhukov and his handler Svetlana Chernitskaya at 23:30. As soon as I get all the details on where, I'll report back. Shepard, you definitely need to be there, establish your credibility, and Gibbs, you're there as the American's bidder. It's very important that you let Jenny have the first bid. They need to see her as a force to be reckoned with so that she can get close enough to Svetlana to make the kill. They need to trust both of you. Don't give them any reason to doubt you."

Jenny nodded, and once Gibbs had given Burley the all-clear, they were left alone. Though she would never admit it, she was nervous about what she was going to do, and Gibbs gave her an encouraging smile as he walked closer. He laid his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her cheek gently.

"You're going to be fine, Jen. Just remember to breathe, and don't overthink it."

* * *

As she walked the dark streets of Russia, Jenny couldn't shake the feeling of dread that seemed to follow her every step. She moved at a steady pace, not fast enough to attract attention, but with enough authority that she wouldn't be questioned and when she came to the large house across the street from an old church, she frowned. She knew she was in the right place, but she wanted nothing more than to turn and run. Gibbs was behind her, a few blocks away, and she knew if she deserted him now, she would never forgive herself.

Knocking at the door, she waited no less than twenty seconds before it was cracked open, and one dark brown eye was staring at her. She gave her name, and when it opened fully, she stepped into the warmth of the building. After handing her coat to the man who'd answered the door, she was led to a spacious study, much larger than her own, and waited as she was announced to the couple standing near the fireplace.

"Madame Anya Machova is here."

The woman turned first, and Jenny immediately began trying to commit her face to memory. The long blonde hair would be easy enough to remember, but there was a harshness about her features that stood out in contrast to the softness of her hair. It made for an interesting combination, and the woman gave her a smile that did nothing to ease Jenny's worry.

"Good evening, Madame Machova. Svetlana Chernitskaya."

Her eyes roamed over Jenny slowly and she shook her head.

"You do not look at all like I pictured you."

"Looks can be deceiving," Jenny replied smoothly.

Anatoly nodded, laughing as he wrapped his arms around the older woman.

"She is right, my dear. You look like an angel, but you are as dangerous as they come."

He stepped closer, his dark eyes locking on Jenny's, and he held out his hand. She took it slowly, trying to ignore the feeling of disgust she felt rising within her, and he smiled.

"Anatoly Zhukov. It is a pleasure to meet a beautiful and powerful woman such as yourself. We are waiting for one more person. An American."

He rolled his eyes in disgust at the thought and Jenny nodded understandingly.

"Americans always have to be part of everything," Svetlana added in annoyance, "We would be much better off without them."

Anatoly shook his head.

"Not this one. He has ties to many arms dealers. He is valuable, much like Madame Machova here."

The sound of footsteps made Jenny turn, and she was so relieved to see Gibbs that she nearly smiled at him. She caught herself just in time, and nodded at him before turning back to Anatoly.

"This is the American? He does not look like an informant."

Anatoly laughed.

"True, but as you said yourself, looks can be deceiving."

His eyes lingered on her for longer than necessary, and Jenny fought the urge to roll her eyes. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

As Jenny watched the two men talk in the room, Svetlana pulled her to the side, looking at her seriously.

"Your accent is strange, Madame Machova. You have not lived in Russia all your life?"

Jenny shook her head.

"I spent time in France as a child."

The older woman nodded.

"Ah. That would explain your rather stilted pronunciation. How did you come to be in this business?"

Shrugging, Jenny glanced at her slowly, wondering what on earth was going through her head. She knew that the other woman was trying to feel her out, get a sense of who she was, but Jenny wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of rattling her.

"I like weapons," she answered with a laugh.

She stepped away, moving closer to Gibbs and Anatoly, speaking with enough authority that even Gibbs looked impressed.

"Not that this hasn't been fun, but shouldn't we get down to business? I don't know about you, but I certainly cannot stay here all night. If you have an offer to make, please do so."

Anatoly shook his head, laughing lightly.

"Not tonight, my dear. Tonight was merely an introduction of sorts. We will begin negotiations at a later date. Someone will be in touch. However, you are quite right that it is becoming rather late. I had not realised. We will let you both know when we are ready to make a deal."

He shook Gibbs' hand and the agent nodded at the two women as he walked out the door. Anatoly reached for Jenny's hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her gently.

"Have a lovely night, my dear. I look forward to seeing you again."

Jenny knew she didn't imagine the tone of his voice, nor the jealous look that flared up in the eyes of Svetlana as she watched from her place by the desk.

"Good night," Jenny replied, "I will be waiting to hear from you."

Though she wanted to bolt from the room as soon as he released her hand, she forced herself to walk at a steady pace to the door. She retrieved her coat and as she stepped out into the darkness, she pulled it tighter around her shoulders. It wasn't a particularly cold night, but she couldn't stop shivering. Perhaps it had been because of the change in plans, or perhaps it had been the way Anatoly had been staring at her all night.

* * *

Rather than go directly back to their hotel room, Jenny walked the streets nearby, needing to clear her head. She already felt at though the entire situation was out of her control, and it wasn't a feeling she was accustomed to. The last time she had felt this lost, she'd been locked up in Chris Jackson's house, and the thought alone was enough to make her start shaking again. She hadn't thought of her ex-boyfriend in a long time, but here, she felt almost haunted by him.

She felt as though he had followed her here, even in death, and she shook her head in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the thought. Though she knew she was being ridiculous, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong in this country. Even the very air felt tense, and Jenny longed for the calm she'd had in Paris. She absolutely hated Russia: the cold atmosphere, the language, the suspicious nature of everyone she'd encountered...God, she wanted to get out.

Still, as she turned and made her way back to the hotel, Jenny reminded herself that she had a job to do. The sooner it was finished, the sooner they could leave. And right now, Jenny would have given almost anything to get out of this god-forsaken country.

* * *

When Jenny finally returned to the room, Gibbs frowned as she tore the wig from her head and tossed it onto the floor.

"You okay?"

She nodded silently, and Gibbs looked at her in concern. He knew she was lying, but something in her eyes told him not to question it. The night hadn't gone as planned, so he figured she was simply worried about the outcome of their mission. She began taking off her makeup, and when he wrapped his arms around her from behind, she gave him a small smile.

"What took you so long? I was starting to worry."

She shook her head.

"I just needed to clear my head before I came back. Too much going on."

He smiled, reaching for the pins that held her hair in place. It tumbled around her shoulders as he removed them, and he ran his fingers through the flaming tresses.

"You've always got too much going on in your head, Jen. I told you: you think too much."

She nodded.

"I know."

When she had finished removing her makeup, he held out his hand and pulled her close, burying his nose in her hair. She sighed as she listened to his heartbeat, and when she stepped back, she met his eyes seriously.

"How do you think it went?"

He shrugged.

"About as well as can be expected. You were great."

"I was so nervous," she admitted, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Couldn't tell. You did fine. I told you, just try not to overthink it."

She nodded, and he moved away, leading her to the bed.

"Get some sleep, Jen. It's late."

Jenny nodded, sinking down onto the mattress, and when Gibbs pulled her into his arms, she smiled. As long as he was with her, even Russia didn't seem quite so bad.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he watched Jenny sleep next to him and sighed. She'd been tossing and turning all night, and now he was beginning to wonder if he should wake her. It was glaringly obvious that she was having a nightmare, but he wasn't sure if waking her would make the situation worse, or if she needed to be left alone. Finally, he touched her shoulder gently, hoping he was making the right decision, and he leaned closer to her.

"Jen. Jenny, wake up."

She moaned softly, turning into his arms, and he ran his finger lightly over her cheek.

"Jen...wake up."

Jumping away from him, Jenny's eyes flew open and he shook his head as she sat up.

"Shh...it's just me. Are you okay?"

She sighed, nodding her head and he frowned.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," she whispered, laying back down, "it's okay."

Though he wasn't sure he believed her, Gibbs nodded, looking at her sadly.

"How can I help, Jen?"

She was silent for a moment, and when she moved closer, he frowned.

"Just hold me," she said quietly, closing her eyes as she began to fall asleep.

He nodded, pulling her as close to him as he could, and he kissed her forehead gently.

"I got you, Jen," he whispered into her hair.

He wasn't sure what she'd been dreaming about, but he hadn't seen her struggle this much since the aftermath of Chris Jackson's assault. He supposed it could have been stress making her more susceptible to her nightmares, but until he was sure that she was sleeping soundly, he wasn't going to release his hold on her. Probably not even then.

* * *

Nearly four weeks had passed since their first meeting with Anatoly Zhukov and Svetlana Chernitskaya, yet they were still no closer to setting up another. Jenny spent the majority of the time in their hotel room, a true testament to how much she hated the country, and when he walked into the small space, she frowned at him.

"What's that?"

He held up the bottle of vodka with a smile.

"Alcohol. Thought maybe you would like a drink."

She shook her head.

"No, thanks."

Nodding, he set the bottle on the bedside table, and he looked at her carefully. She was paler than he'd seen in awhile, and there was dark circles under her eyes. He knew she hadn't been sleeping well, and while he also knew that was nothing unusual for her, he still worried about her. A low knock signaled Decker's arrival and when he stepped into the room, he gave them both a smile.

"Got a meeting tonight. Just Shepard, though. Word has it that they want to meet you separately and try to turn you both against the other. Not sure how true it is, so play it safe, Jenny."

Jenny's skin was even paler than it had been moments ago, but she nodded nonetheless. Gibbs nodded at Decker and when he gave Jenny the time of the meeting, she merely nodded again, seemingly unable to speak. The other agent left the room after a few moments, and the team leader looked at the redhead seriously.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"You can do this. I know you can."

She nodded, and stood up, preparing to get dressed. As soon as she had pinned her wig in place, she sighed, staring at her reflection with a look that Gibbs could only describe as hatred. She didn't say a word as she walked out of the room, leaving Gibbs to wonder what was going on in her head. Her silence was making him nervous, and he very nearly followed her. Shaking his head, he reminded himself that Jenny was perfectly capable of doing her job. It was, after all, why she'd been chosen for this.

* * *

"Madame Machova...it has been much too long since you've graced us with your beauty."

Jenny smiled, shaking her head slowly.

"It was not my intention. I assure you."

He led her into the study, and she frowned at its emptiness.

"Where is Madame Chernitskaya?"

Anatoly gestured broadly.

"She will be here soon. Until then, let us get to know one another."

Laughing, Jenny shook her head and gave him her best smile.

"I think not. At least, not in the way you are implying. I am merely here to discuss a deal."

"Fair enough. You will come around in time."

As he began discussing their latest plan, Jenny found her thoughts wandering, and she forced herself to remember the lines she'd been instructed to say.

"There are rumours that you are in possession of several weapons of mass destruction, Mr. Zhukov. Would there be any truth in this?"

"Please, call me Anatoly. And I am not at liberty to discuss such weapons with you. I do not know you well enough."

He paused, walking closer to her, and he was near enough that she could detect the scent of alcohol on his breath.

"However, that could change if you are interested."

"Not at the present time," she replied with a tight smile.

"Very well. Svetlana and myself are looking to trade the weapons we have acquired in exchange for the proper funds. So far, you and our American friend are the highest contenders, but we would like to refrain from selling to an American if possible."

She frowned.

"You do not like him."

"It is not that. Relations with the Americans have been strained since the Cold War. We do not wish to have the United States government watching our every move. They would be instantly suspicious, and we would rather avoid the trouble."

Jenny nodded, and pulled out the notepad she'd brought with her. Writing a number down carefully, she passed it to him, giving him a soft smile.

"If the weapons you possess are as good as you say, this offer has the potential to increase. When I have been given the chance to examine them, we will discuss it further."

He frowned.

"You wish to see them before purchasing?"

"Why, Anatoly...you cannot expect me to buy something without seeing it first. I am nothing if not thorough."

She smiled at him, and when he leaned closer, his breath was hot on her skin.

"I would expect nothing less from a woman of your...caliber."

His lips brushed against her cheek, and she fought her every instinct to recoil.

"Unless there is something more you wish to discuss, I must be leaving."

Anatoly shook his head, his eyes roaming over her body.

"We are finished. Have a lovely evening, my dear Anya."

"Give my regards to Madame Chernitskaya."

As soon as she was far enough away that she was sure she wasn't being watched, Jenny wiped her hand over her cheek, trying to erase the feeling of his lips on her skin.

* * *

No matter how hard she wiped the cloth over her skin, it wasn't enough. She could still feel the press of Anatoly's lips on her cheek, and she pressed harder. The knock on the bathroom door caused her to jump, and she whipped around so fast that her hair smacked her in the face.

"Jen, are you okay?"

"Fine."

She turned the water on in the sink, as hot as it would go, and though it burned her skin, she rubbed the soaked cloth on her cheek with as much force as she could. Gibbs knocked again, and this time, she didn't move.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

The door opened slowly, and when his eyes landed on her, he frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to clean my skin," she muttered, still rubbing the place Anatoly's lips had touched.

"I think you've done it."

She shook her head.

"I can still feel it."

"Feel what?"

She didn't answer, too focused on her task, and he frowned as he stepped closer to her.

"Jenny?"

"I can still feel his lips on me. I can't stand it."

"He kissed you?"

"On the cheek. I feel so disgusting."

Her cheek was red, both from the heat of the water and her incessant movements, and Gibbs reached for her hand, gently taking the cloth from her.

"Enough," he said softly, "You've cleaned it."

Her head shook and she stared at the floor.

"Jethro, I—"

"Stop, Jen. It's over."

She raised her eyes to his, and he nodded, running his fingers over her reddened skin. Finally, she allowed him to pull her away from the mirror, and her eyes scanned the room as they neared the bed. When she found what she was looking for, she immediately reached for it, unscrewing the cap quickly. Gibbs frowned as she downed the alcohol quickly, and when she shuddered, he shook his head.

"You might want to take it slow."

Jenny shook her head.

"The faster I drink it, the faster I'll get drunk."

"Yeah, but you don't want to overdo it. You'll end up sick that way."

She took one final drink and passed the bottle to him.

"I'm finished. With as little as I drink vodka and as little as I've eaten today, I give it maybe ten minutes. I need to forget tonight, Jethro. I can't stand the way it felt."

He nodded, taking a small drink and then placing the bottle back where she'd found it. He couldn't exactly say he blamed her, but he still wasn't sure if it was the best coping mechanism. Jenny sank down on the bed, her head dropping into her hands, and he walked closer, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Just breathe, Jen."

She tipped over onto the bed and she sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. Pretending that she didn't notice the red stands of hair that were clinging to her fingers, she stared up at him sadly.

"Are we _any _closer to ending this?"

He shook his head, sitting next to her and he pulled her head into his lap. He knew she wanted to leave, he wasn't too fond of the country himself, but there was no way they were close yet.

"It'll be awhile. Believe me, I wish we were."

She nodded and raised herself up slowly. He knew, just by the shine in her eyes, that she was drunk now, and she sighed, shaking her head.

"Russia sucks, Jethro."

He laughed and she rolled her eyes. Running his hand through her hair, he pulled her closer to him, brushing his lips over hers. Just as she deepened the kiss, there was a knock at the door, and Jenny groaned, laying her head on his shoulder. She stood up, remarkably steady as she walked and when she opened the door, she smiled at Decker warmly.

"Hey, Will."

"Hi, Jenny. How'd it go tonight?"

She rolled her eyes and he frowned.

"He didn't take the offer?"

"No, I gave him the offer, told him my terms, and now all we have to do is wait."

Decker nodded, and frowned when he noticed the slight flush of her skin.

"You feeling okay, Jenny? You look a little peaked."

She nodded, her laughter doing nothing to reassure him. He was reminded of the night in Paris when she'd been stoned, and he wondered if she'd accidentally gotten high again.

"You sure?"

"Definitely. Did you need anything else?"

"Um...no, I guess not. Good night, Jenny. Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded at him, and as Jenny closed the door, she threw him a look that was more than a little suggestive.

"Jethro?"

His name had never sounded so seductive, and he raised his eyebrow at her as she walked back across the room. She sat down next to him, running her hand over his leg slowly.

"Jen?"

"Do you remember what you told me in Paris?"

He frowned.

"About what?"

"About being drunk," she murmured, trailing her lips along the base of his throat.

His suggestion from that night came back to him, and he smiled.

"I remember."

His lips crashed into hers, the gasp that fell from her lips making him smile as he pushed her down onto the bed. Her hands wound into his hair and as he pushed the hem of her shirt up, she moaned at the sensation of his hands on her bare skin. Her movements were clumsy, rushed, and he pinned her wrists above her head.

"Jen..."

"Yeah?"

"Are you—"

Urgent knocking interrupted his words and he moved off of her, making his way to the door. Decker was on the other side, looking frantic.

"What's wrong?"

"Boss, there was an ambush. Zhukov was meeting with other bidders and there was a massive firefight."

"He dead?"

"No, but one of the men had this on him."

He held up a small flash drive, and Gibbs frowned.

"What is it?"

Jenny got up from the bed, thankful that her appearance wasn't too disheveled, and she reached to take the small device from Decker.

"It's a flash drive. Holds information. What's on it, Will?"

"Bank account info. Routing numbers, PIN numbers, names of clients, names of targets, etc."

She whistled and Gibbs' eyes widened.

"I'm guessing Zhukov didn't know about it."

"Right. That's going to be your leverage, Jenny. We need you to meet with him. Get him to agree to the deal. Do whatever it takes, Shepard. We need this to work. We can get this over with and get the hell out of here."

Jenny nodded.

"When?"

"Now."

Gibbs frowned. He didn't like the idea of sending Jenny in alone, especially not when she'd been drinking. Her inhibitions would be lower, and her reaction time impaired.

"Let me get ready, and I'll go."

"Wait a minute."

"Gibbs, we don't have time. Shepard is our best bet."

Sighing, he finally nodded and Jenny quickly began pinning her hair up, as she prepared to secure her wig. When she was ready, she nodded to Decker.

"Just give me a minute. I need to talk to Gibbs."

She closed the door and as soon as she turned around, she frowned at the look in his eyes.

"What?" she sighed.

"Don't do this."

"I have to. We need to finish this, Jethro."

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hard as he held her against him.

"Be careful," he whispered.

She nodded.

"I will."

* * *

Even as much as she hated the country, Jenny couldn't deny that St. Petersburg was beautiful. As she walked the deserted street, she decided to focus of the aesthetic of the city rather than the racing thoughts in her head. She was finding it easier to slip into the mind of Anya Machova with each passing day, and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it. For so many weeks, she'd been consumed by the need to finish this assignment as quickly as possible, like a fire in her blood, and now she found that as the possibility came closer, she was more determined than ever.

It drove her faster, the liquor in her veins making her more confident, and she knew, as she neared the old house, that this was going to end soon. One way or another. Gibbs was worried about her, that much was obvious in the way he looked at her, but she knew he would never say as much. It was better to pretend that she didn't notice herself slipping, that she didn't realise she was losing herself in this operation more and more each day. It was becoming more and more difficult for her to remember that she'd had a life before this, that she hadn't always been this way, and she shook her head slowly.

She'd become so absorbed in Anya Machova that she'd even dreamt of weapons, of striking deals, of double crossing arms dealer, and ultimately of her own death. Not that this particularly concerned her. All that mattered was that she finished this mission. As long as their targets were eliminated, nothing else was of any concern.

As she walked, Jenny could feel the small flash drive concealed in her shoe, tucked into the side of her boot and she smiled. This new information was going to save her so much time and it wouldn't take long for her to be able to make her move. She knocked on the door, and when Anatoly Zhukov opened the door, he frowned.

"Madame Machova. I did not expect to see you tonight. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I have something new to discuss with you, Anatoly."

He nodded, opening the door farther and allowing her to step inside. Jenny glanced around as they walked, searching for Svetlana, and she frowned.

"You are alone tonight?"

He nodded.

"Yes. Svetlana is busy with a business deal."

They entered the study, and as the door closed behind him, Anatoly smiled at her warily.

"What would you like to discuss?"

"I would like to revisit the weapons of mass destruction that were mentioned earlier."

"Ah, my dear Anya, I already told you that I cannot discuss such things with you."

"Yes, but you also have codes that can be used to wire money into off-shore bank accounts and you are more than capable of hiring someone else to set those weapons in motion. I would like to discuss gaining access to them."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"What would make you think that such accounts exist?"

Jenny reached into her boot, pulling out the flash drive, and when she held it up in the dim light, Anatoly made to grab it. She held it out of his reach, shaking her head, and gave him a smile.

"Not so fast. Discussions first."

Anatoly frowned.

"It is not me you need to discuss this with. Svetlana handles most of that. She has the information you want."

Jenny nodded, still smiling.

"Where can I find her?"

"I am not permitted to say."

Taking a step forward, Jenny placed her hand on his arm, pretending that she didn't want to scream.

"Talk it over with her. I will be waiting to hear from you. I trust you'll make the right choice."

Sweeping past him, Jenny had almost reached the door when his voice stopped her.

"Wait. I will accept your offer. I can get you a meeting with Svetlana tomorrow night."

"Good. I'll be waiting."

Again his voice called out to her as she walked away and she inwardly groaned.

"What about the flash drive?"

Jenny turned, flashing him a smile, and placed it back into her shoe.

"All in good time."

* * *

Swearing in French as she walked back into their hotel room, Jenny leaned against the door for a moment before she slid down it slowly. Gibbs was nowhere to be found, and she wasn't sure she even had it in her to care. Her head fell onto her knees as she fought against the tears she could feel brimming in her eyes, and when she took a deep breath, she could feel her body shaking.

Gibbs' eyes narrowed when he walked back from the bathroom and noticed the redhead sitting on the floor by the closed door. Even from where he stood, he could see how violently she was shaking, and he moved slowly closer, not wanting to startle her.

"Jenny?"

She didn't look up, but she answered him nonetheless.

"Meeting with Svetlana tomorrow night."

He nodded, even though she wasn't looking, and he took a step closer, staring down at her.

"Did he hurt you?"

Her head shook and he sighed in relief. He didn't know what he would have done if she'd answered in the affirmative. Actually, yes he did. And it was exactly what they'd been sent here to do.

"I can't do this anymore, Jethro," she whispered, her voice hoarse, "I don't know who I am. I feel so lost, so wrapped up in all of this."

He held out his hand, his voice soft when he spoke.

"Hey...look at me."

Raising her eyes to his, Jenny took a slow breath and he looked at her seriously.

"Come here."

She took his hand, and he pulled her to her feet, holding her tightly against his chest.

"Oh, Jen..." he breathed, his hand running over her hair, "You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you. This is all going to be over soon."

"How soon?" she asked, her voice muffled by his body.

"Tomorrow, we're making our move. You're taking down Svetlana and I've got Zhukov. This will be over soon."

She nodded and he released her, walking over to the bedside table. Picking up the bottle of vodka, he unscrewed the cap and took a drink, handing it to her slowly.

"Should we pick up where we left off?"

Again, she nodded as she downed the clear liquid, and when she was feeling pleasantly drunk once more, Gibbs lifted her off her feet and tossed her carefully on the bed. Her hands pulled him closer, unbuttoning his jeans and she pushed them down with her feet. He lifted the hem of her shirt, tossing it onto the floor, along with the rest of their rapidly disappearing clothing. His mouth attacked her throat, pulling the smooth skin between his teeth and as he bit down, she moaned, her hand holding him to her by the back of his neck.

His fingers slid into her, causing her to moan his name, and she gripped his shoulder with her free hand.

"Oh, fuck, Jethro..."

He moved his mouth down her body, dipping his tongue into her collarbone, and she moaned as he twisted his fingers, hitting her in just the right spot. He was still moving lower, his lips deliberately skipping over where he knew she wanted him most, and he nipped at the inside of her thighs. He pulled her closer by her legs, sucking the flesh of her thigh between his teeth, intentionally using enough pressure that it would leave a mark on her white skin. He wanted her to remember this moment when she saw the bruise on her body.

His tongue joined his fingers, focusing primarily on her clit and Jenny's hand gripped the sheet beneath her so tightly that it hurt. She swore in French as her body jerked beneath him, and when he pulled his fingers away from her, smirking when she groaned in protest. He entered her faster than he had in the past, and she cried out as he rolled his hips against hers. Her name was a rough whisper as he buried his face in her shoulder, and she let her head fall back onto the mattress.

"Jethro..."

He looked at her, and without even needing to hear her ask, he brought his lips to hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth. Her hips met his as he moved, and he swore softly. She moaned into the kiss, her hands tangling in his hair, and he moved faster, sensing that she was close. Just as she was about to fall over the edge, his hand found hers, entwining their fingers together, and he brought his lips close to her ear.

"Jen, look at me."

She looked at him, green eyes locking onto cobalt blue, and it wasn't until her climax hit her that she closed them again, her grip on his hand tightening. He kept his hold on her hand when his own release came, and he swore, her name falling from his lips like a prayer. As she tried to catch her breath, Gibbs kissed her forehead, still holding her hand, and she smiled as he moved to the side of the bed.

"Jethro..." she whispered, "I can't believe I've never done that before. Definitely better drunk."

He smiled, kissing her again.

"Happy to be your first time. Glad I could help."

Jenny was silent for a long moment and when she suddenly laughed, he frowned.

"What's so funny?"

"Just remembering my first time..." she said laughing again.

"It was that bad?"

She nodded.

"Super awkward. He cried after we were done, and he came in about five minutes. Needless to say, I didn't. It was horrible."

Gibbs laughed, kissing the top of her head as he pulled her into his arms.

"What about you? What was your first time like?"

He frowned, thinking.

"It was okay, I guess. She wasn't that into it, just wanted to sleep with me to say she had. It was some weird bet she had with her friend."

"How old were you?"

"Sixteen. You?"

"Seventeen. I was a bit of a prude back then."

He laughed, looking at her so incredulously that she could almost feel the sarcasm radiating from his body.

"You, a prude? I find that very hard to believe."

She slapped his arm lightly and bit his shoulder, laughing when he glared at her. It felt so nice to simply be able to be herself, the person she thought she'd lost, and she smiled up at him before settling more securely in his arms.

"Thank you, Jethro."

"What for?"

She sighed, running her fingers slowly up and down his arm.

"You reminded me of who I am. I've been so caught up in being Anya that I'd forgotten how to be Jenny."

"You're welcome, Jen."

He smiled, leaning down to kiss her, and when he turned off the light on the bedside table and hour later, he tried to pretend that he wasn't becoming steadily more worried about the woman in his arms.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed!**


	11. A Glimpse of You

**A/N: Jenny opens up to Gibbs about certain parts of her past, and and we see that infamous "round to the thigh". Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

In the years to come, and even in the direct aftermath, Jenny Shepard never quite knew how she had ended up in this situation. When she left their hotel that morning, the only thing that had been on her mind was that this would all soon be over, and she could get out of the god-forsaken country of Russia. As she walked the streets of St. Petersburg, she was very thankful that she'd had the presence of mind to wear her undercover disguise, but she hated ever second of it.

"Madame Machova, how wonderful to see you without the cover of darkness. I must say, you are even more breathtaking in the morning light."

She turned at the voice, and found herself facing the one person she really had no desire to see, unless it was with a bullet between his eyes.

"Good morning," she said briskly, trying to walk away even as she spoke.

"I am happy that I've seen you this morning. I'm afraid that our meeting tonight must be postponed. I will be otherwise engaged this evening."

"Oh? And what, pray tell, could be more important than our meeting?"

Anatoly smiled, nodding his head at her.

"I must go to Prague on business. Svetlana and I will be leaving in a few hours. I am very sorry, my dear Anya. We will have to reschedule."

Indeed, he did sound sorry, but Jenny knew it had nothing to do with weaponry. He'd been hoping to seduce her, and while the very thought filled her with disgust, Jenny had decided that she would at least let him believe that he stood a chance. She needed him to trust her, to get his guard down enough that he wouldn't suspect that she had led Gibbs right to him.

"I am very sorry to hear that. I wish I could accompany you. Then we would not have to wait."

She lowered her voice, trying to make it as seductive as she could, and when he met her eyes, she was revolted by the lust she saw reflected back at her.

"That is a wonderful idea, Anya. In fact, you and our American friend should both join us. I have a feeling you'd both be very interested in what we are discussing. I insist you join us."

"What about Svetlana?" she asked carefully, not wanting to anger him.

"I will deal with her. She will love the idea."

There was no way in hell that she believed that, but Jenny nodded nonetheless.

"Very well. I will await your official invitation."

Leaning in slowly, Anatoly brushed his lips over her cheek and she fought the urge to slap him.

"You always have an invitation to my bed, my dear Anya."

As hard as she tried, Jenny couldn't stop the shiver that passed through her body at his words.

* * *

"Prague? How in the world are we supposed to do that, Jen?"

She sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"I didn't expect him to actually take my suggestion seriously. I was just trying to throw him off."

Gibbs looked at her seriously, only partially angry at the change in plans, and frowned when he noticed how pale she was. This op was taking a major toll on her, and he was starting to get very worried about her.

"You could probably get out of it," she said quietly, her head in her hands.

"And let you be with them alone? Not a chance, Shepard."

She smiled weakly at his words and when there was a knock at the door, he stood slowly, peering out cautiously.

"Gibbs, got the tickets for your flight. You and Shepard leave tonight an hour before Zhukov and Chernitskaya. That will give you time to prepare."

"Thanks, Decker."

The other agent passed him the tickets and Gibbs placed them in his pocket.

"Good luck."

* * *

Jenny couldn't shake the bad feeling that was all around her as she stepped off the plane in Prague, and not even Gibbs' hand on her back could make her feel better. Gibbs noticed her unease and as they walked to their hotel room, he leaned closer, his voice low enough that only she could hear.

"What's wrong, Jen?"

She shook her head, glancing up at him slowly.

"I don't know. I just have a bad feeling."

He nodded, kissing her hair gently.

"Just relax. We've got about forty-five minutes until we have to meet them."

Closing the hotel door securely behind him, Gibbs pulled her into his arms as soon as she had set their bags on the floor. She was shaking, whether from the cold or something else, he didn't know, and he frowned. Her skin was ice cold to the touch, and he looked at her in concern.

"You're freezing."

She nodded, moving as close to him as she could, hoping to absorb some of his body heat. Walking slowly toward the bathroom, Gibbs turned on the water of the shower, hotter than was normally comfortable for him, and smiled at Jenny when she appeared in the doorway.

"What are you doing?"

"Come here."

He pulled her closer, pushing her coat from her shoulders, and as she stepped out of her clothing, he took a moment to appreciate the view before him. She noticed his staring and frowned as he pulled his own shirt over his head.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shrugged, and she sighed.

"Fine. Don't tell me."

She was too tired and cold to argue the point, and as he pulled her under the hot spray of the water, she shivered even more. He knew how much she hated being cold, and as her body finally began to warm, he admired the way her hair darkened as the water soaked it. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed the base of her throat gently, sweeping her hair over her shoulder carefully.

"You're so beautiful, Jen."

He ran his fingers through her hair carefully, not wanting to tangle it, and she smiled as she turned in his embrace, blinking to keep the water from her eyes.

"Jethro?"

He raised his eyebrow in response, and she raised up on her toes just enough to kiss him, smiling as she pulled away.

"Thank you."

"For?"

"The shower. This is nice."

He smiled.

"You're of no use to me if you freeze to death, Jen. I can't do this op without you."

She laughed.

"Good to know you care so much."

Gibbs nodded, kissing her again.

"Well, yeah. You're a damn good agent."

Jenny ran her hands over his chest, her eyes darkening as she looked up at him.

"That's not all I'm good at, Jethro."

Her lips met his slowly, the heat of the shower making her more relaxed than she'd been in months, and he ran his hand down her side. Jenny ran her hands through his hair, pulling him closer as he kissed her again, and she moaned as his tongue swept into her mouth. He hooked her leg around his waist, bracing himself on the wall of the shower, and as he kissed her throat, he bit down gently, just enough to cause her to tighten her grip in his hair.

"Tell me what you want, Jen."

She gasped as her head fell back against the wall, and she slowly opened her eyes, emerald green locking on sapphire blue.

"Just don't stop," she whispered.

He moved slower than he ever had with her, wanting to make the moment last as long as possible, and she moaned as he slid into her. Every touch was careful, gentle in a way that Jenny was unused to, and as Gibbs ran his tongue over the shell of her ear, he reached for her hand. He entwined their fingers together, kissing her deeply, and she wasn't sure if the water on her face was a result of the shower or if she was crying.

She didn't know why, but the fact that he always held her hand when they slept together made her feel stronger emotions than she knew how to deal with. It was such a simple gesture, but it made her feel safer and more special than she had in years. He shifted slightly, the angle hitting her perfectly, and she cried out as she began to feel that familiar tightening in her lower abdomen.

Her free hand tightened in his hair and she kissed him slowly, her tongue dancing over his. She moaned as he whispered her name, rough and low, the sound almost enough to send her over the edge on its own. He sped up his movements slightly, and she swore softly as she came, her hand tightening in his.

"Jesus Christ, Jethro..." she whispered, her head falling onto his shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head, and she smiled as she leaned against his body heavily.

"Still cold?"

She shook her head.

"No. Thank you."

"Anytime, Jen."

* * *

Shaking his head as he watched Jenny secure the wig on her head, Gibbs frowned at her in the mirror. He absolutely hated the way she looked in the disguise, and though he knew it was necessary, he wanted nothing more to rip the wig from her head and let her fiery tresses fall loose.

"Something wrong, Jethro?"

Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he shook his head.

"No. Just thinking."

She nodded, though she wasn't sure she believed him. She smiled at him as she finished applying her makeup and as he held out his hand, he glanced at his watch.

"We'd better go. Don't want to be late."

"Where are we meeting him?"

"An old church just outside the city."

She allowed him to pull her into his arms and as soon as he opened the door, she began to shiver again.

"That's it. I'm buying you a coat when this is over."

Jenny laughed.

"You don't need to do that. There are much better ways to stay warm, as you demonstrated earlier."

Pointedly ignoring the way her words made him feel, he led her out of the room, his hand protectively at the small of her back. Jenny smiled at him as they walked, trying to remember that they were still deep in this mission, and they couldn't afford to slip up. There was too much at stake.

* * *

Her bad feeling was back, stronger than ever, and as they stood in the darkness, Jenny tried to keep her body from shaking. Gibbs stood a careful distance away from her, near enough that he could still have her in sight, but far enough away to avoid suspicion. The quiet voice of Anatoly Zhukov caused them to turn, and though it had been he who had spoken, Jenny's eyes immediately landed on the cold gaze of Svetlana Chernitskaya as she stood just behind him.

The freezing wind around them was nothing compared to the ice in her blue eyes, and Jenny could feel the hatred radiating from her like electricity.

"How good of you to join us, Madame Machova. And our American friend as well. Charming."

It did not escape Jenny's notice that Svetlana never once spoke Gibbs' name, and the distaste in her tone when she said Jenny's made the redhead secretly envious. It was obvious that the other woman hated her, mistrusted her at best, and she finally brought her eyes to the man who had spoken.

"Good evening, Anatoly," Jenny replied smoothly, ignoring the blonde's glare, "It was good of you to invite us."

He smiled, nodding at her with that familiar look of lust, and she knew Gibbs could see it from where he stood.

"We are waiting for one more."

Gibbs frowned.

"One more?"

"Yes. An Italian. He should be here momentarily."

They said nothing else, and Jenny couldn't stop herself from looking around the room curiously. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that the Italian Anatoly had mentioned had not come alone, and she frowned at the presence of the men holding guns by the entrance. Anatoly seemed to notice them at the same time she had, and his eyes widened as he noticed the handgun aimed at Svetlana.

"What is going on?"

"Surely you had to know it would come to this, Zhukov."

The low voice made Gibbs more than a little uncomfortable, and as he turned, he found himself facing a man who all but towered over him, his dark eyes flashing dangerously.

"This is the second attempt on your life in the past month, you really should be more careful."

"Matteo, you cannot mean—"

"One of you is in possession of a very valuable piece of information, and we're not leaving here without it."

Though she hated him with every fiber of her being, Jenny couldn't help but admire Anatoly's quick thinking. He reached for Svetlana, shoving her towards the back exit of the church, and pulled out the small weapon he'd concealed at his back. She had no idea who had fired first, but she instinctively ducked as the gunshots rang out, and searched blindly for Gibbs. Her own weapon was of no use to her, after all, a blade was little protection from a bullet, and she swore in her head as the firefight grew more intense.

She knew, from the strangled shout, that Anatoly had been hit, but how badly remained to be seen. Part of her wished that perhaps the shot had been fatal, but she knew there was no way they had gotten off that lucky. She still hadn't located Gibbs, and she prayed that he was safe. A blinding pain ripped into her thigh as she ran for the door, and as she landed on the cold floor, she felt blood begin to soak through the fabric of her jeans.

She moaned quietly, trying to pull herself along the floor, but as her vision began to fail her, she collapsed, her last thought of trying to find her partner.

* * *

In the chaos of the firefight, Gibbs struggled to keep Jenny in his sight as he dove to the ground for cover. He inwardly cursed the dark wig she wore, knowing that her flaming hair would have been much easier to locate in the blackness. Svetlana had made it to the back of the church, and while he knew her lover had been hit, they were of little concern to him at the moment. His only thought was of finding Jenny, and it wasn't until the last of the shots had faded that he felt that it was safe enough to stand. Anatoly had gotten off a fair amount of rounds himself, and Gibbs made a mental note that he was more capable than he had previously thought. It wouldn't help anything if the Russian suddenly became suspicious of him and decided to kill him.

He walked slowly to the door, his eyes finally adjusting to the darkness, and he shook his head sadly as he surveyed the damage. Jenny knew enough to go back to their hotel in case of an emergency, and he sighed as he gave the room one final glance. How had things gone so wrong so quickly? Just as he was about to step into the street, he caught sight of a pale thin hand on the ground, and he froze. Svetlana had gotten out, he had seen as much himself, so there was only one person that hand could belong to.

He ran closer, kneeling down, and he swore when he turned her over, taking in her still features. He felt for a pulse, beyond relieved when he found it, and when his eyes noticed the trail of blood leading to the wound in her leg, he swore again. He knew he had to get her out of here and back to the hotel where he could examine the damage better, but he had no idea if it was safe. Deciding that there was no other option, Gibbs pulled her close, lifting her into his arms, and when he stood, she stirred slightly at the movement.

Moving as quickly as he could, he stepped out into the street, praying that the cover of night would be enough to keep them from being noticed, and he tried to ignore the way her skin was colder than ice as he carried her back to the only safe place he knew of.

* * *

Placing Jenny's body carefully on the bed, Gibbs busied himself with finding supplies, thankful that he always had alcohol of some kind wherever he went. A soft moan from the bed drew his attention, and his piercing blue eyes met her glazed green. He was by her side in seconds, running his hand through her slightly damp hair.

"Jen?"

"W-what happened?" she asked weakly.

"We were caught in the middle of an ambush. Anatoly was set up."

"Is he—?"

"Unfortunately, no. He and Svetlana made it out. It's you I'm concerned about."

Snippets of the night came back to her, and Jenny frowned.

"I was hit?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. I have to get the bullet out, Jen. It's not going to be pleasant, but we can't risk going to a hospital."

Jenny nodded, her eyes locking on his slowly, and she reached up to touch his cheek with a shaking hand.

"How bad?"

He looked down at her leg, shrugging.

"Can't tell yet. I'm going to have to cut your jeans. It's swollen pretty badly."

Pulling out the knife from his pocket, he carefully began cutting the denim, oblivious to the slight amusement in her eyes.

"I really liked those jeans," she said wistfully.

"Yeah?" he asked, distractedly.

"Yeah," she answered with a small smile, "They made my ass look great."

He rolled his eyes, tossing the fabric to the ground and when he pulled out a lighter, Jenny frowned at the candle on the bedside table.

"Where did that come from?"

He shrugged, lighting the wick slowly.

"I asked the front desk. Told them I wanted it for a romantic night with my wife."

Jenny laughed, and he handed the glass of vodka to her carefully, painfully aware of the shaking in her hands.

"Drink it fast. Hopefully it will be enough to take the edge off. Sorry I don't have anything else."

She nodded, taking a deep breath, and as she swallowed the clear liquid, her body shuddered.

"God," she gasped, shaking her head, "it tastes like rubbing alcohol."

He laughed, and reached for her hand, waiting for her to look at him. He wasn't sure if she really understood how much this was going to hurt, and he didn't know if he was capable of inflicting that kind of pain on her. She raised her eyes to his, bright with a combination of pain and alcohol, and he ran his free hand through her hair.

"This is going to hurt like hell, Jen."

She nodded.

"I know."

"I might not be able to get the bullet on the first try, but I can't stop until I do. I need you to know that."

Nodding again, Jenny leaned closer, brushing her lips against his, and she smiled as she pulled away.

"I trust you, Jethro," she whispered.

* * *

After waiting an appropriate amount for the knife to cool after being sterilized, Gibbs took a deep breath to steady himself. Jenny pulled her belt from her jeans and wound it around her hand, placing it firmly between her teeth. He met her eyes slowly, and when she finally nodded, he positioned the knife over the wound. The first press of the blade wasn't as bad as Jenny had expected, and it lulled her into a false sense of security before he twisted it deeper into her flesh.

Her eyes shut tightly, breathing heavily in a desperate attempt to keep from screaming, and as Gibbs struggled to locate the bullet amongst the swollen wound, a soft whimper fell from her throat. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, Gibbs placed two fingers deep into her flesh, digging for the bullet carefully. He glanced up at her, trying to pretend that he didn't see the pain in her eyes as they slowly opened, and when his fingers slipped on the blood-slicked bullet, he swore quietly.

Trying again, he was finally able to get better purchase on the tiny piece of metal, and he pulled it out slowly.

"Got it, Jen."

He tried to ignore the tense note of fear in his voice, and he looked up at her with a small smile.

"You got it?" she whispered.

He held it up to show her, and she nodded, her entire body shaking. He eyed the bottle of vodka longingly, pouring her another drink and when he held it out to her, she frowned.

"What's this for?"

"Trust me."

She nodded, downing the drink quickly, and he had never wanted to taste it so badly. He knew if he touched a drop tonight, he wouldn't be able to stop, and he shook his head to return to the task at hand. He placed the knife back into the flame of the candle after cleaning her blood from the silver, and her eyes widened as she realised what he was about to do.

"Jethro?"

It was clear she hadn't expected this, and he looked at her sadly.

"I have to, Jen. I'm sorry."

"C-can't you just—"

He cut her off with a shake of his head, and he leaned closer, kissing her gently.

"I wish I could. I wish I didn't have to do this."

She met his eyes slowly, nodding as she realised he would never lie to her about something like this. It was obvious that he was struggling with what he needed to do, and she reached for his hand to stop the shaking.

"Do it, Jethro. I trust you."

It was the second time she had said she trusted him that night, and it gave him the strength he needed to nod at her as he kissed her again.

"Jen, I—"

"I know," she said quietly, "Just do it."

Nothing in her life could have prepared her for the blinding pain that lit up her entire body, and Gibbs draped his free arm over her hips to keep her as still as possible. Her body jerked under the knife and he struggled to hold it in place, knowing that he was causing her an unimaginable amount of pain. The scent of burning flesh flooded his senses, and when he noticed her body had gone limp, he glanced up at her sadly.

In a way, he was glad she had passed out, because now she was far away from the pain, and as he set the knife down on the bedside table, he reached for the cloth he'd found. He stood on shaking legs to make his way into the bathroom and turned on the tap in the sink. He ran it under the warm water, lathering a bit of soap onto the cloth, and returned to the bedroom, setting about cleaning the blood from her skin.

She didn't move as he finished dressing the wound and as he pulled out the cell phone Decker had given him, he ran his hand over her hair gently. Decker answered on the second ring, his voice betraying his confusion.

"Gibbs?"

"Yeah. Listen, something's come up. Shepard and I are going to be leaving for the safe house in Serbia tomorrow. We'll be in touch as soon as we can."

"What happened?"

"Zhukov's meeting was an ambush. A set up."

"He knows who we are?"

"No. _He _ was set up. It was a plot to kill him, not us. We just got caught in the middle. Zhukov and Chernitskaya will probably lay low for awhile, and we're going to as well."

"You guys alright?"

Gibbs was silent for a moment, and he sighed as he looked at the unconscious redhead on the bed.

"Shepard was hit."

"Shit," Decker said quietly, "How bad?"

"Round to the thigh. She's unconscious right now, but as soon as she wakes up, as long as there's no immediate danger, we're moving."

"Got it. Stay safe, and let us know when you're in Serbia. We'll keep an eye out for Zhukov and Chernitskaya."

"Thanks."

The click in his ear was loud, and when Gibbs faced Jenny again, he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her forehead. Her skin was slightly warm, and he frowned. He prayed that there wasn't an infection beginning, and as Jenny's chest rose and fell, he moved closer to her on the bed, pulling her carefully into his arms.

* * *

Burley frowned as Decker hung up the phone, the expression on his face making him more than a little nervous.

"What's going on?"

"Gibbs called. There was an ambush at the meeting with Zhukov. They're going to lay low for awhile."

"Serbia?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. Zhukov and Chernitskaya will probably be back in the country soon, so we need to be on the lookout for them, track their movements."

"Was anyone hit? During the ambush?"

Decker nodded, and Burley was suddenly feeling very nauseous.

"Gibbs?"

Taking a deep breath, Decker shook his head, his voice sad as he spoke.

"Jenny."

Burley swore, but quickly backtracked as Decker's previous words circled around in his memory and he frowned.

"Wait. You said "they" needed to lay low. She must be okay, then...right?"

"Gibbs said she was unconscious when he called. Said they'd move if she wasn't in any danger."

Burley nodded, feeling his concern growing the more he thought about their redheaded friend being in any kind of pain.

* * *

Jenny decided, as she sat with her head on Gibbs' shoulder, that she absolutely hated riding trains. It was uncomfortable, slow, altogether impractical, and the fact that it was their safest option did little to ease her discomfort. Gibbs frowned as she shifted next to him, wondering if she was in pain, and when she sighed, moving closer to the window, he narrowed his eyes.

"You okay?"

She nodded slowly, brushing her hair out of her face, and she leaned her head against the window, staring out at the scenery as it flew by.

"How long will we be in Serbia?"

"About a week. You need to let that heal and stay safe."

Jenny nodded again, looking at him with a growing feeling of guilt as he placed his hand on her knee gently. She couldn't help but feel as though their relationship had changed drastically in the past few days. She'd allowed him to cut open her flesh, literally digging through it to find the bullet, and it had left them both more raw than she'd ever felt with another person before.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, her words rushed as though she were afraid of them.

He turned in his seat to look at her intently, and she looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

"For?"

"I...for all of this. If I hadn't gotten shot, this would have never—"

"Jen. Stop. You didn't get shot deliberately, and I know you didn't want this to happen. Don't worry about it now. Just take it slow and try to relax while we're in Serbia."

Finally, she looked at him, nodding slowly, and when he wrapped his arm around her, she laid her head back on his shoulder, finding comfort in his warmth.

* * *

The farmhouse was small, but Jenny fell in love with it immediately. Her movements were much slower than usual as she navigated the tiny space, and as she found a pan to boil water, she realised that she was slightly too short to reach the cups at the top of the cabinet. She frowned as she glanced around the room, wondering how she was going to get it down, eyeing the chairs by the table with annoyance. She didn't fancy the idea of dragging the chair across the room, and she was too proud to call Gibbs down from the bedroom to ask for his assistance.

Bracing herself on the counter, Jenny pulled her body up, sitting on the edge of the counter and as her fingers locked onto the small teacup, she smiled in triumph.

"What the hell. Jen?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice, dropping the cup and when it cracked on impact, she glared at him.

"Thanks a lot, Jethro. We don't have many of those, and you just made me drop one."

He moved closer, kneeling down and picking up the cup, setting the cracked porcelain on the table. She pulled another one down, placing it carefully on the counter next to her, and Gibbs walked over, placing his hands on her hips.

"What are you doing?"

"Making tea. I needed a cup and couldn't reach it."

"You should have asked me. You could have gotten hurt."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"I'm not helpless, Jethro."

He lifted her up, lowering her carefully to the floor, and as her feet touched the ground, she smiled up at him warmly.

"Thank you."

Kissing the tip of her nose, he smiled as she began pouring her tea into the cup, admiring how much more at ease she seemed.

"You're welcome."

* * *

Jenny could feel Gibbs watching her as she sat on the porch outside, looking at the sun as it began to sink over the horizon. Her eyes were illuminated by the orange light, the colour giving her an ethereal beauty, and when he stepped out onto the porch, she turned, giving him a small smile.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"How do you feel?"

She shrugged, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"It's not too bad unless I move a certain way."

He nodded, kneeling down in front of her and pulling her leg closer. Her eyes widened when he reached for the bandage, and he frowned at the look of fear in her eyes.

"I'm just checking it. Need to make sure it's not infected."

She nodded slowly, slightly tensing as his fingers unwrapped the bandage. Closing her eyes as he removed the dressing, Jenny knew that if she saw the damage, she would be sick. Gibbs examined it carefully, his fingers gently probing the area, and he frowned. It was reddened, though that was to be expected, and other than the discolouration, it seemed to be healing nicely. He wrapped it up again, smiling at her as he finished, and he rose up just enough to place a kiss to her forehead.

"Looks good. Just don't move around too much, and you should be fine."

Jenny nodded, running her fingers slowly through his hair, and when he looked into her eyes, he was surprised to see that they had darkened considerably. He knew the look well, but he also knew they couldn't indulge it right now, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Later, Jen. I promise."

"Holding you to that, Jethro."

* * *

As he watched Jenny move around the house, Gibbs frowned as she winced slightly. She was moving better than she had been a few days earlier, but it was clear that she was still in pain. He knew that he cared for her, but he hadn't realised until now just how strong those feelings had become. It was a feeling that he hadn't experienced in years, and if he was being honest, it scared him. He'd always kept the women in his life at arms' length, deliberately never letting them get too close, but with Jenny...

Jenny was different than any other woman he'd been with. Her fiery personality challenged him in the best way, she was ambitious, she saw the good in everyone, she was gorgeous beyond words...but still he wondered. Was it enough for him to open up to her? Could he really let her in? Could he find it in himself to trust her with his most carefully guarded secret? He didn't have a damn clue, but for the first time, he was beginning to realise that he actually wanted to try. This, more than anything, made him pause, if for no other reason than he had never before considered telling any of the women in his life about _them_. It was too personal, too painful.

Damn. He was seriously in over his head.

The look in her eyes as she smiled at him made him realise that he didn't give a damn.

"Jethro, are you okay?"

Her soft voice brought him back to the present, and he smiled at her as he walked over, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Fine, Jen. Why don't you give it a rest for tonight? You don't want to overdo it."

Jenny nodded, leaning on him as he led her towards the front of the house, and she paused as they passed the front door.

"Can we go outside? It's such a nice night."

He swept her into his arms, her bright laughter making him smile, and as he set her in the grass, she nestled closer, her hair spilling over his chest.

"I never thanked you, Jethro."

Her voice was soft in the darkness, and when he glanced down at her, she was still staring up at the sky.

"For?"

"You saved my life."

He kissed her hair gently, his breath warm as he spoke.

"No way in hell I was letting you go. I couldn't do this without you."

She knew he wasn't talking about the op, that this conversation had turned into something much deeper, and she ran her hand over his chest lightly.

"You know, there was a time when I would have hated you for what you did."

He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. I would have hated you for saving me."

"Are you...are you saying that you wanted to die?"

She nodded, glad for the cover of darkness. It hid the slight flush of her skin, and he shook his head in confusion.

"Why?"

Jenny sighed.

"I was...I was in a really bad place. I spent my days drunk, my nights drunker...I never slept, I hated my life, and I wanted nothing more than to end it. But I was too scared. I didn't know what would happen if I did, and that scared me, so I kept going. The pain of living was almost unbearable, and I did a lot of stupid things to cope with it in the best way I could."

She paused, still tracing patterns on his body, and laughed bitterly.

"Don't worry, I wasn't a drug addict, if that's what you were thinking."

"Sounds like you were a bit of an alcoholic, though."

Jenny shrugged.

"Maybe I was. I never thought about it that way. I just focused on doing anything to get through the day alive. By any means necessary. Then I stopped trying to do even that. I wasn't actively trying to kill myself, but if a car had been coming my way, I wouldn't have moved."

Gibbs ran his fingers through her hair, and the soothing gesture gave her the strength to continue.

"I hated myself so much. I felt so worthless, I did everything to find some semblance of control. I drank, I used to struggle pretty badly with self harm, I starved myself when I was younger...anything to make my life outwardly reflect the pain I was in. It was a blatant cry for help...but no one ever noticed."

He kissed her hair again, tightening his hold on her when he realised how violently she was shaking.

"What made you stop?" he whispered.

"I ended up in the hospital. I had just turned twenty-two. The doctors gave me two weeks to live if I didn't change the habits and coping mechanisms I had. Being told with certainty that you're going to die is enough to scare just about anyone into changing. That, and I was a bit of a stubborn bitch. They told me I was going to die, so like any stubborn bitch would, I very petulantly said "Fuck you, no I'm not." and that was when I made the decision to really try. It was the hardest thing I've ever done...living when I didn't think I could, and didn't particularly want to."

Gibbs shifted enough that he could sit up, but didn't release her from his embrace. He looked down at her, amazed and touched that she had trusted him enough to give him a glimpse into her past, and smiled at her sadly.

"I wish you hadn't had to go through that. I'm glad you fought for your life. It's a good one, just from what I've seen. You deserve to be happy."

She sat up, running her fingers through his hair, and when she kissed him, she poured all of her emotions into that single kiss.

"You make me happier than I've been in a long time, Jethro."

He smiled, kissing her again, and held her as close as he possibly could.

"Right back at you, Jen."

* * *

**A/N: I used my own past experiences for Jenny's. Things I learned while writing this chapter: 1) Chernitskaya is a bitch of a name to type, 2) I wish I would have had Gibbs to moonlight as my therapist, and 3) I hate Jenny with dark hair (or blonde. or anything except red.).**


	12. Enlightenment

**A/N: This chapter is just a little light-hearted fun before we get into the heavier bit. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Hours after Jenny had fallen asleep, Gibbs laid awake next to her, thinking about what had just taken place between them. She'd lain in his arms, under the setting sun in the grass, and willingly told him secrets about her past. Secrets that, he knew without a shadow of a doubt, she had never told anyone else, and she'd not hesitated. He couldn't quite explain, even to himself, how it made him feel, but he had gained a new respect for the woman sleeping in the bed next to him.

She'd been through so much, had struggled more than he would have ever guessed, and she'd come out stronger for it. As he tried to figure out what his next move in their relationship should be, she turned slowly in her sleep, her arm almost curled underneath her body, and he frowned. Barely visible in the darkness was a long, thin, white scar that ran the length of her forearm and he traced over it with his fingertip gently. He'd noticed it before, but had never questioned her on its origins, but now he wished he had.

Had it been caused as the result of some long-forgotten childhood fall? A car accident when she'd been learning to drive, perhaps? Or had this been one of the many scars she'd inflicted on herself in a desperate attempt to remember how to feel? In a tragic plea for help that had gone unnoticed and unheard? The more he looked, the more scars he began to find, and he felt strangely sad for her, though he knew she would hate his pity.

Running his fingers gently through her tangled red hair, he smiled when realised that Jenny, perhaps more than anyone, would be able to understand the pain he'd carried with him for the past eight years. Maybe he should consider telling her. Maybe she wouldn't run. Or...maybe she would. It was entirely possible that she'd been through enough pain in her own life and wouldn't be able to handle his as well as hers. Or worse still, that she simply wouldn't want to.

She moaned quietly in her sleep and he frowned, pulling her closer and placing a light kiss to her hair.

"I've got you, Jen," he murmured.

A soft whimper fell from her lips and he tightened his hold on her, wondering what was going on in her mind as she slept.

"Shhh," he whispered as he kissed her again, "I've got you."

* * *

The smile that Jenny gave him when he handed her the cup of tea he'd brought her was the best thing Gibbs had seen in weeks, and he returned it easily. Though there was nothing he wanted to do less, they were leaving Serbia early the next morning to return to Russia, and he felt irrationally angry at the thought. Jenny had been so much more relaxed here, her laughter coming more easily and frequently, and he knew that it wouldn't last when they were back in St. Petersburg. She lost herself so quickly in the coldness of the city and in the persona that had been carefully crafted that it scared him.

He never knew which version of her he would find in the old city, and he wished they could stay longer, hide in Serbia or even return to Paris. He knew that it should make him proud that she was able to play her role so well, but he didn't like the haunted distance in her eyes that followed her, hung around her like a fog.

"Jethro? Are you okay?"

He turned at the sound of her voice and smiled reassuringly.

"Fine. You?"

Jenny nodded, taking a long drink of her tea and frowned at his thoughtful expression.

"You look like you're trying to solve a case."

Gibbs shook his head, leaning down to kiss her gently.

"I just want to remember you like this. Always."

"Like what?"

"Calm, relaxed. Like nothing can touch you."

She frowned again and he decided that he would take the plunge and tell her the thoughts running through his head as he looked down at her.

"Jen, I know you don't want me to, but I'm worried about you. This op isn't good for you. You've been so stressed, you never sleep, you only eat when I mention it, I'm scared that you're going to get too far into this and not be able to get back out."

She was silent for a long moment and when she spoke, her voice was soft in the stillness of the evening.

"I know you mean well, but please...don't worry about me. I can handle this, Jethro."

Shaking his head again, Gibbs sat next to her on the step of the front porch, reaching for her hand.

"With the exception of this past week, I haven't been able to recognise you since we went to Russia. I don't like it. I don't want you to lose yourself in this. No job is worth that."

Jenny gave him a sad smile and sat her cup on the porch next to her, touching his cheek gently.

"Don't worry," she repeated, kissing him softly, "I can do this."

Though he wasn't convinced, he nodded, not wanting to ruin their last night. Their time in Serbia had been filled with long talks, longer nights of making love wherever they decided was best, and he felt as though he knew her pretty well now, at least as much as she would allow. Her hand was slowly trailing through his hair, longer now than it had been in years, and she smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him again.

"What brought this on?"

"I just...I don't want you to fall back into any old habits because of this mission. It's not worth your health."

Her hand stopped moving and when he saw the anger flash in her eyes, Gibbs knew he should have kept his mouth shut.

"So...because you know about my past, now I'm suddenly unstable and unreliable?"

"No that isn't it, Jen. I just worry that—"

"That what? That I'm going to fall apart and have a mental breakdown because the real world is too hard?"

Too late, he realised his mistake, and shook his head quickly, hoping to calm her down.

"Jen, you know how much I value your work ethic, you know I think you're damn good at your job, but...I just don't want that to be at the cost of your health."

"Oh, so now that you've fucked me more times than I can even count, you suddenly care about my well-being? You never would have brought this up if we hadn't started...whatever the hell this is!"

He was so confused as to how this conversation had taken such a drastically wrong turn, and he reached for her hand as she tried to stand up. His fingers locked around her wrist and she glared at him, her eyes colder than he'd ever seen them.

"Jenny, stop. You know I've always cared about you. From the first time I ever saw you in Morrow's office, I knew there was something different about you."

"You wouldn't have mentioned it if we were just partners."

He shook his head.

"Yes, I would have. We're partners, we trust each other. I would do anything to protect you, even if we weren't sleeping together. I didn't help you with Chris Jackson because we were having sex. We weren't, if you recall."

"No, you were holding out for it. You knew it was a possibility. By the time the entire situation went down, you knew. Like I said, this concern is just because you've fucked me and now you're trying to make it seem like we have some deep connection. Like you need to rescue me."

"God damn it, Jen! It's got nothing to do with whether or not I've _fucked you_, as you so eloquently put it. Which, nice way of thinking, by the way. I'm saying something now because I've seen it. I've seen the way this op has changed you. It consumes you, makes you into someone you're not. You've lost yourself so completely in pretending to be _her_ that you can't separate the two. You told me yourself that you didn't know who you were anymore. I just want to keep you from losing yourself entirely."

The fight she'd been building to completely left her as he finished speaking, and when she raised tear-filled green eyes to his, she took a slow breath.

"Why?" she whispered, "Why do you care?"

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again as he realised what he had very nearly said, the words on the tip of his tongue.

"Because you're my friend, I care about you, and I don't want to lose you."

She didn't speak for a long moment, and just when he was about to give up, she nodded slowly.

"Thank you, Jethro," she said quietly, "and I'm sorry. I was being bitchy, and you don't deserve that."

Gibbs stood up, moving as though he were afraid she'd run, and when he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her. She curled her fingers around his shirt, breathing in his comforting scent, and fought to keep her voice steady.

"Does rule eighteen apply here?"

He laughed, kissing the top of her head gently.

"No, Jen. Come on. Let's get ready for bed. Early start tomorrow."

Jenny nodded, raising up to look at him slowly.

"Have you ever heard of method acting?"

He frowned.

"Yeah, but for argument's sake, pretend I haven't."

Laughing, Jenny allowed him to lead her into the house, pausing only to collect her tea cup.

"It's when actors become their characters to make their role more believable. They spend their time behaving as though they truly are the person they want to be like."

"You're saying that you're method acting, Jen?"

She nodded.

"Not to the extremes that some people go to, but I have to make Zhukov and Chernitskaya believe that I really _am_ Anya Machova, or this will never work. I don't have a choice. I have to be her."

Kissing her as he pulled her closer to the bedroom, his voice was a hoarse whisper as he brought his lips to her ear.

"Just don't forget to come back to Jenny when you're done."

He tried to pretend, as he held her in his arms, that the words "I love you" weren't lingering in the back of his mind, dying to be spoken.

* * *

Burley threw his arms around the redhead as she walked slowly into the hotel room he shared with Decker, smiling at her warmly. She returned his smile, moving to hug Decker, frowning at the concerned look on his face as she pulled away.

"What's wrong, Will?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you."

She shook her head and smiled, touched by his consideration.

"I'm fine. Still a little sore at times, but nothing I can't handle."

Burley kissed her cheek as he walked past, moving to grab a bottle of vodka from the small refrigerator in the corner of the room.

"Glad you're okay, Red. We were worried sick when Gibbs told us you'd been shot."

"Takes more than one bullet to kill me, Stan," Jenny replied with a laugh, tossing her hair over her shoulder, "Someone's got to keep your ass in line when Gibbs isn't around."

Burley laughed, glancing around the room confusedly, and frowned when he realised their team leader was nowhere in sight.

"Speaking of the boss man, where'd he go?"

Jenny shrugged.

"Probably went back to change. It was a long trip back."

The other agent nodded, twisting the cap off the bottle of vodka and pouring it into a glass. He held it out to her with a smile, moving closer when she hesitated.

"Come on, Jenny. You guys aren't meeting the Russians for two more days. Stay and have a few drinks with us. I'm sick of spending all my time with Will."

"Oh, yeah, because seeing your face every day is such a thrill for me," Decker deadpanned, taking the bottle from him.

Jenny laughed, taking the glass and tipping it back slowly. She'd have been lying if she'd said that she didn't need to unwind with her friends before diving back into this mission, and when she sat on the edge of Burley's bed, he smiled.

"I knew I'd eventually get you in my bed, Shepard."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head slowly.

"Not in a million years, Burley. Not even if I was stoned and drunk at the same time."

"Speaking of, what was it like? Being high, I mean."

Jenny frowned. That night was still a blank to her, and she shook her head as she swallowed her drink, shuddering at the taste.

"I don't remember. I just remember going to Ed and Lorraine's, and then waking up the next morning in the attic. Everything else is completely blank."

Burley nodded, emptying his glass, and as he poured another, Jenny drained her own, making it her goal to keep up with him. She wasn't about to let him win their drinking competition, even though he had no idea that it was taking place.

* * *

When Gibbs was granted entrance into Decker and Burley's hotel room, he frowned at the sight of Jenny and Burley sitting on his bed. They were deep in a conversation, both obviously intoxicated, and Decker handed him a glass of vodka as soon as the door closed again.

"Here, boss. You'd need about three more to catch up with them, but it's a start."

He took it, taking a small drink, and walked over to the bed, looking down at the two agents in amusement.

"Having fun?"

Jenny glanced up at the sound of his voice, smiling when she met his eyes, and nodded.

"Hi. We're just talking about white."

He frowned, unsure that he had heard her properly.

"White?" he repeated.

She nodded, her hair falling into her face.

"Yeah," she replied as she brushed it back, "You know, like...how there are so many different shades of white. Lily, off-white, ivory, linen, eggshell..."

"Jenny, you forgot milk!" Burley chimed in, sounding horrified.

"Milk-white," she added with a sigh as she glanced at him.

Gibbs nodded slowly, wondering why on earth they were having this conversation, and sat down on Decker's bed, taking a long drink. He hadn't intended on spending his time drinking with his team, but one look at Jenny's bright smile was all it took for him to change his mind. She smiled so rarely in Russia, and he wasn't going to risk doing anything that would take her happiness away from her.

Though he'd accepted her explanation of method acting, he was still extremely worried about her, and if having a night with their colleagues would help her relax, it was worth it. He only hoped that he could find a way to bring her back if she went too far again.

* * *

"Okay, Stan. Your turn. Truth or dare?"

"Truth. I don't trust you, Red."

Jenny laughed, taking another drink.

"Fair enough. I wouldn't trust me, either."

Gibbs laughed quietly as he watched their banter, glad to see that she was having fun. He was reminded of their time in Paris, where things had been so drastically different, and for a fleeting moment, he wished they'd never had to leave.

"What was the dumbest thing you ever did as a child that you can remember?"

Burley frowned, thinking and laughed when the answer came to him.

"When I was about five, I wanted to be an astronaut. So, I decided to use my mother's washing machine as my space ship. I climbed in and closed the lid, thought it was the coolest thing ever...until I realised I was stuck and couldn't get out. I cried and screamed for what seemed like hours before my mother found me."

Jenny burst into laughter, taking great care not to spill her drink and when she finally spoke, it took everything she had to keep from laughing again.

"How did she get you out?"

"They had to take the machine apart," he admitted, "I was in so much trouble for that."

Decker laughed, shaking his head and looked to the redhead on the opposite bed.

"Your turn, Jenny. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," she answered with a smile.

She knew she could trust Decker to not put her in a compromising position, but still keep the game interesting.

"Oooh, okay. Way to go, Jenny," Burley said with a laugh.

Decker frowned, thinking. It would be too much of a cliché to dare her to kiss him, and he honestly wasn't interested in it. True, she was attractive, but he'd never had those feelings for her, and he knew Gibbs would kill him if he did. Still, he didn't want to waste his chance and he sighed. He wouldn't risk Burley finding out about Gibbs and Jenny by forcing them to kiss in public, but he wanted to see if she would back down from the challenge and take the shot of vodka, or if she was too stubborn to let him win.

"Okay, Jenny. I dare you to kiss Stan. A real kiss, and not slap him afterward."

"Oh, you just had to add that last part, didn't you?" she muttered, "Can I slap him if he touches me?"

"Only if it's inappropriate."

"I'm hurt, Red. I would never do that. Besides, you know you've always wanted to kiss me."

Jenny rolled her eyes, glancing at Gibbs slowly.

"What do you think? Is it worth the humiliation?"

"Not to me," he said immediately, "I'd rather be shot at than kiss Burley."

She nodded, thinking.

"Honestly, I'd rather kiss Ducky," she said quietly, shaking her head, "Hell, even Gibbs would be better than Burley."

Smirking at her ability to act disgusted even though she was drunk, Gibbs nodded.

"Yeah, I think that's what my ex-wife used to say. At least I was better than Stan."

Jenny knew if she had been dared to kiss Gibbs right now, there would have been no way she would have been able to keep it tame, so she was profoundly grateful to Decker for not choosing that path. Finally, she sighed, beckoning Burley closer to her and when their lips met, her eyes closed of their own accord.

It was a simple kiss, nothing compared to the fire that lit up her entire body when she kissed Gibbs, and when they broke apart, Jenny shrugged.

"Sorry, Stan. It was nice, but I think I'll stick with my imagination."

He laughed, nodding.

"Yeah...don't get me wrong Red, you're stunning and a great kisser, but...not feeling it."

Gibbs, who had been tense from the moment Jenny had kissed Burley, could feel the eyes of the other agent in the room and when he glanced up, the look on Decker's face told him that his relationship with the redhead wasn't as well hidden as he'd thought. Jenny tossed back the last of her drink, laughing when Burley walked around the room and threw his arm around Decker's shoulder, kissing his cheek lightly.

"I think Jenny's right. I should have let her slap you," Decker grumbled, shoving the agent away.

"Hey, it's only fair. Jenny can't be the only one in the room who gets to know the joy of kissing me. Share the wealth."

Gibbs glared at him over his glass and shook his head.

"Don't even think about it."

"Absolutely not, boss."

Frowning when Jenny stood up, Gibbs met her eyes seriously, looking for any signs that she might be sick. Shaking her head minutely, she gave him a smile and reached for the bucket near her feet.

"Going to get ice. Decker, walk with me?"

The other agent nodded, glancing at Burley before he left.

"Stan, try not to break anything."

"I got him, Decker."

"Oh, come on, boss! I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

Jenny couldn't contain her laughter as she realised what he'd meant to say, and shook her head as she and Decker stepped out into the hallway. It always amazed her that Burley had a low alcohol tolerance, and tonight was no exception.

* * *

"Boss, how bad was it?"

Gibbs frowned at Burley's question and looked at him as he finished his drink.

"Jenny. Getting shot," he clarified.

Gibbs sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Pretty bad. Had to cut the bullet out and cauterize. Lucky for her, she passed out during that part."

Burley nodded, bouncing nervously on the bed.

"Was it as bad as when that bastard tried to kill her?"

Thinking for a moment, Gibbs finally shook his head, choosing his words carefully.

"No. Her being shot was an accident. Jackson trying to kill her was deliberate. It was thought-out, an act of malice."

The silence that passed between them was heavy, each man remembering the incident vividly, and when Burley spoke, there was no disguising the hatred in his tone.

"I'm glad he's dead. I'd kill him again if I could."

"I know."

"He hurt Jenny. He deserved what he got, and I don't care if you think I made a bad call. I'd kill him a million times over for what he did to her."

Gibbs frowned at the slightly slurred words and looked at the younger man seriously.

"Stan, I don't think you made a bad call. If I did, I would have stopped you."

"I don't regret it," Burley said vehemently, "I don't care what anyone says."

"Burley, did someone tell you that you made a bad call? Decker? Ducky? Jenny?"

Burley shook his head.

"No. At the time, I didn't regret it, and I still don't, but...sometimes I wonder if maybe I did the wrong thing. I mean, it's not my place to decide who lives and who dies as punishment for a crime."

Gibbs stood up, making his way slowly closer to the younger man, and laid his hand on his shoulder.

"He would have killed Jenny if you hadn't done what you did. You know that as well as I do. Even if we hadn't gotten involved, he would have killed her, sooner rather than later most likely."

Burley sighed, looking up at the team leader sadly.

"I love her, Gibbs. Not in the romantic way, but...Jenny's like my sister, and the thought of anything happening to her...especially because of that bastard, it makes me sick. It makes me really damn angry."

"I know, Stan," Gibbs said gently, "You did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up over it. You did the right thing."

* * *

Jenny smiled as Decker passed her the ice bucket, filling it slowly. She wasn't quite sure how to say what she wanted to, and when she took a deep breath, she noticed that it was unsteady.

"Hey, Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For tonight. I mean, you could have dared me to do anything, but you kept it pretty reasonable. Considering your options."

He smiled, nodding his head at her.

"Don't mention it. It was nothing."

They turned to walk back up to their room, and Decker smiled as he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes.

"I'm not gonna out you and the boss man, Jenny."

The ice bucket fell from her hands as she stopped walking, staring at him with a combination of fear and shock.

"What—what are you talking about? I don't—"

"Come on, Jenny. I'd have to be blind not to notice the way you two look at each other. Or I'd have to be Burley. It's obvious you two care about each other."

Jenny simply stared at him, her eyes wide, and he laughed.

"For the record, I think it's great. You work well together, sometimes I swear it's like you can read each other's minds, and you guys just click. Gibbs needs you to keep him in check and call him out on his bullshit, and you need him to balance your overthinking. You spend so much time analysing everything that sometimes you miss what's right in front of you. You two compliment each other."

Stepping closer, Jenny wrapped her arms around him, beyond relieved that he wasn't going to reveal their relationship and thrilled to have his support.

"Thanks, Will. You don't know what this means to me."

He kissed her cheek as she pulled away and smiled.

"Anytime, Jenny. We'd better get back to the room before your boyfriend kills Burley, though."

Jenny laughed, picking up the ice bucket, and as they walked back down the long hallway, Decker wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"So, Jenny...is Gibbs any good in bed?"

She was still laughing when they returned to the room five minutes later.

* * *

Gibbs smiled at the look of pure concentration on Jenny's face as she tried to balance the bottle cap on top of the stack in front of her and when it stayed upright, she smiled in triumph. Decker and Burley had invented their own makeshift version of opposite Jenga with the bottle caps left over from their beer drinking, and Jenny had immediately wanted to try her hand at it. She showed a remarkable skill for it, and her highly competitive nature made her determined to win.

When Gibbs took his turn, he knew, even as he placed his cap on the top, that the next person would cause its collapse, and he fought the urge to laugh. Sure enough, as soon as Burley touched the unstable stack, it tumbled onto the floor, and Jenny stood up, clapping her hands excitedly.

"You lose, Stan! Bow down and kiss the queen."

"Gibbs won that round, Jenny," Decker reminded her.

"I know, but I haven't lost yet."

She had a point, and Burley knelt down, kissing her hand in defeat. She smiled as he straightened up and when Burley started the next round, Decker sighed.

"Do you ever lose at anything, Shepard?"

She frowned, thinking.

"Not really."

"And you say you're not competitive," Gibbs muttered sarcastically.

"Shut up and play, Jethro," Jenny answered, unintentionally using his first name.

"Oooh, Jenny's breaking out the first names. It's over now."

"Yeah? Bring it, Stanley," she quipped, taking a long drink from her glass.

"You're on, Jennifer."

Decker laughed, shaking his head and Jenny looked at him, her eyebrow raised in question as she placed her cap on the top.

"Problem, William?"

"Oh, shit..." Burley whispered with a laugh.

Gibbs nudged Jenny with his arm, indicating the tower as Decker placed his cap on top.

"Already leaning. Think this might be a short round."

She nodded, and he placed another cap on the top. Jenny sighed as she examined it, knowing there was no way she was going to win this one, and as soon as she let go of the bottle cap in her hand, it fell, much to Burley's delight.

"And down goes the queen! Off with her head!"

Jenny laughed, nodding at Gibbs as she met his eyes.

"I admit defeat. Well played."

Gibbs looked back at her suspiciously and tilted his head.

"You even _think_ about kissing my hand, you're dead, Shepard."

"No, I don't have a death wish."

She leaned closer, kissing his cheek gently, and laughed at the shocked expression on his face. Burley stared at her in shock, his mouth hanging open slightly and Gibbs smirked. The look on the younger agent's face was worth allowing Jenny to kiss him in public.

* * *

Jenny leaned against the door of their hotel room two hours later, fighting the urge to laugh as the image of Burley singing to Decker flashed in her mind, and when Gibbs returned from the bathroom, he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"Just remembering Burley singing to Decker."

Gibbs laughed, nodding as he looked at her. Jenny made her way slowly closer, her eyes roaming over his body as she moved, and he marveled at her steady pace. He had no idea how she moved so easily given the amount of alcohol she'd consumed, but now that he knew her history, it made sense. If her drinking had really been as bad as she'd claimed when she was younger, her high tolerance was to be expected.

"Jethro?"

"Jen."

She beckoned him closer, pulling him to her by his shirt and when her hands slid slowly up his chest, she smiled. Her fingers threaded through his hair and her lips met his in a deep kiss as he lifted her off the ground. Wrapping her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bed, Jenny never once stopped kissing him, her tongue sweeping over his in an effort to taste as much of him as possible. Gibbs tossed her onto the mattress, running his fingers through her hair, and she smiled as she tugged his shirt over his head.

As soon as the last of their clothing had been removed, Gibbs pinned her wrists above her head, ghosting his lips over hers, pulling away every time she attempted to kiss him. Jenny tried to raise up and kiss him, but he refused to allow her any closer.

"Jethro..."

"Problem, Jenny?"

He leaned over her, lightly trailing his lips over hers again, moving away as she tried to capture his mouth with her own.

"Jethro!"

"Do you want me?"

She frowned as she stared up at him.

"What?"

"Do you want me?" he repeated with a smile.

Realising that he wasn't going to give her what she wanted until she answered, Jenny rolled her eyes as she attempted to free her wrists.

"No," she answered as she struggled.

He shook his head, trailing his lips down her body, fighting the urge to laugh each time he felt her strain against his hold. Her body jerked under his as he kissed the inside of her thighs and when he brushed his tongue over her, she whispered his name. He moved slowly upward, dipping his tongue into the hollow between her breasts, and when he reached her lips, he ran it slowly over them slowly.

"Do you want me, Jen?"

She shook her head, refusing to give him what he wanted, and when he moved his lips to her throat, she moaned quietly, her head falling back onto the bed.

"Come on. Tell me the truth. Do you want me?"

"No."

Biting down on her throat, he soothed the mark with his tongue, causing her breath to catch, and brought his lips to her ear.

"Do you want me?"

"Yes," she whispered, unable to stand it any longer.

He finally kissed her, his tongue finding hers immediately, and her low moan was enough to drive him crazy.

"You admit defeat now, Jen?" he asked, repeating her words from earlier.

She nodded, kissing him again, and when he entered her, her grip on his shoulders tightened, her eyes slipping closed. As he began to move, Jenny bit down on his shoulder, her hips meeting his every thrust. He reached for her hand as he always did when they made love, and Jenny fought the tears she could feel building in her eyes. She still didn't know why it affected her so strongly when he held her hand, and she kissed him hard in a desperate attempt to stop herself from crying. If he noticed that anything was different in the way she touched him that night, he didn't let it show, and when they finally laid in each other's arms hours later, he smiled as he kissed her hair gently.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?"

So he _had_ noticed a difference.

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

"You're always thinking," he replied with a laugh.

She nodded, and when he finally fell asleep, she ran her fingers gently through his hair. It suddenly hit her, as she listened to his even breathing, that she understood the reason his hand-holding made her react so strongly. She was quickly realising that she was in love with the man next to her...and that realisation scared her to death.

* * *

**A/N: The main song I listened to while writing this chapter was Panic! At The Disco's "Dying in LA", which for some reason makes me think of Jenny. I hope you liked this one!**


	13. Going Through the Motions

**A/N: Happy Saturday, my lovelies! Here we are again. Jenny's dream in this was literally a dream I had Thursday night (with different people, obviously), and I thought it fit quite well, so I included it. There's a lot of Stan/Jenny friendship going on near the end, and Jenny has a major collapse beforehand. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_The diner was nearly empty, only four occupants seated, and Jenny frowned as she glanced around her. The couple closest to her were unfamiliar to her, but she would have recognised the man next to her anywhere. She spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the tranquility, but Gibbs didn't move at the sound of her voice. She tried again, to no avail, and when she raised her voice as she desperately tried to get his attention, she sighed in frustration._

_ "He can't hear you, Jennifer."_

_ She whipped around, facing the couple, and she suddenly realised that she did know them._

_ "Lorraine?"_

_ The young woman nodded, and Jenny shook her head slowly._

_ "What's going on?"_

_ "I'm afraid we can't tell you. You need to watch this."_

_ Glancing down, Jenny noticed for the first time that there was a video tape held in her outstretched hand. She reached for it, and frowned. _

_ "What is this?"_

_ Lorraine gestured to the television set that had somehow materialized behind her, and Jenny stared at it silently as she moved closer. The screen flickered to life as soon as she inserted the tape, and when she took in the scene, her eyes widened. She didn't know whose car they were in, but she supposed that was a trivial detail to focus on. As her confused eyes took in the moving car, she jumped when it suddenly crashed, flinching as her body whip-lashed against the window. Though she didn't want to see anything more, she couldn't tear her gaze away as Gibbs pulled her limp form from the wreckage, trying not to cry as she watched him finally give up as he realised his attempts to revive her were useless._

_ "I...I don't understand. I'm...dead?"_

_ Ed nodded, looking at his wife sadly. _

_ "Yes. The only people who can see you are those that are dying, have died, or Lorraine and myself. I'm very sorry, Jennifer."_

_ Jenny frowned, staring at Gibbs silently._

_ "If he can't see me or hear me, why is he here?"_

_ "So that you can say goodbye. This is for your benefit, not his."_

_ "Hey, Red! Haven't seen you in a while. Any idea what's going on?"_

_ Jenny froze at the sound of Burley's voice, and when she finally turned around, she found him standing next to her, a confused look on his face. Her eyes filled with tears as she realised that he could see her, and she shook her head, knowing what it meant._

_ "No," she whispered, turning to Lorraine, "Not Burley. Please, isn't there anything you can do?"_

_ Lorraine shook her head sadly, her eyes serious._

_ "I can't. I have no control over what happens. Ed and I are just here to make the transition easier."_

Jenny was shaking violently as her eyes slowly opened, and as she blinked in the darkness, it took her a few minutes to realise where she was. Gibbs shifted in his sleep next to her, pulling her closer to him, and as she began to understand that it had all been a dream, she turned to face him, burying her head in his chest as she fought back tears. Her movement was enough to wake the sleeping man beside her, and he frowned as he opened his eyes.

"Jen?" he asked quietly, his voice thick with sleep, "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, trying to pretend that she wasn't terrified.

"Nothing," she assured him, "Just had a bad dream."

"You okay?"

"Fine," she lied, moving closer to his warmth.

He frowned, though she couldn't see it from her current position.

"You're shaking," he pointed out, "Badly. What was it?"

She didn't answer, and he moved just enough that he could look down at her, combing his fingers through her tangled hair.

"What happened, Jenny?"

His voice was quiet, and she could clearly hear the concern in his tone. She was so used to him calling her "Jen" that now "Jenny" sounded strange to her, and for some unknown reason, it was enough of a distraction that she nodded as she pulled away.

"I was in this diner. It was late, dark, lights shut off...the colour scheme was this strange blueish green, and it made the entire atmosphere feel haunted. There were three other people in the building: you, Ed, and Lorraine."

"The couple from Paris?"

She nodded again, her hair falling in her face.

"I tried to get your attention, to ask what was going on, but you couldn't see or hear me. But they could. They showed me this tape, a video of a car accident. You made it out alive, but...I didn't. That's why you couldn't tell I was there. I was dead, and the only people who could interact with me were Ed and Lorraine. And people who had either already died, or were about to die. Then Burley showed up. He spoke to me. He could see me, Jethro. I asked Lorraine if she could do anything to stop it, but she couldn't. Then I woke up."

Jenny took a deep breath, meeting his eyes for the first time. They were bright in the darkness, and she desperately clung to that in her attempt to calm down.

"I don't know why it bothered me so much. It was just a stupid dream. It made no sense whatsoever, but...something about it freaked me out."

He gathered her in his arms again, kissing her temple lightly, and she tried in vain to make her body stop shaking as he held her.

"Sometimes, fear doesn't always make sense. I think you're just stressed about this op, Jen. You're worried that something is going to go wrong, and that we could die. I won't lie to you and say that it won't happen, because we both know that it could, but...I don't think it will. I'll do everything I can to get all of us out of this alive."

"I want this to be over, Jethro," Jenny whispered, "I just want out of this god damned country. I hate it here."

He nodded, kissing her hair again, and tightened his hold on her still-shaking body.

"I know, Jen," he murmured, his fingers moving through her hair, "So do I."

Gibbs kept running his fingers through her hair, placing feather-light kisses to her forehead as he held her, and when he felt her finally relaxing in his embrace, he sighed. He would never tell her, but he hated Russia just as much as she did, and he couldn't wait to leave. He hated the cold, the danger that always seemed to lurk in every shadow, the way he felt that he couldn't even walk down a street without looking over his shoulder, the darkness that surrounded every moment not spent in the safety of their hotel. More than anything, he hated the way it had changed them. Even Decker and Burley had lost the playful sides of their personalities in St. Petersburg, and he knew his own demeanour was darker than it had been in years. Jenny, it seemed, had suffered the worst, and it filled him with an unimaginable amount of fury whenever he noticed the haunted look in her once-bright eyes.

He wanted to get them all away from this, wished more than anything that they hadn't been chosen for this assignment, and he knew he wouldn't feel safe until they had left the coldness of Russia far behind them.

* * *

She was being buried alive.

That, at least, was how it felt to Jenny every time she was forced to pin her fiery hair up under the short dark wig and slip into the persona of Anya Machova. Her eyes met Gibbs' in the mirror as she finished securing the last of the pins, and she frowned when she noticed the dark look in the blue irises.

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged.

"Just wishing this was all over. I don't like you with dark hair."

She smiled.

"Really? Burley thinks it looks exotic and sexy."

"Burley's an idiot," he deadpanned.

Gibbs walked closer to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, and when his lips trailed along her throat, Jenny shivered.

"Your hair is fiery, passionate, unique, soft in ways you wouldn't expect...just like you. No other colour would suit you half as well."

He traced patterns on her skin with his tongue, eliciting a soft moan, and she closed her eyes, not wanting the moment to end. Before she could get too caught up in the sensations, she forced herself to focus and pulled away slowly, her eyes offering him a silent apology.

"Later, Jethro," she promised, kissing his lips softly.

"Holding you to that."

Jenny nodded, reaching for her coat, and frowned when Gibbs stopped her from picking it up.

"What are you—"

"Got something for you."

Her eyes widened as he pulled out a box from underneath the bed, and when he gestured for her to walk closer, she smiled. She lifted the top off the box, gasping when she saw the coat resting in it. Creamy white, soft-as-butter leather, perfectly stitched, it was truly a thing of beauty and as she lifted it out, she couldn't stop smiling.

"Jethro..." she said softly, "it's beautiful. When did you do this?"

"Few days ago. I told you that I was going to buy you a coat."

She nodded, still smiling as he helped her into it, trying to ignore the jolt she felt as his fingers brushed her skin.

"Thank you."

He kissed her cheek gently, holding her hand as he led her to the door.

"You're welcome."

Jenny kissed him one final time as the door closed behind them, and for once, she wasn't overwhelmed by the dropping temperature when they stepped out onto the streets of St. Petersburg.

* * *

"Madame Machova, so lovely to see you again. I was concerned that you might have been injured at our last meeting."

Jenny forced a smile onto her face as Anatoly Zhukov kissed her hand, feeling the eyes of Svetlana Chernitskaya on her as she stood in the study.

"Not concerned enough to actually take the time to find out, though. I'm hurt, Anatoly. I thought we were closer than that."

He gave her a smile, seemingly oblivious to her barely-concealed rage, and leaned closer, kissing her cheek.

"We could always become closer, my dear," he whispered.

Jenny could feel another set of eyes watching them, and when she turned away from the Russian, she wasn't surprised to see Gibbs standing in the corner, his bright eyes following Zhukov's every move.

"Oh, it seems our American friend has joined us," Svetlana said softly, her eyes narrowing at Jenny.

Jenny nodded, looking at her carefully, expression guarded, and when Zhukov moved closer to her, her eyes flashed with a look of fear that only Gibbs noticed.

"Madame Machova, I believe you are in possession of something that we desire."

She took a careful step back, shaking her head, and he moved closer, ignoring the look of pure fury that Svetlana sent his way.

"You haven't proven to me that I can trust you with it yet, Anatoly. You left both myself and our American friend to die in that church. You haven't earned it."

Before she realised what had happened, Jenny's head snapped back with a force she hadn't expected, and she closed her eyes in pain, ignoring the tears that sprung to them.

"You bitch," Zhukov snarled as he moved closer, "You have no idea what I am capable of, nor what I will do to get what I want."

It took every ounce of Gibbs' self control not to move from where he stood by the door when Zhukov's hand connected with Jenny's face, and his eyes darkened as he took a slow step forward.

"There is no need for violence, Zhukov. Madame Machova raises a valid point. If you show so little regard for the lives of those you work with, how can we trust you? Furthermore, the striking of a woman...how unbecoming."

Jenny glanced at him, her eyes telling him how much she appreciated his words, and she turned her icy gaze to Zhukov.

"How dare you lay a hand on me?" she snapped, her rage bleeding through her tone, "We're through here. Perhaps when you learn how to not act like a spoiled child, we can discuss this further."

Without waiting for a response, Jenny swept from the room, deliberately not looking at Gibbs as she passed. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she left the house, pulling the coat he had given her tighter as she walked, trying to pretend that she wasn't on the verge of breaking down.

* * *

When he walked back into the hotel room, Gibbs frowned as he noticed that Jenny wasn't there. The room was eerily silent without her, and he sat down on the bed, wondering where she had gone. Pulling out the bottle of vodka he'd bought, he poured a glass slowly, trying to calm his anger. Every time he thought of Zhukov hitting Jenny, it made his blood boil, and he sighed as he stood up, leaving the glass of alcohol on the bedside table.

As he knocked on the door to Decker and Burley's room, he ran his hand through his hair, trying to think of any place in the city Jenny would have gone after leaving Zhukov's house. She hated nearly every aspect of it, so he was mildly concerned at her decision to not return to the hotel.

"Hey, boss. What's up?"

"Either of you two seen Shepard?"

Burley frowned, shaking his head.

"Nope. Not today. Thought she was meeting Zhukov with you."

Gibbs nodded, stepping into the room and closing the door.

"She did. It didn't end well, and she left. Haven't seen her since."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

Gibbs sighed, shaking his head slowly.

"Zhukov slapped her. Hard. Looked like it hurt like a bitch."

Decker swore, and Burley looked at him as though he'd grown another head.

"He did _what_?"

"Yeah. Hit her hard enough that it brought tears to her eyes."

"And he's still alive? She didn't kill him?"

Gibbs laughed quietly, shaking his head again.

"I don't doubt that she wanted to. It took everything I had for me to not react. I just wish I knew where she went. She's not here, and I can't think of anywhere she would go in the city. She hates Russia, so she usually stays in."

Decker frowned, thinking.

"I might have an idea. Burley, give us a minute?"

Burley nodded, grabbing the ice bucket.

"Need to get ice anyway. Don't want to drink warm beer."

As soon as he'd gone, Decker gestured for Gibbs to sit down, taking a seat on the bed opposite him.

"Look, Gibbs...I don't want to overstep here, but...I know you and Jenny have something going on. Any idiot who isn't Burley can see that. I know it must be killing you to not know where she is, but maybe you should let this go. She needs time to work through this. Zhukov hitting her probably brought back all kinds of memories of her relationship with Jackson. She's probably just taking time to calm down before she comes back. If she isn't back by tomorrow night, then we can start worrying."

Shit. He hadn't even thought about how being hit could have caused her to relive her previous relationship. Gibbs nodded, realising Decker was right, and gave him a smile as he stood.

"Don't worry, boss. I'm not going to tell anyone. You two are good for each other."

"Thanks, Decker. If you do hear from her, let me know."

"Will do."

* * *

As she walked through the dark streets, Jenny took a slow drink of the vodka she'd bought, swallowing it even though the taste automatically made her want to vomit. She'd torn off her disguise, stuffing the wig into one of the inner pockets of her coat, and as she pulled it tighter around her, she marveled at the soft leather. She'd never had a coat as nice as this one, and she felt an almost overwhelming sense of love as she realised how much thought Gibbs had put into buying it for her. He knew she was always cold, but he'd also kept her personal taste in mind when he'd found it, and in spite of her current emotional state, she smiled.

Stumbling in her heels, she frowned as a stray strand of hair fell from one of the clips, and she couldn't stop herself from staring at it as she held it between her fingers. Gibbs' words regarding her hair from earlier that evening came back to her, and she sighed as she contemplated them silently. She'd never really thought of her hair as anything special, but when she thought about it in the terms he had, she began to realise that perhaps it was as much a part of her identity as her fiery temper.

She'd arrived at the Neva River, the water still in the night, and as she stared down at the depths of the river, she sighed. She'd been meaning to simply wander around until she'd calmed down, but the thoughts running through her head were beginning to turn in ways that they hadn't in years. Fleetingly, Jenny wondered how cold the water would be if she were to simply jump, but she shook her head in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the thought.

Jenny knew it was a combination of stress from the op, being shot in Prague, Zhukov hitting her, and the vodka in her hand, but she wanted nothing more than to throw herself into the (freezing, she was sure) water of the river and let it wash away her pain. Never mind the fact that it would kill her. In some ways, she thought perhaps that would be better. At least then she wouldn't have to feel as though she was suffocating. She knew that it would be painful at first, as her body struggled to survive, but she also knew that there was a point where it would stop. An avid swimmer as a child, she had nearly drowned one summer in her grandfather's pool, and she still remembered vividly the strange peacefulness that had settled over her as her body had succumbed to the water.

She'd never felt that kind of tranquility as an adult, except perhaps when she'd been stoned in Paris, but since she had no recollection of the event, she wasn't sure. It was a feeling she had tried to replicate with alcohol in her late teens and early twenties, but those liquor-soaked nights had never even come close.

Jenny knew her thoughts were bordering on dangerous, and while she still had the awareness to recognise them for what they were, she couldn't stop them. Had no real desire to stop them, if she was being honest. They fit in quite well with the atmosphere of the city and her current situation, and it was only the fleeting thought of Gibbs that stopped her from taking a running dive into the water.

How would he react if she didn't return? How would he feel when they found her body? Would he resent her for giving up? For abandoning Decker, Burley, and their mission? For abandoning _him_? How would he ever forgive her if she threw away everything they had in one drunken mistake? She knew now that she loved him, even if she'd never told him, and though he'd never said the words, she thought perhaps he was beginning to feel the same for her. After all, he wouldn't have held her so gently that morning after her nightmare had woken her if this were merely a fling, would he? He wouldn't have saved her life as many times as he had if he didn't care about her on some level.

Taking another long drink from her bottle, Jenny shook her head as she turned away from the river, letting her feet lead her back in the direction of their hotel. She didn't know what she was going to say to Gibbs when she returned, but she thought that maybe, just maybe, he would understand without a single word.

* * *

The opening of the door made Gibbs instantly on alert, and he sat up straighter in the bed. He hadn't even attempted to sleep, knowing it would be pointless to try until Jenny returned, and he squinted in the darkness. The flaming hair could belong to no one else, and he breathed a sigh of relief as she leaned against the closed door, her eyes closed as she locked the deadbolt behind her.

He didn't speak at first, using her stillness as an opportunity to observe her, and when he noticed the nearly-empty bottle of vodka in her hand, he frowned.

"Jen? You okay?"

She nodded, but said nothing as she leaned her full weight on the door, her eyes still closed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, pulling on his shirt as he moved, and when he turned on the bedside light, she flinched in the sudden brightness. The dim light illuminated the paleness of her skin, and her hair was falling out of the pins she'd so carefully placed it in earlier, giving her a reckless appearance.

"Where did you go?"

He kept his voice quiet, not wanting to startle her, and she sighed, taking another drink.

"I went down by the river. After I bought the alcohol."

She looked more exhausted than he'd ever seen her, barring the morning she'd come to work after Jackson had attacked her, and when she finally opened her eyes, he was surprised to see the tears shining in them. Jenny never cried, and her doing so now was incredibly unnerving to him.

"Jethro?"

He looked at her, his eyes full of questions that he wasn't sure he wanted to ask, and waited. She never elaborated, and just as he was about to ask her what she'd been going to say, she took an unsteady step forward. She collapsed on the floor, her head in her hands, and he bolted from his place on the bed. He knelt down next to her, trying to examine her for any injuries, but when she fell into his arms, he didn't have the heart to push her away.

Jenny's fingers were tight around his shirt, her breath sharp and ragged, and as he wrapped his arms around her, he realised he could feel her tears soaking through his clothing. He'd never seen her fall apart like this, and it worried him more than he could say.

"What is it, Jen?"

She was sobbing so hard that she couldn't speak, and he held her closer, his lips brushing her hair as he spoke.

"Talk to me, Jen. Please."

She took a deep breath, trying to get her breathing under control, and finally spoke, her voice thick with tears.

"I feel so lost, Jethro. I—I thought I could handle it, focus on what we're here to do, but...when he hit me, it just...it made me remember how it felt to be with Chris. Then I started thinking about how I always seem to end up in situations like this, how nothing ever seems to work out for me, and...it just got so out of control. I started having these thoughts...thoughts I haven't had in nearly ten years, and it scares me. But it scares me because...I wanted to have them. I was glad they were back. It felt...comforting to have them back again. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded slowly, running his hand over her hair.

"Yeah, Jen. I know what you mean. Even though you know you shouldn't, you feel almost safe in those thoughts, because they're familiar to you. You know how to navigate them. You don't know why, but you almost don't want them to go away because you feel like you don't know who you are without them."

Jenny nodded against his chest, and he felt her take another breath.

"I guess...I've felt like the last few years have all been an act and this is who I really am. I'm able to play the part of a put-together person, but if anyone knew the truth, they'd see I'm really a mess. I...I almost jumped into the river tonight."

He pulled back to look at her, his eyes searching hers seriously.

"Jen, that would have killed you."

She nodded.

"I know. That was the point. Jethro, when I was around twelve, I nearly drowned in my grandparent's pool. Right before I lost consciousness, I felt this...wonderful sensation of peace. It was euphoric, in a way. I've never been able to find that feeling again. I've been searching for it ever since, but nothing has ever measured up."

"Are you saying you would kill yourself just for a high, Jen?"

She shook her head.

"No. I would do it to make this all stop. You were right about what you said in Serbia. I don't recognise myself, either. And I don't like the person I see. I don't like who I am here, and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I...Jethro, I don't know how to describe what's wrong with me. Cold things don't make me cold anymore. Heat doesn't make me warm. I'm not sleepy, I'm not hungry, and only occasionally do I feel thirsty. I hardly felt it when Zhukov hit me. It shocked me, but it didn't really hurt."

She buried her head in his chest, unable to handle looking into his piercing eyes any longer.

"I don't feel anything anymore, and that scares me. Fear is all I have. God, I _hate_ it here, Jethro."

While he agreed with the sentiment, he knew that Jenny's emotional state had little to do with their location. He didn't know if it was her previous relationship or their current op, but something had been her turning point to spiraling downward, and hearing her sound so broken scared him, too.

"I thought about you. Right before I was about to jump. I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me, so I didn't do it."

He kissed her hair gently, smiling as he tilted her head upward.

"I could never hate you. Don't you dare take that as a blessing to throw yourself into the river, though. I don't know what I'd do without you here."

She smiled sadly, and he kissed her properly, tasting the bitter alcohol on her tongue.

"Jen, why don't we take tomorrow and just try to make things better? Zhukov won't swallow his pride that quickly, so we probably have a few days to ourselves. Let's just take time and try to find who we were before. All of us. I'll let Decker and Burley know to take the day off, and we can do anything you want."

Jenny was silent as she considered his words, and finally she nodded, her eyes finding his slowly.

"Okay."

Gibbs stood up slowly, holding out his hand and when she took it, he pulled her close to him, breathing in her perfume.

"Remember, Jen: you don't have to keep this inside. You can talk to me when you need to vent. I won't judge you."

She nodded, raising up on her toes to kiss him gently, her eyes still shining with liquor and tears.

"Thank you, Jethro. For everything."

He gave her a small smile as he walked her to the bed, and she frowned at the glass of vodka sitting on the table.

"Where did this come from?"

"I was going to have a drink while I waited for you to come back. Ended up going to Decker and Burley's room."

Jenny nodded, tipping her own bottle back as she sank onto the mattress, not noticing the concerned look he gave her as she emptied it.

"Jesus, Jen."

"What?"

"You drank and entire bottle of straight Russian vodka in one night. How are you still conscious?"

She shrugged, giving him a small smile.

"I told you that I drank a lot when I was younger. My tolerance is through the roof."

He kissed her gently as he reached for his own glass, taking a small drink.

"I'm starting to believe you."

A quiet laugh was his only answer.

* * *

When Jenny slipped out into the hallway in the early hours of dawn, she silently thanked whatever deity existed that Gibbs slept heavier after he'd been drinking. She hadn't wanted to wake him, and as she made her way to Decker and Burley's room, she sighed as she knocked quietly on the door. Burley opened it with a frown, blinking sleepily at her, and when he recognised her, he threw his arms around her in a tight hug.

"Hey, Red! Where were you last night? Gibbs came by and asked if we'd seen you. We were starting to worry."

"I just needed to be alone for a bit. I know it's early, but could we go somewhere to talk?"

He nodded, glancing over his shoulder into the room.

"Yeah. Let me get ready and leave a note for Decker."

She waited no less than five minutes, and when the door opened again, Burley gave her a huge smile as he hooked his arm through hers.

"So, Jenny...what are your thoughts on yellow?"

Remembering their drunken conversation from a few nights prior, Jenny couldn't stop herself from laughing as they walked out of the hotel. She steered them in the direction of the Neva River, sitting down near the edge and as her feet dangled below her, she looked at Burley seriously.

"Stan...can we put our colour theory on hold for a minute?"

He nodded at her expression and frowned as he noticed she was twisting her hands in her lap. They'd been friends for so long now that he knew it was a sign that she was nervous, and he nudged her gently with his arm.

"What's going on, Jenny? Is this about the Russian hitting you? Gibbs told us about it."

She shook her head, leaning forward to look at the river.

"No. I don't care about that. I just wanted to ask you something serious without any bullshit."

He nodded again, waiting for her to continue.

"Do you ever wonder if people really like you for who you are and not just the face you put on for them every day?"

Burley was silent for so long that Jenny wasn't sure he was going to answer her.

"Yeah, I do."

She glanced at him, and he nodded as he went on.

"Jenny, I know I joke around at work a lot. All the time. It makes people see me as immature and annoying, but it does have its advantages. If I mess up, they aren't as likely to be extremely disappointed. And, if people don't really know who you are, they can't use it against you. If you don't try, you never look foolish for failing. That being said, I actually do put in a lot of effort in my work, but I don't broadcast it around. I spend a lot of time working at home and I manage to get everything done so that I can keep up that act in front of my colleagues. You, Gibbs, Decker and the Duck man are the only ones who actually know that."

Jenny nodded.

"I knew you worked, Stan. Gibbs wouldn't keep you on his team if you didn't do your job exceptionally well."

"Don't tell anyone," he said with a smile, "I have a slacker rep to maintain."

"Your secret is safe with me," she said, returning his smile.

"Why do you ask? Is something going on?"

Jenny sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"I just...I've always presented myself as a hard-working perfectionist, which I am, but...sometimes, I want to be the unreliable one. I want to be able to make mistakes and have it not be a sign of a major breakdown. Ignoring the fact that if that were to happen, a major breakdown _would_ be the cause. I feel like I spend all my time pretending to be someone I'm not. And right now, I really am. If something doesn't change soon, I feel like I'm going to break. And no one will even care, because they don't really know me at all."

Burley looked at her seriously, laying his hand on her knee gently.

"You know how much Decker and I care about you. You're our girl, and if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask. And Gibbs...hell, he thinks the world of you. Don't think I don't see it. I may act stupid, but I know you two are close. I know you, Red. I've seen the way you look at him. And believe it or not, he looks at you the same way."

She frowned, looking at him in confusion.

"If you knew, why didn't you say anything?"

"Why would I? As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. And just so you know, I have noticed the change in you lately. Like I said, I'm not stupid. You put on a brave face, but I know how much you hate it here, how much it's costing you to do this. You get this look in your eyes, almost hollow, and sometimes I get worried that you're going to go too far into this. Just remember that this will all be over soon, and we can get through this. And hey, if you ever just need to get scary-drunk and unwind, hit me up. I'm always down to party with my favourite redhead."

Jenny smiled, touched that he cared so much, and when he moved closer, she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for unloading all of this on you at five in the morning, Stan."

Kissing the top of her head lightly, he laughed, shaking his head.

"Not a problem at all, Red. You're like my sister, only I actually like you. You ever need anything, even just to get drunk, just call."

"That's the second time you've mentioned getting drunk in ten minutes," she pointed out.

He shrugged.

"I can't help it. Having Decker as a roommate is boring as hell. It's worse than you having Gibbs for one. Well, not for you, 'cause you're sleeping with him, but—"

"Burley! Shut up!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"Well, you are. Or are you going to pretend that you're not?"

Her silence was answer enough, and he laughed again.

"Let's have a party tomorrow night. You, me, Will, and the boss man. Sound cool?"

Jenny nodded, smiling as she raised her head to look at him.

"Sounds great, Stan."

A comfortable silence fell over them, and when Burley glanced over at the redhead next to him, he hoped she wouldn't hate him for what he was about to do.

"Hey...Jenny? Don't hate me for this, but..."

He broke off, wrapping his arms around her in a hug, and kissed her cheek as he held her in his arms.

"I love you," he said quietly.

Jenny was so touched by his words that she couldn't speak for a long moment, and as he pulled away, she gave him a soft smile.

"I love you too, Stan. You're one of the best friends I've ever had."

"And don't you forget it, Red. Now, let's get back before the rest of the city wakes up. I don't know about you, but I like this city more when it's deserted."

Jenny nodded, looping her arm through his as they walked.

"Definitely. Still can't wait to get the hell out of here, though."

"Ditto."

* * *

**A/N: The Neva River is actually very beautiful, and if you've never seen it, I highly suggest you look up photos. Also, I kind of based Jenny and Stan's friendship on that of Karen Walker and Jack McFarland's from _Will and Grace_. Anyway, let me know what you think!**


	14. Trade Mistakes

**A/N: Happy Saturday! I will admit, I almost didn't get this finished in time to post it, but here we are! I've not been in a very good place emotionally lately, so this chapter was a bit difficult to write. Here, we see Jenny's drinking come under fire by Gibbs, and she nearly makes a fatal decision. Hope you enjoy. Next chapter will deal with Anatoly accepting he was an ass and trying to strike a deal with Gibbs/Jenny.**

* * *

_Jen- _

_ Meeting with Decker to tell him it's an off day. Be back soon._

_ -Jethro_

The note, written just under her own, made Jenny smile when she returned to the hotel room after her talk with Burley. She didn't know how long he'd been gone, but she decided that she was going to crawl back under the warmth of the blankets while she waited for him. Before she knew what had happened, she'd fallen back asleep, her head on the edge of Gibbs' pillow, breathing in his familiar scent as she slept.

Gibbs returned minutes later, carefully balancing two cups of steaming coffee in his hands, and he couldn't help but smile when he noticed the sleeping redhead. He placed the drinks on the bedside table, and lightly ran his fingers through her long hair, waiting patiently for the feeling to register. Her eyes slowly opened, and she smiled as she recognised him.

"Hey," he said quietly, smiling at her warmly.

"Hey."

"How was your talk with Burley?"

She raised herself up on her arms, kissing him gently before she answered.

"It was nice. I needed a slacker's perspective."

Gibbs laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

"You definitely went to the right person."

Jenny nodded, her hair falling in her face. The scent of coffee had finally made its way to her, and she smiled again as she glanced around the room.

"Is that coffee I smell?"

Gibbs nodded, handing her one of the cups.

"It is indeed, Ms. Shepard."

"Thank you."

Gibbs watched her carefully as she took a slow drink, noting that she seemed a bit more at ease than she had the previous evening. She still looked exhausted, but the tension seemed to have left her, at least for the moment. Her eyes were brighter than they'd been in weeks, and the smile she gave him as he moved to sit next to her on the bed was infectious. Pulling her into his lap as she drank her coffee, he kissed her cheek, smiling when she laughed.

"Jethro, what are you doing?" she asked as he wound his fingers into her hair.

He shrugged, kissing her again.

"Just wanted to make you smile."

Holding her securely in place, he began combing out the slight tangles her sleeping had caused, and when she moaned quietly, he smirked. She leaned into him, relaxing as his hands soothed the tension in her head, and her eyes slipped closed, a soft smile on her face.

"I would pay you copious amounts of money to keep doing that for the rest of my life."

He laughed, shaking his head as he kept moving his fingers.

"What do you want to do today, Jen? We've got at least two free days, maybe more."

Jenny laughed.

"Weren't you listening? You're going to run your fingers through my hair for the rest of eternity."

She was silent for a moment, and sighed contentedly as she moved closer to his warmth.

"Seriously, though. Can we just stay here? You and me, just taking the day to relax?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Whatever you want. I told you: this is to help us all, and you're included in that."

"Burley invited us to a party with him and Decker tonight. Will you go with me?"

"Sure."

Jenny smiled at him as she finally pulled herself from his lap, and though he would never tell her, Gibbs would have given her anything she'd asked for if it meant that she would look at him like that forever.

* * *

"Oh...um...I don't care. Whatever you want is fine, Jethro."

Gibbs frowned at the answer, noticing the quietness of her voice, and looked at her seriously. She hadn't even glanced at the menu he'd handed her, and there was something in her eyes that made him uneasy. It took him a moment to realise that she was afraid, and he tapped her knee lightly.

"Seriously, Jen. Anything you want. I've eaten pretty much everything on this room service menu, and nothing is bad. Except the seafood. I wouldn't recommend that."

She nodded silently, still refusing to look at him, and he moved closer.

"What's going on, Jenny?"

Sighing, she finally raised her eyes to his, and the pain in them was almost enough to take his breath away.

"It's just...I...you surprised me."

"How?"

"You...you asked me what I wanted. No one's done that for me in so long. When I was with Chris, he would always choose what we did, where we went on dates, what I was allowed to order, everything. I was...it just threw me off."

Her admission made him feel sadder than he would have expected, and as he realised what she'd said, he frowned again.

"Wait...he told you what you were _allowed_ to order?"

The nod of her head was slow.

"Yes," she whispered, "He didn't want me to gain any weight. Told me no one would ever want me if I did."

Though he hadn't thought it possible, Gibbs was even more furious at Chris Jackson than he'd been before. Now all of Jenny's behaviour from the past few months made complete sense, and he reached for her hand slowly.

"You know that's crazy, right? He was wrong. You're stunning, and you would be no matter what your weight was."

She nodded, but he didn't believe her. He pulled her closer, tilting her head up so that she was looking at him, and kissed her softly.

"You are so beautiful, Jen. Don't ever think otherwise."

He could tell she was struggling, could practically see the thoughts spinning around in her head, and when she threw herself into his arms, his hands instinctively pulled her closer. Her lips crashed against his, the forward momentum of her body pushing him down on the bed, and as she kissed him, he could taste the salt from her tears.

"Jen, wait."

She shook her head, her hair sticking to her damp skin, and reached for the hem of his shirt.

"Please, Jethro..._please_."

He knew, as her voice broke, that he could never refuse her now. She never begged, not in earnest, and he nodded. Bringing his lips to hers, his tongue swept into her mouth, tasting every part of her, and his left hand tangled in her hair. His right trailed down her side, removing her shirt in one swift motion. Soon, the only clothing separating them was her thin lace underwear, and when he slid his fingers past it, her grip on his shoulder tightened. The garment slid from her body slowly, and he flipped them carefully, looking down at her with an expression she couldn't identify.

Gibbs moved his lips down the smooth expanse of her body, pausing to circle her breasts with his tongue, and she moaned quietly as he went. As his teeth grazed her inner thigh, Jenny gasped, and his mouth finally moved to her clit, causing her head to fall back onto the mattress. Her breath caught in her throat as he moved faster, and her fingers wound into his hair, pulling lightly.

"Jethro...god, don't stop."

Her entire body was shaking as he kept moving his tongue, and when she cried out his name, he fought the urge to smile. Kissing his way back up her body, he entered her easily, her low moan making it difficult to think. He rolled his hips against hers slowly, wanting to take his time and show her how much she meant to him. When his lips met her own in a deep kiss, Jenny ran her fingers through his hair again, fighting against the tears behind her closed eyes.

Gibbs pulled away, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face and smiled.

"Jen, look at me."

Her eyes locked on his, and he kissed her forehead gently.

"You are the most beautiful woman alive. Nothing would ever change that."

Jenny slowly ran her hands over his chest, her eyes never leaving his, and finally, she smiled, raising up to kiss him.

"Do you have any idea of how amazing you are?" she whispered.

He almost told her. Came within a millisecond of allowing the words to leave his mouth, but instead he kissed her again, reaching for her hand as he continued to move. When they both fell over the edge minutes later, he placed a breathless kiss to the base of her throat, and she smiled as she ran her hand weakly over his arm.

"Jethro? Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, carefully moving to the side of the bed.

"Why do you always hold my hand when we have sex?"

"Does it bother you?"

She shook her head quickly, hoping he hadn't misunderstood.

"No, not at all. Just curious."

"Never really thought about it," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

Though Jenny didn't believe him, she nodded against his chest, unconsciously moving closer to his body heat. Gibbs frowned as he realised she was trembling, and pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"Damn, Jen. You're freezing."

She nodded.

"I know. At this point, cold is part of my personality, just like exhaustion."

He moved from the bed, laughing quietly when Jenny groaned in protest at the lack of heat, and beckoned to her slowly.

"Come on."

She frowned.

"What?"

"Come on," he repeated, inclining his head toward the bathroom, "Take a hot shower, we can order dinner, and then go meet Decker and Burley in their room."

Finally, she stood, ignoring the way she could feel Gibbs staring at her as she moved closer, and when she reached for the shower faucet, he pulled her back against him.

"I could join you if you want," he whispered.

She laughed, but shook her head.

"Not tonight. We have places to be, remember?"

Realising she was right, he let her go, and as he closed the door behind him, he pretended that he didn't notice the way her eyes had filled with tears.

* * *

The look of pure pleasure on Jenny's face as she tasted the pasta on her plate was strangely amusing to him, and Gibbs laughed quietly as she reached for the glass of water on the table.

"Laugh all you want, but do you know how long it's been since I've eaten anything remotely resembling carbs? This is my inner fat Jenny's paradise."

He laughed again, and shook his head.

"Inner fat Jenny?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Everyone has an inner fat version of themselves. That part of you that eats raw cookie dough as a meal simply because you can...or that eats an entire pizza and drinks a six pack alone."

As he realised what she meant, he nodded.

"You're right. I definitely have that part of me."

Jenny finished eating, placing her hand on his shoulder as she walked past, and smiled at him warmly.

"Thank you, Jethro."

"For?"

"Reminding me who I am."

She pulled on her heels, her long hair spilling over her shoulder as she hooked the clasp, and he nodded.

"Anytime, Jen."

* * *

Burley handed Jenny a glass filled to the brim with vodka as soon as she stepped into the room, and Gibbs immediately frowned. Not that he hadn't expected them to drink, but the amount of alcohol Burley and Jenny had gone through over the past few days was slightly concerning. He stayed quiet, however, accepting the cup Decker offered him, but he made no move to drink it. Burley wrapped his arm around the redhead as they walked to the bed, and Gibbs shot Decker a confused look.

"How much has he had already?"

Decker frowned, shrugging.

"Two or three. Not much, but you know Burley's a lightweight."

Jenny sipped her drink slowly, which Gibbs considered an improvement, and laughed when Burley pulled out a pack of cards.

"Poker anyone?"

"I'm in," Decker nodded, "Gibbs?"

He shrugged, sitting down on the bed opposite Jenny and Burley, and she smiled.

"Alright. Now it's a party. I'm down."

"Okay. Let's get started."

Burley looked at Jenny suddenly, laughing as an idea came to him.

"We could always make it interesting, Red."

Jenny knew what he meant in an instant, and shook her head with a smile.

"Not a chance, Stan."

Gibbs frowned, and she laughed.

"Strip poker, Gibbs."

He nearly choked on his drink, and Decker laughed.

"Knowing you, you'd lose on purpose just to mess with us, Jenny."

"I mean...you're not wrong," she agreed.

"Shut up and deal," Gibbs snapped, glaring at them.

* * *

The game passed without much incident, save when Burley had spilled his drink in his lap, and Jenny kept her expression carefully neutral as she realised that she was going to win this hand. As soon as all their bets had been placed, Jenny waited an appropriate amount of time before tossing her cards down, a triumphant smile on her face. Gibbs rolled his eyes as he realised she'd won, and Burley kissed her cheek, earning a glare from the team leader that only Jenny saw.

"Lighten up, Gibbs. You're just pissed because even drunk, Jenny can kick your ass at poker," Burley laughed.

"Well, she's always drunk, so it's not much of a surprise," he muttered.

Jenny frowned at his words, setting her cup down slowly, a hard look filling her eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Uh-oh," Burley whispered.

"Shut up, Stan. What did you just say?"

Gibbs met her eyes, and she held his gaze, daring him to repeat the words. He remained silent, and Decker looked between them, suddenly very concerned.

"Um...guys, maybe we should take a break."

"In a minute. Gibbs, I asked you a question," Jenny said, her voice low and dangerous.

"You heard me perfectly fine, Shepard."

"Say it again. If you've got the nerve, that is."

Anger flashed in his bright eyes, and he nodded coldly at her, moving slightly closer.

"Fine. I said you're always drunk. You're so afraid to face your past, to deal with the trauma, that you drown it in alcohol. You run from it, taking the easy way out rather than dealing with it like a normal adult. You're not a child anymore, Shepard, but you still act like one. Only this time, instead of drinking, cutting and starving yourself, you've only picked one vice. Small mercies, I guess."

Jenny stayed silent for a moment, and she could feel the eyes of everyone on her as she took a slow breath.

"How dare you?" she whispered.

"You asked. You told me to say it."

She shook her head.

"I didn't ask you to reveal part of my past. Things that I trusted you with, and you majorly dropped that ball."

Shit. He hadn't even realised that he'd said those things. He hadn't meant to expose her past with Decker and Burley, but he knew that even an apology wouldn't be enough. Still, he didn't know what she expected, and so he decided to stay his course. Anger was simpler.

"Maybe I did, but you can't deny it. You spend so much time wasted that I'm surprised you're able to get anything accomplished here. Even in Paris, you got high with that couple we stayed next to, and you might claim it was an accident, I'm not so sure anymore. You don't want to face your own weakness, so you try to pretend it doesn't exist. How many times have I talked you down during this mission? More than I can count, and maybe I was wrong. Maybe you weren't ready for this."

Jenny's eyes flashed with anger and she stood suddenly, ignoring Burley's hand on her arm.

"You bastard."

"Jenny, wait. Sit down. We can talk this out, don't—"

"Save it, Stan. I've had enough."

Burley grabbed her arm harder, and when she met his eyes, she shook her head sadly. She leaned down, kissing his cheek lightly, pulling her arm free from his grasp.

"I'm sorry, Stan. I can't do this anymore."

Decker called her name as she walked out the door, slamming it behind her, and glared at the team leader as he turned.

"All due respect Gibbs, but that was really harsh. She didn't deserve that."

Gibbs knew he was right, and felt more than a little embarrassed at his actions. He'd simply been too angry to think straight, and he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I know."

"She really did those things, boss?"

Looking at Burley sadly, Gibbs nodded and took a slow drink.

"Told me in Serbia. I saw the scars."

Burley frowned, remembering her final words before she'd left, and looked at the two men curiously.

"What do you think she meant, 'she can't do this anymore'?"

As Gibbs considered his question, he stood, grabbing his coat and heading for the door.

"Be right back."

* * *

Opening the door to their room, Gibbs scanned it carefully, looking for any sign that Jenny had returned. A sinking feeling of dread filled his chest as he realised she was nowhere to be found, and he turned, bolting back to Decker and Burley's room. They both jumped when he knocked loudly on the door, and when he spoke, his voice was urgent.

"Come on. She's not in the room. We need to find her."

One look at his expression told them not to argue, and as they followed him out into the night, Decker looked at him seriously.

"Boss? What's going on? She's probably just out trying to calm down."

Gibbs shook his head.

"If she were, she would have gone back to the room. She's out here somewhere."

Thinking hard, Gibbs didn't even notice when Burley said his name, and it was only when he tapped him on the shoulder that he turned around.

"Gibbs, I think I might know where she is."

"Where?"

"The river. It's where we went to talk this morning, and she could have gone back there."

As he thought about it, Gibbs nodded. Jenny had always been drawn to the water, and as he changed directions, he increased his pace, hoping Burley was right.

* * *

Jenny stared down into the still water, wiping away her tears as they fell, refusing to admit even to herself, that she was freezing. She knew that Gibbs had merely been lashing out in anger, but the truth in his words had hit her harder than she'd anticipated. She walked along the edge of the street, knowing that one false step would send her plummeting down into the river, and she found herself wondering what would happen if she "accidentally" lost her footing.

Would the impact kill her if she ran before jumping? Would she survive the fall only to be killed by the icy temperatures? Would it be instantaneous, or would she struggle as she had as a child? Would she feel that strange tranquility as she neared death? So many questions, and ultimately, there was only one way she knew to answer them. Jenny shook her head slowly, wondering if she was being ridiculous, and while she knew the answer was an unequivocal "yes", she couldn't stop herself from backing away from the river and preparing to run.

Without even realising it, her feet began moving closer to the edge, and as she drew closer, she heard someone call her name. It was enough to slow her progress but not stop it, and before she knew what had happened, her feet were touching only air.

* * *

Burley saw her first, and as he realised what she was planning to do, he yelled her name as loudly as he could. He ran as fast as he possibly could, but he wasn't near enough to stop her before she disappeared into the water, and he swore loudly. Gibbs was right behind him, and when he called his name, Burley ignored him, diving over the edge as soon as he was close enough.

"Burley!"

The cold was so intense that it was nearly impossible to breathe, and Burley surfaced quickly, trying to locate Jenny in the darkness. Finally, he was able to make out the paleness of her skin, and he fought against his body's attempts to shut down as he swam towards her. Just as his eyes were about to close, his fingers locked around her shirt, pulling her close, and her eyes slowly opened.

"Stan?" she said quietly.

"Jenny, I need you to stay awake, okay? If we die in this fucking river, I'm kicking your ass."

She nodded weakly, and though she managed to stay conscious for most of the way back to the edge, she soon lost the battle, her body going limp. Burley fought to keep his hold on her as his own body began to give in to the blackness that had been calling to him, and as he was pulled from the freezing water, his eyes finally closed.

Gibbs moved Burley far away from the edge of the river and tapped the side of his face lightly.

"Burley. Come on, Stan. Open your eyes."

A few seconds later, Burley looked at him slowly, his eyes slightly unfocused and Gibbs helped him to a sitting position.

"You okay?"

The younger man nodded, looking around in confusion.

"Jenny?"

Gibbs nodded in Decker's direction and Burley carefully stood, walking over to where the redhead was still unconscious on the ground. Decker glanced at him, moving aside as he knelt down, and Burley reached for Jenny's shoulder, shaking her gently.

"Red, wake up. Damn it, don't you do this to me. I just saved your fucking ass, you better not die now."

She moaned quietly, her eyes slowly locking on Burley's, and he pulled her up into his arms, hugging her tightly.

"Damn you, Jenny. Don't you ever scare me like that again."

Gibbs moved closer, kneeling down to look at her, and held out his hand.

"You okay, Jen?"

She glared at him, and when Burley stood, she accepted his help with a nod.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Gibbs frowned, reaching out to take her by the arm and she pulled away, stumbling into Burley as she moved.

"Don't touch me."

"Jen—"

She shook her head, taking a step backward, and fixed him with a cold look.

"Leave me alone, Jethro."

Her use of his first name was enough to tell him just how serious she was, and he nodded as she walked away. Burley looked at him apologetically, and nodded in her direction.

"Let me try, boss."

* * *

Burley ran off after the redhead, calling her name as he caught up to her, and when she turned, she sighed.

"Jenny, wait. Please? Can we talk?"

She was silent for a moment, then nodded, letting him lead her back towards the river.

"One thing: you can't jump."

She smiled, and as they sat down on the edge, he wrapped his arm around her shivering body.

"Jenny...you know Gibbs was just mad. He didn't mean what he said."

The redhead shook her head slowly, her eyes sad.

"No, Stan. Anger is when the truth reveals itself. He may not have meant to say it the way he did, but he was being honest. That's why it hurt so much. If he hadn't been right, I wouldn't have cared. But...he is. He was telling the truth. He's had to pull me out of panic attacks more than once since all of this started, and I don't know how much longer I can keep letting him down. Letting _myself_ down. I thought I'd put everything behind me, that it didn't have power over me anymore, but...I was wrong."

Burley pulled her closer, kissing her cheek lightly, and she laid her head on his shoulder wearily.

"I just...I feel like I'm never going to be good enough, Stan."

"That's nuts, Red. You're constantly showing up me and Decker. You're a badass, Jenny. Sometimes, you scare the hell out of me."

"Like tonight?"

He shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"That was a different kind of scared. You could have died, Jenny. You're one of my best friends, and it scared me to know that I could have lost you. Please...please, Jenny, don't ever do anything like that again."

"I didn't mean to scare you, Stan. I just...I get lost in my own head, in the darkness, and I can't find my way back out. I don't know how to deal with it. In a way, I was better off when I was with Chris."

He frowned, more than a little confused.

"What?"

"When I was with him, any flaws I had, any depression I was in, I had someone to blame for it. It wasn't on me, then. I could handle that better. I could attribute it to the way he treated me. And in a way, when he hit me...I felt like it was better. I didn't have to punish myself, he would do it for me."

"Oh, Jenny...you don't need to punish yourself. So you're flawed. Everyone is. Do you think I'm perfect? Hell, not even Gibbs is perfect. You know that. Your past doesn't define you, and neither do your imperfections. It makes you human. And that's okay."

She smiled at his words, still resting her head on his shoulder, and he nudged her knee with his own.

"Besides, you're perfect just like you are."

* * *

As Jenny was speaking to Burley by the river, Gibbs was trying to ignore the stare of one Will Decker as they stood off at a respectable distance. Finally, he could take it no longer, and he glared at the younger man as he turned to face him.

"What, Decker?"

"What are you going to say to her?"

He frowned.

"What?"

"Jenny. When you go back to your room. You're going to have to talk to her. Whether you like it or not, you owe that woman an apology, and if you don't give her one, she might never speak to you again. Even if you don't care about that personally, it could jeopardize our work."

Decker looked at him seriously, his eyes colder than Gibbs had ever seen them.

"Don't you dare hold her back because of your damn pride. She's going to go places, Gibbs. And for some unknown reason, she cares for you. Do the right thing."

The younger agent walked away, heading back to the hotel, and after watching Jenny and Burley for a few more seconds, Gibbs followed him, feeling more conflicted than he had in years.

* * *

The room was dark when Jenny finally returned to it, and as her eyes adjusted to the change in light, she was able to make out the sleeping form of Gibbs in bed. Slipping off her still-damp clothes, she climbed into the bed next to him, careful not to touch him, and she sighed softly as she closed her eyes.

"Surprised you didn't stay with Burley and Decker."

His voice was quiet, but Jenny didn't make any attempt to answer him as she stayed still.

"Still not talking to me, then?"

Silence.

"Jen, I...I don't do this often, but...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have outed you to Decker and Burley, I shouldn't have made that stupid remark about you always being drunk, and I sure as hell shouldn't have said you weren't ready for this. I'm sorry."

Still, she said nothing, and he turned on his side to look at her, noticing that she hadn't opened her eyes.

"Did you mean it?" she asked quietly, "All the things you said?"

He shook his head, and sighed.

"No. Jen, I will admit that I've been worried about how much you've been drinking, and I didn't know how to tell you. It came out the wrong way, and all the rest was just me trying to hurt you before you could hurt me. I didn't mean for this to go so far."

Agonisingly slow, Jenny opened her eyes, emerald bright in the darkness, and she met his gaze sadly.

"I think we both took things too far tonight."

"Why'd you do it, Jen? It was just a fight."

She shook her head.

"No, Jethro, It wasn't just the fight. It was everything: this op, the entire situation with Chris, the bullet in Prague, Serbia, the fight was just the last thing I could handle. I've pushed everything so far down that I couldn't take anymore, and that was the final straw."

He frowned.

"Serbia? You seemed happy in Serbia."

She nodded, her eyes sad.

"I was. That's the point. Serbia was so calm, even more peaceful than Paris, and to have it taken from me so abruptly, it just...it was too painful for me to handle."

Gibbs frowned, and she sat up, looking at him with a pain he could almost touch.

"Jethro, when you were a child, did you ever build a snowman?"

"Once or twice, yeah. Why?"

"You know how when you start out with a tiny snowball, and you roll it along the ground to gather more snow and make it bigger, and eventually it's so big that it spins out of your control and you have to struggle to move it? That's what it's like. Piling one small thing after another on top of an already faltering structure. It's bound to collapse."

He nodded, and looked at her seriously, trying to find the words he wanted.

"Jen, do you remember asking me why I held your hand when we had sex? You told me once, back in America, that sex was an intimate thing for you. That it was emotional. For me, holding your hand during sex is the same way. It's the most personal and intimate way for me to connect with you. I know that you've been struggling, especially in Russia, and I wish I knew a better way to help."

"Do you...do you resent me? For freaking out? For having to talk me down?"

He shook his head, taking her hand in his gently.

"No. Believe me, Jen, this isn't easy for me, either. If the assignment was simply to kill them, I could do it with no problem, but trying to infiltrate their circle, gaining their trust and not getting killed in the process...that's more than even I can handle sometimes. I completely understand your nervousness. It's a lot to ask of us, and sometimes, I do get angry at being the ones chosen for it."

Jenny nodded, and her voice was a mere whisper in the darkness.

"You don't think I'm ready for this?"

"Yes, I do, Jen. I was just trying to say anything that would hurt you because I was scared you were going to do the same to me. It was immature and stupid, and I wish I could take it back."

"That's the problem with speaking in anger: what you say is always out there, whether you meant it or not."

"One good thing came from this entire assignment, though, Jenny."

She frowned.

"What's that?"

"It brought me to you. It probably would have happened eventually anyway, but this way, we have more time to be together. And I can't think of anyone else I would rather be here with."

She smiled sadly, and he held out his arms, folding her into them as she fell onto his chest.

"I'm sorry about tonight," she whispered, "I made a stupid mistake, and I should have never—"

"Shh...it's okay. Don't worry about it. We made it through worse than this, and we'll get through it together. Just promise me one thing."

"Hm?"

"Will you try to slow down?"

Knowing that he was referring to her drinking, Jenny nodded, nestling closer into his chest.

"I'll try. But I'm warning you: I'm likely going to be a lot more irritable. Can you deal with that?"

He laughed.

"I was married to Diane, remember?"

"Good point."

* * *

**A/N: Poor Jenny. Anyway, kudos to Decker for calling Gibbs out on his shit. Sorry, Jethro, you're not always right. Since Jenny has decided to give up binge-drinking, maybe she can get a grip on her depression. After all, alcohol is a depressant, and hopefully she can manage to cope in a better way. She's still young and learning, you know.**


	15. Hollow Armor

**A/N: Here we are again, in the continuing saga of Jenny and Jethro. The beginning of this chapter was taken from my personal experiences a few days ago. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

True to her word, Jenny was borderline insufferable in the two days that followed the incident at the river. She was more irritable than Gibbs had ever seen her, and he was severely tempted to give her a drink himself just for his own peace of mind. Her depression had worsened, leaving her a strange combination of despondent and volatile, and he was unsure of how to approach her from one minute to the next. She was currently laying on the bed, curled up under the blankets, and when Gibbs walked back into the room, he frowned at her position.

"Jen?"

She didn't answer, and he moved closer.

"Did you try getting up today?"

Shrugging, Jenny turned just enough that she could see him, and shook her head slowly.

"No. Should I have?"

Gibbs sat down next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"It might help. Maybe you'd feel a bit better."

She sighed, burying her head into the pillow, and he frowned as he ran his hand over her hair.

"How can I help? Would talking to Burley help? He makes you laugh, and it's been a few days since you've seen him. Or, what about something to eat? Your favourite thing. Chocolate? Carbs of any kind?"

She smiled sadly into the pillow, but shook her head again.

"Jethro, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this isn't something that can be fixed with chocolate. Contrary to belief, it doesn't cure everything."

"Still. I want to help somehow. I just don't know how to do it. Is it always like this?"

Jenny turned to face him, hair tangled and makeup smudged, and frowned.

"No. It comes and goes. Before, I was able to just drink on days like this and that would give me enough to get through, as strange as it sounds. Alcohol has the strange ability to make me philosophical, horny, happy, and hungry all at the same time. It also gives me just enough hope to make it through days like today. I know that sounds stupid, and it doesn't even make sense, but..."

"Sure it does," he said quietly, "When you drink, you're more free, more capable of ignoring the things that lurk in the back of your mind, and it's only when you come back down that you remember why you were drunk in the first place."

Jenny smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"If you never stop drinking, you don't have to come down. You don't have to face it."

Gibbs nodded.

"Exactly. But Jen...that's what makes it so dangerous. You become addicted to that feeling, that release, and eventually, you need more and more to reach it. I know you feel like nothing matters right now, but it won't last. And when you can face that hopelessness with nothing more than your own strength, you'll feel invincible."

Taking up her previous position under the blanket, Jenny closed her eyes, trying to ignore the feeling of suffocation that had settled in her chest. Gibbs kissed her hair lightly, moving from the bed, and as he closed the door behind him, he gave her one last concerned glance. He hoped that Burley would be able to help her in a way he hadn't been able to.

* * *

Decker nodded at Gibbs once as he stepped into their hotel room, searching for one Stan Burley. He found him hanging upside down on the bed, idly flipping through a magazine, and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"What are you doing, Burley?"

"Trying to make this more interesting."

"Put it on hold. Need your help with something."

"Sure, boss. What's up?"

"Need you to talk to Shepard. See if you can snap her out of the mood she's in."

Burley righted himself, looking at the team leader seriously.

"She okay?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"She hasn't gotten out of bed in almost two days. I'm starting to get really worried about her. Thought maybe talking to you would help. You're good at making her laugh."

The younger agent nodded, and as he ran his hand through his hair to fix the disarray, Decker moved closer to Gibbs, his voice low.

"You apologise to her?"

"Yep."

"Good."

Burley walked out the door, and when Gibbs looked back at Decker, there was a hardness in the younger man's eyes that he didn't quite know what to think of.

* * *

Inclining his head in the direction of the bed, Gibbs shut the door behind them, and Burley frowned. The only sign that Jenny was alive was the slight movement of the sheets as she breathed, and he glanced at Gibbs worriedly.

"Jen, I brought something for you."

She didn't respond, and Burley moved closer, sitting on the bed.

"Hey, Red. How's it going?"

"Hey, Stan," she replied finally, her voice muffled by the pillow.

He laid next to her on the bed, close enough that she could feel his breath on her face, and she frowned as she raised up slightly.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I figured it would be easier for us to talk this way. We're on the same level now."

She rolled her eyes, and he smiled at her, reaching out to put his arm around her shoulder.

"Spill it, Red. What's going on? You're starting to worry the boss man, and you're scaring the hell out of me."

"I don't know," she admitted slowly, her eyes filling with tears, "I just...I feel like this is all pointless. The op, life, everything. I mean...we're all going to die in the end, so does anything we do matter? I feel like...I know that there are people who care about me, but I feel like no one would even notice if I were gone. It's like there's this crushing weight in my chest, I can't breathe, I feel like I'm being buried alive. Logically, I know there's no reason for me to feel this way, but I can't stop it. I can't get away from it. I have nothing left to give, and people keep asking for more. Then it gets to the point where I don't feel anything anymore. I don't care about anything, because nothing is permanent. When does it get better? How do we get through it without losing our minds?"

Burley frowned, pulling her closer.

"Well...we just have to make the most of the time we have. Love the people we want, take the trips we've always dreamed about, take a chance. Just do our best to be happy."

"How?" she asked simply.

"Trial and error. It's not always easy, Jenny...but it's always worth it."

Jenny was silent for a long time, and finally she nodded, raising up to look at him, pretending she didn't notice the tears falling from her eyes.

"Thanks, Stan."

"Anytime. Hey, since you're halfway there, do you think maybe a bath would help? I know sometimes just getting out of bed is a challenge, but sometimes a shower or bath makes a world of difference."

Frowning, Jenny met his eyes seriously, for the first time noticing the pain that she saw carefully hidden behind the humour.

"How do you know so much about this?"

Burley looked over his shoulder at Gibbs, raising his eyebrow in a silent request, and when the team leader stepped out into the hallway, the younger agent leaned his head against the redhead's lightly.

"You're the first person I'm telling about this, so keep it need to know, okay?"

When she nodded, he smiled.

"Between you and me, I've suffered from clinical depression ever since I was a kid. Started when I was around twelve or thirteen. I know it might not seem like it, but I know what you're going through, Jenny. I've taken loads of different medications over the years trying to get a handle on it. I think I've finally done it, too. But, I still have my bad days. Days that I can't find a reason to get up, so I pretend that I drank too much the night before so I call off work. My point is, if you ever need someone to talk to that isn't Gibbs, come find me. I've got your back, Shepard."

"Stan, I...I didn't know. I'm sorry," she whispered, hugging him gently.

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for. We'll beat this. You and me."

He kissed her cheek gently before looking at her hair with an amused expression.

"You might want to brush that out before you get it wet. Otherwise, it's gonna be hell to untangle."

Jenny smiled.

"You sure you're not gay?"

He smirked, leaning close to her ear.

"Only for Gibbs, baby. You know you've always had my heart."

Laughing for the first time in days, Jenny gave him a gentle shove and nodded towards the door.

"Go and tell that controlling bastard he can come back in."

Burley nodded, hugging her one last time before he began walking to the door.

"Hey, Stan?"

He turned, waiting expectantly.

"Thanks," Jenny whispered.

"Love you, Red."

Once Burley had left, Gibbs sat down on the bed next to Jenny, noting that while she had seemed a bit better in his presence, she was once again buried under the blankets. He uncovered her body, letting his fingers slip into her hair, and as he began to carefully comb through the tangled red strands, she frowned. She was too confused to question him, merely laying silently on the mattress, and when his voice broke the quiet, she jumped slightly.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'm not the best with words, but I'll always listen. I know I'm not Burley, but I'd like to think we're pretty close."

"Jethro, are you seriously jealous of Burley?"

He didn't answer, and she sighed.

"Burley is like the brother I never had. Please don't take that to mean that I don't trust you, because I do. With my life. Sometimes, I feel like you can read my mind, and part of the reason I don't vent to you as much is because I don't want to ruin what we have. I don't want you to look at me differently."

"Jen, nothing you could say would change the way I feel about you. I'm not going to judge you for the way you feel, I know you can't control that."

He was still combing through her hair, and when he was finally satisfied with the relative smoothness of the fiery locks, he leaned down to kiss her softly.

"Do you want to try taking a shower? Burley told me you'd discussed it."

Though there was nothing in the world she wanted to do less, Jenny nodded slowly, raising up to meet his gaze. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and once she had disappeared into the bathroom, Gibbs sighed in relief when he realised she'd left the door unlocked. As much as he hated to admit it, he didn't entirely trust her to be safe at the present moment, and the less damage he had to inflict on the door to get to her, the better.

* * *

It was nearly ten full minutes before Jenny was able to pull herself up from the floor of the shower, and when she reached for the bottle of shampoo, she was surprised to find that she could hardly lift it. It was unreasonably heavy to her, and she tightened her grip so as not to drop it. As she rinsed the soap from her hair, she found that she didn't even really have the strength to cry. She slid back down on the floor after the conditioner had been washed away, and she pulled her knees close to her chest, resting her head on them tiredly.

She hadn't felt this overwhelming hopelessness in a long time, and she knew if she hadn't been drinking so heavily, it would have hit her much earlier, albeit possibly lighter. Months of repressed stress and pain were crashing into her with the force of a freight train, and she was at a loss of how to navigate her way through it.

The water was beginning to run cold, and she raised herself up carefully, shutting it off. Thankful that she'd had enough presence of mind to grab a change of clothes, she slowly pulled them on, drying her hair slightly with a towel. She was grateful for the soft fabric of her sweatpants and shirt, knowing that anything more would have felt too restricting, and she took a deep breath before opening the door.

Gibbs looked up as soon as she stepped back into the room, offering her a small smile, and she glanced around at the food sitting on the bedside table.

"You did this?"

He nodded, reaching for her hand as she walked closer. The look of relief on his face when she smiled at him was so strong that she wasn't sure she had the heart to refuse him anything, and he pulled her into his arms the second she sat down on the bed. He placed a light kiss to her temple, and she laid her head on his shoulder, not even thinking about the water still clinging to her hair.

"Feel better?"

"A bit. But this won't be fixed with a shower and food, Jethro. It's not that simple."

He nodded, running his hand over her leg gently.

"I know. But it's a start."

Turning on the television, he began idly flipping through channels, and when he handed her the remote, she frowned.

"Anything you want to watch, you name it."

She smiled softly, resuming the flipping of channels, and when she paused on _The Princess Bride_, he laughed.

"How old are you, Jen?"

"Hey, it's one of my favourites. Shut up. Besides, I've never seen it with a Russian overdub before."

"I'm just kidding. Do you need me to translate?"

Jenny shook her head, a quiet laugh gracing his ears.

"No. I practically know it by heart."

She settled down in his arms, her fingers lightly tracing patterns on his chest, and as he gently coaxed her to eat a little, he realised there was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for the redhead in his embrace.

* * *

Though it was against his better judgment, Gibbs said nothing as Jenny finished pinning up the last few strands of her hair, meeting her eyes in the mirror. She swiped on a final layer of lipstick, flashing him a smile, and when she walked closer, she laid her hand on his shoulder.

"Relax, Jethro. You know as well as I do that Zhukov is going to be falling over himself to earn my forgiveness. He won't touch me."

"Not him I'm worried about, Jen."

Knowing he was referring to her emotional state, Jenny shook her head, kissing his cheek gently.

"I'm okay," she assured him, "It's one meeting, and I can do this. An hour at most."

As she swept past him to the door, Gibbs prayed she knew what she was doing.

* * *

"Madame Machova, how nice of you to join us. I know we did not end our last meeting on the best of terms, and I offer you my sincerest apologies."

Jenny gave Anatoly a smile that did little to ease his mind, and shook her head slowly.

"We'll see."

It was clearly not the answer he'd expected, and he glared at her, unaware of Svetlana's eyes following his every move.

"I am prepared to increase my offer in exchange for the flash drive that you possess, Madame Machova, if you would be so kind as to indulge me."

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Jenny moved closer, her voice low and seductive as she spoke.

"I can almost guarantee that there is no amount of money you could offer me that would persuade me to part with such valuable information."

Zhukov smiled at her slowly, the look in his eyes thoroughly making Jenny's skin crawl.

"Who said anything about money, my dear?"

Svetlana was glaring daggers at him now, and Jenny could feel her hostility from across the room. She laughed quietly, deliberately ignoring the blonde, and shook her head again.

"If it's not money you offer, may I make a suggestion? You are in possession of a code. A series of numbers that are linked to various off-shore bank accounts with ties to numerous arms dealers. If you were to offer that in exchange, I could be very tempted to give you what you want."

"He has not even entrusted that code to me, Madame Machova. What makes you think you are deserving of such a thing?"

Jenny shrugged, finally glancing at the taller woman.

"Perhaps you should discuss your lover's lack of trust in you with him, not me. That's a personal matter, and I am merely here on business."

"You know nothing about what you speak of," Svetlana spat, her eyes livid.

"Calm yourself, my love. My dear Anya, I do not see why I should even consider such a thing, but perhaps you yourself could persuade me to see reason."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Jenny stepped back, needing to breathe air that wasn't thick with cologne.

"Well, it appears we are at an impasse. It was lovely to see you again. I would advise you to discuss the matter amongst yourselves."

"You are rejecting my offer?"

Jenny smiled, grabbing her coat and pulling it around her shoulders.

"I am not so easily bought, Anatoly."

* * *

Ripping off the wig as soon as the door had locked behind her, Jenny took a deep breath, shaking from the cold. Gibbs, just returning from the bathroom, gave her a smile when he noticed her, and she returned it slowly.

"How did it go?"

"Pretty well. They're going to start turning on each other soon enough. You should have seen the way she was looking at me as I left."

Gibbs nodded. Driving a wedge between the two Russian lovers had been a brilliant idea, and Gibbs had no trouble in giving Jenny credit for thinking of it.

"What time is your meeting?"

"Twenty minutes. I was just about to leave."

Jenny nodded, stepping closer to him. When her lips brushed over his in a gentle kiss, his fingers went to her hair, pulling it carefully from the pins, the scent of her perfume enveloping him as it tumbled around her shoulders. Her own fingers wound into his hair, holding him as close as she could, and when she broke away, she smiled.

"Be safe," she whispered.

"Will do."

Kissing her once more before he left, Gibbs gave her a reassuring smile as the door closed behind him. With any luck at all, he could manage to flirt convincingly enough with the blonde to make Zhukov jealous. Perhaps if he pretended she was a certain redhead instead, he would be able to pull it off.

* * *

While she waited for Gibbs to return from his meeting, Jenny slowly flipped through the book she'd all but forgotten about in the past few months, picking up where she'd left off the day she'd been rescued from Chris Jackson's hostage attempt. The quiet knock at the door caused her to look up, and as she placed the book down to hold her place, she frowned. Will Decker stood on the other side of the door, smiling warmly at her as she opened it, leaning against the frame casually.

"Hey, Jenny. Got a sec?"

She nodded, stepping back to allow him in, and frowned. It wasn't often that she spent time alone with Decker, and she was more than a little confused.

"What's up, Will?"

"Just wanted to check on you. I know the past week has been a bit rough."

She smiled.

"I'm okay. Thanks, though. It means a lot to have you check. I really appreciate it."

"Well, I know after Gibbs' little rant at the party, things got a little heavy for a while."

Jenny nodded, running her hand through her hair.

"Yeah, but he was right. I deserved everything he said."

"Jenny, he was an ass. Look, I know you think Gibbs is this all-knowing wise leader, but he was wrong to call you out like that. Even more so to throw your past in your face. That was a low blow, and it wasn't right. I'm not trying to be mean, but you're a bit blind when it comes to Gibbs."

"Will, I—"

"Who was it that got the information from Ed Lutz in Paris, while stoned out of her mind, I might add? Whose idea was it to divide Chernitskaya and Zhukov to make them more susceptible to infiltration? That was you, Shepard. Not Gibbs. Don't get me wrong, he's a great team leader, but you've got so much potential to move up. You're better with public relations than he is, you know how to keep your cool and not let your emotions fuel your actions, you're careful, calculated, and it works to your advantage. Don't let Gibbs hold you back. When this is over, I really think you should try for a promotion. You'd excel anywhere you went, and I'd hate to see you give up your chance because of him."

He hugged her gently, his voice low in her ear as he pulled away.

"Just think about it. I've heard rumours about an op in the Middle East that I think you should consider. You'd be great."

It wasn't until he had gone that Jenny realised there was quite a bit of truth in what he'd said. Still, could she really leave the team she'd come to consider her family? More importantly, could she really leave Gibbs? He'd given her so much, still had so much to teach her, and she wasn't sure if she could hurt him that much. Never mind what it would do to her.

* * *

The room was dark when Gibbs returned, the only light coming from the television, and he smiled as he took off his shoes. Jenny was sleeping soundly under the large blanket, not even moving when he laid next to her, but when he wrapped his arm around her waist, she turned slightly, opening her eyes slowly.

"Hey," he said with a smile.

"Hey," she answered sleepily, "How'd it go?"

"Pretty good. Thought Zhukov was going to strangle me by the time I left, but I think it worked."

She nodded, burying her head in his chest, and he laughed softly. He kissed the top of her head, inhaling the lingering scent of her shampoo, and her voice made him glance down at her when she spoke.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For everything you've done the past few days. I know I've been a bitch lately."

"It's no trouble. To be fair, you did warn me."

Jenny laughed, nodding slowly.

"Yeah, I did. Seriously, though...you let me fall apart without letting go. You picked up the pieces and made me whole again, or as whole as I can be. Sometimes I feel like you're the only that sees me, that knows me. You leave me defenseless, and you make the screaming in my mind stop. I can hear your voice in my head, and you see me as I am. You didn't walk away, and I don't know how to thank you."

"Jen, you challenge me in ways that no one ever has, and I don't mean it the way it sounds. I mean that you call me out when I'm wrong, and you make me try things that I wouldn't normally do. Like with this op...I never would have tried to come between Chernitskaya and Zhukov if you hadn't suggested it. That was brilliant, and it was all thanks to you."

She raised up from her position in his arms and kissed him gently.

"Thank you. I mean it, Jethro. I—" she broke off, suddenly aware of what she'd been about to say, and tried to recover, "I really appreciate everything you've done."

He kissed her again, running his fingers through her hair, and moved his lips to her throat, loving her sharp intake of breath.

"I'm starting to think there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, Jen," he whispered seriously.

"Well, I can think of something," Jenny smiled, reaching for the hem of his shirt slowly.

"Oh?"

She nodded, running her fingers lightly over his cheek.

"Would you kiss me?"

"That's all? I thought it would be much more difficult to make you happy."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head.

"Nope, I'm pretty easy."

"From what I remember, that's not true. You made me wait until we were in France to sleep with you. Not exactly easy."

She rolled her eyes, reaching up to place her hand on the back of his neck.

"Shut up and kiss me, Jethro."

The force of his mouth on hers was enough to make her gasp for breath, and when he pushed her back into the mattress, her free hand tangled in his hair. It was the first time they had kissed so passionately in months that sex wasn't their endgame, and as his tongue tasted every part of Jenny's mouth, Gibbs found that he didn't mind in the least.

* * *

_There was a strange thumping noise that was driving her insane, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Glancing down at the water below her, Jenny frowned as she was finally able to locate the source. A boot was lodged in between the street edge and the water, moving with the current of the river, and she was horrified to discover that she recognised the shoe as her own. _

_ As she drew nearer, she saw that the boot was still on her foot, her lifeless body floating aimlessly in the water, and she screamed, her voice echoing in the silence. No one appeared to have heard her, and she screamed again in horror. The echoes of her voice were the last thing she heard before she spiraled down into the darkness._

Jenny gasped as her eyes opened, her body damp with sweat, and when she noticed Gibbs looking at her in the darkness, he frowned.

"Jen, you okay?"

She was silent for a moment, and finally, she shook her head.

"No," she whispered, "I'm not. And I'm so tired of pretending like I am."

She stood slowly, pulling away from him, and when he realised she was putting on a pair of shoes, he frowned.

"Where are you going?"  
"I just need to clear my head. I'm going for a run."

She swept her hair up into a ponytail, and just before she headed to the door, she leaned down to kiss his cheek gently.

"I'll be back later."

"Take your sidearm," he called.

Nodding, Jenny hooked the weapon onto her jeans, and once she had closed the door, Gibbs closed his eyes and tried to ignore the nagging feeling telling him that something was seriously wrong with his redheaded partner.

* * *

Jenny had no idea how long she'd been running, but when she stopped to catch her breath, her legs were on fire, every breath tearing through her chest like glass. She took no less than a minute to recover, turning on her heel and running in the direction of the Neva River, pausing to stare down into the still water. She still couldn't believe she'd almost ended her life by throwing herself into it, and as she shook her head slowly, she mentally cursed herself for behaving so irrationally.

Even as a child, she had been drawn inexplicably to the water, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pinpoint a reason or time when her obsession had started. She supposed it could have been the fluidity of liquid, the way it flowed so freely, adapting easily to every change the universe threw its way, and in that sense, she was envious of the river.

Before she could think on it too much, Jenny tore herself away from the water, making her way back to the hotel, flashing Burley a smile when she passed him in the hallway leading to their rooms.

"Shepard? It's four in the morning. What are you doing out here?"

She tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"Went for a run. What are you doing up?"

"Needed ice for beer. Want one?"

Though she was severely tempted by his offer, Jenny shook her head, her eyes locking on his seriously.

"No, thanks. Have fun playing 'Go Fish' with Decker, though."

He glared at her before she disappeared into the room she shared with Gibbs, and as the door clicked shut, he stared after her in confusion. Something was definitely off with her.

* * *

Gibbs frowned when Jenny entered the room, sweeping past him to sit on the edge of the bed, and as she began to untie the laces of her running shoes, he reached for his glass of vodka. It had been nearly a week since she'd woken from her drowning nightmare, and she'd been running constantly in the days following it. Her only breaks were the few scattered meetings she'd had with Anatoly Zhukov, further planting the seeds of doubt in the Russian's mind, and he was beginning to worry about her. Again.

"You okay, Jen?"

"Yeah. Just a bit out of practice."

He stared.

"Out of practice?" he repeated in disbelief, "Are you serious? You've gone running every morning, afternoon, and night for the past week. There's no way in hell you're out of practice. Maybe you should take a break."

She shook her head, giving him a small smile.

"It helps me think. Clears my mind, you know?"

Tossing her shoes in the corner, she hesitated when he reached for her, hardly responding to his kiss, and he frowned as he pulled away.

"Seriously?"

"Not tonight, Jethro. I'd rather just read or watch television."

"Jen, you haven't let me so much as touch you in six days. What's going on?"

"Nothing," she assured him, "I've just been distracted."

He brushed her hair away from her throat, his lips trailing lightly over her exposed skin.

"Nothing to distract you right now."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head, and moved from her position on the bed, reaching for her shoes again.

"Later, Jethro. I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going now?"

"Out for a run."

"You just got back from a run," he reminded her.

"I know, but—"

"No, Jenny. You're not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Meeting his bright blue eyes seriously, Jenny sighed, letting the shoes fall from her hands.

"Nothing," she told him quietly, "I'm not sneaking around on you, if that's what you're worried about."

His head shook, eyes never leaving her.

"No, I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about _you_, Jen. I want to know what's going on. Talk to me. If something is bothering you, I want to help. Especially if I caused it."

Jenny laughed.

"No, you didn't cause anything. I'm fine."

Gibbs stood, walking over to her and placing his hands on her shoulders, his eyes searching hers intently.

"Stay. Please."

Finally, Jenny nodded, and this time when his lips found hers, there was no hesitation. His fingers immediately pulled her hair free from the elastic, and she gasped as he backed her up against the wall. He didn't have the slightest idea what she was trying to run from, but as he lifted her off her feet, he decided that it was a conversation that could wait for another day.

* * *

**A/N: Hm..what's going on with Jenny? Songs that were used as a playlist for this chapter were:**

**1) Dear Agony (Aurora version)-Breaking Benjamin featuring Lacey Sturm**

**2) Break In-Halestorm**

**3) Hope Is a Dangerous Thing...-Lana del Rey**

**Let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, theories on what you think is happening with our favourite redhead, etc. Love you muchly!**


	16. Rage

**A/N: In which we see Jenny dealing with the lingering repercussions of her previous relationship, Gibbs reacts badly to a confused redhead, and Burley asks an awkward question. Let me just say, this story has become so much more than I ever intended it to be...I never meant for it to be anything but a one-shot, but now it's taken on a life of its own, and I'm just glad to be along for the ride. Hope you are, too. Enjoy!**

* * *

Jenny found comfort in the sound her shoes made when they hit the pavement as she ran, tightening her ponytail, and frowned. She stopped as she neared the Church of the Savior on Blood, staring up at the enormous building, admiring the way the setting sun made the intricate details even more stunning. She'd never been a religious woman, but even she wasn't immune to the sheer beauty and magnificence of the structure in front of her. As she was admiring the way the fading light cast haunting shadows over the towers, she was suddenly jostled from behind as someone collided with her, and stumbled slightly.

"So sorry," the man muttered in heavily accented English.

Smiling, Jenny shook her head.

"No worries."

When she got her first look at the man's face, Jenny's heart began racing, and she fought the urge to jump back. He so strongly resembled Chris Jackson that it made her mind reel, and as she began running in the direction of the hotel, she tried to ignore the way her breath had caught in her throat.

* * *

As she leaned against the closed door, Jenny's eyes were shut tightly, her breath tearing from her lungs in short, painful gasps. She knew she was alone in the room, Gibbs had told her that he'd set up another meeting with Zhukov and Chernitskaya, but she still couldn't calm her racing heart. She slowly moved to the bed, laying flat on her back, and as she tried to run through the grounding exercise, she could feel the shaking of her body.

She'd never attempted the exercise on her own, and it was proving more difficult without Gibbs' calming presence to steady her. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she reached for the bottle of vodka sitting on the bedside table, unscrewing the cap in one deft motion. Though the strong taste made her gasp, Jenny didn't stop drinking until the bottle was nearly empty, and when she set it back down, she brought her knees to her chest, folding her arms around them tightly.

"You're okay," she whispered to herself, "He's not here. You're okay, Jenny."

Picking up the bottle again, she drained it quickly, and when she stood up to make her way to the door, she tried to pretend that she didn't notice the way the room was spinning. She wrenched the door open, bolting down the hallway, and when she arrived at Decker and Burley's room, she knocked as loudly and frantically as she could.

"Shepard? What's wrong?"

She glanced over her shoulder, shaking her head as she moved.

"Can I stay in here with you until Gibbs gets back?"

Decker nodded, still confused by her unexplained fear.

"Sure, come on in."

Burley smiled when he saw her, but it quickly vanished as he took in her unkempt appearance.

"Woah, Red...what's going on? You okay?"

"Do you have any vodka?' she asked quietly, ignoring his question.

"Yeah, a bit. But hang on. Tell me what's happening."

Decker led her carefully over to the bed after she stumbled, exchanging a worried glance with Burley, and when she sat down, Burley met her eyes seriously.

"Come on, Jen. What's wrong?"

She shook her head.

"Don't—don't call me that. Please."

He nodded, placing a hand on her knee lightly.

"Sorry. Can you talk to me? Is it something with the op? Did something happen to Gibbs?"

"N-no. I was out running, and I stopped in front of the c-church. You know the one I mean?"

Burley nodded again, and she continued.

"I was just looking at it. It's so pretty, you know. And anyway, someone accidentally ran into me. Not hard enough to hurt or anything, but he did apologise. I turned around to tell him it was okay, and..."

She broke off, her tear-filled eyes closing at the memory, and took a deep breath.

"I saw Chris. I know—I know it wasn't really him, but this man looked so much like him that it...it really freaked me out. I ran back to the hotel and tried to calm down. I ended up drinking all of Gibbs' vodka. It was...I can't explain it."

Looking up at the agent sitting in front of her, Jenny's eyes locked on his, willing him to understand, and when Burley wrapped his arm around her shoulder, she laid her head on his. Accepting the glass Decker handed her, Jenny took a long drink, shuddering as the bitter alcohol registered on her tongue.

"I know it wasn't him, I know it was just my mind messing with me, but..."

"Hey, it's okay, Jenny. It's understandable that you were freaked. I mean, that bastard put you through hell. Just take a deep breath, and try to remember that you're safe. He's dead, and he can never touch you again."

She nodded, leaning into his body, and when the phone in the corner of the room rang, she jumped, more easily startled in her inebriated state.

"Decker."

"Gibbs. You seen Shepard? I just got back, and she's not in our room."

"Yeah, she's here," Decker lowered his voice, hoping the redhead wasn't paying attention, "I should warn you, she's trashed. Pretty upset. You might want to be considerate when you see her."

Gibbs frowned at the coldness in the younger man's voice, and shook his head slowly. What was his problem? Why was Decker acting as though he would deliberately hurt Jenny just to prove a point? Because he had, Gibbs realised, something akin to shame making him feel like the biggest ass alive. Still, Decker was treating him like the villain, and it was beginning to piss him off.

"On my way," he answered shortly.

* * *

Decker hadn't been kidding when he'd said Jenny was trashed, but when the younger man stopped him from entering the room, he frowned.

"What, Will? I'm not mad at her."

"Just wanted to let you know what went down."

Gibbs nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"She was out for a run, and saw someone who looked like Jackson. Enough to scare her, and she went back to your room and drank. You're gonna need more vodka, by the way. She's been pretty jumpy, but Burley's been doing a pretty good job of distracting her."

Stepping back to let the team leader in, Decker gave him one last hard look before making sure the door was securely locked behind them, and turned to watch the exchange silently, prepared to intervene on Jenny's behalf if needed.

"Shepard?"

She looked up at the sound of his voice, and the way her eyes lit up when they saw him made Decker slightly sad. It was obvious that she valued his opinion, wanted to make him proud, and Decker just hoped it wouldn't end up costing her more than she was willing to give in the long run. He would have even gone so far as to say that she looked at Gibbs as though she loved him, and he swore that if the team leader hurt her, he would make him regret it.

"Hi, Gibbs," Jenny replied softly, still leaning on Burley's shoulder.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"I was just being stupid and overreacted."

Gibbs shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"No, you didn't. It's perfectly rational to be startled at something like that. What do you say we let Burley and Decker get back to their night, and you can come have dinner with me?"

"Does it involve pasta?"

"It can if you want it to," he answered with a smile.

She thought about it for a moment and finally nodded, hugging Burley as she stood, kissing his cheek before she made her way clumsily towards the door. She stumbled once, pitching forward, and when Gibbs caught her before she could hit the ground, she smiled.

"Sorry," she muttered with a small laugh.

"Don't apologise," he said out of habit, causing her to laugh harder.

He glanced at Decker, nodding his head in the direction of the door.

"Get the door?"

Decker frowned, but opened it, and when Gibbs lifted Jenny easily into his arms, he nodded at the younger man as he passed.

"Thanks."

Something in his voice made Decker realise that he wasn't just thanking him for opening the door, and he nodded. When the pair had disappeared into the hallway, Burley laughed quietly, shaking his head as he looked at his friend.

"Bets on who says it first?"

Decker frowned, thinking. Normally, he would have said Jenny would be the first to tell Gibbs she loved him, but after seeing the way the older man had looked at the redhead as he'd carried her back to their room, he wasn't so sure.

"Gibbs."

Burley shook his head.

"No way. It'll be Jenny. Five bucks?"

Shaking Burley's hand, Decker smiled as he reached to pick up the room service menu.

"You're on, Stan."

* * *

Kicking the door shut, Gibbs carefully set Jenny on her feet, still holding her arm, and when she pulled away, he frowned.

"Jen?"

"I'm okay. Just mad at myself. I was being stupid. I shouldn't have reacted that way."

He noticed she was shaking, and as she sat down on the bed, the fury in her green eyes took him by surprise. She pushed her hair back from her face, blinking back tears, and he walked closer, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"No, Jethro. I'm angry. Really fucking angry. I should be able to handle seeing someone who looks like him. It shouldn't make me panic and send me running for a drink. Am I so weak and pathetic that I can't deal without it? How am I supposed to get through this when it feels like all of the hope I had is gone? I don't know anymore what is true, and I can't find direction. I don't know which way to turn."

Gibbs shook his head, sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.

"You were in an abusive relationship. I know you don't want to think of it like that, but it's the truth. It doesn't make you weak to still have painful memories about it. And when you feel overwhelmed and lost, I have a suggestion. Break it down to the next breath, the next step. Don't look too far ahead. For now, just lay down and try to sleep, okay? I'll be right here if you need me."

She nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder, and he frowned when he noticed the expression on her face.

"Jen?"

She had paled considerably, her breathing uneven and ragged, and just as he was going to ask her what was wrong, she threw her hand over her mouth, bolting for the bathroom. He could hear her retching violently, and when she slowly staggered back into the room, he met her eyes seriously.

"You okay?"

"Jethro, I—"

He never found out what she was going to tell him, instead rushing to her side as she collapsed on the floor. Her breathing was shallow but there, and he lifted her into his arms, placing her on the bed. He brushed her hair out of her face as he clocked her pulse, and leaned down to kiss her forehead softly.

"You deserve better than this, Jenny," he said gently.

He laid next to her, wrapping his arms around her unconscious body, inhaling the scent of her perfume, and closed his eyes tiredly. He had no idea how to help her, and it was driving him insane.

* * *

_The shackle around her ankle was painfully tight, and as she glanced around the bedroom, she was horrified to discover that Jackson was watching her. He smiled when she met his eyes, moving closer to the bed, and pulled out a knife, slowly running the blade over her skin. It was an almost delicate touch, causing her to shiver, and he leaned down close enough that she could feel his breath on her face._

_ "You have beautiful skin, Jenny. It's like porcelain, perfect and smooth."_

_ He smiled, and it was anything but comforting._

_ "I can't wait to see how easily it slides off your bones."_

_ The blade bit into her skin, tears instantly springing to her eyes, and Jackson kissed her cheek._

_ "Don't worry," he whispered, "It only hurts at first. After the initial incision, your body will go into shock, and you won't feel a thing."_

_ As he pressed the blade harder into her skin, Jenny screamed, closing her eyes as blinding pain seared through her entire body._

As her eyes flew open, Jenny took a gasping breath, she immediately scanned the room, searching for any sign of danger. When her gaze landed on the tall shadow standing by the door, she froze, not even noticing it as Gibbs bolted upright next to her in the bed.

"Jen, what is it?"

"There's someone in the room," she whispered.

He was on high alert in an instant, highly trained eyes searching in the darkness, and he looked at her in confusion.

"No one's here but us."

She shook her head, reaching for the glass by the bed.

"By the door."

Gibbs frowned, more than a little confused. The room was empty, and when Jenny slammed the glass down on the table, breaking it into pieces, she found the largest shard she could. She made her way toward the door, and Gibbs swung his legs over the side of the bed, following her.

"Jen, there's nothing there."

"How can you not see him?" she whispered.

Not wanting her to hurt herself, Gibbs tried to think of the best way to get the glass away from her, and reached carefully for her wrist.

"Give me the glass, Shepard. You could hurt yourself."

Shaking her head again, she moved away, and Gibbs grabbed her wrist quickly, his free hand holding her still with a hand on her shoulder. Her grip on the glass tightened, slicing into her skin, and she winced, but didn't release it.

"Jen, let go. You're bleeding."

"I can't. Don't you get it? I have to stop him."

Gibbs shook her roughly, trying to think of the quickest way to get through to her.

"Jen, stop. You're going to seriously hurt yourself. Let it go."

She tried to pull free from his grasp, the glass in her fingers coming dangerously close to his face. Reacting on instinct, he slammed her hand into the wall repeatedly, pinning her against it with his weight, and even as she struggled, he knew she would break sooner rather than later. Blood dripped down her arm, wrapping around it in a crimson ribbon, and when he slammed her hand against the wall harder than ever before, she finally let her grip relax. The glass fell to the floor silently, but it was the look of pure fear in her eyes that worried him.

"Shepard?"

He hoped that by using her surname, he would be able to remind her of what was going on. Her wide green eyes stared straight ahead, and when he moved to brush her hair away from her face, she flinched, shrinking into the wall.

"Let go of me," she whispered.

He immediately released her, and when she reached for the door with her good hand, her voice was filled with a note of panic that he'd never heard directed at himself before.

"Don't come near me."

She opened the door, and he unintentionally stepped forward to stop her.

"I said, don't come near me!" she screamed, her entire body shaking in fear.

It wasn't until she had run from the room, disappearing down the dark hallway, that Gibbs realised he had seriously fucked up.

* * *

Burley frowned when he opened the door to find a very pale, visibly shaken Jenny standing on the other side, and looked at her in concern.

"Shepard?"

"Can I come in?"

He nodded, stepping back to allow her in, and Decker looked up from the television, his eyes immediately landing on the blood staining her skin.

"What happened to your hand, Shepard?"

She shrugged.

"Gibbs slammed it against the wall," she answered hollowly, trying to pretend that she hadn't been affected by the way he'd reacted.

"He did _what_?" Decker asked, outraged.

"Wait, Will, it wasn't like that. He wasn't trying to hurt me, I...I had...I was..."

Decker shook his head, standing and heading for the door. He was too angry to listen to her explanation, and when she tried to stop him, he frowned.

"Shepard, he hurt you. He physically hurt you, and I can't let that go."

"You don't understand. Will you let me tell you what happened?"

"You're starting to sound like every abused person in history, making excuses for him."

Jenny shook her head, pulling him away from the door. As she explained the events leading up to the injury, Burley found bandages to wrap her hand in, and when she winced, he apologised quietly. She finished recounting the night, and Decker was silent for a long moment, still trying to figure out if hitting his boss would be worth the repercussions.

"Jenny, I guess you're right that Gibbs really didn't do anything wrong, but it still pisses me off."

"He was just trying to help, Will."

"Maybe he was, but he went about it in a shitty way."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head sadly.

"Can I crash on your floor tonight?"

Burley smiled at her.

"You don't need to sleep on the floor, Red. I promise I won't bite, just bunk with me tonight. Trust me, your body won't thank you if you sleep on that floor."

She laughed quietly.

"Speaking from experience?"

"Yeah."

Jenny climbed into the bed, and when Burley laid next to her, he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, smiling as Decker turned out the light.

"You try anything, and I'll kick your ass," she warned.

"Nah. I'm more into blondes. Sorry, Jenny. I know you're in love with me."

"Guys, shut up and go to sleep."

After apologising to Decker, Jenny closed her eyes, surprisingly comfortable sleeping next to Burley, and within minutes, she had given in to the exhaustion that felt as though it had settled into her very bones.

* * *

Hours after Jenny had fled the room, Gibbs sat down on the bed, staring at the wall as if in a trance. Faint traces of blood were spattered where her hand had connected with it, and the dark colour stood out starkly against the white paint. He'd been cursing himself, inwardly and outwardly, ever since she'd left, and he wondered if he would ever be able to show her how badly he wished he'd reacted differently. He hadn't meant to hurt her, much less scare her, but his only priority had been getting her to drop the glass before she cut herself more deeply in her fear.

The nightmare she'd had was clearly enough to make her irrationally terrified, and when combined with her intoxication, she'd been understandably disoriented, but he wondered if it was something more. She knew his military background, knew what he'd been trained to do, and he wondered if perhaps she had been genuinely afraid of him as he'd pinned her against the wall. He would never hurt her intentionally, surely she knew him well enough to know that, but he frowned as he realised that might not be the case.

After all, he kept his past a carefully guarded secret, even to her, and communication was decidedly _not_ his forte. She was much more open with him than he'd ever been with her, and now he was starting to believe that perhaps it had been a mistake. He was in love with her, no use denying it, so why couldn't he be honest about his family? Would it really be such a disaster if she knew? She wouldn't run, that much he was certain of, but he couldn't stand the thought of her seeing him any differently than she did now.

And yet...she had trusted him enough to open up about her past, or at the very least, certain aspects of it. Why was he so unable to give her the same courtesy? Even as he tried to understand his own reasoning, he realised he couldn't do it. It felt almost like a betrayal to Shannon and Kelly, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it wasn't. Blinking slowly, he finally forced himself to lay back on the bed, hoping that wherever Jenny had gone, she was safe.

* * *

A quiet moan, combined with the movement beside him, was enough to make Burley open his eyes, and as he glanced at the redhead sleeping next to him, he frowned.

"Jenny?"

She turned to face him, still asleep, and he reached out to shake her shoulder, his voice a whisper in the dark.

"Wake up, Jenny."

She jerked awake, eyes locking on his, and he pulled away quickly.

"Easy, Red. Just me. You okay? You were having a nightmare."

Nodding, she sighed, running her fingers through her hair slowly as she sat up.

"Every damn night," she whispered, her voice betraying her exhaustion.

Burley looked at her sadly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I know how much that sucks. Any way I can help?"

She shook her head, then winced.

"My head is killing me," she muttered.

"I'm not surprised," he laughed quietly, "You were pretty drunk. How much do you remember?"

"All of it. Unfortunately, I wasn't blackout drunk. I wish I had been."

Jenny laid back down, moaning into the pillow as she did so, and Burley smirked.

"Bet Gibbs loves to hear that."

"Shut up, Stan."

Burley laughed, turning to look at her as he situated himself in a more comfortable position, and poked her in the ribs.

"Seriously, Jenny...what's it like? Sleeping with Gibbs. Is he as quiet in bed as he is in every other situation?"

Glaring at him, Jenny sat back up, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she spoke.

"Stan, I am _not_ going to talk about having sex with our boss with you. It's wrong."

"At least tell me the best part. What's your favourite thing about it?"

Thinking, she nodded as she moved closer to him, her eyes bright with laughter as she imagined all the different ways she could answer his question. Finally, she decided on the truth, and smiled as she thought of the feeling.

"He holds my hand," she said quietly.

"Why?" Burley asked before he could stop himself, "Is it like...a weird hold?"

"No," she replied, entwining their fingers together to demonstrate, "Like this."

"Of all the things he does during sex, why is that your favourite?"

Jenny shook her head.

"I think it's because it makes it so intimate. I mean, he has my entire body to look at, to taste, to touch, and he chooses to hold my hand. It feels...it makes me feel wanted."

As he considered her answer, Burley nodded, smiling when she kissed his cheek.

"Get some sleep, Stan."

"Night, Red."

"Night."

"Jenny, I'm glad you and Stan are best friends who feel comfortable enough to discuss sex at 04:00, but for the love of God, can't it wait until the sun is up?"

As annoyed as he was, Decker was too happy at the sound of Jenny's soft laughter to truly be angry at being woken up.

* * *

Gibbs was so used to Jenny being in his arms when he woke that for a moment, he was wildly confused at the coldness of the sheets. It struck him as odd that she hadn't returned, but he figured she had gone to Decker and Burley's room, as she tended to turn to them when she couldn't—or wouldn't—confide in him. He knew that he needed to see her, to try his best at explaining that he hadn't meant to scare her, but he didn't know if she would allow him to. But still, he had to try.

Pulling on his shirt, the team leader made his way to his agent's room, knocking lightly on the door, and when Decker answered it, he was met with a cold stare.

"Is she here?"

The younger man didn't reply, and Gibbs sighed.

"Look, Decker, I just—"

"She's here. And you're damn lucky that she talked me out of kicking your ass last night."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Decker snapped, stepping out into the hallway after making sure he had the key to the room in his pocket, "Burley wrapped up her hand, and stopped the bleeding."

"Did she tell you what happened?"

"That's the only reason I haven't punched you. I know you were trying to help, to make her realise it was only her dream messing with her head, but you didn't have to physically hurt her."

"She had a shard of glass in her hand, Will. She'd already cut herself accidentally, I didn't want her to do something worse, to either of us."

"I understand that, but Gibbs...she just got out of an abusive relationship. Did you even stop to think how she would react to being restrained? How she would be effected? We bandaged her hand! Burley and me. From an injury _you_ caused. Do you know how that felt? I know you're trying to do the right thing and be there for her, but you are royally fucking it up. You can't pin her to the wall like a damn criminal. You have to be careful here. This is a delicate situation, and—"

"Will, stop."

Turning at the sound of her voice, Decker frowned when Jenny stepped out into the hall, looking at him seriously.

"Can you give us a minute?"

"You need me, you call."

She smiled sadly, and looked toward the door pointedly. He took the hint, and when the door shut behind him, Jenny finally raised her eyes to Gibbs, locking on the sapphire irises.

"Jethro, I...I know I freaked out last night, and I owe you an apology, Rule six be damned."

He smiled a little at that, and nodded at her hand.

"Does it hurt?"

She shrugged.

"Only a little."

A long silence passed between them, and he took a hesitant step closer to her, searching her eyes for any sign that she was afraid. He saw only exhaustion, and somehow that made him feel even worse.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Jen. And I sure as hell didn't mean to scare you. I handled the situation badly, and while it isn't an excuse, I was just doing the only thing I knew to stop it from getting out of hand."

She nodded, her exhaustion evident in the very way she carried herself, and met his eyes evenly.

"I know. I don't know what happened to me last night."

"Sometimes it's hard to come out of dreams, even more so when you're intoxicated, so it's not hard to see why you were confused."

He moved closer, slowly reaching out to brush his fingertips over her cheek gently, and when she didn't move away, he smiled.

"Can we go back to our room and talk?"

Her smile was all the answer he needed.

* * *

"You know, Jen...Decker might be jumping down my throat over everything lately, but he's right about one thing. This is a delicate situation, and not one I'm familiar with."

"I'm not asking you to be perfect, Jethro. Just...maybe think a bit more before you act."

Gibbs nodded, looking at her over his glass.

"What was your dream about? Maybe talking about it will help."

She described the nightmare (brief though it was, it had terrified her), and when she had finished, Gibbs simply stared at her, eyes dark. He was silent for a long time after, and Jenny frowned as she tried to figure out what was going on in his mind.

"Jethro? What's wrong?"

"It pisses me off," he answered bluntly, "Hell is too good for that bastard. I hope wherever he is, he burns for all of eternity."

"It's not our place to decide that," she reminded him gently.

"To hell with that, Jen! He nearly killed you, he attacked Decker and me, he would have kept you locked up for the rest of your life if he could've. You're seriously telling me that you don't feel the same way?"

"I didn't say that. I said it's not our place to decide his punishment. Of course I feel the same. He haunts me, Jethro. Even now, months after his death, he fucking follows me like a ghost. I don't like the person he made me, and I hate that your lives were put in danger on my behalf. If anything had happened to you, Decker or Burley, even Ducky, I would have never forgiven myself."

Gibbs took her hand in his, looking into her eyes seriously.

"It wasn't your fault. The only mistake you made was not telling me sooner."

"I was scared," she whispered, "I've never been that scared in my life."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to his chest, and kissed her hair lightly.

"I know, Jen. But it's over now, he's dead, and we're going to finish this mission soon. We'll be back in Paris before you know it."

She'd almost forgotten that they would be returning to Paris once their op was completed, and she smiled as she thought of the beautiful Parisian streets, the glittering lights, the lightness that seemed to radiate throughout the city.

"I can't wait."

He kissed her gently, and she touched the side of his face, her fingers warm against his skin.

"Jethro, I—"

Fuck. She'd almost said it again, and she dropped her gaze to the bed, trying to backtrack.

"I'm sorry about last night. I overreacted, and I know you hate apologies, but you deserve one. I put you in a near-impossible situation, and that wasn't okay."

"Jen, I told you: it isn't your fault, and I don't blame you."

He was quiet for a moment, then frowned as a thought occurred to him.

"Where'd you sleep last night?"

"With Burley," she said with a smile.

"Burley? If he even _thought_ about touching you, I'll head-slap him so hard his great-grandchildren will feel it."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head as she looked at him.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous."

"Nope, nothing to be jealous of."

"Oh? Someone sounds sure of himself."

He crashed his lips against hers, sweeping his tongue into her mouth, and pushed her down onto the bed. His fingers wound into her fiery hair, and when he finally pulled away, she stared up at him, emerald meeting sapphire in the dim light of the room.

"Can Burley make you feel like that?" he whispered as he brushed his lips over her throat.

"Not even close," she answered breathlessly.

He nipped lightly at her skin before pulling back just enough that he could look into her eyes, noticing the way they were clouded with desire.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Kiss me like that again."

"Yes, ma'am."

He brought his lips to hers again, and when she moaned softly, his grip in her hair tightened. He looked at her as her eyes opened, and when she remembered the conversation she'd had with Burley about Gibbs, she burst into laughter, earning her a confused head tilt.

"What?"

"Burley asked me what it was like to sleep with you."

"And you told him it was the best you've ever had, right?"

Laughing harder, Jenny shook her head.

"I didn't tell him anything. Too weird, even for us."

"I'm glad you have him as a friend. He cares about you, and if Decker gets any more protective of you, I might have to join Witness Protection to keep him from killing me."

Still laughing, Jenny raised up to kiss him gently, and ran her hand over his chest.

"Stop manhandling me, and it won't be an issue."

"Got it."

Jenny shook her head, pulling herself up by his shoulder, and kissed him hard, her bandaged hand running through his hair.

"Sucks to be you, then."

He frowned.

"Why?"

Kissing him harder, all teeth and tongue, Jenny met his eyes seriously, the viridian irises dark with need.

"I _like_ being manhandled, Jethro."

He couldn't stop the low growl that fell from his throat as he kissed her again, pushing her back down on the bed. Not that he really tried.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Gibbs just keeps making mistakes. Songs used as a playlist for this chapter were:**

**1) "Simmer"-Hayley Williams**

**2) "The Next Right Thing"-Kristen Bell**

**3) "River"-Josh Groban**


	17. Ultraviolence

**A/N: There are only a few chapters left in this, and I hope you're still with me. I'm trying to stick as close to canon as possible, and I already have the last scene of this written out. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Svetlana Chernitskaya's icy glare was the first thing Jenny noticed when she entered the room, sitting down in a leather armchair, crossing her legs gracefully. Zhukov walked up behind her, touching her arm lightly, and brushed his lips over her cheek.

"Would you allow me a few moments alone with Madame Machova? There are things I need to discuss with her, and they would only bore you."

Though Jenny knew she wanted to protest, the blonde nodded, and as the door closed behind her, the redhead in disguise gave him her best smile.

"Surely that wasn't necessary. We are only here to discuss business, after all."

Zhukov nodded at her once, taking a long drink from his glass.

"This is true, but relations with Svetlana have been...strained lately, to say the least."

Silently rejoicing, Jenny kept her expression carefully neutral.

"I am sorry to hear that. Now, if you don't mind, I do have another meeting to attend once we've finished, so if we could get started..."

"Of course, my dear Anya. Now, I know you are extremely interested in gaining access to the code I am in possession of, as am I in that flash drive you keep so close to you. Unfortunately, I cannot even begin to consider giving up such valuable information without a gesture of faith on your part."

Jenny smiled knowingly.

"I understand your position, Anatoly, but surely you can appreciate that I am of the same mind. You must provide your own, if you wish to ever hope to see that flash drive."

Approaching her steadily, Zhukov stood in front of her, looking down at her for a moment before kneeling in front of the chair.

"That is exactly what I am doing, my dear," he said softly, his hand resting on her knee.

The feeling of his hand on her bare skin was almost enough to make her recoil from him, but Jenny forced herself to remain still. She was regretting the dress she'd chosen to wear now, and hoped that he hadn't noticed the way she'd stiffened under his touch.

"You misunderstand me," she said quietly, "Deliberately, I believe. I am not interested in changing the nature of our relationship, yet that is all you seem to be concerned with."

"Not at all, but why should we deny ourselves the opportunity to try something new?"

Zhukov's fingers were slowly moving up the expanse of her leg, brushing the top of her thigh, and when he leaned closer, she held her breath unconsciously.

"This is highly inappropriate," she shook her head.

Though her mind was screaming at her to push him away, she was very aware of how dangerous the man in front of her was. Without even flinching, he would kill her, and as he pressed his lips against hers, Jenny tried to pretend she was anywhere else. He forced his tongue between her teeth, and finally, she could stand it no longer, shoving him away. His hand found her throat, pushing her back into the chair, and his voice was a dangerous whisper as he spoke.

"You forget your place, Anya. Women should always yield to the one who has the most power."

Jenny's fingers closed around the knife she'd concealed in her jacket, and she pulled it out, pressing the blade against his throat, her eyes hard.

"No, _you_ forget yours, Anatoly. You have no power over me, and I suggest you take your hands off of me before I happily slit your throat and watch you bleed to death."

He must have seen the threat in her eyes, because he released her, straightening up to glare at her. Jenny stood up, smoothing her skirt, and as she swept past Zhukov to the door, she turned, her eyes colder than ice.

"You keep testing my patience, Anatoly, and you mock my abilities. Do not make the same mistake again."

Without another word, she left the room, trying to regulate her breathing as she stepped out into the night.

* * *

Unscrewing the cap off the bottle of vodka, Jenny took a quick drink, rinsing her mouth with the liquid, and spat it out onto the street after making sure she wasn't seen. She hated wasting perfectly good vodka to sterilize her mouth, but she couldn't stand the thought of tasting Zhukov's tongue any longer. Taking another drink, she swallowed it slowly, letting the liquid burn down her throat, only slightly aware of the pain. She kept drinking, faster now, and when she had emptied half of the bottle, she made her way carefully to the hotel room.

Frowning when she realised Gibbs was nowhere to be found, she turned on her heel, setting the bottle of vodka down on the table, and stepped back out into the hallway. When she reached Decker and Burley's room, she knocked unsteadily, and Burley smiled when he opened the door.

"Hey, Jenny. How'd it go?"

"Is Gibbs here?"

"Yeah, come on in."

She entered the room quickly, closing the door, and when her eyes found the man she'd been looking for, she wasted no time crossing the room to him. As soon as she was close enough, she crashed her mouth onto his, not even caring that the other agents were in the room. Gibbs' arms went around her waist as she threw herself into them, her hands tangling in his hair. Decker and Burley exchanged a glance that was a mixture of surprise and confusion, and when Jenny finally let Gibbs go, they all stared at her as though she'd gone insane.

"Uh...what the hell, Red?"

Ignoring Burley, Jenny grabbed Gibbs by the wrist pulling him to the door.

"You. Room. Now. I need to talk to you."

Gibbs was too stunned to speak, not fighting her as she hauled him out of the room, and when they had gone, Burley shook his head slowly.

"What the hell was that about?"

"Dunno. Something must be up."

"If it wasn't before, something will definitely be up when they get back to their room," Burley smirked.

Realising what he meant, Decker started laughing, still managing to glare at his friend.

"That's messed up, man. This is Gibbs and Jenny you're talking about."

"Your point? I highly doubt she needed to 'talk' to him."

Decker frowned, thinking about it carefully.

"I don't know, Stan. Did you see the look in her eyes? This didn't seem like she just wanted to get laid. Something's bothering her. She was desperate."

The more he considered Decker's words, Burley realised he was right.

* * *

They had no sooner gotten back to their room that Jenny pushed Gibbs up against the closed door, her hands touching every inch of him that she could reach. Her kiss was urgent, as though she was afraid he would disappear, and as her fingers grabbed the hem of his shirt, he pulled away, looking down at her seriously.

"What's going on, Jen? Thought you needed to talk."

She nodded.

"I do, but not yet. Just kiss me."

Tossing his shirt in the corner, Jenny grabbed his shoulders, pulling him closer, and when she kissed him again, Gibbs could taste the faint traces of alcohol. He frowned at the bitterness, and looked at her intently.

"You've been drinking."

"It's not what you think," she said, shaking her head, "I'll explain later. Keep kissing me. Please."

He wasn't convinced, but her hands at his waist drove all protests from his mind. He reached for her hand to lead her to the bed, and she shook her head, kissing his throat slowly.

"Right here," she whispered, "Up against the door. Hard and fast. Rough."

He had never been more confused by her, but he turned them so that her back was pressed against the door, pushing the skirt of her dress higher. He lifted her off her feet, her legs wrapping around his waist, and as he kissed the base of her throat, she moaned quietly. Supporting her weight with one hand, he undid his jeans with the other, and she pushed them onto the floor with her feet.

Setting her back down on the floor, he knelt down, kissing his way up her legs, tracing circles on her skin with his tongue, the fabric of her dress whispering around him as he pulled her underwear off. She cried out when he slid his tongue inside of her, his teeth lightly scraping over her clit, and when he could tell she was getting close, he stopped. He raised up, pinning her against the door, her wrists held in his hand over her head, and his teeth nipped the skin of her throat, her head falling back.

Gibbs ran his tongue over the shell of her ear, feeling her shiver beneath him, and lifted her into his arms. He entered her quickly, his hips slamming into hers roughly, and he kissed her deeply, biting down on her bottom lip. She moaned, her grip in his hair tight, and he shifted, trying to balance her weight with one arm. Jenny could sense he was still holding back, and when he bit down on her clavicle, she closed her eyes.

"Harder, Jethro," she whispered, "Please."

For someone who hated begging, Gibbs found it strange that she'd said "please" twice now, but he sped up his movements regardless. Pinning her hand over her head, Gibbs entwined their fingers, reminding her that they were in this together, and when she fell over the edge, she swore quietly, her head hitting the door. Her name was a low growl as he followed her and he rested his head against her shoulder, placing a light kiss to her skin.

Lowering her carefully to the floor, he looked at her seriously as she straightened her dress, waiting for her to speak. She was silent as she picked up her discarded underwear, tossing them into the basket she reserved for unclean laundry, and as she searched for a clean pair, he pulled his shirt over his head. They both dressed slowly, listening to the rain as it began to fall outside the building.

"You gonna tell me what's going on?"

She glanced at him, her eyes locking on his, and he frowned as he tried to keep up with the wide array of emotions that passed through them.

"He kissed me. Zhukov."

"What?"

She nodded, knowing he'd heard her perfectly well.

"Forced his tongue down my throat, his hands all over my skin, I couldn't—god, I couldn't fucking stand it!"

Struggling to keep his anger in check, Gibbs looked at the redhead with a hard expression.

"He touched you? Where? Did he hurt you?"

Jenny shook her head again, her hair falling around her face in a crimson curtain.

"Jen. _Where_ did he touch you?"

"My legs. His hand was dangerously close to finding out that I was wearing lace underwear."

Noticing the bottle of vodka on the table for the first time, Gibbs reached for it, taking a long drink.

"I pushed him off, and he grabbed me by the throat. Then I pulled my knife on him. Told him that if he didn't let go, I would slit his throat."

Gibbs nodded, feeling extremely proud of her, yet still fighting the urge to go murder the Russian.

"So, the vodka?"

She nodded, smirking a bit as she watched him take another drink.

"I used it to rinse my mouth out. Figured I would sterilize from the inside out."

He laughed outright, shaking his head in amusement, and when she came to sit next to him on the bed, he pulled her into his lap, running his fingers through her hair gently.

"Seriously, Jen...are you okay?"

Smiling at his concern, Jenny nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder and placing a gentle kiss on his throat.

"I'm fine now. I needed to put the memory out of my mind."

Gibbs nodded, kissing her temple gently.

"Think you shocked the hell out of Decker and Burley."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head as he continued to comb through her hair.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"How much closer are we to ending this?"

Her voice was soft, and he could hear the exhaustion that lingered in her tone. He kissed her hair again, his breath warm as he answered.

"Close, Jen. So close," he murmured against her hair, "It won't be long now."

She nodded, leaning into his embrace, and when he fell back onto the mattress, he pulled her with him, smiling as she hovered over his body. Her hair swept over his face when she leaned down to kiss him, and when she moved to the side of the bed, he ran his fingers over her skin lightly.

"This is a nice dress," he commented, "Colour looks good on you."

She frowned.

"You think so? It's not too dark? I thought it made me look too pale."

Gibbs took the royal blue fabric between his fingers, and examined it carefully.

"It makes you look stunning. The contrast of your skin with the dress brings out the slight undertones, and it highlights your eyes."

She smiled, moving closer to his warmth, and he kissed her gently, his hand trailing down her side.

"You're beautiful, Jen," he told her seriously.

"Thanks. I'm not that special, but thanks for saying so."

He stared at her, standing up and holding out his hand.

"Come here."

She frowned.

"What?"

"Get up, I want to show you something."

She took his hand, and he led her into the bathroom, turning her to face the mirror, and flipped on the light. She glanced back at him, and he nodded in the direction of the glass.

"Look. Tell me what you see."

"Jethro, I—"

"Do it. Please?"

Jenny sighed, bringing her eyes to her reflection, and shook her head.

"I see a short redheaded woman that should probably hit the gym a little bit more, and one who really needs to learn how to use makeup better if she wants to have any hope of turning anyone on."

Gibbs shook his head, brushing her hair off to one side.

"Let me tell you what I see, Jen," he whispered, his lips close to her ear, "I see a woman who, though short, is very attractive, with brilliant green eyes that could make a man do anything she wanted, and though she may not be as thin as she was in her early twenties, she has the most stunning figure of any woman alive, and who looks gorgeous even without a stitch of makeup on."

Jenny opened her mouth to protest, and he stopped her with a finger over her lips.

"Not done. Let me ask you something: when you were in high school, and even after...when you were starving yourself and cutting patterns into your skin, were you happy? Honestly?"

She was silent for a moment, and then she shook her head.

"No," she whispered, "I wasn't."

"Exactly. So you were thinner. Big freaking deal. You weren't happy, and it nearly killed you. Is it worth that, Jen? You are so gorgeous that sometimes I wonder why in the world you would ever want to be with me. I'm so much older than you, you could have any man you wanted, someone who would be more fun."

Jenny touched his cheek gently, her eyes a strange combination of adoration and sadness.

"I don't want anyone else. I do have the man I want, and believe it or not, I know you can have fun. I've seen you when we get together with Burley and Decker. You're not always the hard-ass you pretend to be. And you're quite possibly the sexiest man I've ever known."

He frowned.

"What?"

"Jethro, do you seriously think I'm in the habit of letting just anyone fuck me against a hotel door? Not hardly. No one has ever made me feel the way I do when I'm with you, as cliché as it sounds."

Jenny raised up on her toes to kiss him, and smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"You're attractive, Jethro. Get over it."

He laughed, stepping away from her, and as she followed him back into the main part of the room, she shrieked as he threw her over his shoulder, dropping her unceremoniously on the bed.

"Let's get some sleep, Jen. It's late."

It took everything in her power for Jenny to stop herself from telling him that she loved him as he pulled her closer and turned off the light.

* * *

Hooking her arm through Gibbs' as they walked the street leading to the Neva River, Jenny leaned against him, pulling her coat tighter around her. It was raining still, and though he hadn't understood why, Jenny had asked him if they could walk to the river early that morning. She so rarely asked him for anything, and it was such a simple request that he couldn't refuse her, and as such, he now found himself staring down at the glassy water, broken only by the drops of rain.

Her hair had darkened in the storm, and though she was shivering from the cold, Gibbs thought she seemed to be enjoying herself.

"So, why are we here?"

"I wanted to look at the river in the rain. It's strangely calming to me."

He nodded, kissing her hair gently, and she laid her head on his shoulder as she stared into the depths of the water. The sound of a siren approaching made them both turn, and when Jenny noticed the two cars speeding toward them, she frowned.

"What's going on?"

"No idea."

As they drew closer, Gibbs could make out the glint of metal, and he moved quickly, pushing Jenny out of the way as the gun was fired at the police car.

"Run. Don't stop, and don't look back."

She nodded, and they both sprinted towards their hotel, hearing the sound of more sirens approaching. When she made it back to the hotel lobby, Jenny leaned forward, her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath, and closed her eyes. She felt rather than heard someone approach her, and when she glanced up, she smiled weakly at Gibbs as he looked at her.

"What the hell was that?"

"From what I could gather, someone tried to rob the church. The big one, the one you like so much."

She nodded, and he wrapped his arms around her, ignoring the pounding of his heart in his chest.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

He nodded, and as he kissed her hair, he inhaled the scent of rain and perfume. He was beginning to hate Russia just as much as she did.

* * *

"Boss, you think that attempted robbery has anything to do with Zhukov? Maybe he's trying to get enough money to convince Shepard to give him the flash drive."

Gibbs frowned, shaking his head at Burley.

"I doubt it. Zhukov wouldn't be that messy. If he'd wanted to rob the church, he wouldn't have been that careless."

Jenny nodded.

"As much as I hate the guy, he's good. No one would have noticed him."

Burley looked at her, still unsure of how to act around her since the last time he'd seen her, she'd had her tongue halfway down their boss' throat. She noticed uncomfortable way he was looking at her, and frowned.

"You okay?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. Just confused as to why someone would want to rob a church. Do they have anything to steal?"

Decker laughed.

"A church that old definitely has a lot that could be worth loads of money."

Burley shrugged.

"Never been in one. Not very religious."

Jenny laughed.

"Stan, are you scared that you might burst into flames?"

He rolled his eyes at her, shaking his head.

"I don't know, Red. Are you worried that someone might drop a house on you?"

Laughing harder, Jenny kissed his cheek, accepting the cup of coffee Gibbs handed her.

"No, I'd be more worried that a little farm girl would steal my shoes."

Knowing how Jenny felt about her heels, Gibbs couldn't stop himself from laughing, causing them all to stare at him as though he'd lost his mind.

"It's so true that it's funny," Decker agreed, "How many times did you two fight over Jenny's choice in footwear when she first started?"

Jenny nodded.

"Yep, and who was it that won that battle?"

"You still wear the boots at crime scenes," Gibbs reminded her.

"Well, duh. I'm not about to ruin perfectly good shoes."

Burley laughed, taking a drink of his coffee. Jenny stood up, shaking her still-wet hair off of her shoulders, and when Gibbs glared at her, she shrugged.

"I've had enough excitement for one morning. I'm going back to bed. See you in a few hours."

Once she had left the room, Decker looked at the team leader seriously, his eyes never leaving his face.

"What did she need to talk to you about last night?"

Expecting Gibbs to dodge the question, Burley couldn't hide his shock when he answered honestly.

"Zhukov kissed her, touched her, and she was pretty disgusted by it."

"Can't we just kill them now and be done with it?" Burley asked angrily.

Gibbs shook his head.

"No. We need the information they have. We need to find out just how deep they're in."

Burley frowned, but nodded.

"God, it must suck to be Shepard. Always having creepy guys hitting on you, people thinking they can just touch you whenever they want...no one deserves that."

Though he'd never really thought about it before, Gibbs had to admit that Burley was right. Being an attractive young woman must be difficult at times.

* * *

Running his fingers lightly over the sleeping redhead's hair, Gibbs leaned down to kiss her cheek, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She opened her eyes slowly, smiling when she registered that he was next to her, and he returned it easily.

"Sleep well?"

"Had a few weird dreams, but nothing bad."

"Good. Are you hungry?"

She shook her head, sitting up slowly, and as she began to wake up more fully, she frowned at the cup of coffee in his hand.

"Jethro, do you ever drink anything other than coffee and alcohol?"

He shrugged.

"I've been known to drink water on occasion."

She rolled her eyes, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and as she reached for her shoes, he frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"Out for a run."

Gibbs watched her as she tied the laces of her shoes, and when she kissed his cheek lightly, he grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving.

"What's going on with you? You've been running like you're training for a marathon the past few weeks."

Jenny rolled her eyes again, pulling free from his grasp and making her way to the door.

"Jethro, I'm fine. Really."

He stared after her as she left the room, and shook his head. He hadn't believed her before, and he certainly didn't now that she'd added "really" to the end of her assurance. His track record for trying to help her was far from perfect though, so he decided to think this through carefully before even attempting to broach the subject.

* * *

As she ran through the streets of St. Petersburg, Jenny was grateful for the way her thoughts seemed to leave her with every step. She'd forgotten how much running had helped her in the past, but now that she'd begun again, she couldn't seem to stop. The irony that she'd always hated running until she'd forced herself to do it daily and now she voluntarily ran miles a day was not lost on her, and she stopped long enough to catch her breath as she rounded a corner.

She knew, even as she began moving again, that she was heading into dangerous territory, leading to a path she knew well, but she couldn't see any other way out. Running had been her way of distracting herself from the hunger when cutting hadn't helped, and though she didn't think that was what she was running from now, it still had the same effect. It stopped the racing thoughts in her mind, her every sense focused on her next step, and for now, it was enough. It probably should have bothered her that she refused to admit it to herself that she was running from her emotions and the alcohol that tempted her every minute of the day, but as she always did, Jenny pointedly ignored any thoughts that didn't pertain to her current mission.

Besides, it was just running. How bad could it be?

Gibbs was waiting for her when she returned, his expression cautious, and she frowned as she took a long drink of water.

"Jen, I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay, fire away."

She sat down on the bed, raising her eyebrow in question, and he nodded at her.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm worried about you. I don't know what you're trying to put behind you, but running like this won't fix it."

She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You told me that running helps clear your mind. I'm not saying that it's bad for you to run, but I'm worried that you could take this too far. You have a tendency to have tunnel vision about things. You become so focused on one particular thing that it consumes you. When you were younger, it was food. In some ways, it still is. Don't think I haven't noticed your eating habits or lack thereof. That's something that will likely never leave you. But now, I'm worried that it's going to be running. You've gotten deep into this op, and running is your way of letting it go, I get that. Just don't take it too far."

Jenny smiled at him reassuringly, but it did little to ease his mind.

"Jethro, you're sweet to worry. But, I'm okay."

"Are you? Because you've nearly died more than once this past year, and one of those times, it was by your own hand. If you don't want to confide in me, I understand, but...be careful."

She met his eyes, realising as she looked into them, that he was silently begging for her to talk to him, and she felt suddenly guilty. She sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"It isn't that I don't want to talk to you. I just...I don't want you to see me differently. I've told you that before."

"I know. What about Burley? He's your best friend."

Her head shook again, and she took a deep breath.

"If I tell you something, you promise you won't hate me?"

"I told you, I could never hate you."

Jenny nodded, her eyes flickering to the bed, twisting her hands nervously in her lap.

"A few months ago, I told you that I left Chris as soon as he hit me the first time. Remember? I lied to you, Jethro. We also dated for longer than a month. I didn't tell you because I was afraid you would think I was stupid for staying with him for so long."

He frowned as he looked at her, but nodded.

"Go on."

"Do you remember the morning I came in to work with my hand wrapped up because I'd gotten it caught in my car door as I shut it? That was the first time he ever did anything."

"What did he do?"

"We'd gotten into an argument in my driveway, and he slammed the door of his patrol car on my hand. Nearly broke my fingers. Claimed it was an accident, and it was believable enough at the time. Or, at least, I needed it to be. I couldn't admit to myself that he'd done it on purpose."

Gibbs tilted his head, doing the math quickly.

"That was back in May."

She nodded, trying to ignore the tears that had filled her eyes.

"I know. We'd been together for about two weeks at that point. The first time he actually hit me, he had been drinking, it's true, but I still wrote it off as a one-time thing. I'd ran late getting home from work and missed our dinner reservations. He slapped me in the parking lot of the restaurant."

Gibbs moved to sit next to her on the bed, tilting her head up so that he could see her eyes. As the tears dripped onto her cheek, he ran his thumb under her eyes, placing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Oh, Jen...I wish you'd told me earlier."

She blinked, tears falling faster, and sighed.

"I should have."

"Why didn't you?"

"Well, you were my boss, and we weren't particularly close outside of work, and I didn't want to drag you into my mess. And he threatened to kill me and the people I cared about if I said anything. I wasn't so much worried about me, but I couldn't risk him hurting you, Stan, Will, or anyone else. You're too important to me."

"Even if we weren't that close, you still could have come to me. Besides, you had to know that I would find out eventually anyway. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know all the details. It was only a matter of time before I put the pieces together."

It didn't escape Gibbs' notice that she'd said that he was important to her, but he chose not to comment on it.

"Why are you telling me now?" he asked instead, searching her eyes for an answer.

"You've done so much for me, helped me in ways I couldn't ever imagine, and I couldn't stand the thought of keeping a secret like that from you."

Though he knew she had no way of knowing it, her words cut him deeply. He was so tempted to tell her, to throw all caution to the wind, but still he stayed silent. This moment was about helping her, not unloading his past onto her. It could wait. It was so difficult, having two monumental confessions that he wanted to tell her, but as he considered her emotional state, he thought better of it. Telling her about Shannon and Kelly would only make her feel worse, and telling her that he loved her would feel cheap and hollow if he were to say it now.

She laid her head on his shoulder, and as he held her in his arms, he kissed her gently.

"I'm glad you told me."

"You're not mad?"

He shook his head.

"Not at you. At Jackson? You have no idea how much I wish I could resurrect that bastard and kill him again."

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"You can talk to me about anything, you know. It won't change how I see you."

She nodded, not entirely believing him, and when she stood up, he frowned.

"You're not going for a run now, are you?"

"No," she answered with a small smile, "I'm going to take a shower."

Gibbs watched her as she disappeared into the bathroom, frowning when he heard the lock click into place. It was clear that something was bothering her, and it worried him that she hadn't told him (or anyone else, for that matter) what it was. If she hadn't even discussed it with Burley, it must have been something bigger than he'd originally thought. He only hoped it wasn't something that could potentially be dangerous.

* * *

As she slowly sat down on the floor of the shower, Jenny tried to pretend that she didn't feel as though she were suffocating. Though she hadn't mentioned it to Gibbs, she'd been seriously considering the op in the Middle East that Decker had told her about. The sooner she moved up in the agency, the sooner she could begin looking for the man she believed had murdered her father. She'd never believed the supposed suicide, and there was only one man who had the connections and ability to kill her father without getting caught. Still, even as she considered the job, she had no proof that leaving Gibbs' team would result in her being promoted, and she wasn't sure if she could bear the thought of letting go of the people she thought of as family. Even worse, she didn't know if she would be able to handle leaving Gibbs himself.

She had to tell him, she decided. If she told him how she felt about him and got his answer in return, she would finally know where she stood. If he loved her, she didn't think she would be able to leave him, but if he didn't...if this was just some short fling, she wasn't going to let him stop her from moving on with her life. The only problem now was that she had no idea how or when to tell him.

Reaching for her razor, she flinched when the blade slipped in her hand, a tiny cut appearing on her skin. It was small, no bigger than a paper cut really, but the trail of blood that dripped down her leg was calming to her in a way that only alcohol had been before. It swirled down the drain, mixing in with the water, and she was both horrified and elated when she realised that she had missed the feeling that had always accompanied the blade in the past.

Shaking her head slowly, Jenny finished shaving, placing the razor back in its designated spot, and as she rinsed the conditioner out of her long hair, she tried to ignore the trembling of her hands.

"Get your shit together, Shepard," she whispered, "You can't go down that road again. You're better than that. You can do this."

Even as the words came out of her mouth, Jenny wasn't so sure she believed them.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Jen...she's about to make a mistake that proves fatal years later...but don't worry, I'm not writing anything even remotely close to "Judgment Day". This will end long before that.**


	18. Familiar Territory

**A/N: We're nearing the end, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter. In which we see Jenny help Stan through a rough time, Ducky returns, and Jenny makes a dangerous decision.**

* * *

As soon as Jenny saw the look on Gibbs' face, she knew that what he was about to tell her was urgent. He beckoned her closer, and when she sat down next to him on the bed, he met her eyes seriously.

"Jen, everything's in place. Decker and Burley are picking up the tickets for the flight to Paris, and as soon as they get back, they're coming to give them to us."

The meaning of his words took a few seconds to register, and she stared at him with wide eyes.

"Tonight?"

He nodded, putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her hair gently.

"This ends tonight, Jen. We'll be in Paris tomorrow."

Jenny took a deep breath, nodding slowly, and he pulled away, still holding her by the shoulders, searching her eyes for any sign that she wasn't ready.

"Get out clean, or we're all fucked."

"I know," she whispered.

He kissed her again, his lips warm against hers, and she wasn't surprised to feel the slight trembling that had taken over her entire body. She could do this. One way or another, this was going to end in a few hours. She only hoped that it would end in her favour.

* * *

Burley slipped the ticket into her hand as he hugged her, kissing her cheek as he pulled back.

"If anything goes south..."

She nodded, piling her hair on top of her head and securing the wig in place.

"I know, Stan. Be careful."

"You too, Red."

Just as he was about to walk away, Jenny hugged him again, suddenly overcome with fear, and she brought her lips close to his ear, hoping Gibbs and Decker didn't notice how badly she was shaking.

"I love you, Stan. Be safe."

He nodded seriously as he released her, looking so much older than he had the previous day.

"I love you too, Jenny."

The redhead hugged Decker next, and when they had gone, Gibbs turned to face her, pulling her tightly into his arms.

"You can do this, Jen. Confirm with Decker after it's done, and I'll meet you in Paris."

As he walked out of the room, Jenny had never wanted to tell him that she loved him more in her life. But, that could wait until they were safe. She had one more thing to take care of before she took out Svetlana Chernitskaya, and she was determined to do it even if it killed her.

* * *

Smiling at Anatoly Zhukov as she entered the study of the large house, Jenny glanced around for the blonde woman she'd been slated to kill, finding her nowhere.

"You are alone?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, my dear. Svetlana will be here shortly. But after we have our meeting, I'm afraid I have to leave, so if you could be brief."

Jenny could tell, just by his tone, that he was still angry with her for their last encounter, and shook her head.

"Not a problem. I merely came to tell you that I've accepted your terms and I'm prepared to give you what you want, on one condition."

He nodded.

"Yes. The code, I presume?"

Her answering smile told him all he needed, but as he reached for her waist, she stepped back.

"Unfortunately, I do not have the flash drive you desire on me at the present time, so we will have to wait."

She saw the anger flash in his eyes, and as he raised his hand to slap her, Jenny shook her head, holding her knife in her hand.

"Do it," she whispered, "and you won't live long enough to get what you want."

Little did he know, Jenny had prepared for this, and as she pulled out the decoy flash drive, she raised her eyebrow in amusement.

"Recognise this?"

Zhukov frowned.

"You said you did not have it."

"And you believed me? Surely, you do not think I would leave this laying around. I am most disappointed in your faith in me, Anatoly."

He nodded slowly, watching her every move as she placed it back in her boot. He approached her quickly, pulling her closer, and when his lips trailed along her throat, she forced herself to stay still. His hand slid up her skirt, touching her thigh, and as he backed her into the wall, his lips brushed her ear lightly.

"If the code is what you're after, that is what you shall receive. In exchange for the flash drive, of course."

Pushing her underwear aside, his fingers slid into her slowly, and with each thrust of his hand, he began to whisper in her ear.

"Eight."

She closed her eyes, doing everything possible to remember the numbers, and held her breath as he kissed her throat again.

"Four."

He entered her quickly, every movement painful beyond her wildest dreams, and as the numbers continued to fall from his lips, Jenny fought against the tears stinging in her eyes. She nearly cried in relief when he finally shuddered over her, and as he held out his hand, she dropped the false flash drive into it. She struggled to keep from running as soon as he had released his hold on her, and as her skirt fell back around her legs, she moved slowly away from him, grabbing a pen and scribbling the numbers onto the inside of her forearm.

"I do hope I will see you later tonight when I meet with our American friend."

Jenny nodded wordlessly, and made her way to the door. She didn't have the slightest idea of how long it would take Zhukov to realise that he'd been tricked, but she sure as hell didn't want to be close by when he did.

* * *

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Zhukov is alone. You should probably make your move now."

"How do you know that?"

"I'll explain later, Jethro, just trust me. Do it now."

"On it."

Jenny kept her voice low as she followed the blonde woman at a safe distance, and when she entered the large house not far from Zhukov's, the redhead quickened her pace, not wanting to lose her. Svetlana was alone, and as she slipped off her coat, Jenny noticed the ring on her finger, no doubt a gift from Zhukov. Feeling disgusted, both with herself and Zhukov, she stepped into the light, not bothering to be quiet, and when the blonde turned, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Madame Machova. Might I ask what you are doing in my house?"

"I think you know perfectly well why I'm here."

Eyeing the gun held in Jenny's hand, Svetlana nodded, her eyes cold.

"I told Anatoly we should never have trusted you. But, he would not listen. No doubt because of his attraction to you."

Jenny shook her head slowly.

"You really should learn to trust your instincts."

"So it would seem."

The redhead raised her gun, carefully aiming between her hard eyes, and Svetlana smiled slowly.

"Well? Go ahead. You have already taken Anatoly's love for me. I have nothing left to lose."

There was a sadness in the older woman's eyes that Jenny had never seen before, and she frowned. Could she really kill this woman? After all, she knew better than anyone what it felt like to lose everything you loved, to lose the person you loved more than anyone in the world, and she was surprised to find herself feeling sorry for the Russian.

Svetlana laughed, shaking her head as she turned away.

"I knew you didn't have it in you."

Jenny swung the weapon as hard as she could, wincing when it connected with the back of the blonde's head, and as the Russian crumpled on the floor, she fired a shot into her shoulder, bolting for the door before anyone noticed the sound. As she ran, Jenny pulled out her cell, punching in Decker's number, and when he answered on the second ring, she sighed in relief.

"Decker."

"Shepard."

"It's done?"

"I'm heading for the airport now," she answered, deliberately not answering his question.

"Good. Gibbs should be close behind you."

"Got it. Be safe."

"Hey, Shepard? The rooms in Paris are under Morrow's name."

"Right."

She made one quick stop at their old hotel room, grabbing everything she needed for the trip to Paris, and as she closed the door behind her for the last time, Jenny noticed how badly her hands were shaking.

* * *

"Decker."

"Gibbs."

"Hey, Shepard just checked in about twenty minutes ago. Your end taken care of?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Yep. Leaving for the airport now. She already gone?"

"Yeah, I think so. We deliberately booked you separate flights to avoid you being seen together. She should land about an hour before you. Rooms are reserved under Morrow."

"Understood."

As he made his way to the airport terminal, Gibbs wondered how Jenny was holding up. After all, she hadn't been trained as a marine sniper like he had, and given her current emotional state, he wasn't sure what to expect the next time he saw her. He just hoped she was okay.

* * *

Jenny Shepard didn't even try to sleep on the long flight from Russia to France, knowing that her mind was simply too preoccupied with what she'd done. Or rather, what she _hadn't_ done. How was she supposed to tell Gibbs that she'd failed? Maybe Svetlana would see her actions as merciful and live out the remainder of her life quietly. Or perhaps, she wouldn't. As she tried to get her breathing under control, she wiped her hand furiously under her eyes, angry at the tears she felt falling.

Taking a deep breath, she finally decided that she wasn't going to tell him. After all, if Svetlana did come looking for them, the less he knew, the better. She would never be able to forgive herself if something happened to him because of her mistake. Pulling out her copy of _The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe, _she began to read, hoping the macabre words would be enough to distract her from the incredible feeling of guilt that was eating at her very core.

It was proving futile, as Gibbs was the only thing her exhausted mind could focus on, and as she slammed the book shut, the woman sitting next to her frowned.

"Are you alright?"

Jenny nodded, smiling at her weakly.

"I'm fine. Just not much for flying."

The older woman nodded understandingly.

"I used to be the same way when I was your age. It gets easier the more you fly."

"I certainly hope so," Jenny said quietly.

As she settled back down more comfortably in her seat, the redhead let her head fall back against the headrest, closing her eyes wearily. She could only hope that when she saw Gibbs again, he wouldn't ask her any questions. She wasn't sure she had it in her to lie to him. Not about this.

* * *

Once the plane had touched down in Paris, Jenny pulled out her cell, dialing the number to Director Morrow's office, tapping her foot impatiently as it rang. As soon as he answered, she gave her name, and as he spoke, she could hear the warmth in his voice.

"Good afternoon, Agent Shepard. How's Paris?"

"It's nice, sir. I'm afraid this isn't a social call."

"Is everything alright? Agent Decker told me that everything went well in Russia."

Jenny smiled, running her hand through her hair.

"Yes, sir. I just have some information that I think you'll find valuable."

"Shoot."

"Anatoly Zhukov was in possession of a code. I was able to get it from him. It ties in to off-shore bank accounts, records, client names, as well as the flash drive that Agent Decker has."

She read the number to him, smiling when she heard the approval in his voice.

"Very good work, Agent Shepard. I'm impressed. Listen, I don't know if you're aware, but there's an op that is taking place in a few weeks in the Middle East, and I would like you to consider joining. I think you would do very well, and Agent Gibbs has given you nothing but glowing performance reviews in the last year."

"Thank you, sir. I'll give it some thought."

"Keep in touch."

"Yes, sir."

She hung up the phone, grabbing her bag from the terminal, and as she made her way out into the lobby of the airport, she took a deep breath, already feeling lighter now that she was away from the coldness of Russia. She quickly hailed a cab, thanking the driver in perfect French, and as she entered the hotel, she frowned at the sound of someone calling her name.

"Jennifer!"

Turning around, Jenny couldn't contain her surprise as she found herself facing Lorraine Lutz, smiling warmly at her.

"Lorraine, wow. How have you been?"

"Good. Haven't seen you in a long time, Jennifer. How's Mark?"

Jenny smiled, thinking of Gibbs.

"He's great. He should be around here somewhere. How's Ed?"

"Oh, he's wonderful. We're actually having a baby soon."

Jenny's eyes widened as they went to Lorraine's stomach, and sure enough, a tiny baby bump was visible if she looked closely.

"That's so great, Lorraine. You'll be amazing parents. Congratulations!"

Lorraine smiled, waving as she walked away, and Jenny waved back.

"Come by and see us soon! We'll catch up."

Jenny nodded, stepping up to the front desk, and after she checked in, she made her way wearily up to the room. She dropped her bag on the floor as soon as she had closed the door behind her, and walked in the direction of the shower, pulling off her shoes as she went. She was desperate to feel the water on her skin, and as she stepped under the spray, she turned the temperature up as high as it could go.

Though it burned her, she knew that no matter how much she scrubbed her skin, she would never be able to rid herself of the feeling of Zhukov's hands on her body. It was nearly an hour before she felt clean enough to shut off the water, and as she stepped into the main part of the room, the door opened, and she automatically reached for her gun.

Gibbs frowned when he saw the weapon pointed at him as he entered the room, and when Jenny finally recognised him, she lowered it slowly, taking a deep breath.

"Jesus, Jethro. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

She set the gun on the bed, crossing the room in two steps, and throwing herself into his waiting arms. He kissed her hard, his hand tangling in her hair, and she gripped his jacket so tightly that it hurt. When she broke away from him, she ran her hand gently over his face, hardly able to believe that he was standing in front of her.

"You're safe," she whispered.

"Of course. You didn't really think Zhukov would be able to get the drop on me, did you?"

"I wasn't sure. I—I know how dangerous he was."

He nodded, looking at her seriously.

"You got the code?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Shaking her head, Jenny wrapped her arms around his waist, breathing in his comforting scent. Her eyes closed as she listened to his heart beat, and he ran his fingers through her hair slowly.

"It's over. We're done, Jen."

She nodded against his chest, and he slowly pulled away, kissing her gently before stepping back.

"Let's go to bed."

Jenny allowed him to lead her to the bed, and as she fell into the bed beside him, she found comfort in the way he wrapped her in his arms, his even breathing making her feel calmer than she had in months.

* * *

A quiet knocking roused Jenny from her sleep, and as she slowly slipped out of Gibbs' arms, she rubbed her temple in exhaustion. The last person she expected to see standing on the other side of the door was the elderly Scottish doctor, but she smiled when she recognised his smiling face.

"Ducky!"

She threw her arms around him tightly, smiling when he kissed her cheek.

"Good morning, Jennifer. I trust everything went well with your op?"

The redhead nodded, her excitement at seeing the doctor overriding every other thought, and when she pulled him into the room, he smiled at the former marine sleeping in the bed.

"What time did you get in?" she asked.

"A few hours ago. I wanted to freshen up before imposing on you."

Jenny shook her head.

"You could never be an imposition, Ducky. How are you?"

"Very well. How are you, my dear? I heard about the incident in Prague."

She nodded, raising up the hem of Gibbs' shirt that she currently wore. Ducky examined the scar gently, smiling when he looked up at her.

"It healed nicely. Jethro's skills are to be admired."

Jenny smiled as she stepped away from him, and made her way over to the bed, gently shaking Gibbs' shoulder.

"Jethro, wake up."

He opened his eyes slowly, frowning when he noticed she wasn't beside him in the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said with a smile, "Someone's here to see you."

He sat up slowly, nodding at Ducky as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing up carefully as Jenny dressed in the bathroom.

"Hey, Duck. Long time, no see. How've you been? How are things Stateside?"

"Great. I was just admiring your work of healing Jennifer's gunshot wound. You did very well."

Gibbs shrugged.

"Thanks."

Jenny smiled as she pulled on her running shoes, stopping to kiss both men on the cheek as she headed for the door.

"You guys catch up. I'll be back soon."

"Be safe," Gibbs called as she shut the door behind her.

When she had gone, the younger man noticed the way that Ducky was watching him, frowning at the slightly amused expression on the doctor's face.

"Something funny, Duck?"

"Not hardly. Just noticing that Jennifer seems much more relaxed around you now."

Gibbs nodded.

"Jen loves Paris. She hated Russia with a passion, so being back here has made her happier."

Ducky frowned, but said nothing. Gibbs met his eyes slowly, raising his eyebrow in question, and Ducky sighed before he spoke.

"I believe her happiness is a result of being with _you_, Jethro. I don't doubt that she hated Russia, as that seems to be the general consensus on the subject, but you don't seem to understand the effect you have on that young woman. She cares about you a great deal."

Gibbs merely shrugged in response, and Ducky rolled his eyes at the younger man.

"Did everything go well? In Russia? How did she do?"

"Did fine. She's been a bit more emotional than usual, but when it came down to it, she really came through. Got that code from Zhukov without even being told to. She took the initiative to get it on her own."

"What do you mean by "a bit more emotional", Jethro?"

As Gibbs explained the events of the previous month to the doctor, he tried to ignore the voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that Jenny's emotional issues were far from resolved.

* * *

On the bridge overlooking the Seine, Jenny stopped running, looking down at the water in silent contemplation. She had inexplicably found herself drawn to the water once more, and as she watched the other people pass by, she smiled, the sun warm on her skin even in the cool morning. She still hadn't decided on whether or not she was going to join the Middle Eastern op, and though she had tried to focus on simply enjoying her time in Paris, she had thought of little else since she'd spoken to Director Morrow.

Her hair blew around her shoulders gently in the breeze, causing her to shiver, and as she turned to make her way back to the crowded streets of the city, she smiled as the sound of her shoes drowned out the thoughts screaming in her mind.

* * *

Ducky frowned as Gibbs finished recounting the night of Jenny's attempted suicide, the night he had pinned her to the wall, and the night she'd confided in him about Jackson, and took a long drink of the coffee Gibbs had handed him. The rich liquid burned down his throat, and he sighed as the former marine fell silent.

"Jethro...you said Jennifer's been running more often in an attempt to clear her mind. Is that where she's gone now?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Probably. She's usually gone for around an hour or two, but since you're here, she'll most likely cut it short. I know she's missed you."

The doctor nodded thoughtfully, turning at the sound of the door opening. The redhead smiled when she realised he hadn't left, and hugged him gently as she passed, reaching inside the miniature refrigerator to grab a bottle of water.

"So, Ducky...did you miss us as much as we did you?"

"I must admit, the agency was noticeably more quiet without you there."

"Probably because Burley wasn't there," Jenny joked.

"Yes, where are Stanley and William?"

"Few doors down," Gibbs answered, nodding his head in the direction of their room.

Ducky stood, shaking Gibbs' hand, and when he leaned down to kiss Jenny on the cheek, he brought his lips close to her ear.

"Come by my room later and we can have a better chat."

She nodded, and Ducky smiled at her one last time before closing the door. Gibbs held out his hand and when she took it, he pulled her to the bed, lifting her into his lap.

"You okay, Jen?"

Kissing him gently, she nodded, still feeling the need to shower again, and when she stood, she pulled him up with her. He frowned as she led him into the bathroom, and as she turned on the shower, he looked at her in confusion.

"I'm freezing, and I don't think a shower is going to be quite warm enough to cut it."

He laughed, pushing her shirt up slowly, placing light kisses on her skin as it was revealed to him. Once they had stepped into the steaming shower, Gibbs kissed her deeply, brushing her hair away from her face as the water darkened it to the colour of wine. He lifted her off her feet, entering her carefully, causing her to moan as he bit down on her throat. Her fingers wound into his hair, and when his lips closed around her breast, she whispered his name, so quietly that he almost missed it over the sound of the running water.

Jenny's mouth trailed down his throat as she angled her body over his, causing him to swear softly in her ear, and when she sucked the skin between her teeth, he moaned her name, reaching down to touch her slowly. She held onto his shoulder tightly with her left hand, her right still entangled in his hair, and he kissed her again, his tongue reaching every corner of her mouth. Her body trembled as he touched her faster, his hips moving harder against hers, and Jenny tried to remember how her lungs were supposed to work.

Her breath caught in her throat, her head falling forward to rest against his shoulder, and as her orgasm crashed through her, Jenny smiled as she felt his fingers laced with her own. Her name was a strange combination of a growl and a moan as it fell from his lips, and when he lowered her carefully to the floor, Gibbs kissed her forehead gently.

The scalding water and steam was beginning to make it difficult for him to breathe, and he frowned when she didn't follow him out of the shower.

"You coming?"

"In a minute."

Confused, but not sure if he should push her, Gibbs nodded, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his body. It wasn't until Jenny heard the door shut behind him that she slid slowly down the wall of the shower, sobbing harder than she had in weeks.

* * *

Admiring the curl in her hair caused by letting it air-dry, Gibbs smiled at Jenny as she made her way slowly back towards the bed, now wearing a loose sweatshirt and sweatpants, looking so much younger than her twenty-eight years. As she slipped into the bed beside him, Gibbs pulled her close, running his fingers lightly over her arm and kissed the base of her throat. He'd been thinking about something that he wanted to ask her, but he wasn't sure of how to go about it, and he frowned as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey, Jen? I've been thinking...when we go back to the States...would you consider staying with me? Just to see where this goes?"

She turned in his arms, looking up at him with quite possibly the most perfect combination of confusion and surprise he had ever seen, and raised her eyebrow slowly.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?"

He shrugged.

"If you want."

"Why?"

"Kinda got used to having you around."

Damn. That wasn't the answer she'd hoped for, and she frowned.

"Can I have time to think about it?"

He nodded.

"All the time you need. It was just a suggestion, Jen. I don't want to pressure you into anything."

She smiled, kissing him gently as she settled into his embrace, and closed her eyes.

"I know. Good night, Jethro."

"Night, Jenny."

* * *

"And what was your response?"

"I asked if I could think about it first."

The Scottish doctor looked at the redhead confusedly.

"That doesn't sound unreasonable."

"No, but what if he takes that to mean I'm automatically rejecting him? You know how Jethro can be sometimes."

Ducky nodded, sipping his tea thoughtfully.

"You do have a point. If I may ask, what's causing you to hesitate? You seem happier than I've ever known you to be when you're with him."

Jenny sighed, twisting her hands in her lap nervously.

"I don't—Ducky, I don't know how he feels about me. Is this just some casual affair that is only going to last a few months, or is it something that could potentially lead to a long-term commitment?"

Considering her carefully, Ducky made sure to ask his next question as gently as possible so as not to upset her.

"Jennifer...if I may...have you told Jethro how you feel about him?"

She was silent for a long moment, and finally she shook her head.

"No. Not in so many words."

"And are you going to?"

"Of course I am, I just—I don't know when or how. If I say it after sex, it seems like something just said in the heat of the moment, and I can't exactly just blurt it out randomly."

"May I offer you a suggestion?"

Jenny nodded, searching his eyes seriously.

"Tell him when you feel it. When you look at him and it hits you undeniably...that's when you say it."

She smiled, nodding at him as he looked over his cup at her.

"Now, I understand you had a difficult time in Russia? Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Ducky, I appreciate you offering your support, but you're not my therapist. You don't have to do this."

"My dear Jennifer, I would rather listen to you tell me now what it is that's bothering you than to get a phone call telling me that something has happened to you because you felt you had no other option. You have so many people who love and care about you. They would be devastated to lose you."

Jenny nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

"I know. That's part of the problem. Sometimes, it feels like I'm surrounded by too much love. I know that sounds stupid, but knowing that I have no logical reason to feel the way I do makes me feel so guilty for having these thoughts. I feel so ungrateful and selfish, but I can't make myself stop feeling the way I do."

Ducky reached for her hand, holding it gently in his.

"You're neither ungrateful nor stupid, Jenny. Much of what you're describing to me sounds very similar to another young person I know quite well, and there is nothing wrong with it."

"Stan?" she asked quietly.

He nodded.

"I take it you're aware of Stanley's condition. I'm not surprised, given how close the two of you are. Yes, you and Stanley seem to have very similar symptoms, and while you may not wish to do so, perhaps you should consider taking medication to better manage them. It's entirely up to you, but I do think you might benefit from it."

She suddenly smiled, and Ducky looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"What?"

"You called me "Jenny". You've never done that before."

He laughed.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. Slip of the tongue. Anyway, if you ever wish to discuss your options, I'd be happy to go over them with you."

She hugged him as she stood, making her way to the door and when she glanced at him over her shoulder, he winked at her.

"Try not to worry so much about Jethro. You'll do just fine."

"Thanks, Ducky."

"Anytime, my dear."

* * *

Gibbs and Jenny were just sitting down to eat their dinner when there was a frantic knocking on their hotel room door. Smiling at Gibbs, the redhead stood to answer it, her expression changing as Decker pushed past her, his eyes worried.

"Shepard, Gibbs, have either of you seen an orange pill bottle mixed in with your luggage?"

They both shook their heads, and Gibbs set his glass down, looking at the younger man seriously.

"What's wrong?"

"Burley can't find his medication. He had it when he checked in the hotel, but I didn't know if maybe one of you had picked it up by mistake when you came by the other day."

Jenny frowned, trying to remember if she'd seen the bottle when she'd gone to her friend's room that afternoon.

"Have you looked everywhere?"

Decker nodded.

"Yeah. I'm really getting worried, Jenny. I've never seen him like this before, and I don't know what to do."

Gibbs frowned, looking between the two curiously.

"What's the medication for? Is he sick?"

"I don't know," Decker replied, "I've never asked. He takes it every night."

"How long since he's taken it?"

"Two days."

Jenny walked closer to the frantic agent, placing her hand on his shoulder gently.

"Will, can I have the key to your room? I think I can help him."

He nodded, and as Jenny kissed Gibbs lightly on the lips, he grabbed her arm, his voice low enough that only she could hear.

"You sure about this?"

"I've got this, Jethro. Trust me."

A single nod was her answer.

* * *

Jenny frowned at the sight of Burley laying on the bed, flipping mindlessly through the channels on the television, and when she made her way closer, he didn't even glance in her direction. The bed dipped slightly with her added weight, and she touched his shoulder softly, her voice quiet in the darkness.

"Hey, Stan. You doing okay?"

He shrugged.

"I guess."

"Want to tell me what's going on in your head right now?"

Shaking his head, he sighed deeply, and Jenny ran her hand slowly through his hair, amazed at how soft it was. She didn't say a word as she looked around the room, hoping to notice something that Decker had missed, and when she turned on the bedside lamp, she frowned. A tiny shadow was being cast on the far wall across from the bed, and she moved from her current position to crawl under the frame, searching for the source.

Wedged between the wall and the bedside table, barely held up by the pressure between the two objects, was an orange pill bottle. Jenny reached for it, holding it in her hand triumphantly, and when she sat down next to Burley again, she read the instructions carefully.

"Hey Stan, I found your medicine. Think you could take it for me?"

"Why? It's just a temporary fix. Like a band-aid."

She smiled sadly, shaking out a pill into her hand, and holding it securely.

"You know that's not true," she said gently, "It might be a temporary pill, but the effects are much longer-lasting. Remember how you told me that we would beat this together? You were right, and I'm not giving up just yet. I don't think you should, either. You helped me through the darkness, now it's my turn to help you."

"What does it matter? No one would notice if I was gone."

Jenny kissed his cheek, her free hand resuming its path through his hair.

"Stan, I would notice. I would miss you terribly. And what about Will? He's your partner. You can't leave him unsupervised. He'd be a nightmare, trying to be the next Gibbs. Only he'd be worse than Gibbs because he understands modern technology. You really want him on the loose? You're what balances him out."

Her words earned her a light laugh, and she smiled.

"Come on, honey," she said gently, kissing the top of his head, "Take this for me. Okay?"

Finally, several agonising minutes later, Burley nodded, taking the pill from her outstretched hand. He grimaced at the bitter taste, washing it down with water, and when he sat up to look at her, the pain in his eyes made her frown. Was this what people saw when they looked into her eyes?

"Hey, Jenny? Why're you doing this?"

She was saddened to see the tears in his eyes, and she smiled at him as he looked at her.

"Because you're my best friend, Stan. I love you."

She was nearly thrown backward as he hugged her, and his voice was a soft ragged whisper in her ear.

"Thanks, Red. Love you, too."

As she held onto his shaking body, Jenny realised that there was only one thing that would convince her to leave her work family, and she was determined to find out the truth once and for all.

* * *

Though the day had been warm, the evening had turned pleasantly cool, and Gibbs wrapped his arm around Jenny's shoulders as they walked along the bridge over the Seine. He still had no idea why she was so fascinated by the water, whether it was a pool, lake, ocean, river, or even just the rain, but he would never refuse her request to be near it. He didn't know what had happened in Decker and Burley's room, but she had seemed slightly sad when she'd returned, and he would have done anything to make her smile again.

"It's so beautiful here," she said quietly, her head resting on his shoulder.

"You fit perfectly here, then. You're beyond gorgeous."

He kissed her slowly, his right hand wrapping around her waist, and his left finding its way into her hair. As he pulled away, she smiled up at him, her eyes locking on his.

"I love you, Jethro," she whispered.

He was silent for a moment, and when he shook his head, a quiet laugh fell from his lips.

"That'll be the day."

She frowned, turning away and pulling out of his arms before he had the chance to notice the tears filling her eyes.

Even as the words left his mouth, Gibbs knew he had made a huge mistake. The look in Jenny's eyes could only be described as heartbreak, but he knew if he tried to backtrack and convince her he hadn't meant it, she would never believe him. He had never expected her to say that she loved him, and though he couldn't deny that he felt the same for her, her admission had thrown him off, shocked him in a way that he could never have anticipated.

He didn't have the heart to call her out on the lie as she faked a laugh and blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears in her eyes. She pulled him along the bridge, still trying to pretend that his response hadn't hit her like a punch to the stomach, and as he followed her, he mentally kicked himself.

If he'd known what was about to take place within the next few months, he would have told her the truth without hesitation.

* * *

**A/N: Songs used as a mini-playlist for this chapter were**

**1) The entire _Ultraviolence _album by Lana del Rey**

**2) Particles-Nothing But Thieves**


	19. Retrograde

**A/N: In which Gibbs and Jenny finally discuss the conversation on the river, and Gibbs learns more about his team. Also, just to clear up any confusion, I said I wasn't going to write JD, but it still takes place in this universe. I'm just ending the story before we reach it. It breaks my heart to even watch it, I don't know if I could write it. Enjoy!**

* * *

The rain was so heavy that Jenny could hardly see her feet as she walked, but she couldn't have cared less. Under the pretense of going for a run, she'd left Gibbs back at their hotel, deciding that time apart was the best course of action. Her hair was plastered to her skin, clothing clinging to her body, and as she stood in front of the Eifle Tower, her eyes were drawn in the direction of the attic she'd spent the majority of her time in the last time she'd been in the country. It was hard to believe that so much had changed since that second night, and she wondered if perhaps she should have kept her mouth shut.

In any case, she supposed it was better that she knew how he felt (or didn't feel) now rather than later, when she was too far in, but it still hurt more than she had expected. She'd been wandering aimlessly for nearly an hour, hardly even noticing the storm when it had come through, and she sighed as she realised she should probably return before Gibbs came looking for her. Still, she didn't think she had it in her to fake laughter around him and pretend as though nothing had happened, so instead of heading for their room, she headed in the opposite direction.

Her tears fell faster, no longer masked by the pouring rain, and as she walked down the deserted hallway of the hotel, her fingers closed around the knife in her coat pocket.

He didn't love her. How could she have been so stupid?

* * *

Unbeknownst to Jenny, Gibbs had spent the entire time she'd been gone internally cursing himself, still trying to figure out why in the hell he hadn't told her. He didn't know where she was, but he hoped she hadn't done anything rash. He knew all too well how she reacted to stress, and as he ran his hand through his hair, he sighed. More than anything, he wished she would come back, give him a chance to explain, but unfortunately, he had no idea what in the world he was going to say to her. Staring at the door silently, Gibbs brought his hand to the back of his own head, wincing at the slap.

He loved her, and he hadn't told her. How could he have been so stupid?

* * *

Decker frowned when he opened the door to find a rain-soaked Jenny Shepard standing on the other side, tears falling rapidly down her face.

"Shepard? What's wrong?"

"Where's Burley? I need to talk to him."

The other agent frowned. He was still concerned about the other man's emotional state, and by the looks of things, Jenny wasn't faring much better.

"What happened?"

"I need to talk to Stan," she repeated, shaking her head.

"Jenny," he tried again to explain, "I'm not sure that's the bes—"

"Will, I need to see him. Please."

Her voice broke, and that was all it took for Decker to step back, allowing her in the room. Burley was sitting up in the bed, a magazine held in his hand, but Decker knew just by his distant expression that he wasn't reading it. He cleared his throat, causing the other agent to look up, and Burley frowned when he noticed the redhead.

"Woah, Red, what happened to you? Didn't jump in a river again, did you?"

She shook her head, hair still stuck to her skin, and Decker touched her shoulder lightly.

"I'll let you have the room."

Jenny nodded distractedly, and once the door had closed behind him, Burley looked at her seriously, not oblivious to the tears falling from her eyes.

"Jenny?"

She crossed the room, sitting quickly down on the bed, and when she reached for Burley's hands, he winced at the cold. Frowning as she pressed something small into his hand, Burley's eyes widened when he realised that she'd given him the knife she always carried with her.

"What's—"

"Take this away from me," she said desperately, "I can't have it near me right now."

Nodding, Burley placed it on the bedside table, and took her hands in his own, trying to bring back some of their warmth.

"What happened?"

She laid her head on his shoulder, trying to will her tears to stop, and when she took an unsteady breath, Burley wrapped his arm around her.

"I told him," she said quietly.

He frowned.

"Told who what?"

"Gibbs. I told him."

Still not understanding her meaning, Burley glanced down at her in confusion.

"You told hi—oh! Oh...what did he say?"

Jenny sniffed, raising glassy eyes to his, and shook her head.

"He...he laughed at me. Then he looked at me and said "That'll be the day"."

Burley kissed her cheek, holding her tighter, and as she began to cry again, he swore under his breath.

"Decker was right. He's been an ass this entire op. Oh, Jenny...I'm sorry."

Her voice was muffled by his shoulder, but the pain was clear as day when she answered.

"I feel so stupid, Stan. I shouldn't have told him at all. I mean, why would he love me? I'm just a pathetic little girl who can hardly manage to get through a single day without a breakdown. He doesn't want to deal with my bullshit anymore, and honestly, I don't blame him."

She was sobbing so hard that she couldn't speak anymore, and Burley shook his head as he pulled her closer against his chest.

"You're so wrong, Jenny. You're a smart, strong, beautiful woman, and if Gibbs can't see that, then fuck him. But not literally. He doesn't deserve that."

As she cried in his arms, Burley ran his hand over her hair gently, wondering if there was anything he could do to make her pain any less devastating.

* * *

Gibbs frowned at Decker as he opened the door, stepping aside to allow him in.

"What's up?"

"What's wrong with Shepard?"

"Nothing," he said carefully, keeping his expression neutral.

Obviously not believing him, Decker shook his head, his eyes cold.

"Nothing? That's why she's with Burley, crying like her heart's been ripped out? What's going on with her?"

Gibbs sighed.

"It's personal. Let it go."

Without giving him a chance to respond, Gibbs closed the door, leaving the other agent to stare at the place he'd been standing in shock.

* * *

Jenny pulled out of Burley's embrace as a sudden thought occurred to her, and she stared at him in tearful horror.

"Stan, I'm...I didn't even think...how are you? I know you've been having a rough few days. I didn't mean to make this all about me."

Burley shook his head, holding her hand again.

"Don't apologise, Red. It's okay."

Glancing up as the door opened, Burley nodded at Decker as he returned, and Jenny looked at him seriously.

"Do you guys have any kind of alcohol?"

Decker shook his head.

"Jenny, I don't think you should drink right now. You're upset, and—"

"Yes or no, Will?" she asked exasperatedly.

"No. We finished it all last night. Sorry."

He was near the bedside table now, and after hugging Burley one last time, Jenny wrapped her arms around Decker's waist, smiling sadly.

"Thanks anyway, Will. I'm sorry for barging in on you guys. Have a good night."

The other agent kissed her cheek, smiling at her as she walked to the door. She made her way out into the hall, and when she had gone, Decker looked at the agent still sitting on the bed.

"She say what happened?"

Burley nodded.

"Pay up, Decker."

Decker frowned.

"What?"

"You owe me five bucks. Pay up."

As he realised what Burley meant, Decker's eyes widened, turning to look at the door in shock.

"She told him?"

Nodding again, Burley reached for his bottle of medication, popping one into his mouth slowly.

"Yeah. Didn't go well."

"He didn't say it back?" Decker asked.

"He laughed at her."

Decker couldn't control the anger that he felt rising in his chest as Burley's words registered in his mind, and he swore softly.

"He _laughed_ at her? What the fuck? No wonder she was crying."

Burley nodded, laying back on the bed, and as he set his bottle of pills back on the table, he frowned in confusion. He glanced at Decker, searching for any sign that he'd moved anything, and when he found nothing, he opened his mouth slowly.

"Hey, Will, did you pick up Jenny's knife from the table?"

Decker shook his head, his eyes confused.

"No. Why would I have Jenny's knife? Did she leave it there?"

"She asked me to take it away from her. Said she couldn't risk having it near her right now."

Decker frowned, thinking hard, and when he realised what had happened, he slammed his hand down on the table. Burley jumped, staring at him as though he'd gone insane, and sat up quickly.

"What the hell?"

"Jenny," Decker answered slowly, "She hugged me. I was standing right here by the table. She must have picked it up when neither of us were paying attention."

No more words were spoken as both agents bolted from the room, hoping that their redheaded counterpart had gone back to her room, and that they could get to her in time.

* * *

The atmosphere in the room was awkward to say the least. Jenny was doing her best to pretend as though nothing had happened, and as Gibbs looked at her from the corner of his eye, he noticed that she was keeping her eyes locked on the floor.

"How was your run?" he asked carefully.

"Fine," came her dull response.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, and walked closer to her, reaching out to touch her shoulder gently.

"Jen, listen, I—"

"Don't. It's okay, Jethro. I was just caught up in the moment. Forget it ever happened. We're okay."

In a desperate attempt to prove her point, Jenny kissed him gently, offering him a weak smile as she passed him. He didn't believe her for a moment, but he knew that if he pushed her too far, he would destroy any chance he had at making this situation right. She made her way into the bathroom, turning on the water in the shower, and as she let the temperature rise, she slid the lock into place.

The steam from the water made her grip on the blade weak, and when it clattered to the floor, she glanced over her shoulder quickly, praying Gibbs hadn't heard it. She didn't know why she'd taken the knife back, but now that it was in her possession again, she knew there was no going back now. Technically, since she hadn't made the first move, she still had time to turn back, but if she was being honest with herself, she didn't want to.

Her hands were surprisingly steady as she rolled the leg of her sweatpants up, the old scars shining in the dim light, and she tried her best to line the blade up with one that ran the length of her calf. It bit into her skin, and though it was painful, she welcomed it. This was a pain she was familiar with, one that she knew how to cope with, and as the blood ran down her skin, she realised that she was crying. In a way, she was glad she'd told him, at least now she knew how he felt, but still she wondered if she'd been better off saying nothing. After all, the only that had come of it was the crushing pain that had settled into her chest, making it difficult for her to breathe.

* * *

Gibbs was pulled from his thoughts by a loud pounding on the door, and when he opened it to find Decker and Burley on the other side, he frowned.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Shepard?"

He didn't answer, and Burley rolled his eyes.

"Damn it, Gibbs. Where is she?"

Pushing past the team leader, he scanned the room quickly, frowning when he noticed the light coming from under the bathroom door. He knocked on it loudly, ignoring the glare he could feel Gibbs giving him, and sighed.

"Shepard, open the door."

On the opposite side of the door, Jenny was just hiding the knife in a loose panel behind the sink, and she jumped at the sound of Burley's voice. Straightening up, she pulled open the door, frowning at him convincingly.

"What, Burley? Can't a girl take a shower in peace?"

"Where's your knife?"

She frowned.

"I don't have it on me. I set it down on your table."

He narrowed his eyes, not believing her, and she sighed, holding up her arms.

"Want to check? I swear, I don't have it on me."

"Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?"

Decker and Burley both ignored him, causing Jenny to roll her eyes as Burley ran his hands over her body slowly. She fought her every instinct to wince when his fingers brushed the fresh cut, and when he was satisfied, he nodded at her.

"Okay, you're clean. Sorry we doubted you."

She smiled at him, waving away his apology, and after she had been left alone with Gibbs once more, she deliberately ignored the way he was staring at her. Sitting on the bed silently, Jenny frowned as she picked up her book, trying to force herself to focus on the words on the page.

"Jen? What was that about?"

She shrugged.

"No idea."

"Uh-huh," he said slowly, "but why were they so concerned about your knife?"

"I don't know, Jethro. Can I just read, or would that be too much to ask?"

It was clear that she was still upset with him, not that he blamed her, and he nodded once as he walked out of the room. If she wanted to be left alone, he certainly wasn't going to force his company on her.

* * *

Jenny shuddered as she swallowed the last of her alcohol, having long abandoned the attempt at reading, and when she buried her head in the pillow, she could feel the tears falling down her face. She reached for the phone by the bed, dialing carefully so as not to mess up in her intoxication, and when she heard the familiar voice on the other end, she smiled.

"Decker."

"Hey, Will."

"Oh, hey, Jenny. What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that Morrow offered me a place in the Middle Eastern op. And to say thanks for letting me know about it."

"Anytime. You taking it?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I've been thinking about it, though. Not sure if I could leave you and Burley."

"What about Gibbs?"

"I don't want to talk about Gibbs," she snapped, "He doesn't even know I've been offered the job."

"Well, hey...don't worry about us. We can still keep in touch. If you do end up taking it, that is."

"If I do...Will, you have to look out for Stan for me, okay? Make sure he takes his medication, and be there if he needs to talk."

"You got it, Jenny. Hey, I'm gonna crash, so have a good night."

"Night, Will."

She hung up the phone, nearly falling from the bed as she placed the receiver down, and as she laughed at her own clumsiness, she heard the door open. Gibbs, it seemed, had come to the same conclusion she had, if the bottle of cognac in his hand was any indication, and he frowned at her as she hung over the side of the bed. He didn't say a word as he took off his shoes, and when he sat down on the bed, he looked down at her quizzically.

"Trying out a new sleeping position?"

She frowned, then his meaning clicked, causing her to laugh.

"No, I slipped when I hung up the phone. Just called Decker to say good night."

He nodded, holding out his hand to help her up, and as he pulled her back on to the bed, she fell into his arms. Neither of them spoke as their eyes met in the darkness, and when Jenny's lips crashed against his, Gibbs automatically reached for her waist. They both knew that they were avoiding the conversation they needed to have, but Jenny was too emotional to think straight, and Gibbs too drunk.

He pushed her back onto the bed, hands sliding under her shirt, and as she pulled his shirt over his head, he kissed her throat. His hands pulled the fabric of her sweatpants down, running his lips over her thighs slowly, and when he noticed the bandage covering her lower leg, he frowned.

"What happened?"

She didn't answer, her lips trailing down his throat, and as her fingers unhooked his belt, he placed his hands over hers.

"Jen, what happened?"

She shook her head.

"I cut my leg shaving. It doesn't hurt, Jethro."

"You sure that's what it was?"

Jenny nodded, brushing her hand over him, and that was all it took for him to forget the questions that had been circling around his mind. She pushed his jeans and boxers down together, removing her shirt just as quickly, and as she pulled him closer, he moved his hand between her legs. Slipping past the thin underwear she wore, Gibbs smiled when she moaned his name, brushing his lips over her ear gently.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered.

She kissed him deeply, biting down on his lower lip, and he moaned, half pain and half pleasure. Her touch was more forceful than he'd ever known her to be, and when she flipped their position, he frowned as she pinned his hands above his head.

"No touching."

He knew she was still hurt from their conversation on the bridge, but he'd never thought she would refuse him the opportunity to touch her. She kissed him as she moved over him, her hair brushing against his chest, and when he attempted to touch her, she shook her head.

"I warned you, Jethro."

He frowned as she kissed him again, this time drawing blood as she bit down, and he swore softly. She either didn't realise she'd hurt him or she didn't care, but as she sucked the skin of his throat between her teeth, he moaned again.

"Fuck, Jen..."

Using his weight to his advantage, he flipped her underneath him, looking into her eyes seriously.

"Problem, Jethro?" she asked innocently.

"You trying to kill me?"

She merely smiled, pulling him down in a kiss, and when she began to touch him, he couldn't stop the way his hips moved of their own accord. More than once, she brought him as close to the edge as she could, stopping just as he was about to fall over, and when she suddenly moved away from him, he frowned.

"Jen?"

She didn't answer, making her way into the bathroom, and as the lock slid into place, Gibbs could only stare at the closed door in shock.

* * *

Searching for the knife she'd hidden, Jenny instantly felt calmer as she held the blade in her hands. She knew that what she'd done to Gibbs was cruel, but she couldn't deny that it made her feel somewhat better. She ran the blade over her skin lightly, knowing that she couldn't risk cutting too deeply because of the alcohol in her system, and she closed her eyes tightly at the fresh pain.

She quickly grabbed a towel to contain the stream of blood, and as she sat on the cold floor, she laid her head on her knees. Her entire body was shaking, though she was sure that her state of undress was likely the highest contributing factor, and she wiped her hand furiously under her eyes to slow her tears. How had her life gotten so messed up? More importantly, how was she supposed to fix it?

* * *

Gibbs stared after Jenny as she disappeared into the bathroom, hardly able to believe that she'd walked away, and when the door opened nearly ten minutes later, he found that although there were a million questions in his mind, he couldn't find his voice. She walked slowly back to the bed, beckoning him closer, and when she kissed him again, he frowned.

"Jen, what—"

"Hush."

Her hands roamed over his chest before tangling in his hair, and as he finally entered her, he understood what she'd done. She had needed to feel in control, and leaving him just as he was about to reach his orgasm had given her that. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he moved, giving him the best angle to hit her as deeply as possible, and she moaned as he closed his lips around her breast.

The alcohol they'd both consumed made their orgasms both stronger and faster, Jenny's head falling forward on his shoulder as she whispered his name. She was surprised to realise that he had still held her hand as they'd fallen over the edge, and when their eyes met, she could detect an emotion in his that she couldn't name.

Though she knew they couldn't ignore the events of the past few days, Jenny pushed all the doubts to the back of her mind as Gibbs held her in his arms while he slept.

* * *

Gibbs knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jenny was drunk as she entered the room, her arm around Burley's waist, his around her shoulders. He frowned at them both, glancing at Decker as he followed them a few paces behind. His raised eyebrow was all the question needed, and the younger agent shook his head, sighing.

"You put two depressed people in a room with alcohol and Ducky, don't be surprised when they get drunk."

Gibbs nodded.

"Ducky?"

"His room. These two had a drinking game that they made him an oblivious part of."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head.

"We're not drunk, Will."

Burley frowned.

"I think we might be, Red."

She nodded, kissing his cheek lightly.

"Fair enough."

Jenny sat down disgracefully on the bed, nearly slipping off the edge, and it was only Gibbs' hand on her arm that stopped her from falling. Pain flashed in her eyes as soon as he touched her, and he frowned. Was she seriously so upset with him that she couldn't even stand to have him touch her? He was surprised to feel jealous as she hugged Burley when he sat down next to her, and she caught the expression on his face out of the corner of her eye.

He was so shocked when Jenny leaned forward and ran her fingers through Burley's hair that his mouth fell slightly open, and she whispered something in his ear, causing him to smile and nod. Decker was noticeably silent as he stood by the door, waiting for Burley, and Gibbs looked at him curiously. Jenny kissed Burley on the lips, calling his name as Decker helped him through the door.

"Stan? Don't let me down, honey."

He waved in response, and the moment the door had closed, Gibbs glared at her.

"The hell was that?"

She shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and she pointedly ignored him as she slipped off her coat. He supposed it was a good sign that she still wore the coat he'd given her, but her strange behaviour was beginning to piss him off.

"Jen, seriously."

"Seriously, I don't have to answer to you. You're not my father, you're not my husband, and you're not—"

"I'm your boss, Shepard," he said shortly.

She laughed, but there was no warmth in her voice.

"Right. My boss. I guess that's what you were last night when you were fucking me? My _boss_?"

He flinched at both her sarcastic tone and blunt language, shaking his head.

"Jenny, if this is because of what happened on the bridge, let me explain."

She took an unsteady step closer to him, and he wasn't at all surprised by the fury he saw in her eyes.

"I don't want to hear your half-assed explanation, Gibbs. You made your feelings on the subject perfectly clear. It's fine."

He knew it wasn't, and met her eyes seriously.

"If it's so fine, why are you acting like a spoiled little girl? You're being petty, and it's going to stop."

Again, she laughed, and her voice held a note of barely-restrained hysteria that he didn't like at all.

"Look, I get it. You don't love me. I'm not going to spend my nights wondering what's wrong with me, why I wasn't good enough for you to love, or what I could do to change your mind. I can't make you love me, and I'm not going to waste my time trying. I'm old enough to love you from a distance, and I can deal with it in my own way. Just don't make this difficult, Jethro."

She pulled her shirt over her head, and he frowned when he saw the long cuts that ran diagonally across her arm. As she put on her sweatshirt, he noticed that she winced, implying that they were recent, and moved closer to her. He grabbed her wrist, yanking the sleeve of her shirt up, and glared at her, his eyes more angry than she'd seen in weeks.

"Is this what you call "dealing with it in your own way", Jen? Because I'm calling bullshit on that one."

She tried to break free from his hold, but he tightened his grip, unwilling to let her dance around the issue. She didn't say a word, and he pulled her closer, not noticing the fear in her eyes.

"Well? Answer me!" he shouted, shaking her slightly.

He could feel the racing of her pulse through his fingertips, and as she stood in front of him, he realised she was trembling. He relaxed his hold just enough that she was able to wrench her arm free, and she immediately stepped backward, shaking her head as she moved.

"Don't you ever fucking yell at me like that again," she whispered, "I'm not your daughter, I'm not your wife, and right now, I'm not even sure I want to be your partner."

"Jenny, I'm just worried, and—"

"No," she cut him off, her voice louder in her anger, "How I deal with this is my business, and you don't get to pass judgment on that. If I want to drink myself into oblivion every single night for the rest of my life, or if I want to take a more physical approach, then there isn't a god damn thing you can do about it! So you can be "worried" all you want, but stay the hell out of it!"

"You can't even fucking say it, Shepard! You can do it, but you can't even say the words. You work so hard to prove that you've got a handle on things, but you're falling apart. You can run to Burley all day long and whisper about how much you hate me for not saying that I love you, but in the end, you still cope with things the same way you did in high school!"

Her response was so quiet that he didn't hear it, and when he asked her to repeat it, she glared at him.

"I was reminding him to take his medication, you bastard!" she yelled, "For a team leader, you're a pretty shitty investigator. You can't even figure out when the members of your team are struggling and need help. You never once wondered about Burley's absences, or why he's always _so_ upbeat and annoying at work? Come on, Gibbs. I thought you were smarter than that."

"What's wrong with Burley?"

"Ask him yourself," she spat, "I won't betray his confidence like you did mine."

Though he knew he deserved every word she was saying, it was still a slap to the face to be reminded of the way he'd slipped up with her past. It didn't escape his notice that she'd reverted back to using his surname, and that detail was enough to tell him just how badly he'd hurt her. He suddenly remembered something she'd said earlier, and frowned, shaking his head. Did she seriously think she wasn't good enough for him to love her? The very idea was absurd, and he looked at her, fully preparing to tell her as much.

"Jen, I—"

"Stop. It's okay. Don't worry about me. You really should go talk to Burley."

Not wanting to make her angrier, he nodded, stepping out into the hallway. He gave her one last glance as the door shut behind him, and sighed. Was there any way to make this right?

* * *

Jenny collapsed on the bed once Gibbs had left, and sighed. Though she was still furious at him, she had to give him credit: he had called her out on the fact that she couldn't name her self-harm for what it was, and as she took a slow drink from Gibbs' glass of cognac, she placed her head in her heads.

"Don't worry, Jethro. You only broke my heart. At least it wasn't anything important."

Her tears dripped between her fingers, and when she curled up on top of the mattress, she didn't have the strength to even reach out to turn off the light.

* * *

"He still conscious?"

Decker laughed at Gibbs' question and nodded, letting him into the room with a confused look.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, but could you give us a minute?"

The younger man nodded.

"Sure. I'll go get a drink at the bar. If he starts singing again, just throw a glass of water on him. Shuts him up every time."

Gibbs laughed quietly, and Burley frowned as he noticed the team leader in the room.

"Hey, boss. Red kick you out?"

"Not exactly, but she did tell me that I should come talk to you. Few days ago, you lost your medication. What's it for? Are you sick?"

Burley was silent for a moment, then nodded slowly.

"In a way. Boss, I know you don't like to talk...about anything, so I never told you. I've had...I've had clinical depression since I was a kid. That's what Jenny and I were talking about that day you asked me to help her. And tonight, she wanted me to make sure to take my meds. I tend to forget when I've been drinking and she knows that."

"And you didn't tell me because...?"

"Didn't want you to think less of me," Burley answered quietly.

Realising it was the same answer he'd gotten from Jenny made Gibbs frown. Why was his team so concerned with how he saw them? Was he really that intimidating? He suddenly felt even more ashamed of the way he'd yelled at Jenny that night, and he shook his head, placing his hand on Burley's shoulder.

"I could never think less of you. I'm so proud of you. All of you. You've done a damn fine job."

Burley smiled, and looked at him sadly.

"Thanks, boss."

* * *

Jenny was still laying on the bed when Gibbs returned, but she didn't move when the door opened. He couldn't tell if she was awake from where he stood, and as he walked silently over, he stopped by the edge of the bed, facing her.

"Jen, you awake?"

She sighed, nodding as she opened her eyes, fixing him with a tired look.

"You talk to Stan?"

"Yeah. Listen, Jenny, about what happened tonight, I—"

"I don't want to fight with you, Jethro," she said quietly.

He nodded, sitting down near her feet, and when she spoke again, he could hear the exhaustion in her voice.

"Let's just go to sleep."

Moving his body so that he was next to her, Gibbs fought against the urge to reach out and take her in his arms. He knew she likely didn't want anything to do with him in her current state, and honestly, he didn't blame her in the slightest.

* * *

Gibbs was surprised when he woke up to find the room empty, and he frowned when he realised that Jenny hadn't left a note. She'd never gone out before without leaving him some indication of where she'd gone, and he reached for the phone, dialing Decker and Burley's room.

"Burley," came the sleep-filled answer.

"Is Shepard with you?"

"Nope," Burley yawned, "Haven't seen her. I'm sure she's just out for a run. Or maybe she went to see Ducky."

Right. Ducky. Gibbs had almost forgotten that the doctor was still in the city. After hanging up, Gibbs called the other room, breathing a sigh of relief when he heard an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ducky. Is Shepard with you?"

"Good morning, Jethro. No, I'm afraid she's not. It's dreadfully early, do you have any idea where she could have gone?"

"I called Decker and Burley. Not with them. I'll go see if she's out running."

"Take care, Jethro. I'm sure Jennifer is fine."

Though he verbally agreed with him, Gibbs wasn't so sure.

* * *

When he finally found the redhead, she was sitting on the bridge overlooking the Seine, her feet dangling over the edge. The ungodly hour of the morning gave her the peace of being alone, and as Gibbs walked up to her, he cleared his throat so as not to startle her. She glanced up at him, nodding silently at him, and returned her attention to the dark water below. He sat down next to her, not touching her, and looked over in concern.

"You okay?"

"I told you I don't want to fight."

"Yep. I don't either. Will you let me try to explain now?"

Finally, she nodded, and he sighed.

"You startled me. I wasn't expecting you to tell me you loved me, and I didn't know how to react. I shouldn't have said what I did, and there's no excuse for it."

"I don't want you to say it out of pity or because you feel obligated, so don't. That cheapens it. But what you did...Jethro, it really hurt. I told you once before to think before you speak, and I just wish you'd done that now."

"Jen, I never meant to hurt you. Believe me, that's the last thing I want to do."

"I know," she answered quietly, "Can we just let this one go and move on? I don't want to ruin what we have."

He frowned.

"Are you going to be able to?"

She nodded, brushing her hair out of her face as the wind blew it.

"I told you I could handle it. If you ever do feel it, then say so, but until you know for sure, don't. And even if you never do, I can live with that. I've gotten through worse."

He stood up, holding out his hand, and when she took it, she gave him the first real smile she had in days.

"Thank you," he said softly.

"For?"

Rather than waste time trying to find the right words, Gibbs kissed her, his hand at her waist, holding her close. They both knew that this particular obstacle was merely being postponed, but Gibbs was sure when they got back to America, it would resolve itself. He was going to tell her that he loved her as soon as they landed, proving to her that this wasn't just the product of their stressful situation in Europe. He only hoped she would still feel the same. It was only a few months away, and love didn't disappear that quickly. Or at least, he hoped it didn't.

* * *

**A/N: Did anyone catch the words Jenny said to Gibbs in the middle of their argument? It's a small nod to a later episode. Playlist for this chapter was**

**1) Back In My Body-Maggie Rogers**

**2) Sorry-Nothing But Thieves**

**3) Against All Odds-Phil Collins**

**4) Doing the Best I Can-Stevie Nicks**

**Hope you liked it!**


	20. History of Violence

**A/N: Happy Saturday! In _Model Behavior_, we see a flashback from Paris in which Gibbs is arrested, while Jenny walks away. It's never elaborated on, so I wanted to give my twist on it. This chapter also comes with a warning: near the end, Jenny details certain aspects of her past, and I want to stress that these details are in no way intended for anyone to use as tips or techniques. If you are easily triggered by eating disorders, please proceed with caution. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_Agent Tony DiNozzo: I keep waiting for him to say "That'll be the day"._

_Director Jenny Shepard: He said that in Paris to me once, when I told him that I-when we were working together.  
_

_NCIS, Hiatus, Part I_

* * *

The gunshot rang out in the darkness before Jenny even had time to grasp what had happened. If asked, she knew there was no way she would be able to tell anyone what had led up to the event, and she ran over to the body crumpled on the ground. She couldn't tell if the shot had been fatal, but as she pulled out her phone to call for help, her hands were shaking so violently that she nearly dropped the phone.

"Gibbs."

"Jethro, I need you to come down to that coffee shop across from the river."

He sighed, and she could practically see him rolling his eyes.

"Jenny, it's six in the morning. It can wait."

"No, it can't. Please, Jethro, don't ask question right now. Just get down here. It's important."

"On my way."

Next, she called for an ambulance, thankful that she was fluent in French, and as she hung up, she knelt down slowly, trying to examine the wound. She was still trying to process the fact that she had, in fact, shot someone as she balanced on her heels. What in the world was she going to do?

* * *

The sun was just rising as Gibbs walked up to her, frowning when he noticed the body on the ground. Jenny was still kneeling next to him, her gun held limply in her right hand at her side, and he swore quietly.

"Jen, what the hell happened?"

She shook her head slowly.

"I don't—I don't know. I was out for a run, and he grabbed my arm. I panicked, Jethro. I didn't think, it just...I don't know. What am I going to do?"

"Ambulance?"

"On the way."

Gibbs nodded, thinking hard. No matter which way he approached it, he could only see one outcome for the situation, and when he took the gun from her hand, her eyes widened.

"What are you doing?!"

"Go. Other side of the street. I'm not letting you get arrested for this. I'll figure out a way to fix it."

"Jethro, I can't—"

"That's an order, Shepard. Go."

One look at his eyes told her not to argue, and she nodded slowly. She crossed the street, standing near one of many clothing stores, and as the ambulance approached, she could see the lights from the police car as well. There was an overwhelming amount of shouting as the man on the ground was lifted onto a stretcher, and when Gibbs was grabbed by an officer, he didn't resist. Jenny walked slowly past the shop she was standing in front of, and as her eyes met his briefly, she could see the determination in his. She kept walking, turning away to avoid drawing suspicion, and as soon as she was far enough away from the crowd, she ran, hoping Ducky would be able to provide her with even the smallest measure of help.

* * *

"Did this man survive?"

Jenny shook her head.

"I don't know. I called for an ambulance, and they were taking him away as Jethro was arrested. Ducky, we have to get him out. I can't let him take the fall for my mistake."

The Scottish doctor frowned, nodding slowly.

"I'll go down to the prison and see if they will allow me to see him. Perhaps we can work out something."

Jenny hugged him, tears filling her eyes, and he kissed her cheek as he pulled away.

"Thank you," she whispered.

* * *

Gibbs sat silently in the holding cell, staring at the wall, trying to figure out any way he could possibly get himself out of this situation. In truth, he hadn't even considered that particular detail as he'd taken Jenny's gun, but he knew that he could never have let her be locked up this way. Even if they never managed to repair their damaged relationship, she was still his partner, and he would do whatever it took to protect her.

The door opened slowly, and when the shadow fell over him, the former marine turned, surprised to see the familiar face of his friend looking back at him.

"Ducky? What are you doing here?"

"Jennifer came to me and explained. We need to think of a way to get you out without implicating her."

Gibbs nodded.

"Yeah, any ideas?"

"None, I'm afraid. But, we'll just have to think harder."

"Not like I'm going anywhere," Gibbs said dryly.

* * *

Jenny was inconsolable as she paced the room, twisting her hands as she walked. Burley was waiting for her at nearly every turn, and he sighed loudly.

"Red, wearing a hole in the rug won't help Gibbs."

"What do I do, then? He got himself arrested for me. What kind of idiot does that?"

"He was trying to protect you, Shepard."

"I know, but he shouldn't have! Especially not after the way I've treated him the past few days. Why would he?"

_Because he loves you, you idiot,_ Burley thought, shaking his head.

"Sit down, Jenny. You're going to make yourself sick worrying like this."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, steering her towards the bed, and as he pushed her onto it, he frowned as he glanced down at her. Her sleeve had rolled up as she'd walked, and Burley could just make out the end of what looked like a thin cut on her arm. Slowly, he moved it higher, his voice low in the quiet.

"Jenny, what happened to your arm?"

She didn't answer, and he tapped her knee lightly.

"Red. What happened here?"

She shrugged, and Burley shook his head as he counted the marks covering her skin. He held her hand in his, and when she finally looked at him, he was worried by the haunted look in her eyes.

"When?"

"After I told Gibbs I loved him."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't stand crying anymore," she said softly, "I needed something else, something that I could deal with. I can cope with physical pain, I've had a lot of practice. I couldn't cope with knowing he doesn't love me. Still can't."

Burley looked at her sadly, pulling her into a hug, his lips at her ear.

"Oh, Jenny...I wish I knew how to help."

She shook her head, the pain in her voice unmistakable.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I always am. We need to think of a way to get Gibbs out of this."

* * *

Ducky looked at the younger man intently, trying to determine the thoughts in his head just by staring at him. When he couldn't figure it out, he shook his head, sighing softly.

"Why did you do it, Jethro? You know you're innocent."

Gibbs shrugged.

"Jethro, that isn't an answer."

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs finally looked at the doctor, his gaze serious.

"She's part of my team. It was an accident, and she doesn't deserve to have her life ruined because of one mistake."

"Would you have done the same for Stanley or William?"

"Yep. This isn't just because I lo—because of who she is."

Ducky caught the slip and narrowed his eyes at him, tilting his head.

"Good god..." he said quietly, "You love her, don't you?"

Gibbs said nothing, but his silence said more than any words he could have spoken. Ducky met his eyes slowly, looking more confused than ever.

"Why on earth didn't you tell her? She's been devastated since that day on the bridge, and you could help her."

"I can't, Ducky. She's too important. I won't hurt her like that."

Ducky frowned.

"I hate to tell you this, Jethro, but you already have."

Though he knew the doctor was only trying to help, Gibbs couldn't help but feel angry at the words. He knew he'd broken Jenny's heart, he didn't need to be reminded, especially not while he was stuck in a jail cell. Still, he did wonder how she was faring. When Ducky suddenly clapped his hands together, Gibbs glared at him.

"I think I've got a way to get you out. I won't be long."

"Bring me back a beer," Gibbs called out sarcastically.

* * *

Burley was beginning to get concerned when Jenny locked herself in the bathroom, and as he let Decker into the room, he frowned.

"Thanks for coming by. I didn't think she should be alone right now."

Decker nodded.

"Where is she?"

Burley inclined his head towards the door, and Decker frowned. He made his way over to it quickly, knocking sharply, and leaned close.

"Hey, Shepard, can you come out here for a minute?"

There was no answer, and Burley frowned. Decker knocked again, louder this time, and when he still received no response, he shook his head.

"Got a key?"

"No, but it looks easy enough to pick."

Burley knelt down, examining the lock carefully, and as he pulled out his knife, he furrowed his brow in concentration. He was trying to move quickly, but didn't want to risk cutting his hand as he did so. What in the world was going on?

* * *

Jenny sat on the cold floor of the bathroom, knife in hand, slowly carving patterns into the skin of her thigh, oblivious to the knocking on the door. She'd changed into a pair of running shorts to give her better access, pointedly ignoring the temperature in the room that caused her to shiver. Her eyes were downcast, but they refused to focus on any one thing, and she was surprised to find that they were dry. The pain had stopped long ago, yet still she moved her hand as though controlled by an unseen force, blood dripping onto the tile.

The door opened slowly, revealing a confused and worried pair of agents, and when Burley finally realised what he was seeing, he stepped into the room quickly.

"Jenny. Jenny, stop."

His hand wrapped around her wrist, carefully pulling the blade from her hand, and when he tossed it to the other side of the room, she finally blinked up at him.

"Stan?"

"Hey, Red. Let's get you cleaned up, okay? Decker, give me a hand."

Decker swept the redhead up into his arms without a word, leaving Burley to grab the towels, and when he set her gently on the bed, his eyes met hers slowly.

"Jenny..."

He didn't know what else to say, so he settled for wrapping his arms around her, and as he hugged her, Burley returned with one damp towel and one dry. As he cleaned the blood from her pale skin, Burley looked pointedly at Decker, silently urging him to talk to her.

"I know you're scared and worried about Gibbs," Decker said softly, "This isn't the way to help him, though. How about when we get this all cleaned up, we go down to the station and see him? I'm sure Ducky's there, too. He can make any situation better, you know. Would you like to do that?"

Burley finished placing band-aids over the cuts, raising up from his crouched position on the floor, and looked at her concernedly.

"Jenny? Honey? You with me?"

She didn't answer him, and he ran his finger over her cheek gently.

"Red?"

Decker glanced at him, wondering if they should call for medical attention, and he stood up slowly.

"I'm going to find Ducky."

Burley nodded, walking to the door and leaning close to Decker in an attempt to keep Jenny from becoming even more fragile.

"Make sure he knows to move slow. She might panic."

A soft thud made them both turn, and when Burley ran to where Jenny had collapsed on the floor, he called for Decker. Tapping the side of her face gently, Burley pulled the redhead into his arms, hoping he wasn't making the situation worse.

"Get Ducky now."

Decker didn't even look back as he ran from the room.

* * *

"What happened to her?"

"We found her in the bathroom with a knife. Got it away from her, and while we were cleaning her up, she spaced out. It was like she couldn't see or hear us at all. Decker was just going to go for help when she passed out."

Jenny's semi-unconscious body was lifted out of Burley's lap and placed gently on the bed, and Burley frowned when he realised he was seeing much more of her body than he ever had before. He wasn't sure where to direct his gaze, but as he looked down at her, he soon found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from the bandages on her leg. If he'd seen the cuts on her arms again, he knew it would have made him sick, so he was immensely thankful for the long-sleeved shirt she was currently wearing.

She could faintly hear the voices around her, distorted as though she were underwater, and as she struggled to decipher them, she moaned quietly. Her eyes slowly opened, glassy and unfocused, and she cringed in the sudden brightness. Frowning as she recognised the people around her, she couldn't hide her confusion as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Gibbs?"

He smiled at her, running his hand through her hair, and she stared at him blankly.

"What are you—how did you—"

"Shh. Not now."

He turned to look at the two agents and the doctor standing in the room, and at his pointed stare, they all walked out into the hallway, more than willing to let them have time alone. Gibbs turned back to Jenny, his eyes locking on hers sadly.

"Why, Jen?"

She struggled to raise herself to a sitting position, and when he helped her up, she smiled in appreciation.

"Thanks."

"Why?"

Jenny was silent for a long moment, her eyes dropping to the bed, and he reached for her hand slowly. He wasn't sure how she would react to him touching her, and he didn't want to cause her any additional pain. When she finally raised her eyes back to his, she moved closer to him, unconsciously seeking comfort in his proximity.

"I was scared," she admitted, "I was trying to think of a way to help you get out, especially since it was my fault, and I couldn't think of anything I could do. I couldn't stop the thoughts in my head, and I needed to calm down in order to think properly."

He waited, knowing she wasn't finished, and when she began speaking again, her voice held a note of defeat that he hadn't heard before.

"I don't expect you to understand it, but...you know how you feel instantly calmer when you take a drink of bourbon after a long day? That's what it's like, in some ways."

He nodded.

"Fair enough. But you have to realise how dangerous this is. What happens if you slip? If one day you go too deep? You'll die, Jen. I know you don't want that. Did you think about the grounding exercise I taught you?"

She shook her head slowly.

"I forgot all about it," she said honestly, "I feel like such an idiot."

"Not a chance, Shepard."

She smiled slightly at that. She laid her head on his shoulder, completely forgetting their previous fight and resulting awkwardness, closing her eyes as he pulled her closer to him.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"How did you get out?"

"Ducky," he said simply, "Never underestimate the power of a good Scotsman."

Jenny could sense that he wasn't going to elaborate, and nodded against his chest. He held her as tightly as he dared, not wanting to hurt her, slowly running his fingers through her hair.

"Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to go talk to Burley. Think he's pretty shaken up."

She nodded as he kissed her hair gently, and as she moved away from him, he frowned.

"Can you walk?"

Shrugging, Jenny stood up carefully, feeling slightly unsteady as she walked to the door. Just as she reached it, she fell forward, landing against the wood painfully. Gibbs was beside her before she could blink, and looked down at her seriously. Throwing her arm around his shoulder, he led her carefully down the hallway, and when he knocked on the other agent's door, she smiled weakly at him.

"Thanks."

He kissed her in response, and as the door swung open, he pulled away.

"Gibbs, Shepard. What are you doing here?"

"Shepard needs to talk to Burley."

Decker nodded, pointing over his shoulder.

"He's in there. Getting steadily more wasted as the day goes on."

Gibbs helped Jenny into the room, and as she looked at her friend, she felt an overwhelming combination of sadness and guilt. She sat down next to him on the bed, her hand on his knee, and when he finally looked at her, she smiled at him.

"Hey, Stan. What're you drinking?"

He shrugged.

"Whiskey."

Gibbs and Decker hovered in the corner of the room closest to the door, not wanting to be in the way, but ready to be of help if needed. Jenny nodded as he took another drink and nudged him lightly with her arm.

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

He shook his head, and she frowned. As he raised the bottle of whiskey to his lips, she reached for it, pulling it out of his grasp and taking a long drink. Burley glared at the redhead when she didn't give it back to him, and tried to take it from her hand. She held it just out of his reach, leaning as far away from him as she could, and he sighed.

"Damn it, Shepard! Give me the bottle."

She shook her head.

"Not until you talk to me. Even though you've been taking your medicine, something's been off with you, and it isn't just what happened today. Tell me what's going through your mind. Walk me through it."

When Burley finally realised she wasn't going to relinquish the bottle, he nodded, then took a deep breath.

"Everyone thinks I'm just a screw up. Someone you can't take seriously, that isn't capable of acting like an adult. I know I joke around a lot, and that doesn't help, but people see me as nothing but an overgrown kid. When anyone needs help with something, they call Decker. Or you. Or Gibbs. Hell, even _I _do that. Today, when you passed out, it was Decker who went to get help. He found Gibbs first, but I couldn't even do that. I panicked, and everyone else had to pick up the pieces."

Gibbs frowned as he listened to the younger man's slurred words, and just as he was preparing to take a step forward, Decker's hand on his arm stopped his movements.

"Shepard's got this," he whispered.

Jenny gently placed her hand on Burley's cheek, causing him to look up at her, and she shook her head slowly.

"Stan, that's not true. Who was it that killed Chris when he had me locked up in that house? Who pulled me out of the river in Russia? Who picked the lock on the door this morning? Decker's terrible at that. It had to have been you. Who is it that I come to when I can't talk to Gibbs about something? Or when he doesn't have the same personal experiences to help me through my depression? It's you, honey. Not Decker, not Gibbs, not Ducky. You. And you didn't panic today. You were the one who cleaned up my mess, remember? I'm the one who panicked today. I got Gibbs arrested because I fucked up. Not you."

Gibbs had never seen this side of Jenny before, and he smiled as he listened to her speak. It was clear that she loved Burley like a brother, and he felt extremely proud of her ability to navigate the difficult situation.

"You might make jokes a lot, but when it comes right down to it, you come through. Do you really think a hard-ass like Gibbs would keep you around if he wasn't proud of you? If you hadn't proven your worth time and time again? I know I put you in a difficult position today, and I shouldn't have. I was scared and upset, but that's not an excuse. You handled it perfectly, though. Just remember, you've saved my life, Stan. Not many people can lay claim to that one. But there isn't anyone else in the world who can do that and make me laugh about it later."

Burley considered her for a moment, and if she was surprised when he threw his arms around her, she didn't show it. She could feel his body shaking as she held him tightly, and she kissed his temple softly.

"I'm sorry, Jenny. I acted like an idiot."

She smiled as she glanced over his shoulder, her eyes meeting a pair of ice blue.

"Not a chance."

Gibbs returned her smile, and when she moved away from Burley, she put her hand on his knee lightly.

"Now, do you think you can handle the bottle responsibly? You should probably slow down a bit, you know. Alcohol cancels out the effects of antidepressants."

He nodded.

"I know. I'll try."

He paused, looking at her seriously.

"What about you, Red? You can't keep doing...that."

"Don't worry about me, honey. I think I've got someone else to do that for you," she answered, glancing at Gibbs.

Her eyes, impossibly green in the light, met those of the team leader, and Decker smiled when he saw Gibbs nod almost imperceptibly.

* * *

"I just don't get it, Duck. Of all the ways to deal with stress, why would she choose that one?"

Ducky shook his head.

"It's not likely that she did, Jethro. It more probably began as an accident, a cut that had nothing to do with her problem, but when she realised the way it affected her emotional state, she tried to recapture that feeling."

"But...it causes her pain. How is that helping her?"

The doctor sighed, his eyes sad.

"For some people, self-harm is linked to a specific experience, and used as a way to cope until the experience has passed. For others, it releases a chemical in the brain that causes them to feel relaxed, or at the very least not panicked. The pain can be a reminder that they are still alive, when they would otherwise feel numb or hopeless, which is often the case in individuals with depression. Not unlike Jennifer and Stanley. Alcohol can increase the likelihood of self-mutilation, as can the time of day, and even the seasons of the year. It can stop the racing thoughts in their minds, which both Jennifer and Stanley seem to experience, and if I may be blunt, neither of them cope with their illness in healthy ways. Stanley drinks, Jennifer drinks _and_ self-harms. Asking them to stop without offering other alternatives is pointless, and in their cases, probably upsetting."

Gibbs nodded, trying to process the information as Ducky continued.

"Now, Stanley takes antidepressants, and he seems to be doing better, but I think his dosage may need to be adjusted. However, his added stress could simply be due to the op you've just finished and it's entirely possible that he'll be fine once we return to America. Jennifer, on the other hand...from what you've told me, her underlying issues date much farther back into her past, and that will not be easily fixed. Some of her more unhealthy habits may never completely leave her, such as skipping meals, but if she can be persuaded, I think she would benefit greatly from seeking medical help."

Gibbs snorted, shaking his head.

"Jen? Get medical help willingly? Fat chance, Duck. You've met her."

The doctor nodded slowly, reaching for his tea.

"Yes, I know. Perhaps you could give it a shot, Jethro. She values your opinion, and she'd be more likely to listen to you. And I'm very worried about her. I would hate for something to happen that can't be undone."

Thinking hard, Gibbs ran his hand through his hair, trying to think of anything he could do that would convince his redheaded partner to talk to a doctor. Unfortunately, his mind was blank, and he took a slow drink of his cognac with a sad look at his friend.

* * *

Decker smiled at Gibbs as he walked into their room, nodding at Jenny and Burley with a laugh. They were asleep on Burley's bed, his head on her shoulder, and her arm wrapped around him protectively. Gibbs tilted his head, making Decker laugh quietly, and the team leader made his way closer, looking at them, puzzled.

"They passed out?"

"Just Burley. He's trashed. Shepard just fell asleep. It's been one hell of a day, huh boss?"

Gibbs nodded, still looking at the pair sleeping on the bed. It gave Jenny an oddly maternal appearance as she held Burley's unconscious body against hers, and he smiled at the thought of her with an actual child. She would probably make a fantastic mother if she were so inclined, but he doubted she would ever consider it. She was simply too career-driven, and seemed uncomfortable around children. Still, he admired the way she cared for Burley, the way she pushed her own pain to the back of her mind to help him, and he reached out to untangle her from him.

She moaned quietly as he lifted her into his arms, and as he walked to the door, her eyes opened slowly.

"Jethro?"

"Shh, go back to sleep, Jen."

She mumbled something unintelligible, burying her head in his chest, and Decker smiled as he opened the door for his boss.

"Make sure you have a trash bin nearby. He'll probably be sick later."

Decker pointed to the side of the bed, causing Gibbs to laugh. A small trash bin was already next to the table, and he nodded.

"Night, Will."

"Night, boss."

* * *

Kicking the door slowly shut behind him, Gibbs carried Jenny over to the bed, and as he placed her between the sheets, he frowned at the band-aids covering her legs. Ducky's explanation for her method of stress-relief had done little to ease his mind, and he climbed into the bed beside her, pulling her into his arms slowly.

"Jethro?"

Her voice was quiet, thick with sleep, and he glanced down at her briefly.

"Are you mad at me?"

He shook his head, his fingers running over her arm lightly, and took a deep breath.

"No. I wish I knew how to help you, though."

A thought occurred to him and he frowned as he looked at her.

"Is this because you aren't with Jackson anymore? Maybe because he's not beating the shit out of you, you feel like you have to do it yourself?"

Jenny shook her head, moving closer to him, and sighed as she thought about her answer.

"No, but in a way, yes. I never intended for this to happen, but I guess I've become accustomed to there being physical repercussions to my mistakes. Whether it was by my own hand or someone else's. I know that sounds stupid, but I expect it. Even from you. Every time I make some stupid mistake, I'm always waiting for something: a slap to the face, a hand at my throat, a kick to the ribs, you name it."

"A slap to the back of the head?" he asked, feeling guilty for all the times he'd head slapped her.

She shook her head.

"No, not that. It's not the same at all. You do that with everyone, and I would have felt left out if I'd been excluded. I was talking about action with the intent of causing harm."

He stared at her.

"Jen, I would never—"

"I know," she answered gently, her hand on his chest, "But I still expect it. It's been ingrained in my memory."

Something clicked in Gibbs' memory, and he frowned.

"That's why you flinched the first time I tried to brush your hair out of your face to bandage that cut over your eye."

She nodded, remembering the pain in his eyes as she'd jumped away from his hand at the crime scene.

"It wasn't a response to you personally. I was about three weeks into the relationship with Chris, and I'd come to expect a slap to the face over even the smallest thing."

Gibbs felt an almost overwhelming sense of sadness for the young woman in his arms as he realised he still had no idea how badly the abuse she'd endured had been. He couldn't even fathom hitting her, no matter what she'd done, and no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to make sense of anyone who could. He shifted just enough that he could see her properly, and ran his hand over her hair gently.

"I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable place, but...would you tell me about it? How did it start? All of it. Your coping mechanisms, Jackson, everything. I want to understand. Maybe I can help better."

Jenny thought about his request for a moment, and when she finally nodded, he took her hand in his.

"One thing," she said quietly.

He waited, and she sighed.

"Don't interrupt me. If I have to stop, I won't finish."

"Done."

She took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the dive into her past, and when she began speaking, her voice was soft, almost afraid.

"When I was seventeen, after the Christmas holidays, I noticed that I'd put on a bit of weight, as people are prone to do, what with all the family meals and such. It started out simply enough: lose the weight I'd gained and get back to where I'd started. So I did. Stopped eating breakfast first, because it was the easiest to avoid. I've never been a morning person, so no one ever questioned my not being hungry when I woke up. I could just drink a little coffee, and go on. Lunch in high school was surprisingly easy to get out of, too. No one in high school is ever concerned with anything but their own problems, and since I've always loved to read, no one thought it unusual that I would read instead of eat. Dinner was the most difficult, because I had people who would notice."

She paused, taking a slow breath, and Gibbs brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"I found all sorts of tricks I could use to make it seem like I was eating even when I wasn't. Leaving dirty dishes around, cutting up the food and moving it around the plate, talking a million miles a minute with a piece of food on my fork so no one would pay attention to my plate being full. At one point, I would put the food into my mouth and spit it into an opaque cup when I pretended to take a drink. Or drinking an ungodly amount of water before dinner to not be as hungry. My parents were busy a lot, so it was easier to get around them."

Gibbs wrapped her tighter in his arms, and she sighed.

"Eventually, I was forcing myself to run. I hated running, but once I started, I couldn't stop. I had sets of rules that I couldn't break, or I would have to run more as punishment. Then, I was throwing up the little food I did eat. Turning on the shower to mask the sound, and no one ever noticed. I'd heard stories from a friend of mine about cutting to relieve stress, and at first it sounded crazy to me. The first time I did it, I was amazed that she was right, so I kept doing it. Soon, I was cutting as punishment for eating, and I was buying bottles and boxes of laxatives as backup measures for when I couldn't get out of eating."

Her voice was oddly detached, as though she were giving a status report, and Gibbs could tell that it was the only way she was managing to get through her story.

"Eventually, I ended up in the hospital. I was twenty-two, 72lbs, and I could hardly walk two steps without passing out. The doctors told me that I had two weeks, and I was terrified. It had started out so simple: just lose two pounds. And then when I did, I would think "Well, I made it this far, I can lose two more pounds". I couldn't stop. I gained just enough weight to be released from the hospital, and immediately began drinking anything I could get my hands on. My father's Scotch, whiskey, brandy, wine, beer, I didn't care. I needed something to stop the screaming in my head."

She was trembling now, her skin ice-cold, and when Gibbs kissed her hair, she sighed. He handed her a glass filled with cognac, and as she took a long drink, she frowned.

"It was a slow process, learning to eat again. I would cry every time I had to sit down to dinner, but my father wouldn't let me leave the table until I had finished everything. Then he would stand guard in front of the bathroom door to make sure I didn't throw up. All the sharp objects were confiscated, and I was pretty much never left on my own. Finally, I was mostly recovered, and they let up a bit. I moved out of my parents' house, and went on with life.

When I met Chris, he seemed nice. Always held the door open for me, ordered for me when we went out to dinner...it wasn't until a few dates in that I realised he was doing all of that to control me. I'd already kind of accepted that you weren't interested in me, so I tried to find the closest person I could: position of authority, older, attractive...but that's where the similarities ended. When he slammed my hand into the door of his car, I thought "Well, you _were_ standing a little close, Jenny. Maybe it _was_ an accident", and he seemed sincere in his apology. The first time he hit me, I tried to convince myself it was just because he'd been drinking. Each time, it got worse, and I thought "You kind of deserve this. Maybe if you didn't mess up so much, he wouldn't need to hit you". There were a lot of "maybes" in that situation, but I was too scared to leave. I knew he would come after me, and being a cop, he could get away with it."

She was silent for a moment, and then sighed.

"That's it. The rest of it, you already know."

He said nothing, still looking at her with his striking blue eyes, and she frowned as she shifted in his arms.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

The brush of his lips on hers was so gentle that at first, Jenny was sure she had imagined it. Gibbs pulled her closer, his kiss deepening, and as he laid her back on the bed, he ran his fingers through her hair. His tongue explored every corner of her mouth as he held her against him, and when he pulled away from her, his eyes locked on hers in the darkness.

"I am so proud of you," he whispered.

He kissed her again, reaching for her hand, and her grip on his fingers was tighter than it had been in nearly a week. He knew she was in an emotionally fragile place, and while he didn't want to take advantage of her, he didn't want her to feel alone.

"Jethro?"

He looked at her, seeing the tears shining in her eyes even in the dark room, and waited.

"Don't stop kissing me. I need to get out of my head. Please."

Nodding, he brought his mouth to hers again, her fingers threading through his hair, and she moaned when he bit down on her bottom lip. He slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of her shorts, touching her slowly, moving his lips to her throat. Jenny gasped as he curled his fingers, hitting the perfect spot, and as his thumb circled her clit, she held onto his shoulder tightly.

"Do that again," she whispered, "God damn, you're good with your hands."

He moved his fingers deeper inside her, curling them again, and she moaned his name, her head falling onto his shoulder. He kept moving his fingers, mesmerised by the way her hips moved, grinding into his hand at the same pace of his thrusts, and he bit down on her throat, sucking her porcelain skin between his teeth.

"Fuck," she gasped.

He ran his tongue along the shell of her ear, pausing to place a light kiss behind it, and moved his fingers faster.

"Come on, Jen. Don't fight it."

Her breath caught in her throat, and as his thumb moved roughly against her clit, she discovered she couldn't breathe. Gibbs kissed her again, and swallowed the moan that fell from her lips as she came undone in his arms. He didn't stop his movements, and when her second orgasm made her body arch into his, he smiled. Kissing her once on the forehead before moving off of the bed, he reached for one of the towels that Burley had used to dry off Jenny's legs. He frowned at the bloodstained cloth, but said nothing as he poured a drink into his glass.

Jenny watched his every move, her expression guarded, and when he climbed back into the bed, she broke the silence quietly.

"You don't think less of me?"

"Why does everyone think I'm going to be disappointed because they're human?" he asked in exasperated confusion, "I'm not heartless."

"No, but you have nearly-impossible high standards, Jethro."

"No," he answered, ignoring her statement, "I don't think less of you. I'm beyond proud of you. You're quite possibly the strongest woman I've ever known."

She smiled as he pulled her close to his chest, kissing her gently.

"Get some sleep, Jen. You look exhausted."

It was true: the dark circles under her eyes were so prominent that at first, Gibbs had thought she'd smudged her makeup, and they stood out starkly against her pale skin. She nodded, nestling into his embrace, tucking her head under his chin as she closed her eyes. She fell asleep within minutes, a true testament to her exhaustion, and as he held her in his arms, Gibbs found that he had a heightened respect for her and all she had overcome. They had seemed to make progress in their relationship, but he knew that until he told her that he loved her, there would always be a cloud hanging over them. He just had to find the right moment.

* * *

**A/N: Full disclosure: Jenny's story is mine. I debated for a very long time about using it, and Ducky's explanation for her actions is the one given to my family by my doctor. There are slight differences, for example, I wasn't in a relationship like the one Jenny had with Jackson for nearly as long, and he wasn't more than a year older than me, but most of it is true. **

**Songs for this chapter:**

**1) Pure Love-Hayley Williams**

**2) The Last Song I'm Wasting on You-Evanescence**


	21. Buried Alive

**A/N: Happy Saturday, my loves! Let me begin by saying that I hope all of you are safe right now, and that you're doing well with the current state of the world. Hope you enjoy this latest chapter!**

* * *

_This wasn't average darkness, this was a darkness that filled the soul, penetrated deep into the bones, and refused to let go. This was a darkness that made it difficult to breathe, and as Jenny's eyes adjusted to it, she realised she was laying in a box. The soft satin under her body and above her head did little to ease her discomfort, and with horror, it occurred to her that the box was a coffin. Her breathing sped up, her heart rate began to increase, and as she glanced around the small space, her fear began to skyrocket. _

_ Her fingers frantically clawed at the white satin above her head, and she fought the urge to scream as she tore the fabric to shreds. She hardly felt the pain as her knuckles scraped against the wood, and she slammed her hands against the top of the coffin. It didn't budge, but she knew she had to keep trying. She kept pounding on the wood, and at last it began to splinter, a steady stream of loose dirt filling the cracks. _

_ The dirt began to spill into the coffin, faster now, and as she closed her eyes to keep it from burning them, she began to scream. Gritty dirt and pebbles tumbled into her mouth as she screamed, and she coughed, trying to spit it out. It was past her nose now, stinging as she attempted to breathe, each breath burning her throat and lungs more than the last—_

Gibbs was pulled from his sleep by Jenny's screams, bolting upright in the bed beside her. He could hardly see her in the darkened room, and he reached out to touch her shoulder, shaking her lightly.

"Jen, you okay?'

Her eyes opened, looking past him, and she pulled away, still screaming. She jerked away from his touch, her hand swinging blindly in his direction, and he caught her wrist, pulling her closer.

"Jenny, it's okay. You're safe. Jenny. Jen!"

She finally looked at him, her eyes locking onto his, and she blinked slowly.

"Jethro?"

He nodded, looking at her seriously, and she was suddenly very still, as though she'd been frozen, and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen?"

She shook her head, her breathing so shallow that he could hardly see it, and as he watched her, he noticed the shaking in her body intensifying. He slowly moved his hand closer to her, and when it landed on her shoulder, she jumped. She pulled away from him, standing and walking to the door, reaching for the handle.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

Again, her head shook, and Gibbs stood up, approaching her slowly. He could tell that she was panicked, her every breath a struggle, and he frowned as he moved closer.

"Jen."

"I can't...I have to leave. I can't breathe."

"Wait. You're upset, and I really don't think you should—"

The opening and closing of the door cut off his words, and he stared at it in disbelief. It was nearly a full minute before he realised that she wasn't coming back, and he threw open the door, trying to determine which way she would have gone. He ran down the hall to Decker and Burley's room, knocking loudly, not even caring that he was going to wake them.

"Gibbs?"

Decker's voice was thick with confusion and sleep, causing Gibbs to realise Jenny wasn't there. He glanced in the room over the younger man's shoulder, and when he was satisfied that she was nowhere to be found, he left without a word. He found himself outside the Scottish doctor's room, his loud knocking almost echoing in the silence.

"Jethro, is everything alright?"

He sighed.

"Is she here?"

"Who?"

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs glared at him, and Ducky nodded.

"Right. Stupid question. No, Jennifer isn't here. Why would she be?"

"I'll explain later. I've got to find her."

As the former marine ran back down the hall to his own room, he didn't even pause as Ducky called his name.

* * *

Jenny was trembling as she walked the streets of Paris, both from the cold and the aftermath of her dream, and she didn't have the slightest idea of where she was going. She'd deliberately avoided the Seine, knowing that would be the first place Gibbs would look for her, not to mention, she didn't trust herself in her current state. She was oblivious to the pain as her feet were cut by small rocks and the occasional glass shards as she changed directions, her eyes staring straight ahead.

Her mind suddenly realised that she recognised her surroundings, and as she approached the small house, she wiped her hand under her eyes slowly. She walked carefully up the porch steps, remembering the last time she'd been here, and as she opened the door, she was somewhat saddened to see that it was exactly as they had left it. It made her nostalgic for a time and feeling she was certain she would never experience again, and as she passed the broken step leading to the upper landing, she took an unsteady breath.

Gibbs' bottle of cognac was still in on the counter untouched, and she reached for it, unscrewing the cap slowly. She didn't think about the fact that it was three in the morning, nor that she shouldn't drink in her emotional state, and she tipped the bottle back, tears falling from her eyes. If she'd truly taken the time to think about what her dream could have represented, she might have been able to confront the issue, but she wanted nothing more than to drink until she couldn't feel the pain and fear.

As she slid down the counter onto the floor, Jenny couldn't stop herself from wondering if she would ever be able to breathe comfortably again.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he returned from his search at the river, wondering where Jenny would have gone. He'd been so sure he would find her at the water, and now he had no idea where to begin. She'd been so upset that she hadn't even put on her shoes, and he sighed as he picked one up thoughtfully. Her emotional health had been in a turmoil since they'd been in Russia, and he knew that his own stupid remarks had made it worse, but he couldn't find anything in the recent events to give him a clue of where she would have run.

He picked up the phone, calling both the room of his two remaining agents and the doctor, and as he told them to come to his room, he ran his hand through his hair, thinking hard. Where could she have gone? The knock at the door signaled the arrival of his team, and he stood to open it, feeling more helpless than he had in years.

"Boss? What's going on?"

"Shepard's gone. No idea where, and she's extremely upset. We need to find her. Has she said anything to any of you that gives you any idea of where she would go?"

Burley frowned, thinking slowly. Gibbs noticed the look on his face and raised his eyebrow, looking at him pointedly.

"Burley? Care to share?"

"It's just...Jenny's been dealing with a lot lately. It's not surprising that she needs time to sort through it. She's been pretty depressed ever since you—I mean, since..."

"I get it, Burley."

"Sorry, Gibbs."

Decker sighed, glaring at the team leader as he stood next to Burley, and Gibbs met his eyes coldly.

"Well?"

"You don't want to know."

"Try me, Decker."

"Fine. All due respect Gibbs, but you've been a complete ass to Jenny for a long time. You made her feel like shit when you called her out on drinking, you put her in an impossible situation with Zhukov and that code, knowing that she would do whatever it took to get it and as a result, your approval. And don't get me started on how you're too emotionally damaged to admit you love her, even though you do, and you broke her fucking heart. She probably doesn't know how to act around you anymore, and I'm not surprised she needed to get away. You destroyed her personal trust in you, and I don't blame her in the slightest."

Gibbs was silent for a moment, then something Decker said truly clicked, and he frowned.

"What did she do for that code?"

Decker laughed bitterly.

"Oh, she didn't tell you? Told you she doesn't trust you anymore. She probably would have told you if you'd been man enough to admit how you feel about her rather than throw her feelings in her face."

Gibbs glared at him, his voice low and dangerous.

"What did she do, Decker?"

"Use your head. What do you _think_ she did?"

There was no way Decker was going to break Jenny's trust and tell him what she'd drunkenly let slip one night with him and Burley, no matter how angry he was. Right or wrong, the younger agent blamed Gibbs for much of what was going on with his redheaded friend, and he was too pissed off to give him the satisfaction of breaking.

Gibbs shook his head as he realised what Decker was implying, refusing to believe it. Zhukov had undeniably been attracted to Jenny, but there was no way she would have let him touch her. Not for anything. Unless...unless Decker was right, and her ambition ran much deeper than he'd ever realised.

"No," he said quietly, shaking his head again, "She wouldn't have done that."

"No?" Decker asked, "Think about it. Zhukov would have never parted with that code for anything less. He didn't even trust Chernitskaya with it."

Gibbs swore as he realised Decker was right. The idea of Jenny letting the Russian near her just for the sake of their op was sickening to him, and he sighed as he rain his hand through his hair. He'd never realised how much the young woman expected of herself, and he'd underestimated her ambition more than he'd ever thought possible.

His eyes were hard as he scanned the room, trying to find anything that would give him a clue. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and he mentally kicked himself for acting like such an idiot.

"Jethro, if I may...you said Jennifer was drawn to the water because she finds it calming. Is there any other place in the city where you can recall her being happiest? Perhaps she would have gone there."

Thinking hard, Gibbs frowned, shaking his head.

"No. She was happy in Serbia, but there's no way she would have gone back there. Same with the attic. The only other places we've been were Prague and..."

He stopped as he realised that he might know where she'd ended up, and grabbed his jacket, making sure the cell phone was in the pocket.

"Stay here. I'll call when I get there."

Ducky looked sadly at the two remaining agents as the door shut, shaking his head slowly.

"I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for."

Decker rolled his eyes.

"This is his fault, Ducky. If he'd just told Jenny how he felt, this wouldn't be happening."

Ducky frowned.

"Jennifer deserves the truth, no question. But have you ever thought that perhaps there's a reason he didn't tell her? There's a pain in that man's eyes that never leaves him, it haunts his every thought and action. I don't know what caused it, but it must have been tragic. I'm sure he has his reasons for not getting too close to her, no matter what he feels for her. It isn't fair, to either of them, but he must think it's the right decision."

Burley frowned.

"But, if you love someone, you should tell them."

"Indeed you should, Stanley. But the heart doesn't always abide by logic. He thinks he's protecting Jennifer by not telling her how he feels, but he doesn't seem to understand that he's actually hurting her more by keeping silent. I hope he finds her. They need to have a serious talk."

Decker let out a bitter laugh.

"Gibbs doesn't talk, Ducky."

"Then he needs to listen."

* * *

There was no sign that anyone had been in the house in months, and as Gibbs approached the dilapidated porch, he frowned. He couldn't imagine why Jenny would have come back here, but it was his last chance to find her. Pushing open the door, he slowly walked through the living room, calling her name softly. Silence met his voice, and as he made his way into the kitchen, he noticed a small shadow being cast on the floor.

Glancing over the center island counter, he frowned as his eyes landed on one Jenny Shepard, her knees pulled up to her chest, head resting on them, half-empty bottle of cognac in her hand.

"Jen?"

She didn't answer, raising the bottle to her lips slowly, and as she tipped it back, he noticed the tear tracks on her face. He took a step closer to her, staring down at her sadly, and his eyes widened when he noticed her feet were speckled with dried blood. He knelt down next to her, willing her to look at him, and she raised the bottle again, eyes staring straight ahead.

"Jenny, look at me."

It wasn't until he reached out to take the bottle from her that she moved. As his fingers brushed her hand, her eyes flickered to him, a mixture of confusion, sadness, and pain reflected in the emerald irises.

"Jethro? When did you get here?"

He frowned.

"Few minutes ago. What are you doing here, Jen? I was worried."

She shrugged, and he looked at her carefully. Her tangled red hair fell around her face as she placed her head on her knees again, her skin was so pale it nearly glowed in the darkness, and there was an exhaustion in the way she carried herself that made him feel more guilty than ever. He placed the bottle of cognac on the counter, well out of her reach, and ran his hand slowly over her hair.

"Talk to me, Jen."

Jenny was silent for so long that Gibbs worried she had passed out. It wouldn't have surprised him, and he ran his free hand through his hair as he looked at her sadly.

"I was buried alive," she said quietly.

He frowned.

"What?"

"In my dream," she clarified, "I woke up in this coffin, and I couldn't get out. I tore the satin lining, pounded on the lid until my hands bled, and then dirt filled the coffin. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, at least not about anything but the fear, and as I was suffocating, I woke up."

Gibbs nodded, his hand still running over her hair. She moved closer to his warmth, her head resting on his shoulder, and he glanced at her.

"Why did you leave? You scared me, Jen."

"I don't know," she admitted, "I just needed to be alone. Jethro, whether you want to admit it or not, things have changed between us. The dynamic has shifted, and I've tried to pretend that it doesn't bother me, but...it does. I just wish we could go back to the way things were. Before I fucked it up."

"Jen, you didn't—"

"Yes, I did. I should have never told you I loved you. It was stupid, I said it without thinking, and it ruined everything."

"It didn't ruin everything. It shocked me, and made me think, but it didn't ruin anything. I still care about you just as much as I always have."

Jenny laughed, though he could find nothing funny about their current situation.

"Oh please, Jethro. My relationship with Burley is more stable than ours right now."

He frowned.

"You don't _have_ a relationship with Burley," he reminded her.

"I know," she said exasperatedly, "That's exactly my point. It feels like this has destroyed us, like we're not going to be able to get past this. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop every second I'm with you. And I don't like feeling that way. It's almost like we're one argument away from imploding, and I'm not sure which one of us will be holding the detonator."

Gibbs frowned again as she finished speaking, wondering how in the world he was going to fix this. He knew if he told her now, she would never believe him, but he couldn't think of any other way to ease her mind.

"Have you given any more thought to what I asked you?"

Jenny frowned, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Moving in with me. I think it could help. If it was just you and me, without the pressure of any undercover ops, being on familiar ground...we can do this."

She sighed.

"I don't—I don't know, Jethro. Ask me when we land."

He nodded, placing a light kiss to her hair. She smiled, though he couldn't see it, and when he pulled back to look at her, he gave her a smile.

"Can we go back to the hotel now? It's freezing in here."

Jenny nodded, frowning when Gibbs stood and swept her into his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't want you causing any more damage to your feet."

Her eyes were confused as she looked at him.

"What are you talking about?"

He nodded at her feet, and when she looked down, she shook her head slowly.

"I didn't even notice."

He kissed her gently, smiling at her as he met her eyes.

"And you call yourself an investigator. I'm disappointed in you, Shepard."

She laughed quietly, and as he carried her out of their former safe house, Jenny began to wonder if perhaps he was right. Maybe they could work this out after all.

* * *

Ducky smiled warmly at Jenny as she walked into his room, accepting his offer of tea with a small smile.

"Good afternoon, Jennifer. Are you doing better than this morning?"

She sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"I don't know. The dream I had really threw me."

As he listened to the redhead recount her nightmare, the Scottish doctor sipped his tea thoughtfully. When she had finished, he reached for her hand, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Jennifer, it seems to me that your subconscious is trying to tell you that your relationship with Jethro is making you feel suffocated, most likely because it's been turned on its head. You're unsure of what your next move should be, and you may even be feeling a bit trapped. As much as he hurt you by not telling you he loved you, you don't want to leave him because of the way you feel for him."

She nodded, tears filling her eyes.

"What should I do, Ducky?"

"I can't tell you that, my dear. What I can tell you is this: there is more than one way to express your love for someone. Simple things, such as asking if you've eaten, taking care of you when you're ill or upset, offering support in difficult situations. Just something to consider."

Jenny smiled.

"Are you trying to tell me you love me, Ducky?"

He laughed, patting her hand gently.

"Of course I do, my dear Jennifer. But perhaps I'm not the only one."

As she considered the doctor's words, Jenny realised he may have had a point.

* * *

The more Jenny thought about what Ducky had told her, the more she started to believe that she might have been wrong in thinking Gibbs didn't love her. So he hadn't said the words. He'd done so many other things that she couldn't explain with any other reason, and as she read her book, she twisted her hair around her finger thoughtfully. Her musings were interrupted by loud knocking on the door, and when she opened it, she was surprised to find Decker standing on the other side.

"We have a problem, Shepard."

She frowned.

"What?"

"Ducky and Gibbs are in trouble."

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head.

"I don't know all the details. Something about a French officer and Ducky pushing him. All I know is the police are after them. We've got to do something."

Jenny nodded, thinking hard.

"If the cops are after them, we can't risk flying them out of the country. We need to find another way. Are there any boats leaving the area any time soon?"

"I don't know. We might be able to charter one. There are all kinds of fishing boats around."

"Get with Burley, get some money together and meet me at the docks. Find a way to get a message to Gibbs and Ducky. I'll figure out the rest."

Decker nodded, and as she pulled on her shoes, Jenny tried to figure out the best way to get her friends safely out of the country. So far, she was coming up with nothing.

* * *

As it turned out, stealing a boat was easier than Jenny had expected. All she had to do was wait until the coast was clear (pun intended), and climb into the small vessel. She silently thanked her father for teaching her how to drive a boat as a child, and smiled as she started the engine. It started easily, and as she steered it towards the opposite shoreline, she sighed as she realised she was in way over her head. How in the world had she gotten herself in this situation?

She could see Gibbs, Ducky, Decker and Burley waiting for her, and as she slowly parked the boat as close to the rocks as possible, she noticed the confused look in Gibbs' eyes.

"What the hell?"

"You want to get arrested again? Get in the damn boat, Gibbs."

Ducky laughed, nodding in the younger man's direction.

"She does make a valid point, Jethro. I must say, I didn't know you could drive a boat, Jennifer."

She laughed, nodding at him as he climbed into the boat.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Ducky."

"I'm starting to believe you, my dear."

Gibbs climbed in to sit next to Ducky, and as Jenny turned the boat in the opposite direction, she glanced at Decker and Burley.

"Keep your ears open. We'll be in touch, and we'll need you to let us know when it's safe to come back."

Burley nodded.

"Be careful, Red."

"Not me you need to worry about. If Gibbs keeps pissing me off, I might just throw him overboard."

Decker laughed, and as the boat moved farther away, he turned to Burley, holding his hand out.

"Twenty bucks says Gibbs forces her to let him drive in half an hour."

"Nah, with how pissed Jenny is, she won't give up that easy. It'll be at least an hour."

They shook on it, both wondering how their team leader and his redheaded partner would survive the trip to wherever it was they were going.

"Poor Ducky," Burley laughed quietly, "He's stuck in the middle."

"Poor Scottish bastard."

* * *

Jenny's eyes were burning with exhaustion as she navigated the small boat, but she was too stubborn to admit as much to Gibbs. She blinked hard, trying to shake the fog from her head, and when Gibbs put his hand on her shoulder, she jumped.

"Why don't you get some sleep? I can take over for a bit. I'm sure Ducky wouldn't mind being a pillow."

Glancing at the sleeping doctor, Jenny laughed quietly.

"At this point, Ducky could be a mattress and he wouldn't notice. He's dead to the world."

Gibbs nodded, kissing her cheek gently.

"Come on, Jen. I've got this. We're close to Italy now, and from there, we can figure out a new course."

She sighed, nodding slowly, and as she laid down next to the doctor, Gibbs smiled sadly. He couldn't believe she'd actually stolen a boat to save them, but he was beginning to hope that maybe they could manage to save their damaged relationship.

* * *

"Well Duck, you said you'd always wanted to see Italy. This is your chance."

The doctor rolled his eyes, shaking his head as the former marine leaned down to wake Jenny.

"I'd rather preferred to not be on the lam when I did so, Jethro."

"Why would you want to eat lamb, Ducky? They're so cute," Jenny murmured sleepily.

Gibbs smiled as he helped her from the boat and shook his head.

"Not that kind of lam, Jen. Wake up. We need to find out where exactly we are."

He wrapped his arm around her as she stepped onto the shore, and Ducky smiled at her as they walked up the slope of land. Her eyes scanned the area as they walked, nearing what appeared to be a small town, and as they came to a hotel, Gibbs frowned.

"We need to change currency. Is there a bank nearby?"

Ducky nodded.

"I believe there's one across the street."

"Right. Be right back."

* * *

As Jenny sat tiredly in the hotel lobby waiting for Gibbs and Ducky to return, she could feel herself falling asleep even as she placed her head in her hands. She couldn't remember feeling quite this tired earlier in the day, but she was having so much trouble staying awake that she felt as though she hadn't slept in weeks. A tapping on her shoulder made her glance up, and Gibbs smiled at her as she met his eyes.

"Come on, Jen. You look exhausted. Let's get a room, and you can get some sleep."

She nodded, and as he helped her up from her chair, she noticed the way Ducky was smiling at her. Her head rested on Gibbs' shoulder as he picked up their room keys, and he frowned as he glanced down at her. He could feel the heat coming off her skin in waves, and he ran his hand over her forehead lightly.

"Are you feeling okay, Jen?"

She nodded slowly.

"Just tired," she murmured.

He wasn't convinced, but said nothing. Ducky frowned at the slight flush of her skin, and as they walked away from the front desk, he put his hand on Gibbs' shoulder to stop him.

"Hang on. Jennifer, you look very flushed. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Mhm...I'm fine, Ducky."

Jenny leaned heavily on Gibbs as they walked, and as they neared the room, he tried to pretend he wasn't concerned at the heat he could feel even through his shirt. As soon as they opened the door, Jenny walked slowly to the bed, crawling into it and burying herself under the blankets. Ducky frowned, glancing at Gibbs before approaching the bed and placing his hand on her forehead.

"She's burning up, Jethro."

He nodded.

"I know. I could feel it through my shirt. Got a thermometer?"

The doctor shook his head.

"Not on me. I could ask at the front desk. If nothing else, they could direct me to a store."

Gibbs nodded.

"Thanks, Duck."

"While I'm gone, place cold cloths on her skin. It will help a little. Not much, but it's better than nothing."

Nodding again, Gibbs made his way into the bathroom, running a towel under the cold water. When he returned, Ducky had gone, leaving him alone with the redhead. He ran the cloth over her skin gently, and though he tried not to wake her, her eyes fluttered open, glassy and unfocused.

"Jethro?"

"Shh. Go back to sleep, Jen."

She shook her head slowly, reaching for his hand tiredly.

"I owe you an apology," she said quietly, "I've been treating you like shit, and you don't deserve that."

"It's okay, Jen. I know things have been awkward between us for awhile, and a lot of that is my fault. The important thing right now is for you to get some rest."

She nodded, closing her eyes in exhaustion, and as she fell asleep again, Gibbs placed the cloth on her forehead, hoping to draw out some of the heat. He barely glanced up when Ducky returned five minutes later, holding a small shopping bag, and as he handed it to the former marine, he smiled sadly. It was obvious from his actions that he loved Jenny, but it was the look in his eyes that made it undeniable. He only wished the redhead were able to see it.

"How is she?"

"Woke up for a few minutes right after you left, but she's been sleeping ever since."

Ducky nodded.

"There's a thermometer in there, as well as a bottle of aspirin. It will help bring her temperature down."

Gibbs gently tapped Jenny's shoulder, just enough to wake her, and she shifted away from his touch. He shook his head as he laughed, shaking her gently, and she moaned, turning away.

"Jenny, wake up."

"No, thank you."

Ducky laughed, and Gibbs glared at him.

"Don't encourage her."

Turning back to the sleeping redhead, Gibbs shook her again, and she opened her eyes, glaring at him.

"What?" she snapped.

"Need to take your temperature. Open up."

"I'd rather not."

"Too bad."

"I'm not a child," she said, annoyed.

"Then stop acting like one."

Sighing, she opened her mouth, and he placed the thermometer under her tongue, and she glared at him as they waited the appropriate amount of time. When he pulled it out, he frowned at the reading, convinced he'd misread it.

"Duck, what does this say?"

"104.2," he answered in quiet horror, "Jennifer, we may have to take you to hospital."

Jenny didn't answer, having already fallen back asleep, and Ducky stared at Gibbs worriedly.

"Keep a close eye on her. If it goes up in the next hour, we have to take her to hospital. If it stays the same, we may have to try other methods to bring her temperature back down. It can't stay that high for long without having disastrous results."

Gibbs nodded, running his fingers through Jenny's hair, and she moaned softly at his touch.

"What caused it? She was fine earlier."

Ducky shook his head.

"I don't know. I'll be right back, I'm going to call Stanley and William to let them know we're safe. If anything changes, come get me."

Gibbs didn't answer, his eyes locked on the sleeping redhead, and Ducky leaned down to kiss her forehead before leaving the room. Sighing, Gibbs watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, reaching for her hand as she slept. He would never admit that he was worried, but he found himself praying that her fever would go down soon.

* * *

Hours later, Jenny had shown little sign of improvement, and Gibbs frowned as he watched the Scottish doctor examine her.

"Jethro, I want you to do something for me. Go down and buy a bag of ice. There's a gas station across the street. Bring it back here as soon as you can."

He nodded, kissing Jenny once before walking out of the room, and Ducky ran his fingers over her flushed cheek lightly. She opened her eyes slowly, frowning when she recognised him, and he smiled at her.

"How are you feeling, Jennifer?"

"Like shit," she said weakly, "Ducky, what's wrong with me?"

"You have a very high fever, my dear. We're doing everything we can to bring it down."

She nodded slowly, glancing around the room.

"Where's Jethro?"

"He went to get a bag of ice. He'll be back soon. You should know, he hasn't left your side since we arrived."

She hummed in response, shifting slightly to find a more comfortable position.

"Could I have been wrong, Ducky?"

"About what, my dear?"

"Jethro. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he does love me. Maybe he just doesn't know how to say it."

Ducky smiled, kissing her cheek lightly.

"It's very possible, Jennifer."

The door opened suddenly, causing her to jump, and Gibbs smiled when he realised she was awake. Ducky took the bag from him, placing it in the freezer of the mini-fridge in the corner of the room, and when he moved into the bathroom, Gibbs frowned at the sound of water running. He followed the doctor, looking at him in confusion.

"I thought taking a bath with a fever was dangerous."

"Not if the water is tepid. I want you to wrap a few pieces of that ice in a cloth and bring it in here. Then bring Jennifer in here and place her in the water. Run the cloth over her skin periodically, but not enough to cause her to shiver. That will bring her temperature back up if she does. Check her temperature every thirty minutes, and when it's lower than 102, bring her back out."

Gibbs nodded.

"If it doesn't work, call me and we'll discuss our options."

"Got it. Thanks, Duck."

They returned to the main part of the room, and Jenny smiled as Ducky hugged her before leaving. Gibbs watched her carefully, noticing that she seemed to be shaking slightly, and walked over slowly.

"Jen, Ducky wants you to take a bath to bring down your fever."

She frowned.

"Does that really work?"

He shrugged.

"We're going to find out."

Lifting her carefully into his arms, Gibbs walked slowly into the bathroom, placing her gently on her feet. She swayed slightly, and he held her arm tightly to keep her upright. He removed her clothing slowly, not wanting to cause her to fall, and when she laughed softly, he frowned.

"Something funny?"

"Just thinking that this isn't exactly the most ideal scenario for you to take my clothes off."

He laughed, nodding at her, and as she stepped out of her jeans, he swept her back into his arms, placing her carefully into the water. She frowned at the lukewarm temperature of the bath, and looked at him in confusion.

"Shouldn't it be colder?"

He shook his head.

"According to Ducky, if you start shivering, it will cause your temperature to rise. Just sit here, and I'll be right back."

She nodded, sinking down into the water, and when he returned with an ice-filled cloth, she frowned. He dipped it into the water, running it slowly over her skin and she jumped.

"Sorry," he said as he passed it over her cheek.

She stopped his hand with her own on his wrist, her eyes locked on his in surprise.

"Jethro," she said quietly, "You just apologised to me."

He nodded.

"I know. But you deserve it. I've made a real mess of things between us. I'm sorry, Jen."

She smiled as she pulled him down in a kiss, her fingers running weakly through his hair.

"We both messed things up, Jethro. Let's put it behind us. Please."

He nodded, running the cloth over her skin again, and she laughed when he dangled it over her head, water dripping into her flaming hair. He kissed her again before going in search of the thermometer, and as she held it under her tongue, he smirked.

"You know, you're pretty good with holding things in your mouth."

She laughed, nearly letting the thermometer fall from her lips, and when he glanced at it, he smiled.

"103. We're getting there. Slowly, but surely."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not just talking about my fever?"

He shrugged, and she ran her fingers over his cheek gently.

"How long do I have to stay in here?"

"Until you're under 102. Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head, and he combed his fingers through her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. She was beginning to fall asleep again, and as he ran the cloth over her skin, he sighed. He hadn't felt this helpless in a while, and he knew it was only going to get worse if she didn't improve.

* * *

When Gibbs finally lifted Jenny's body out of the water an hour and a half later, he carefully dried her off, pulling off her wet underwear and as he dressed her in his shirt, he tried to ignore how gorgeous she looked wearing his clothing. It brought him back to the morning after she'd first stayed with him after Jackson had attacked her, and he'd wondered what she would look like wearing his clothes.

She didn't wake up as he slid her body between the sheets, and he placed the thermometer under her tongue, holding it in place. He checked it when it was time, smiling as he read the lower numbers, and turned at the quiet knock on the door. Ducky gave him a smile as he stepped into the room, looking over his shoulder at the sleeping redhead.

"How is she?"

Gibbs passed him the small thermometer and he smiled.

"100. Much better. I daresay she'll be fine in the morning. I spoke with Stanley, and he said it shouldn't be long before it's safe for us to return. Apparently, the officer I pushed isn't going to press charges."

Gibbs laughed.

"Why'd you do it, Duck?"

"It was an accident, honestly. I simply meant to push him out of my way. He slipped and went over the edge."

Shaking his head, Gibbs frowned at the soft moan that came from the bed, turning to look at Jenny. She didn't wake, but she shifted slightly, and he could tell she was having another nightmare. Ducky noticed the look of concern on the younger man's face and sighed.

"Why don't you tell her you love her, Jethro? It's plain as day."

"If I tell her now, she won't believe me. I want to tell her in a way that she'll never be able to doubt it."

"Jethro, I think you underestimate that young woman's love for you. She cares deeply for you."

Gibbs nodded. He knew the doctor was right, he just hoped he hadn't already lost her. He didn't know what he would do if he had.

* * *

**A/N: Esquinzo, I used something you mentioned in your last review in this chapter. Hope you didn't mind. Songs listened to while I was writing this chapter were**

**1) Going Under-Evanescence**

**2) Tell Me How-Paramore**

**3) Hand Me Down-Matchbox Twenty**

**4) You're the Only Place-Josh Groban**


	22. Slow Repair

**A/N: Gibbs and Jenny spend Christmas together in Italy, and Gibbs teaches Jenny about sensory overload in the best possible way.**

* * *

Jennifer Shepard was wildly disoriented when she opened her eyes, having no idea where she was nor how she had come to be there. The events leading up to her waking were hazy, almost completely blank, and the only thing she was certain of was the blinding migraine she possessed. She was immensely thankful for the dim light in the room, and when her glassy green eyes landed on the man sitting in a chair by the window, she frowned. She knew who it was, naturally, but she was at a loss as to why he wasn't in the bed next to her, and her confusion gave way to fear. Had something happened?

"Jethro?"

He turned at her voice, low and slightly hoarse, immediately standing and making his way over to the bed.

"Hey. You're awake. How do you feel?"

She frowned.

"Confused. What's going on?"

He gave her a soft smile, placing his hand on her forehead.

"You've had a pretty high fever for nearly two days. It would go down for a few hours, then spike back up. Ducky and I were getting worried. He was about two seconds away from taking you to a hospital last night."

She nodded slowly, still trying to piece together the events she could vaguely remember, and looked at him with clouded eyes.

"Where are we?"

"Italy. Positano, to be exact."

She smiled, and he tilted his head, wondering what she was thinking.

"Care to share?"

"I was just remembering a paper I wrote in high school. It was about Rome invading Britain. I called it "Invasion of the Hot Italians". Didn't get a very high mark on it, though."

Gibbs laughed, his hand still resting on her skin, and as he moved it, he kissed the place his fingers had touched.

"Seems like you're doing pretty good now. I'll need to check, just to be sure."

She nodded, and as she held the thermometer under her tongue, Gibbs took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb along the back slowly. She smiled at his touch, but said nothing, preferring to watch his eyes as he looked at their entwined hands. He nodded a minute later when he read the numbers, shaking the small instrument in his hand.

"Looks good. Do you feel like eating anything?"

Jenny shook her head, causing him to frown, and his piercing blue eyes met hers seriously.

"You haven't eaten in nearly three days. Even if it's something small, would you try?"

She didn't answer, not wanting to admit that she was beyond hungry, and he ran his fingers through her hair slowly.

"Jen," his voice was gentle, softer than she'd ever heard it, "Please? For me?"

Knowing it would probably help the pounding in her head, and more importantly knowing she could never refuse him when he said "please", Jenny finally nodded, and the smile he gave her made it worth any discomfort she felt. He kissed her cheek lightly, picking up the phone on the bedside table, and laughed at her puzzled expression.

"Calling Ducky. He'll want to examine you before anything else happens. He's been really worried."

Jenny nodded, but his words made her frown. It was almost as though he was doing everything possible to avoid admitting that he'd been concerned, and it made her inexplicably sad. Did she really mean so little to him that he didn't care? She knew that she was likely being ridiculous, but given the strain their relationship had suffered, she wasn't so sure anymore.

* * *

Ducky gave her a bright smile as soon as he entered the room, hugging her gently before he began his examination. Gibbs excused himself to find something suitable for Jenny to eat, and as soon as the door had closed behind him, Jenny sighed. Ducky frowned, but said nothing, looking into her eyes seriously.

"You're likely going to need a few hours to regain your strength, but once you've eaten, it shouldn't be too bad."

She slowly shook her head, closing her eyes.

"Ducky, do you have anything I can take for a migraine? My head is killing me."

The doctor smiled, handing her the bottle of aspirin. She was too weak to open the child-proof bottle, and as he took it from her shaking hands, Ducky smiled sadly.

"Allow me. You've been very ill, Jennifer. Don't overdo it."

"At least someone cares," she muttered without thinking.

Ducky frowned, his confused eyes meeting hers.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, "Forget it."

"Jennifer, if you're referring to Jethro, you must believe me: he cares. He didn't leave your side. I don't believe he's slept at all in the past two days. I know for a fact he hasn't eaten. He hides it well, but he was very worried about you. He held your hand almost constantly until I told him to distance himself a bit."

Jenny was silent for a long moment, feeling like a pathetic petty child, and when the door opened again, she didn't look up. Ducky handed her the aspirin she'd requested, and as she swallowed it, she grimaced at the bitter taste.

"Most people take it with water, Jen," Gibbs remarked dryly.

She rolled her eyes.

"When have I ever been like most people?"

He nodded.

"Good point."

Carrying the bowl of soup over to the bed, Gibbs handed her a spoon, looking at her in concern.

"Do you need help?"

Again, she rolled her eyes, glaring at him. Ducky laughed, placing his hand on the younger man's shoulder before heading to the door.

"Good luck, Jethro. Jennifer, do try not to kill him."

"No promises," she muttered under her breath.

Ducky laughed again, closing the door behind him quietly, and as she slowly ate, Jenny found herself watching Gibbs from the corner of her eyes. He was looking out of the window, lit by the setting sun, and she suddenly felt like a bitch for the way she'd reacted to him.

"Jethro?"

He turned, and she met his eyes slowly.

"Thank you."

He smiled at her, nodding in her direction, and she carefully picked up the spoon again. Less than five minutes later, she had decided that she was finished, and as she set the bowl on the bedside table, Gibbs frowned at it.

"You're sure you don't want any more? It's still nearly full."

She shook her head.

"I really just want to sleep."

He nodded, moving the bowl far enough away that she wouldn't accidentally knock it over, but still close enough that she could reach it if she wanted. He kissed her forehead as she laid back down under the blankets, and as he sat in the chair, her quiet voice made him look up.

"Would you lay with me? Just until I fall asleep?"

He smiled, making his way closer, and as soon as he had slid into the bed next to her, Jenny laid her head on his chest, her arm draped around his waist. She tucked her head under his chin, breathing in his familiar and comforting scent, moving as close to him as she could.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you, Jen."

The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was the feeling of his fingers combing through her long red hair.

* * *

"Jethro, you can't honestly tell me that you plan to ignore Christmas. Come on! At least come out and look at the decorations with me."

Gibbs sighed, looking at the redhead as she finished applying her makeup and shook his head.

"I'm not much for the holidays, Jen."

Her eyes met his in the mirror, and she tossed her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, I bought a new dress and everything. The only way you're going to see me in it is if you come with me."

The thought of seeing her in a new dress was undeniably tempting, but still he shook his head again.

"I'm just not a Christmas-y person."

"Please, Jethro...it would be fun."

As soon as the word left her mouth, he knew he couldn't refuse her. He finally nodded, and the smile she gave him was brighter than any Christmas lights he'd ever seen.

* * *

As Jenny pulled him through the brightly-lit Italian streets, Gibbs found himself unable to take his eyes off of her. In a knee-length dress of emerald green accented by silver snowflakes threaded into the fabric, her hair falling over her shoulders in loose waves, she was more stunning than any Christmas decorations had any hope of being. Her eyes were bright with excitement as she looked at the decorated shop windows, and as she stopped to examine one more closely, she glanced up at him with a smile.

"Isn't this the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" she asked breathlessly.

He nodded, not even glancing at the window.

"Yeah, you are," he whispered, his breath warm on her ear.

She turned to stare at him, unsure if she'd heard him correctly, and he leaned down to brush his lips over hers gently. She smiled at him, leaning her head on his shoulder, and as he wrapped his arm around her, he placed a light kiss to the top of her head. He steered her away from the window, and as they made their way down the street, Gibbs found himself thinking that perhaps this Christmas wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Jenny flipped through the various music stations on the radio, trying to find one she liked, and when she finally stopped on one playing Elvis, Gibbs frowned.

"Never would have pegged you for a fan of the King."

She laughed, shaking her head.

"Elvis was my grandmother's favourite. I grew up listening to him."

Their room was dimly lit by the lights from the street below, and as Jenny listened to the soft music from the radio, she suddenly reached for his hand, her eyes bright.

"Dance with me."

"I told you I don't dance."

She laughed.

"And I told you that I would dance with you if it was the last thing I ever did."

He sighed, shaking his head.

"Jen—"

"Please? I'll never ask again. Just once. It can be my Christmas present."

Not willing to reveal that he'd already bought her a present, he finally nodded, allowing her to pull him to his feet.

"Fine, but don't say I never did anything for you, Shepard."

Jenny smiled, and placed her hand in his, her head resting against his chest as he wrapped his other arm around her waist. It had been years since he'd danced with anyone, and it had only been because Shannon would have killed him if he'd refused their wedding dance, but something about dancing with Jenny felt right. They moved together effortlessly, as though they could each read the other's mind, and when he spun her away from him, he smiled at her warmly. She twirled back into his arms, kissing him as soon as she was back in his embrace, and he held her as close to him as he possibly could.

She focused on the steady beating of his heart as they danced in the room, and as he held her against him, she realised she was struggling not to cry. He'd done nothing wrong, and she had no logical reason to be upset, yet here she was, blinking back tears as he spun her around the small space. She supposed it could have been happy tears, but she was highly doubtful of it. Gibbs glanced down at her, having felt her take a shaking breath, and when he noticed the tears in her eyes, he frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Hm?"

"You're crying. What is it?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I think it's just everything. We've been through so much, and it hasn't even been a full year."

He nodded, realising she was right, and held her tighter before he spun her away from him.

"Yeah, but look: you managed to convince me to dance. No one has done that in years. I didn't even dance with Diane at our wedding."

Jenny landed in his arms with a laugh, staring up at him as though he'd lost his mind.

"You didn't? That's horrible, Jethro. No wonder she divorced you."

He kissed her gently, lifting her off her feet, and when he tossed her carefully on the bed, she laughed, her hair falling in her face. Leaning over her, he kissed her deeply, pushing her down slowly on the mattress. Her fingers tangled in his hair as his hand slid up her leg, pushing aside the skirt of her dress.

"This is a great dress, by the way."

She laughed, kissing him again.

"You just like it because it gives you easier access."

"True," he agreed, "but it's also green, and I love you in green. Brings out your eyes."

"I'll have to remember that," she gasped, her head falling back as his hand brushed her inner thigh.

He reached for the zipper in the back of her dress, sliding it down slowly, causing her to shiver at the brush of his fingers.

"As nice as this dress is, I have to tell you: it would look much better on the floor. You look best wearing nothing at all."

She moaned as he pushed the fabric off her shoulders, and when he pulled it slowly down her legs, he paused to kiss her skin as it was revealed to him. Her underwear quickly followed, and as he reached over to turn out the light, she frowned.

"What are you—"

"Close your eyes. Keep them closed, unless I say otherwise."

She nodded, doing as he asked, and he waited as he pulled off his own clothing, wanting to build the anticipation, and just when she was about to give in, he lightly brushed his lips along her inner thigh. She gasped, and as he traced patterns on her skin with his tongue, she couldn't stop the shiver than ran through her body. Her senses were on high alert, intensifying every gentle brush of his lips, the whisper of his fingertips over her skin.

He ran his fingers gently through her hair, his touch lingering on the skin of her throat, and his name fell from her lips in a breathless whisper. He slowly slid his fingers into her, twisting them at a maddeningly slow pace, and Jenny bit down on her lip to stifle a moan. His tongue circled her clit with just enough pressure that she gripped the sheets hard enough to hurt, and when he lifted her leg over his shoulder, she gasped.

As she began to feel the familiar tightening in her lower abdomen, she moaned his name, her head falling back on the mattress slowly. Gibbs moved up her body, pausing to pull her breast into his mouth, and when he brought his lips to her ear, she shivered.

"Jethro, don't stop."

"I got you, Jen," he whispered, "I got you."

It was the most intense orgasm she'd ever experienced, and as she moaned his name again, Gibbs entered her carefully, rolling his hips against hers. She gripped his hair tightly, pulling him down into a bruising kiss, and he growled her name as he kissed her throat, taking her hand in his. Jenny was already so close to the edge that it didn't take much to send her spiraling over again, and when he joined her minutes later, she ran her hand weakly through his hair.

"How did you do that?" she whispered.

"It's a more pleasant version of sensory overload. By eliminating sight, it heightens touch, taste, scent and hearing."

"And why do you know that?"

"I can't reveal all my secrets, Shepard. Ruins the mystery."

She laughed breathlessly, and as he kissed her forehead gently, she ran her hands over his chest.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are?"

He smirked.

"Maybe, but I think it bears repeating."

Jenny nodded, kissing him lightly,

"You're amazing, Jethro."

"Right back at you, Jen."

* * *

Gibbs fought every urge to swear at the blinding pain that ripped through his shoulder as he hit the ground. He had no idea where the shot had come from, but the firefight across the street seemed a good a bet as any. He hadn't even intended to be out that day, but he'd been searching for some kind of Christmas decoration to put in their hotel room in an effort to cheer Jenny up. She'd been slightly down the past few days, and he'd wanted to do something that would lift her spirits.

Leave it to him to be caught in the middle of a gun fight he had nothing to do with.

He pulled himself to his feet, knowing he had to get inside, and as he stumbled into the hotel lobby, he waved off the concerned front desk worker. He knew Ducky's room was close, and as he landed roughly against the door, he closed his eyes tightly. The Scottish doctor opened the door quickly, no doubt confused by the loud crash, and his eyes widened as he looked at the former marine.

"Jethro, what happened to you? Are you alright? Was Jennifer hurt?"

Leading him into the room, Ducky sat him down on the bed, wishing he'd been able to bring his medical bag with him.

"M'fine," Gibbs said through gritted teeth, "Jen wasn't there. She's in the room. Got caught in the middle of some mob fight."

"Only you could manage to do something that stupid," Ducky said, rolling his eyes, "Come on. I'm taking you back to your room and then going to get supplies."

"Why can't I just stay here?"

"Jennifer can stay with you in case something happens while I'm gone."

Right. He hadn't thought of that. He allowed the doctor to lead him down the hall to his own room, and as the door opened, Jenny didn't even look up, still buried under the blankets.

"Jennifer, get up."

She shook her head.

"Ducky, I'm not in the mood."

"This isn't a request. Get up. It's urgent."

She rolled over, her eyes widening when she took in the blood on Gibbs' shirt, and she was by his side in an instant.

"Jethro, what happened? Oh shit, are you okay?"

"Looks worse than it is, Jen. Don't worry."

"Jennifer, watch him while I run to pick up a few things. If anything happens, don't hesitate to call an ambulance."

She nodded, fear evident in her eyes, and as soon as the door had closed behind the doctor, she reached for Gibbs' hand, holding it tightly in her own.

"Jethro?"

He tried to smile at her, but the pain in his eyes was too obvious for her to believe it. She helped him to the bed, propping up as many pillows behind him as she could, and she kissed his cheek before going to the bathroom. She ran a towel under the cool water in the sink, and when she began unbuttoning his shirt, he frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to start cleaning it. When Ducky gets back, he won't have to take the time to do it because it will already be done."

He nodded, then winced. She began to carefully clean the wound, pausing every time he moved, and each time she began again, she apologised softly.

"Don't apologise, Shepard. Sign of weakness."

She rolled her eyes.

"Or you could see it as being strong enough to admit you're wrong," she muttered as she worked.

He laughed quietly, nodding slowly.

"Fair enough."

"You gonna tell me what happened?"

"For once, it wasn't my fault," he hissed in pain as she grazed the wound with her nails, and she nearly dropped the cloth in fear, "Got caught in the middle of a firefight in the street."

"Of course you did, you idiot."

"Shut up, Shepard."

She smirked, glad she was able to distract him a least a little, and when Ducky opened the door, she smiled.

"Thank God...wait, how'd you get the key?"

"Jethro, naturally."

Jenny nodded, moving out of the doctor's way as he got closer, and as he began to examine the wound, Gibbs glared at him.

"The good news is, the bullet passed cleanly through. I'm afraid I'm going to have to use a regular sewing needle and thread to stitch this up, however. That means you'll need to keep a close eye on it for infection. Jethro, are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you."

Ducky rolled his eyes, glancing at Jenny.

"Jennifer?"

"Don't worry, Ducky. I'll watch him."

As he sterilized the needle with rubbing alcohol, Ducky narrowed his eyes in concentration, and after Gibbs nodded, he began sewing the wound shut, pausing occasionally to check on his patient. Jenny was enamoured by his steady hands as he worked, fascinated by the sure way he moved the needle, and when he finished, she stared at him in awe.

"Wow," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"That was incredible, Ducky. I've never seen someone work so smoothly before."

He smiled, handing Gibbs a few aspirin and a glass of water.

"Thank you, my dear."

Gibbs rolled his eyes at the exchange, looking between them annoyed.

"If you two are done flirting, can I actually get some sleep, or no?"

Jenny laughed, kissing his cheek gently.

"Don't pout. Go to sleep, you jerk."

"I could fire your ass, Shepard."

Jenny leaned closer to Ducky, laughter evident in her voice.

"That's not what he wants to do to my ass."

Ducky laughed, shaking his head and Gibbs glared at her.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, Jethro," she replied innocently, "Get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything."

He stared at her for a moment before closing his eyes, and as he began to fall asleep, Ducky hugged Jenny gently, kissing her cheek before walking to the door.

"Good luck, Jennifer. Call if you need me."

She nodded, not looking away from Gibbs, and Ducky smiled when he saw her reach for his hand.

* * *

Jenny watched Gibbs sleep for hours, only occasionally looking away, but as the night grew darker, she felt her eyes begin to burn with exhaustion. She laid her head on the mattress next to his body, still holding his hand, and as she closed her eyes, she felt tears drip onto her cheek. He shifted slightly in his sleep, causing her to glance up, and when she noticed he hadn't woken, she leaned forward to kiss his temple lightly.

"I love you," she whispered, thankful he couldn't hear her, "I know it would be better if I didn't, but I do. I've been so confused about us lately, but Ducky made me realise that it doesn't matter if you say the words or not. I still love you."

She ran her hand through his hair, her head resting on the pillow next to his, and she wiped her free hand under her eyes, trying to pretend that the tears on her face were the result of simply being tired. No matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, she still couldn't shake the feeling that he was never going to tell her how he felt, and she couldn't pretend that it didn't matter anymore, in spite of the words she'd just said.

* * *

Gibbs opened his eyes slowly, and the first thing his mind registered was the flaming red hair on the pillow next to him. He smiled as he raised his hand to run over it lightly, and when she raised up to look at him, he frowned. The eyes that met his were emerald green, not blue, and his breath caught in his chest when he realised the woman next to him wasn't Shannon. It took him longer than he would ever admit to remember her name, to remember where he was, and what had happened, and he blinked hard.

"Jethro, are you okay?"

He nodded, trying to raise up on his arm, wincing at the searing pain that shot through his body. She helped him to a sitting position, her long hair brushing over his cheek, and he caught the scent of her perfume, that more than anything jogging his memory.

"Jenny?"

"Yeah?"

"What time is it?"

She frowned, looking at the alarm clock on the table.

"02:45. Do you need an aspirin? Water? Anything?"

He shook his head, still lost in the scent of her perfume, and she smiled softly.

"Do you want me to call Ducky?"

"No. I'm fine. Just can't sleep."

She nodded, though he could tell she didn't believe him. Her fingers trailed through his hair, and when she kissed his forehead lightly, she smiled again. He was already beginning to fall asleep again, despite his claims of not being tired, and as he lingered in between consciousness, he felt Jenny take his hand again.

* * *

It was nearly a fully week before Gibbs was anywhere close to functioning at his regular capacity, and though Jenny had insisted that he take it easy, she was beginning to regret that decision. He'd all but driven her insane in his stubbornness, and as she watched him moving slowly around the room, she sighed, rolling her eyes in frustration.

"Would it kill you to let someone help you?"

"It might."

He didn't add that he was more frustrated at the fact that she'd refused to let him touch her over the course of the week, and he caught her wrist as she passed him, pulling her against his chest.

"Actually, now that you mention it, I could use a little help, and you're the only person who can do it."

Shaking her head, Jenny tried to pull away, but his grip was surprisingly tight.

"Jethro, you're recovering from a gunshot wound. I would think sex would be pretty low on your priority list."

"You'd be thinking wrong, then."

He pulled her to the bed, sitting next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist, his lips skimming over her throat.

"Jen, you can't tell me that you don't want this."

He brushed her hair to one side, smirking when she stiffened under his kiss. She was fighting every instinct to give in to him, and when he bit down on her throat, she gasped, a low moan falling from her lips.

"Jethro, we can't."

"Sure we can," he murmured against her skin, "If you're on top, I don't see the problem here."

She moaned as he kissed her again, her head falling back onto his shoulder, and when she couldn't stand it any longer, she pushed him down on the mattress, looking at him seriously.

"Let me know if I hurt you," she said quietly.

He nodded, pulling her onto his lap, her legs straddling his hips, and as he pulled her down for a long kiss, Jenny wondered how on earth she had allowed herself to be talked into this.

* * *

Gibbs frowned at the box in Jenny's hands, looking at the contents skeptically.

"What is it?"

"It's an external hard drive for a computer. Decker's Christmas present. I bought Burley a bottle of Italian cologne. With as often as he goes on dates, I figured he could use it."

He laughed, nodding at her practicality, and looked at her seriously.

"You do know we won't see them until after the holiday, right? Christmas is tomorrow."

She nodded.

"I know, but I wanted to make sure I was prepared."

"What did you get Ducky?"

She smiled, taking his hand excitedly.

"That's the one I'm most proud of. It's a first edition of _A Tale of Two Cities_. Took me forever to find it, and it wasn't cheap."

He whistled.

"Damn, Jen. You trying to give him a heart attack?"

She laughed, shaking her head, and kissed him gently.

"Wait until you see yours."

He frowned, meeting her eyes seriously.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

The look she gave him clearly said _Are you an idiot, _making him laugh, and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course I did, Jethro. In case you haven't noticed, I love Christmas."

"No, I noticed."

As he watched her flipping through the channels on the television before settling on a Christmas cartoon special, he wondered if the gift he'd gotten her would be enough to show her just how much she meant to him.

* * *

Jenny opened her eyes sleepily as she was gently shaken awake, and she looked at Gibbs in confusion.

"Jethro? What's wrong?"

He smiled, kissing her cheek softly as he pulled her to a sitting position.

"It's officially Christmas. I wanted to give you your present."

Frowning, Jenny shook her head, her green eyes bright in the darkness.

"You...you got me a present? I thought that's what you dancing with me was."

He shook his head, reaching into the bedside table and pulling out a small box. Her eyes widened as he handed it to her, and when she opened it, she gasped quietly. A small thin silver bracelet inlaid with emeralds and diamonds glittered in the box, and she nearly dropped it in shock as she reached out to touch it. It felt delicate in her hands, and as she held it up to examine it more closely, she could feel the tears filling her eyes.

"Jethro," she whispered, "it's so gorgeous. How did you—how can you afford this?"

He shrugged.

"Didn't cost as much as you might think."

"It's beautiful. Thank you so much. I love it."

She threw her arms around his neck, kissing him hard, and as she pulled away, he wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Don't cry, Jen."

"It's just...no one's ever done anything this nice for me before. Now I feel bad about your gift."

She reached under the bed, pulling out a medium-sized box, and he frowned as he opened it, lifting out the miniature pieces of wood slowly.

"It's a boat model," she explained, "I know you're probably missing your boat, and this way, you can make a smaller scale version."

He was touched by the thought she'd put into the gift, and he kissed her gently, his hands finding her hair.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I want you to do something for me."

"Anything," he said seriously.

Her fingers ran through his hair, her voice low in the darkness.

"I want you to sleep with me, and I want you to take every piece of clothing off of my body. Except this."

She was holding up the bracelet he'd given her, and he swallowed thickly as he nodded, hooking the jewelry around her wrist carefully. As he pulled her shirt over her head, Gibbs found himself thinking that this was his favourite Christmas he'd had in years.

* * *

**A/N: To the reviewer who suggested I make a playlist for this story, I am seriously considering it. I'll let you know if it's something I decide to do. Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Songs used for this chapter were **

**1) Dancing With Our Hands Tied-Taylor Swift**

**2) Mama Liked The Roses-Elvis Presley**

**3) You Prove Me Wrong-Fireflight**


	23. Aurora

**A/N: We've officially reached my least favourite chapter, because this Jibbs angst was almost too much for me. It made me remember how much I hate the canon arc of Jenny and Gibbs' relationship, and it just generally annoys me. They should have been together, damn it. Okay, rant over. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had never wished for Stan Burley to be present more in his life. Unfortunately, there was no possible way he could be, and Gibbs was left to try to navigate this difficult situation on his own. Jenny had been despondent for three days following Christmas, and he had no idea of how to help her. She had only moved from the bed a handful of times, and whenever he asked her what was wrong, she had claimed to be tired. He knew it was more than tiredness, knew she was in the midst of a depressive episode, but nothing he said seemed to be enough to help.

She was currently laying on her side, the television playing quietly in the background, and when he returned to the room after getting coffee, he frowned at the sight before him.

"Jen? I brought you some coffee if you want."

"No, thanks," she answered flatly, her voice muffled by the pillow.

He sat down on the opposite side of the bed, looking down at her silently, and when he ran his hand over her hair, she didn't respond. The long red strands were tangled, and as he pulled his hand back to begin again, he frowned at the hair that was clinging to his fingers.

"How can I help? Anything you want, name it."

She was silent, and he resumed combing through her hair slowly, not wanting to pull any more of her hair loose.

"Jenny...I have something to tell you that might cheer you up a bit."

Still, she didn't move, and he ran his fingers over her cheek gently.

"We're going back to Paris tomorrow."

She raised up to meet his gaze, the haunted look in her eyes worrying him more than he could say, and she frowned.

"What?"

"Burley called, said it was safe. I know how much you love France, and this time tomorrow, we'll be there."

Jenny nodded, and Gibbs was less than hopeful by her lack of response, leaning over to kiss her hair softly. She was silent for so long that he figured she had fallen asleep, and when she finally spoke, her quiet voice startled him.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Will you hold me? Please?"

He smiled, pulling her into his arms, and as he held her against his chest, he kissed her temple, his fingers combing through her hair. He tried to gently remove the tangles from the long flaming tresses, and when he glanced down at her, he noticed her eyes had closed again.

"Jen, do you think taking a bath would help? You might feel better."

She sighed.

"Jethro, contrary to belief, not all problems can be solved by bathing."

He laughed, nodding as he kissed her cheek.

"I know, but what if I was there with you? Would that make it better?"

"I'm really not in the mood for sex."

Gibbs shook his head, trying to make his point without sounding annoyed.

"That wasn't what I meant. Will you just give it a shot? For me?"

Finally, Jenny nodded, and he moved his body off the bed slowly, not wanting her to fall, and when he turned on the faucet, he sighed as he tested the temperature. He had no idea if this would help in the slightest, but he would have done anything to see her smile, even for a moment.

* * *

As he climbed into the bathtub behind Jenny, Gibbs kissed her cheek gently, reaching for the cloth on the edge of the porcelain. The water was warmer than he would have liked, but the way Jenny was shivering was almost enough to make him turn it higher, and he glanced at her worriedly.

"You okay?"

She nodded, still unnervingly quiet, and as she laid in his arms, her eyes closed tiredly. There were a million thoughts spinning around in her mind, and the most prominent was concerning the job offer looming over her head. She was still unsure if taking it would be the best course of action, but the longer she went without hearing those three words from Gibbs, the more she was leaning in favour of it. She knew she could never tell him, and it was driving her to the point of insanity.

Trying to get out of her head, Jenny did her best to focus on the feeling of his fingers running through her hair, and she fought the tears she could feel behind her closed eyes. She was shaking, though whether from cold or emotion, she didn't know, and Gibbs' quiet voice at her ear made her jump.

"Jen, what can I do?"

He knew he should tell her, knew she would push him away until he did, but still the words froze in his throat. He couldn't even have explained his hesitation if he'd tried, and he was beginning to get on his own nerves. What was his problem? Why was it so difficult for him to admit that he loved her? She shook her head slowly, turning just enough that she could see his eyes, and sighed.

"Jethro, there's nothing to be done. It comes and it goes. Don't worry about me."

"Too late. I hate seeing you like this."

"Don't look, then," she snapped, pulling away from him.

He quickly tried to backtrack, not meaning to upset her, and she shook her head as she stood, wrapping a towel around her shivering body.

"Don't. Just leave me alone, okay? I managed twenty-eight years of my life without your help, I can manage without it now."

By the time he had made it into the main part of the room, she had already dressed again, laying face-down on the bed. She refused to look at him when he sat next to her, and as he touched her shoulder, she jerked away from him.

"I asked you to leave me alone."

"Fine, but just let me tell you something: I didn't mean it that way. I meant that I wished there was something I could do to help. You know that, but since you seem to want to twist everything I say, have it your way. If you decide that you want to act like a rational adult, I'll be in Ducky's room."

The slamming of the door made her flinch, and though she knew she'd acted like a bitch, she couldn't help but feel like this was the final nail in the coffin.

* * *

"You _said_ that to her? Jethro, that was highly insensitive."

Ducky set down the book Jenny had given him for Christmas, glaring at the younger man harshly.

"I know, but I couldn't help it. I was pissed. She knew I didn't mean it that way, and she deliberately took it wrong."

"You do realise that Jennifer's illness doesn't abide by logic, don't you? She may very well have known what you meant, but that doesn't mean her mind allowed her to react rationally. I'm not saying she was in the right, but you have to understand her position. You were both wrong, and until you admit that, you'll never move past this."

Gibbs sighed, rolling his eyes, and nodded, knowing he was right. His pride was too strong for him to ask for Jenny's forgiveness however, and until she admitted she was wrong as well, he was content to let her deal with the consequences.

* * *

The tension on the plane was so thick it was nearly palpable, and as Ducky sat in between Gibbs and Jenny, he was suddenly wishing he'd gotten another flight. They hadn't spoken at all following the events of the previous day, and as the redhead tried in vain to peacefully read, Gibbs rolled his eyes. He couldn't have even explained why he was annoyed by her reading, but he had the feeling that everything she did would grate on his nerves until they had resolved their argument. Ducky looked between them and sighed, turning his attention to his own book. This was going to be a long flight...

* * *

Jenny all but ran through the airport terminal, throwing her arms around Burley as soon as she was close enough, and he lifted her off her feet as he hugged her tightly.

"Stan! How've you been?"

"Hey, Red. Things have been pretty quiet here. How was Italy?"

She smiled, kissing his cheek as he placed her back on the ground.

"It was nice. The decorations for Christmas were unbelievable. That reminds me, when we get back to the hotel, I have a gift for you. And one for Decker."

She glanced around the terminal, frowning when she didn't see the other agent.

"Where is Decker?"

Burley shrugged.

"Had a call with Morrow. Said he'd catch up with us later."

He threw his arm around her shoulder, kissing her again, and he laughed as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Damn, I missed you, Jenny. I never realised how boring Decker is until you weren't here to break up the monotony."

She laughed, shaking her head slowly.

"Gibbs is no walk in the park either, Burley."

"Uh-oh...you guys have a fight?"

"Kind of, but he took a bullet to the shoulder while we were there, and he was such a stubborn ass until he was able to do things again."

Burley whistled, leading her through the bag check, and as she picked up the bag containing their gifts, she tried to ignore that Gibbs had suddenly materialized at her shoulder.

"Need help?"

"No, thank you," she said coldly, not sparing him a second glance.

She swept past him, and when Burley exchanged a look with Ducky, he shook his head in both amusement and sadness.

"Damn, Ducky, is it just me, or did it get a lot colder just now?"

The doctor shook his head, looking after the redhead and the team leader as they left the building.

"Not just you, I'm afraid. It was a very chilly flight."

"Any idea what's going on with them?"

Ducky sighed.

"Lack of communication."

"What else is new?"

As they made their way to their taxis, Ducky had to admit that the younger man was right. Nothing had changed, and it looked as though the pair might have reached the point of no return.

* * *

Jenny slowly sipped a glass of cognac as she flipped idly through her book while laying on the bed, and she was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't registered a single word on the page. The more she considered it, the more she realised she was slowly talking herself into taking the job Morrow had offered her, and since it didn't look like Gibbs would care in the least if she left, there was nothing to stop her now.

She'd spent so much of her time on his team trying to gain his approval, earning his trust, and eventually loving him from afar that she hadn't even noticed that she'd lost sight of the entire reason she'd joined the MCRT in the first place. He had consumed her every thought, fueled her actions, and even haunted her dreams, leaving no room for anything else in her life. While she'd once thought that perhaps she could consider giving up her hunt for Rene Benoit and spend the rest of her life with Gibbs, she was now beginning to realise that would never be an option.

He didn't love her, or if he did, he didn't have the courage to say it, and she couldn't deny that it still hurt just as much now as it had that day on the Seine. Their recent argument had proven to her that he would never be able to truly understand her, and now she realised that they had both held the detonator. Their relationship was imploding before their eyes, and she didn't think there was a way to save it now.

The quiet knock on the door jolted her from her thoughts, and when she saw Will Decker on the other side, she smiled warmly at him.

"Hey, Will. Merry late Christmas."

He laughed.

"Back at you, Jenny. Can I come in?"

She nodded, stepping back to allow him in, and he glanced around the room, searching for Gibbs.

"Where's the boss?"

"Don't know, don't care," she said shortly.

"Ouch. Burley wasn't kidding. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Morrow needs an answer by tomorrow on that job. He's expecting your call."

She nodded, and he hugged her.

"Not trying to sway you one way or the other, but I've accepted a position on the team. I'm going to be the informant to the agents undercover. So you wouldn't be jumping into this alone."

She gasped, looking at him seriously.

"You did? Will, that's great! I'm so proud of you."

"I'd really like it if you were with me, Jenny. It'd be nice to have a familiar face around."

Jenny nodded again, and met his eyes slowly.

"I think I've made my decision. Gibbs won't be happy about it, but I can't let his emotions dictate how I live my life anymore."

Decker hugged her fiercely, kissing her cheek as he pulled her into his arms.

"Good for you, Shepard. Don't let him hold you back. You're a badass, and you're going to be amazing."

She smiled, feeling more relieved than she had in months, and pulled back to look at him seriously.

"Don't mention this to anyone. Not yet."

"Need to know. Got it."

"Thanks, Will."

"Anytime."

* * *

Gibbs was just returning to their hotel room when Jenny hung up the phone, thankful that he was still too angry with her to ask questions, and as she reached for her glass, she could feel his eyes following her movements. She was silent as she took a long drink, and as she leaned over the side of the bed to grab her running shoes, his voice made her pause.

"Jen?"

She didn't answer, but he knew she was listening. He watched her as she pulled on the shoes, tying the laces carefully, and he frowned when he realised she wasn't going to respond.

"We need to talk."

"So talk. I'm tired of talking. You never listen, so I'm not going to waste my breath."

He knew he deserved her anger, but she'd been in the wrong, too. His own anger was justified, and he wasn't going to let her off that easily.

"I know I messed up. I shouldn't have tried to force you to talk to me when you're...like that, but I was worried. And to be fair, you didn't have to bite my head off. I was just trying to help you."

She rolled her eyes as she swept her hair into a ponytail.

"Jethro, you can't even say the word "depression", can you? It's not a poisonous word, you aren't going to catch it. It's a chemical imbalance, not a cold."

"Fine. I admit that I don't know how to deal with depression, Jen. Whether it's yours or Burley's. But yours affects me more than his."

She frowned.

"Why?"

"Because I—because I care about you in a different way than I do Burley."

Jenny couldn't hide the pain in her eyes as he spoke, and turned back to her shoes. She'd been so sure he was going to finally say it, to finally admit he loved her, and it was a slap to the face when he'd dodged the question. She nodded slowly, putting the room key in her pocket as she opened the door, and as it closed quietly behind her, Gibbs sighed. The slap he gave himself as he listened to her retreating footsteps did little to ease his annoyance with his own actions.

* * *

Jenny's shoes echoed on the pavement as she ran, and as she neared the coffee shop she'd always loved, she frowned at the sound of her name being called. She turned, her face breaking into a smile as she recognised the young woman in front of her, and her eyes widened at the small bundle of blankets she was holding in her arms.

"Lorraine! Oh my god, is this your little one?"

Lorraine nodded, pulling the blanket back just enough that Jenny could see the tiny baby curled up in the bundle.

"Oh, she's beautiful. Congratulations! What's her name?"

"Amelia, but we call her Amy. Would you like to hold her?"

Jenny smiled, nodding as Lorraine passed the baby to her, and Jenny gasped as she looked into the bluest pair of eyes she'd ever seen.

"Hi, Amy. You're a beautiful baby girl. I'm sure you know this, but your mommy and daddy love you very much and you're a lucky one."

She slowly handed the child back to her mother, and as she waved goodbye, she felt an almost overwhelming sadness crash over her. Sitting at one of the outdoor tables, Jenny slowly sipped her coffee, trying to push away the thoughts that had filled her mind as she'd held Amy. What would it be like to have a child of her own? Would her baby have had such intense blue eyes? If Gibbs had been the father, she was sure her child's eyes would have been the most striking shade of blue known to man. But, that was something she could never have.

Even if Gibbs had admitted his feelings, she didn't think he would want children, especially not with her. There was such an age difference between them, as he liked to remind her, and she didn't think at his age, he would be interested in children, though he'd always had a wonderful way of handling them. Jenny wasn't even sure if it was something she herself wanted. She'd never considered having children before, but holding Lorraine's daughter had made her wonder.

Taking a deep breath, Jenny finished her coffee, tossing the cup in the recycling bin, and began the run back to their hotel, trying to ignore the fresh pain that had blossomed within her chest. What was the point in considering a future with Gibbs? He wasn't in love with her, so there was really no point. That, at least, was what she was trying to convince herself of.

* * *

"I've been thinking Jethro, and I've decided you were right. We both made mistakes, and the best thing to do now is let them go and move on."

Gibbs nodded, but made no move to touch her as she sat across from him on the bed. She sighed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and met his eyes slowly.

"I know what you're going to say, and rule six can go to hell. I'm sorry. I was bitchy."

He leaned closer, his lips brushing over hers gently.

"I'm sorry too, Jen."

It had been so long since he'd kissed her, so long since he'd touched her, that the slightest contact of his lips on hers was enough to ignite the fire in her body, and Jenny pulled him closer, her fingers winding into his hair tightly. Gibbs pushed her back onto the mattress, wasting no time in tossing her shirt on the floor, and his own quickly followed. Her hands found his belt, unhooking it with a surprising deftness, and it landed on the floor with a clatter, making him smile as he pulled her skirt and underwear down in one fluid motion.

He kissed her deeply, his tongue exploring every corner of her mouth, and she gasped his name as he pinned her wrists above her head. Entering her slowly, Gibbs made sure she was ready before he moved his hips against hers, smirking each time she strained against his hold. She groaned in frustration as she tried to touch him, and when he finally released her hands, she immediately tangled them in his hair, tugging lightly.

She tried not to think about the fact that they would be leaving in the morning, tried to make herself believe this wasn't the last time he was ever going to touch her, but she couldn't stop herself from kissing him harder than she ever had before. His mouth closed around her breast, circling the nipple with his tongue, and she moaned, her head falling back against the frame of the bed harder than she'd expected.

"You okay?" Gibbs whispered, looking at her seriously.

She nodded, kissing him again.

"Don't stop."

Using his temporary distraction to her advantage, Jenny flipped them, her hair sweeping over his chest as she kissed her way down his body. Gibbs gripped her hips tightly, sure there would be a bruise in the morning, and when he flipped their position again, she laughed breathlessly, reaching up to pull him in for a kiss. She bit down on his bottom lip as she came, her grip on his hand tighter than he could ever remember, and he gasped her name as his hips met hers. His own orgasm was more intense than he'd expected, and he kissed her harder than he had in weeks, leaving them both breathless as he rested his head against hers.

"Jen..."

She kissed him again, her hands roaming over his chest, and when she pulled away, she gave him a weak smile.

"I know, Jethro."

It was true. She knew now that he loved her, but it wasn't enough. They couldn't make this work on love alone, and as he pulled her into his arms, Jenny tried to ignore the pain of her heart shattering and the tears in her eyes.

"Good night, Jen."

"Good night, Jethro."

* * *

If he had noticed a difference in the way Jenny touched him that night, Gibbs hadn't mentioned it, and the next morning when he woke, he was surprised to find her already awake and packing. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her against his chest, and kissed the base of her throat softly.

"Morning. Are you happy to be going home?"

Jenny knew if she spoke, there would be no way of hiding the tears that were threatening to fall, so she merely nodded, making sure he couldn't see her eyes as she stepped out of his embrace. She kissed his cheek gently as she walked to the door, and he frowned when she opened it.

"Where are you going?"

"I still need to give Decker and Burley their presents," she explained.

He nodded.

"Don't be too long. Plane leaves in two hours."

"I won't."

* * *

Burley's eyes lit up as he pulled out the bottle of expensive Italian cologne, and he gave Jenny a bright smile.

"Wow, thanks, Red. How much did it set you back?"

She laughed.

"Not nearly as much as Ducky's," she said honestly.

"Yeah, he showed us. That was an epic idea."

Decker swore loudly as he unwrapped the box she'd handed him and he looked at her as though she'd lost her mind.

"Jenny, you shouldn't have gotten this for me. These aren't cheap."

She shrugged.

"After all we've been through this year, I couldn't get you a cheap gift, Will. That wouldn't have been right."

He hugged her gently, his voice low in her ear.

"Have you told Burley?"

She shook her head as she stepped back, and when she hugged Burley, it was a tighter embrace than she'd held him in for quite a while.

"You know you're my best friend, right?" she asked quietly.

"Course I do, Red. Everything okay?"

She gave him a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah. Everything's great, honey. Just wanted you to know how much I love you."

"Love you too, Jenny."

She couldn't bear the thought of telling him that she had no idea when she would see him again, or if she ever would, so she stayed silent. Hugging him again, she kissed his cheek, her lips warm against his skin.

"Promise me you'll remember to take your medication."

"I will," he answered in confusion, "Jenny, what's going on? You're acting like this is goodbye forever. We'll be on the same plane."

She shook her head, fighting back the tears in her eyes.

"I know. I just—I guess I'm just a little overly emotional right now. It's been a long year."

He nodded.

"Yeah, it has."

Excusing herself to finish packing, Jenny gave them each one final hug before she disappeared down the hall, leaving Decker to wonder how he was going to break the news of Jenny's decision to him. Still, he knew the redhead was doing the right thing, and he hoped she wouldn't change her mind just to stay with a certain team leader.

* * *

Folding the paper carefully, Jenny placed it into the pocket of her coat, hoping Gibbs hadn't noticed it. She pulled the coat on slowly, relishing the feeling of the soft leather, wishing she had thought of a better way to tell him, and as he placed his hand at the small of her back, she tried to commit the feeling of his skin on hers to memory.

They boarded the plane slowly, and Jenny began counting in her head, wanting to plan her exit for the perfect moment. Gibbs didn't seem to notice her discomfort, and Jenny took several deep breaths in a desperate attempt to calm herself down. As the last of the passengers settled into their seats, Jenny unhooked her seat-belt quietly. It was time.

Gibbs gave her a confused look as she moved past him, leaving her coat on the seat, and she gave him a small smile.

"I forgot something. I'll be right back."

He frowned, calling her name as she neared the front of the plane, but she didn't look back. She quietly spoke to the flight attendant, who gave her a knowing smile, and as she stepped off the aircraft, Gibbs felt his suspicion rising. Something wasn't right here, but he'd be damned if he knew what it was.

* * *

Deliberately not looking back as she walked as fast as she could across the airport, the young redheaded woman furiously wiped away her tears as she handed her ticket to the stewardess before boarding the proper plane. She knew if she'd so much as hesitated in her steps or given even one passing glance back, she would have turned around, running back into the arms of the man she'd already accepted she was leaving.

Each step was harder than the last, and it took everything in her to remember why she was walking away. She'd been so certain when she'd accepted Morrow's offer, and though she still believed it was for the best, leaving the man she'd loved for the better part of nearly two years was more difficult than she could have ever imagined.

It wasn't until her flight was taking off from the airport that Jenny Shepard finally allowed herself to give in to the tears she'd been fighting, sobbing so hard that she was nearly sick.

* * *

The doors of the plane had been closed for nearly two minutes before Gibbs finally accepted that Jenny wasn't coming back. It took him longer than he would've admitted to remember her coat, the coat he'd given her, still resting in the seat, and as he picked it up, he swore he could still smell her perfume clinging to the soft leather.

A quiet crinkling reached his ears as he tuned the jacket over in his hands, and he frowned as he pulled out the small piece of paper. It was folded small enough to be concealed, but still large enough that he couldn't have missed it, and he unfolded it slowly, wondering what it could possibly be. It contained only four words, written in Jenny's perfect handwriting, but those four words shattered his heart in a way nothing else could have ever done.

_Jethro-_

_ I'm sorry._

_ -Jenny_

He read it more times than he could count, until he had memorised every curve of every letter, and when he finally placed it back into the pocket of her coat, he realised he could only think one word, repeated over and over, echoing in his mind as the plane began to move.

No.

* * *

Decker was unable to meet the eyes of his team leader as he explained that he had accepted the offer Morrow had given him, instead looking over his shoulder at the empty desk that had once been occupied by Jenny Shepard. Gibbs hadn't mentioned her name even once in the days following their return to America, and Burley had been all but inconsolable when Decker had told him she wouldn't be returning, missing more than one day of work in the first week back.

Gibbs nodded slowly as the younger agent finished speaking, looking at him seriously, and Decker was surprised to find a light smile on his face.

"Make sure she's safe."

Decker nodded, not even needing to ask who the team leader was referring to.

"I will, Gibbs. Is there...is there anything you want me to tell her? When I see her?"

Shaking his head, Gibbs sat down at his desk, trying (and failing) to keep his gaze away from the redhead's old desk. Decker stopped in front of Burley's desk, looking down at the other agent in concern, his eyes watching the other agent carefully.

"Burley, you okay?"

Burley sighed, shaking his head slowly.

"I guess."

"Have you been taking your medication?"

The other agent shrugged, his eyes downcast, and Decker pulled his own chair up to the desk.

"You made Shepard a promise, remember? Don't make her have to come back and kick your ass._"_

Burley smiled a little at his words and nodded, searching his desk drawer for the bottle of pills. He tossed one back, swallowing it quickly, and when Decker gave him an encouraging smile, he returned it sadly.

"Hey, Will?"

Decker turned as he walked back to his desk.

"Yeah?"

"Tell Jenny I miss her like crazy."

He nodded, grabbing his bag.

"I will."

"And tell her I love her like a sister."

"You got it."

Burley lowered his voice as he joined Decker on his walk to the elevator, not wanting Gibbs to overhear his words.

"Tell her Gibbs has been acting like a moody little bitch ever since she left."

Decker laughed, nodding as he stepped onto the lift.

"Keep in touch, Deck."

"Sure thing."

Gibbs watched as the last remaining member of his team returned to his desk, sighing as he tried to figure out where the whole situation had gone so drastically wrong. No matter how many different angles he examined it from, he could only draw the conclusion that it had begun to unravel that day in Paris as he and Jenny had walked along the bridge over the Seine. He would have given anything to go back and tell her the truth.

Now, he was forced to deal with the consequences of knowing that he'd destroyed any chance he'd ever had of seeing Jenny again, and it was all his fault.

* * *

**A/N: Only the epilogue is left now, and I already have it written. Hope you liked it.**


	24. Epilogue

**A/N: We've reached the end, always such a bittersweet moment, and I just want to thank all of my lovely readers who've stayed with me this long. All the dialogue is taken straight from the episode. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_25__th__ May, 2005_

_Six years later_

It wasn't fair. Kate couldn't be dead. She'd never done anything to deserve this, she merely been doing her job of protecting him, and now it had cost her the ultimate price. She'd lost her life because some terrorist had decided that torturing him was the best way to gain what he wanted. No matter how he looked at it, Gibbs couldn't make sense of it. It simply wasn't fair. It should have been him. Not Kate. Never Kate.

He knew he was acting beyond strange, offering to buy Tony and McGee coffee, but losing Kate had shocked him in a way nothing had in years. Ari coming after Abby was further proof that he was attempting to torture him before killing him, and Gibbs was determined to stop him before he lost anyone else. His team were like family to him, whether he ever admitted it or not, and he would be damned if he lost another member.

"By the way, the Director wants to see you up in MTAC!" Tony called as Gibbs stepped onto the elevator.

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Gibbs simply stared at him as the doors slid shut, the temptation to head slap his Senior Field Agent stronger than he could believe.

As Gibbs entered the dark room, he struggled to see Director Morrow, finally locating him near the back, and as he sat down, he ignored the screaming in his knee and shoulder. The old bullet wound from Positano always bothered him when it rained, and it had been pouring ever since he and the remaining members of his team had returned to the Navy Yard.

"What do you have?" Morrow asked quietly.

"Brass from Ari's sniper's nest, three bullets, tire tracks in Anacostia Park. Ari fired a shot across the river into our forensics lab."

"Unusual for a sniper not to police his brass, isn't it?"

Gibbs nodded, keeping his voice low.

"Yes, sir."

Morrow looked at him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction.

"I've received calls from every director I know promising to hunt down this sniper as if he'd killed one of their own."

Gibbs kept his expression neutral, glancing at the operation taking place on the screen in front of them.

"FBI might be the most help. Ari Haswari was their mole."

"I endorsed your recommendation to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Special Agent Todd."

Nodding, Gibbs glanced over at the older man.

"Thank you, sir."

Gibbs was trying to keep his annoyance under control, feeling as though they were wasting valuable time that would be better spent tracking down Kate's murderer, but he wisely said nothing. Morrow looked at him, hoping his next words wouldn't anger the agent next to him, and took a deep breath.

"According to your after-action report, no one actually saw the sniper who killed Agent Todd."

Gibbs glared at him, anger evident in his bright blue eyes.

"Ari was on a rooftop 600 meters away."

"Extraordinary shot."

Gibbs fought the urge to roll his eyes. He'd made much more difficult shots, one in particular springing to mind, and he fought the urge to say as much. That shot in Mexico had been the most difficult yet satisfying shot he'd ever made in his life, and he would guard that secret until his last breath.

"No, sir, not really."

"You were a sniper with the Corps, weren't you?"

Again, the younger man nodded, unsure of where Morrow was going with this.

"Two tours."

Morrow looked at him slowly, still trying to figure out the best way to break his current news to his best agent.

"Vietnam?"

"I'm not that old, sir. Panama. Desert Storm."

"Thought you were older," Morrow commented lightly.

Gibbs glanced at him. He certainly _felt _older. He was sure he looked it, as well. They were silent for a moment, Morrow focusing on the op taking place on the screen, Gibbs lost in his thoughts and trying to think of anything that would bring him any closer to finding Haswari. He didn't much care if he was arrested or not, as long as Gibbs was able to put a bullet between his eyes, just as the younger man had done to Kate.

"Where was I?" Morrow asked a few moments later, turning his attention back to Gibbs.

"Avoiding using Ari's name and the word 'sniper' in the same sentence. Sir," Gibbs answered sarcastically.

"Your anger is understandable, Jethro. You lost a good agent. You want payback."

Gibbs tried to keep his voice under control as he answered. He was in no mood for games, and he was too tired for mental gymnastics. He didn't have time for this.

"Don't you, sir?"

Morrow sighed, his eyes sad.

"That's a passion I can't afford."

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs fixed his gaze on the older man.

"You honestly don't think it was Ari?"

Morrow shook his head.

"No, but there are those who do."

Gibbs laughed bitterly, hardly able to believe what he was hearing.

"Those who ran him? Those who thought they had the Holy Grail of moles? Those people covering their asses right now?"

Morrow looked at him sternly, his next words a warning.

"Make sure you cover yours when you bring him in."

"Won't be a problem, sir. I won't be bringing him in," Gibbs answered honestly.

Morrow glanced at him from the corner of his eyes as he started to stand, looking at him with something close to amusement.

"Anyway, you're not my problem anymore, Jethro."

Gibbs frowned.

"You firing me, sir?"

Morrow shook his head reassuringly.

"I've been offered the Deputy Director's position at Homeland Security."

Frowning again, Gibbs looked up at him seriously.

"You'd leave NCIS, sir?"

"Well, the agency could use some younger blood."

Gibbs was suddenly very concerned and stared at him in confusion. This wasn't right. Switching up the guard wasn't acceptable. Not now. He liked Morrow, trusted him. The idea of someone coming in to take his place, to shove rules and regulations down his throat...no.

"Well, who'd be replacing you, sir?"

There was a hint of a smile playing on Morrow's lips, and Gibbs shook his head incredulously.

"Not me."

Morrow laughed.

"Much as I like you, Jethro, I would not shoot NCIS in the head. He's your problem now, Director."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Gibbs turned his attention to the person Morrow had spoken to. The figure was short, the hair a fiery red that he hadn't seen in years, and as he looked up, his eyes landed on the most impossibly green eyes he'd ever seen. Eyes he'd never expected to see again.

_Jenny..._

_No...not her. It couldn't be..._

"Hello, Jethro."

The sound of her voice, still so intriguing after six long years, caused the doors of his memory to swing wide open, cutting him like a knife. Every touch, every kiss, every painful yet beautiful moment of their relationship flashed through his mind in those first few seconds, and he was sure he had never looked more surprised in his life. He'd tried to bury every reminder of their past, much like the worn, faded letter and soft leather coat he'd boxed up in the farthest corner of his basement, and she'd single-handedly burned it all to the ground with two simple words.

"Should we skip the 'you haven't changed a bit' bull?" Jenny asked with a slight smile.

He shrugged, still unable to move from his current position.

"Why start lying to each other now, Jen?"

"Any problem taking orders from me?"

"As Director, or as a woman?"

"Either," she said quietly.

He shook his head, unable to tear his eyes away from her, hardly able to believe she was standing in front of him after all this time. As shocked as he was, he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that took comfort in her presence, in her familiarity. Jenny was safe, someone he'd trusted with his life, the only woman he'd ever loved since Shannon, and seeing her now was oddly soothing.

"That was six years ago." he replied as he stood up, "The past won't be a problem."

He moved closer to her, stopping on the step above her, looking down into her eyes seriously. It took every ounce of control he possessed to refrain from reaching out to touch her, and she met his gaze with a look that he couldn't identify. Pain, nervousness, excitement, yes...but underneath it, he would have gone so far as to say regret...maybe even still a hint of the love she'd once had for him.

"You were a damn good agent," he told her honestly, "Especially undercover."

"Jethro," she said softly, unsure of what else to say, her voice betraying the depth of her emotions.

"Madam Director," he replied with a smile.

Though he returned her smile, Gibbs only had one thought running though his mind.

He was so damn screwed.

* * *

As they walked down the steps leading to the catwalk, Gibbs tried very hard to ignore the fact that the woman he'd loved for the past six years was now his boss, glancing over at her occasionally as she moved.

"You have no physical evidence linking Ari to the shootings, no wonder agencies here and abroad have doubts."

He rolled his eyes at her, wanting nothing more than to talk to her seriously about what had happened between them. He decided that discussing his case would be the better option, however, and he glanced at her again.

"This bastard already killed one of my people, he's trying to kill more, and I'll tell you something else: No suit with a tight sphincter is getting in my way, and that includes you, Jen."

He kept walking, not noticing that she had stopped at the top of the stairs, and when she called his name, using his title rather than his given name, he turned in confusion. The look on her face was serious, and as she stood on the steps above him, she crossed her arms over her chest. He walked back up the stairs, leaving a respectable distance between them, and she met his eyes sternly.

"On the job, it is 'Director Shepard' or 'ma'am'."

He nodded.

"Okay, what about off the job?" he asked, looking in her eyes seriously.

"There won't be any 'off the job', Agent Gibbs."

He nodded, trying to pretend that her words hadn't hit him like a punch to the stomach.

"That's too bad. I missed you, Jen."

"Don't make this difficult, Jethro."

Something about her words was vaguely familiar, and as he realised where he'd heard them before, he looked at her seriously. She'd said the exact same words to him in Paris after she'd told him that she loved him and they'd gotten into an argument. He still remembered the pain in her eyes as she'd said those words, and that same pain was present in her bright green eyes now as she looked into his on the steps. He knew she remembered the fight, he could practically see the memory in her mind, and he wondered if she'd deliberately said the words, or if it had been an unconscious slip.

"Fair enough," he nodded, "Won't happen again. Director."

He gestured for her to walk in front of him, and she glanced at him again as she passed.

God, he was so screwed.

He didn't have a clue of what her promotion would mean for him personally, but as she made her way down into the bullpen and glanced at her old desk, he had a sinking feeling that their past would eventually come back to haunt them.

He had no idea how right he was, and the consequences would haunt him for the rest of his life.

* * *

**A/N: There you have it. Songs used for this epilogue were**

**1) The Heart Won't Lie-Reba McEntire and Vince Gill**

**2) It Doesn't Matter-Alison Krauss**

**3) Wrecking Ball-Miley Cyrus**

**4) Gravity-Against the Current**


End file.
